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22 June 858 AC

5. The sea is vast

by Eve Parion

"I don't believe in demons. I have been enough" - Jebymma
 
Dear diary,
 
It felt appropriate to start quoting the big baddie himself, since we're getting closer to the Western Desolation. I sure hope we won't bump into liches. Well, this one is long dead. And the great men and women who defeated him died too, and now their legacy continues with... Talion. Life is full of irony, and Ionolia has plenty of it.
 
You see, journal, I feel as lost and random as the winds in the sails of our ship. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm all alone here in this great sea, it's a beautiful journey, but it's an empty one when there's no home to turn to at night, when stars are rising in the sky and peace covers all other thoughts.
 
Nevermind that. I need to first say a few things about our journey. It's been an eye-opener to watch Talion in action. He was always a bit iffy and awkward around people, but I feel power and experience made him much, much worse. Like how he likes to talk, and leave the rest to listen. And if he talks, be sure to understand only whatever he plans to tell you. Whatever that is, because Talion can't match word for word and make it logical.
 
So, for example, we were looking for Damaschini's ship captain, Xebec, a very pirate-looking and pirate-behaving guy. As expected, Talion comes to this bar with his mannerisms, proclaiming his name and probably exchanging some heraldic knowledge for all he cared. Bart chimed in to help us not get evicted by the cringe-guards, but Talion shouted some very unpleasant words at him and pushed him aside.
 
That was uncalled for. I made sure to make him understand that.
 
By the way, journal, he wants to make things right. He told me after. After I made a fool out of him, after I heard him praise his dead comrade Lyaria and talk more about her than he ever talked to me in these two weeks. He said he knows it's not gonna be easy but he'll try.
 
I want to believe him. God, I do. I can't believe it was all for naught. Why must I obsess over his stupid love? I never really got it! Why do I want something I never had!? Maybe it's better not to have it. But as I said some things never disappoint in reality, so maybe it's gonna be like it was with seeing Syomalos. But....
 
I have some brains left. The man is out of his mind. In his own world, somewhere, where he thinks he is right and where he always makes sense.
 
As for the bard... Bart.... hear this, journal.
 
This little runt got my every attention, cause he sings nice songs and is a very charming fellow in general, and is good company. I am so terribly alone most of the time, Nixie and Verfys are good friends, Heron and Bart too, Talion talks to his demon-friends I think, so, ye, I'm alone with my Tall Tales. So it's nice to have Bart accompany me with a song. He's likeable enough.
 
But then he made this stupid joke where he called me a demon, well, alluded to me being one. "A joke" he said. Can you believe him? A joke?
 
Why? Because I'm such an insufferable little monster? Cause I talk back when people are stupid with me? Or around me? I know I can be a pain sometimes, but... Demons are really not the creatures I'd like to be associated with. And BArt is no fool. He made the joke THE DAY AFTER the incident with Talion and his demon. Oh, I didn't mention it yet. I'll write about it soon. Anyway, serious stuff. And he makes this joke...
 
I honestly feel I'm perpetually unlikeable. Or maybe just surrounded by little kids. My drunken self wrote quite a good quote on that note. Well, Bart was an attractive "if". Makes me blush, still. He is nice. But he's the same mould as Talion. Not serious. Not consistent. He can't fool me. He's a kid. A spoilt kid, for all the poverty he likes to espouse.
 
If I could go back in time to one year ago, and I would have them in front of me, I'd choose neither and laugh at both. Right now... Life tells me I deserve Talion, I think I deserve Bart but I wish I deserved a man.
 
Well
The sea is vast.

Continue reading...

  1. 1. Unilateral thinking
    11 June 858 AC
  2. 2. I love peaches
    12 June 858 AC
  3. 3. Mannerisms
    16 June 858 AC
  4. 4. Toy
    21 June 858 AC
  5. 5. The sea is vast
    22 June 858 AC
  6. 6. Black and White
    26 June 858 AC
  7. 7. The Lady and the Sheets
    28 June 858 AC
  8. Well it's been a while
    29 June 858 AC
  9. Magic-men
    1 July 858 AC
  10. Last straw?
    3 July 858 AC
  11. Bittersweet
    6 July 858 AC
  12. Trials
    9th July 858 AC
  13. Cheeky
    9 July 858 AC
  14. No good
    9 July 585 AC
  15. Long baths - not alone
    11 June 858 AC
  16. Strength and hugs
    13 July 858 AC
  17. Who is heading us?
    14 July 858
  18. Dear Nixie
    14 July 858
  19. Where are we heading?
    13 July 858
  20. Hideouts
    22 July 585
  21. Home
    25 July 858
  22. The fight begins
    3 August 858 AC
  23. Fire and Water
    6 August 858 AC
  24. A little thought for my captain
    6 August 858 AC
  25. Enneth
    9 August 858 AC
  26. Smile
    18 August 858 AC
  27. Our journey south begins
    23 August 858 AC
  28. Sick
    27 August 858
  29. Betrayal
    1 September 858 AC
  30. Through flame and demons
    15 September 858 AC
  31. None shall stop it
    18 September 858 AC
  32. More friends than foes
    29 September 858 AC
  33. Night Encroaching
    30 September 858 AC
  34. Fish
    5 October 858 AC
  35. What is real death?
    10 October 858 AC
  36. As Above, so Below
    10 October 858 AC
  37. Let loose the dogs of Hell
    10 October 858 AC
  38. Trappings
    11 October 858 AC
  39. The message
    13 October 858 AC
  40. Eenie-Meeny-Miney-Moe
    6 November 858 AC
  41. Deep cuts
    11 November 858 AC ?
  42. Sapphire Sword
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  43. Respite
    16 November 858 AC
  44. Heirs
    27 november 858 AC
  45. Multiple chances, multiple minds
    25 December 858 AC
  46. The Rains of Dusk
  47. The Speech
    12 January 859 AC
  48. Where we make our stand
    13 January 859 AC
  49. Our finest day
    16 January 859 AC
  50. Towards the last steps
  51. The Battle at the Tower (2)
  52. The Battle at the Tower (1)
    1 February 859 AC
  53. Years apart
    22 January 861