Trappings

"War, war and stone, slash its iron in their bone" - chant of the Orcish army besieging the great city of Cledon, Xaxoria.
 
Hello, journal.
 
Once again i come back to the same place, this wretched pile of paper. Today i thought of something. You ARE useless, aren't you? It's not like you're meant to be read by someone other than me. Aren't you? And me... What will i learn? Will i read it again, ever?
 
i don't like you. But... once it's started, it's hard to let go. i can't stop writing now, can i? The madness must continue. So i find myself perpetrating the same useless rantings. The same accounts of how we continue on our journey round Xantinya's list of disasters, as the world.... blah blah you know the rest, fill it in with classical Nut-eve stuff, drama and terror.
 
i'll get right to it, no sense for more smoke-bombs. We went to sleep that night in the Haunted Marshes. Well, we wanted to, but wasps came out of the dark and started buzzing us and even stinging us. i swear i hate wasps. They are wretched creatures of Death and Decay and generally are the bullies of nature. They have the unfettered power to keep attacking without consequence. Just because they like it. And these wasps sure liked to attack us in the middle of the night.
 
But before that, we had a small discussion on what had happened and we concluded we would go in the morning to open the Gate. Damaschini took this time to introduce himself. Pf. Another spike in the spinning wheel that rotates in my head, every day, every damn moment. Names, ideas, thoughts....
 
i think i'm getting a bit ill, to be honest.
 
i wanted to stay and help Lullaby. She doesn't really move much. If i put the food to her mouth, she'll eat. If i put water, she'll drink. If i try to change her clothes, she'll change them. Like a sail in the wind. i tried to look at her more closely. First, i tried to inspect her for wounds or signs of any kind. Maybe Xantinya did something to her. But no, she seems fine, but she does have a pretty huge scar on her left hip (but it looks very old). So, no. At least that. i tried to look into her eyes, as much as I could, see if i can get any sort of response. She's just... there. When the wasps stung her as well, she made no sound. Very, very worrying.
 
i couldn't sleep thanks to those damn wasps. But there was something else. i don't want to explain it. i don't know how. It's a tale i don't know yet, but one that i feel. i feel cold. i feel coarse. i feel... iron. That's why i got reminded of that very simple Orcish chant. It's almost hypnotizing, if you keep hearing it, sung by tenths of thousands of strong voices, as the city that stood against the Orcish Kingdom for 240 years collapses all over you.
 
War, war and stone, slash its iron in their bone. My bones hurt. It's vivid. Wonderful picture. A true masterpiece. The sing of the wasps only came to accompany what was already a symphony of metallic death. Like the sound of millions of armor kinks clashing in a cadenced, perpetual march. Uu, do you like my dramatic metaphors? i don't. i just write them because i have nothing else to say about all this.
 
i'm trying.
 
Let's see. That night i dreamt something. i was in chains, but i couldn't feel myself. i felt a body and some emotions, but they were not mine, it's as if i was living a scene in a book i was just reading. But it felt real, very real. i saw in front of me two figures, a tall guy with a long staff whose wooden vines defined a circle at the tip, and someone swinging a long, sleek sword. Then, all of a sudden, from somewhere, Lullaby's sword came flying towards me, and i felt i had found myself, and i felt certainty. and i felt a call. Then i woke up.
 
That surely wasn't me. i don't feel any of these things...
 
Nixie woke up incredibly well disposed. See, she was already in a weird state of mind before, she seemed determined to go on with opening xy even though she was mad at Lullaby for causing all this trouble. She could've blamed me then, too, for all i care.
 
i don't care about all this. She dreamt of her demon and beat him in a dream-fight. Good for her. i mean...
 
Why am i writing this!? i just took a deep breath and read it again. What is happening? No, this can't be me. Even i can't be that bad.......... but there i am. The bottom of the pit. Bravo, eve. Once, you were just Nutty. Now, you are a straight up boulder. Shame on you, whore!
 
mmmmmmmmmmmm lemme order my mind. So, in hindsight, i was kinda self-absorbed. scratch that, i was downright monstrous. i wanted to be happy for Nixie, because i was glad she got rid of her demon. You see, she had to not just face him, but fight him with all her might, and she trusted in her friends and in the aid of the Almighty, and she received the support of her angel, the one that helped her with this demon before and got defeated. She avenged her defeat at the hands of that scum. Pank is his name, apparently. A nothing-name for a nothing-creature.
 
Nixie grew a lot during this travel. And she's truly become a great leader. i'm sure she can be even more, and pretty soon too. Somehow, that drab morning, in the middle of nowhere, wasn't that bad. Those sad, mopey faces turned round, everyone was feeling weirdly hopeful. After that disastrous day that was yesterday, after that circus of betrayals, pain, horror and loss.... i saw Verfy and the crew and everyone cheer Nixie, and Dillen and Kelly went to scout the interdimensional-fortress surrounding the interdimensional gate and people seemed almost enthusiastic....
 
i told them about my dream, to spite this false hope. i'm sick of falsities. The world is a big veil of illusions, then let's bring them down. Why pretend we are better off than we were?? Shouldn't have done that. Should not have done that. At least we got to discuss the dream. We turned to the conclusion that Lullaby was trying to transmit something. i wasn't so sure, though, because it didn't seem like she could transmit anything. She wouldn't know to communicate to us. She was there all by herself, unaware of who is around or what is going on.
 
That morning we got ready to march into xy dimension. The gates of the fortress were open. Oh, yea. They were waiting for us. Good. We entered, almost strolling around. A huge white wall and towers. A weird structure, wooden planks supporting two very very long swathes of iron, like bars, going underneath the open gate. Inside, a big platform and lots of big machines of metal they call trucks. And an even bigger machine, fully encased in metal armor, called a tank. With a big barrel in front, like those cannons Nixie shot in the Haunted Marshes when we escaped the grip of SAI. Now, we were in the middle of their base. And surrounding us, i saw them. The demons. They moved with our shadows. No, they WERE our shadows. Or, rather, we were them. Fitting. We are but demons shedding immortality and striving in the mud. i'll never accept evil, though. Or have i done so already? i'm worried. i...
 
But nevermind me. We got to the gate. i'm already bored. do you want to know what happened, future me? You know already, so.... eh, there goes. We wanted to open it, but how? We put Lullaby in the middle. So, the gate was three big stone squares, one in the middle and two skewed ones on the side, in a semicircle. Beneath them, a stone circle with some carvings. And we were all on the stone carvings, but no... There were pictures on the middle stone, pictures of the 8 dimensions that were not ours. But we could not access xy. I took Lullaby's hand and put it on the symbol of xy, a small black spot. I hope she'll forgive me for using her hand like that. But it is what it is. Nothing happened.
 
So i used the one thing i knew could still reach her: my spirit. That dream... i remember it vividly now, as i did then. Those emotions, strong as they were, left an imprint on me. i could make them resurface. They were not mine, so i could feel Lullaby at that point. And that helped me feel something deep within her. By feeling her feelings deep within me. Complicated. But.... it was so far away. Only a whisper. Enough for Lullaby to press her hand a little. A glimmer. A huge symbol appeared on the big central stone. Damaschini said it's the symbol of the Key. Yes, the sword has the same symbol. Lullaby opened it. The gate to xy. A huge light invaded us from all sides....
 
And there we were. A night sky was before us, like the night sky on our land.... or not. The lights.... The stars... There were big glimmering stars, glowing in many colours. And on the ground.... gigantic towers rose from all over, covered in lights. Spectacular.... presiding over them was the same moon as our moon, really. But it all felt strange, distant. Cold.
 
We were in a park. A gate like ours was around us. And trees, and stone steps going downhill, towards the huge towers that glimmered in the night. Was that... glasss? Glass buildings? At least covered in windows. Kelly wasn't all that amazed, though. i heard they have such buildings in the other dimensions, too. Only not so big. Or connected one to another. Or covered in these pulsating coloured lights.
 
So much light... that's not a night sky, you morons! Ugly, horrible. i wanted back.
 
But we couldn't. Of course, eve, control yourself! i tried to get into the right headspace. we tried to hide, because someone went to investigate the gate (it must have glimmered - also, Damaschini rose into the sky carrying Verfy and Nixie and some strange lights trapped in some glass thingies flew with him). It was a weird creature, with long head, brown hairless skin and eyes positioned more sideways than in front. A small squished nose and a wide mouth, with two small moustaches at each end like a carp. i'm not joking.
 
But we started arguing what to do, of course, and more came. this time they were armed. There you go. We wanted to plan our next steps in this dimension we knew nothing about, so we got ourselves caught right away. Bad, eh? Meh. They obviously knew some woranian. It seems common is, well... common to all dimensions. For a reason, i suspect. Just like the moon is the same, but not, that common language sounded foreign.
 
Another type of creature was among them. Taller, almost like an Elf, sleeker and with some hair. It had orange eyes (beautiful actually) and olive skin, but they didn't seem human. I had a weird feeling from it. It was almost human... but not quite. In any case, they wanted us to come with them. They found out we had no "identification" of any kind. That is, they had no idea who we were, so they had us arrested for not having a paper with our names written in it!? i don't understand how that works. Kelly would later explain they have that in her dimension as well, more or less. Well, in all other dimensions. Everyone has an identity and you can find it from almost anywhere, and you need to prove it. What kind of monstrosity is this!?!?!?! God, never send such a plague on our dimension.
 
Well, Damaschini the erlagon decided to get violent when they asked for his special chest. You see, Damaschini has this chest in which you can actually enter, like it's an endless bag from the legends. Inside is a beautiful Vedian palace i was actually very interested in. Or might've been. Actually am not. Don't need that kind of stuff right now. Well, anyway, it's actually a "pocket dimension" - a place where the fabric of reality is warped so that a piece of reality is superimposed on another, and you can grow that piece of reality to your heart's desire, creating a secret pocket world, which in this case can be accessed via a chest. Can you imagine that....
 
eh.
 
As i said, Damaschini got violent. He wanted to protect the chest, so he bent the matter in the guns those guards that came for us had, and created a clump of metal out of components that they had. The xy-ans got freaked out, obviously. Myself, clearly wasn't expecting such a power from Damaschini. But before we would get attacked, Damaschini calmed down. Good. He got zapped by a lightning coming from a small object one of the guards took out of his sleeve, so.... Even calmer.
 
We got escorted to a very weird "car". Even i thought that it was a weird-looking car. And i only saw those "cars" in our dimension, in the SAI fortress. Well, details, details. weird xy car, weird xy ride, weird xy corridor, weird xy empty white room where if you shut the door there are no corners or exits or... anything. Just pure white. ANNOYING.
 
We decided to tell them everything. The reason why we were there. Went about as well as you'd expect. Either crazy or liars, they said. Neither, really. Just.... Gullible.
 
Gullible to think this makes sense. i am doing it, yes, and i want do continue to do it. i.... i don't know. Sometimes i feel like i write things here that i would never say. But actually i also said some things i'd never thought i would say. We got into a heated debate on the whole situation. First, since we were abandoned there (after saying we were crazy, they stopped talking to us) we decided to try to save Lullaby, but had no idea how. We had to reach her somehow, so we decided to sleep a little and wait for a dream that would clarify more. Maybe Lullaby was trying to reach us in our dreams.
 
Again, not the case, really, but something was definitely happening with our dreams. i hurdled beside her and off we went to sleep. i don't know, i thought she may get cold. But sometimes i wish she would. Maybe that way she'd wake up and do something.
 
i....... i don't know how to respond to that. Actually, i do. i'm gonna stop writing. sorry, future me. i... i don't feel so well writing in this journal anymore.
 
In short, we reached Lullaby, she saved her son, but is still in her cursed state, maybe ever so slightly better. Now we are trying to survive in this dimension, because we want to stay. Yes, we'll stay. Let's see what it will amount to.
.................
 
i apologise to Nixie and to the entire party for being a whore demonic crazy woman and saying ugly stupid things.
 
sorry Bart