"I don't believe in demons. I have been enough" - Jebymma
Dear diary,
It felt appropriate to start quoting the big baddie himself, since we're getting closer to the Western Desolation. I sure hope we won't bump into liches. Well, this one is long dead. And the great men and women who defeated him died too, and now their legacy continues with... Talion. Life is full of irony, and Ionolia has plenty of it.
You see, journal, I feel as lost and random as the winds in the sails of our ship. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm all alone here in this great sea, it's a beautiful journey, but it's an empty one when there's no home to turn to at night, when stars are rising in the sky and peace covers all other thoughts.
Nevermind that. I need to first say a few things about our journey. It's been an eye-opener to watch Talion in action. He was always a bit iffy and awkward around people, but I feel power and experience made him much, much worse. Like how he likes to talk, and leave the rest to listen. And if he talks, be sure to understand only whatever he plans to tell you. Whatever that is, because Talion can't match word for word and make it logical.
So, for example, we were looking for Damaschini's ship captain, Xebec, a very pirate-looking and pirate-behaving guy. As expected, Talion comes to this bar with his mannerisms, proclaiming his name and probably exchanging some heraldic knowledge for all he cared. Bart chimed in to help us not get evicted by the cringe-guards, but Talion shouted some very unpleasant words at him and pushed him aside.
That was uncalled for. I made sure to make him understand that.
By the way, journal, he wants to make things right. He told me after. After I made a fool out of him, after I heard him praise his dead comrade Lyaria and talk more about her than he ever talked to me in these two weeks. He said he knows it's not gonna be easy but he'll try.
I want to believe him. God, I do. I can't believe it was all for naught. Why must I obsess over his stupid love? I never really got it! Why do I want something I never had!? Maybe it's better not to have it. But as I said some things never disappoint in reality, so maybe it's gonna be like it was with seeing Syomalos. But....
I have some brains left. The man is out of his mind. In his own world, somewhere, where he thinks he is right and where he always makes sense.
As for the bard... Bart.... hear this, journal.
This little runt got my every attention, cause he sings nice songs and is a very charming fellow in general, and is good company. I am so terribly alone most of the time, Nixie and Verfys are good friends, Heron and Bart too, Talion talks to his demon-friends I think, so, ye, I'm alone with my Tall Tales. So it's nice to have Bart accompany me with a song. He's likeable enough.
But then he made this stupid joke where he called me a demon, well, alluded to me being one. "A joke" he said. Can you believe him? A joke?
Why? Because I'm such an insufferable little monster? Cause I talk back when people are stupid with me? Or around me? I know I can be a pain sometimes, but... Demons are really not the creatures I'd like to be associated with. And BArt is no fool. He made the joke THE DAY AFTER the incident with Talion and his demon. Oh, I didn't mention it yet. I'll write about it soon. Anyway, serious stuff. And he makes this joke...
I honestly feel I'm perpetually unlikeable. Or maybe just surrounded by little kids. My drunken self wrote quite a good quote on that note. Well, Bart was an attractive "if". Makes me blush, still. He is nice. But he's the same mould as Talion. Not serious. Not consistent. He can't fool me. He's a kid. A spoilt kid, for all the poverty he likes to espouse.
If I could go back in time to one year ago, and I would have them in front of me, I'd choose neither and laugh at both. Right now... Life tells me I deserve Talion, I think I deserve Bart but I wish I deserved a man.
Well
The sea is vast.