Our journey south begins

"Do what you must, but never forget the flanks" - King Torian II of Worania to his son, shortly before the battle of Vacspon.
 
Dear journal,
 
I wanted to write in you sooner, but I've been feeling a little off. In the end, I decided to write something down, at least.
 
So, I picked a weird quote for this one, I know, but I like to think of it as an iconic moment in history. Torian's son never watched for the flanks. The Woranian army was surrounded and the Rascodians won. His son literally didn't care for that one simple advice. It was so sudden and it happened so quickly after Torian uttered the words, it became funny. And now it's like an anecdote.
 
I think it encompasses how I sometimes barge through life. It's funny how I do that, me being a poppy girl and all. I wonder, maybe I was actually a Fastodan soul born as a Ionolian girl.
 
This brings back some memories. Like my very serious conversation with my dad when I was some 6 years old. I asked him, out of the blue, if he missed my mom. He looked at me and smiled rather distantly and said "yes, little one". And i got angry because he called me "little one" and I yelled at him for some reason.
 
I remember he was very distraught and yelled back at some point saying that I'm not ladylike at all and that he'll beat me into being a sweet flower like my mom used to be. And I quipped "maybe she's not my mother" and he hit me with some belt. I was not a nice child. Well, I'm not nice now either. That's my point. I can't really believe, even today, that I was spawned into this world by her. She was always described as the kindest, purest, least problematic being the world had ever seen. I, on the other hand, am not.
 
I remember only fragments of her, very vaguely her face, but really mostly her smile. She had this very wide and gentle smile. I don't think my mother ever crossed any lines. She weaved through them, and the lines would move around her so they would not bother her. She was that kind of person. I instead break the lines and barge into the abyss.
 
I'm sorry, dear journal, I think I am becoming one of those stressful damsels that have to sigh at the prospect of a perfect mother she never really knew, pampered by her father but rebellious for the sake of it. Imagine, what a bland, mediocre picture! Ish. I'm mediocre!
 
I have been thinking about it lately. You see, I think I can come back to the present day now. So, dear journal that wishes were thrown into the water, which would finally dissolve these foolish letters, we left Enneth and started out our great journey south, towards the place called the Road of Storms, where ships are hit by winds against rocks like hands clapping at a dance festival. We were in a good mood, so we resolved to fix stuff around our ship. There was much fixing to do, so I helped with sewing some of the broken bits of the sails. We have some sturdy sails, I must say. But the storm we faced back at the Sapphire fountain had been quite rough on our ship.
 
That evening we gathered to hear Nixie's story about her journey into Galaston. I was extremely curious, and very proud of our captain for braving into such a place. And living there an entire week. I wanted to know more about nightgaunts, too. I intend to be able to stand my ground against such creatures, someday. You see, I may not have a charming smile, or be a sweet young lady, but at least I may be able to beat ghosts with a glowing stick!
 
Well, instead... Instead of listening... I must interrupt myself first. Nixie is a great storyteller, but she makes a few rare mistakes. This time, she made the very big mistake of underlining she had to go into Galaston naked. Immediately, people picked THAT up and started making sly comments. So, going back, instead of listening to the story, they started laughing about the whole think (also about the fact that Nixie was eating trippy blackberries). And my Bart... haha. Go figure... Kept insisting on the "naked" part of the story. I looked at him, he looked at me (very amused) and kept on rambling about naked-Nixie. And I was really angry so I became petty-jealous-Eve again. Well, I can't be wrong, this time. I mean, our captain has that going on for her, for sure. You can definitely say about Nixie that she's beautiful (as opposed to myself, as you may remember our fun discussion some weeks before, dear journal). Still, it's my firm belief that you don't have to picture her naked to think that..... which made this even worse, in my opinion.
 
Well, I was quite pissed off, I tried to listen to the rest of the story but I was too distracted by Bart's obnoxious remarks. Like really obnoxious, and his looks were like "what?". What!? What!? Uh.... I was just too jealous to understand that I probably looked very, very amusing to people. Oh well.

I went to sleep on deck, far away from Bart and his naked elf fantasies. It was warm and nice anyway, why stay inside all the time...? Eh, you can see right through me, journal. Of course I wanted to go back, but didn't want to give Bart any victories. I tried to imagine a way I could get him jealous, but... I remembered how I began the whole thing, when I first met him, where I tried to make Oafius jealous by being extra nice with Bart.... And by extra nice I mean cheeky, very, very cheeky. The thought disgusted me. Gosh, I was even worse back then, a few months ago. At least I am a little bit less that now. Hopefully...
 
That night we woke up because it seems there was a hole in the ship, Bart was to blame, with Vadrek and Brunek. I thought to myself it's because he was so distracted by naked Elves in his mind... My pettiness can only be rivaled by my idiocy. I have fun organizing races between the two.
 
The next day, things went about calmly. I didn't really bother Bart, I wanted to send him a sort of message. In the meanwhile, people trained and stuff, so I read some more from the runebook. I'm trying to understand the ways in which runes can store magic over long periods. I've been scratching my head lately with these intricate rune designs which reminded me of the Vazakis mines runes I drew. I want to be able to invent some runes myself, and I mean really complex ones. I was also happy my mind was strained with that instead of Bart-related idiocies.
 
That evening we found out Nixie planned to go to Galaston... Again! Oh, I got to meet her teacher. Miremis, she calls herself. A strong Elvish sorceress, with that timeless feel about her looks, but also some very wide, almost yellow eyes. I sensed into them some kind of terror. Really, I think she looked through me, like I wasn't even there. I wish Nixie all the luck. She might need it. Miremis looks like a very tough cookie. And by cookie, I mean rock. And by rock, I mean the toughest granite you can find.
 
Anyway, by evening, Nixie went on a small boat to the rocky shore, near a forest. Not Galaston, mind you. The rest started itching for fun stuff to do, and Vadrek soon came up with something: He heard there was alcohol on deck. Everyone, and I mean everyone turned their heads towards Drenizek, the only one known to have hidden some drinks around. Drenizek didn't try to hide the fact that he had stored some alcohol somewhere, so Dillen (who was left in charge by Nixie) told him to give it to the crew. He planned to have half of it consumed that evening, as a thank you to the crew for their efforts so far.
 
Drenizek refused, saying he'll only obey orders from captain Nixie. I didn't say a word, because I knew where this could be going and didn't want to ruin things further with my Nutcase-ways. But Dillen insisted, and Vadrek too. And Brunek, who was suddenly very happy to pick on Drenizek. So I tried to return the favour and tell them in my sharp-tongued, very ladilike ways, to shut the hell up. To which Brunek replies: "Wait, who are you now?"
 
................................................
 
I couldn't. I just couldn't. They all laughed at me. I felt it. I felt the laughs of Naria and her group of idiotic damsels and of Robert who told me that I'm still up for grabs for reject magic school students, 'cause they don't get girls anyways.... I decided to let them have it. I could plan to ruin them. I could plan to ruin them like I ruined Robert when I set him up with a married friend he had believing she was someone else. I swapped some letters at a party. I wrote one myself, trying to copy the writing. It worked only because I got him a little tipsy before making sure he got the letter. I'm devious, I know. But from then on Robert lost his match (his father planned to have him married off to some rich merchant's daughter -oops). Anyway, I was a shady character, but now I want to think I am above that... Eh. I can't lie. I wanted to make them suffer. But... I didn't do anything. So I shut up.
 
They quarreled for a while. Drenizek refused to obey Dillen, saying the wine wasn't for him anyway. Poor Drenizek, he was doing what he knew he should be doing. And I know he doesn't like Dillen. So it didn't surprise me. Verfy tried to diffuse the situation by proposing a 1 on 1 with her for the alcohol. If they won, they would get it. Pullius threw in another offer: he would forgive Drenizek's debt to him (1 gold I think) if he gave up the alcohol. Is this guy nuts!? (Yes, according to Xi'xi'rps, who brought him a whole barrel of nuts). Drenizek was naturally angered. He wasn't doing this because he wanted to keep the alcohol to himself, idiots!
 
Well, Verfy was the only one helping him. In the end, no one wanted to fight her (go figure... cowards). I think that my good opinion of this crew went down a notch. Especially Dillen, the bastard. He truly hates Drenizek, I see that. I don't really know why, other than because he is what Dillen will never be: a good man. Well, good men don't win wars, said someone. Good men don't win, period, said Dillen (probably), and Life.
 
So yes, Drenizek had to give up and he went to bring one of the two pots of alcohol (this one was from Marv, given to him specially...). Dillen, it seems, is annoyed that Drenizek has "preferential treatment" and could hide alcohol from the rest. I get that he is in charge now, but... God. I hate him. So. So. Much!!!! He could've handled this 100 times better. There were so many other ways...
 
And he's stupid, too. Drenizek was and is an integral part of the ship. When he was sick, barely keepin himself upright, he still worked the ropes, he still tried to sing to cheer us up, and did everything in his power to keep helping us. And now Dillen says he's not doing his part................
 
I went to sleep much more annoyed than usual. For the first time in months, I felt back home. And, as you very well know, dear journal, that was bad, very, very bad. And I was still mad at Bart so overall I felt like garbage.
 
In the morning, I went to see how Drenizek was doing. He was up early and standing by the bowsprit, looking at the sea. I'm not sure why but I asked him why he's there. He replied: "Do you think she's all right out there?" pointing at the woods. I explained to him that Nixie should be fine, she braved a week in Galaston, one night in a forest at the edge of the sea here should be fine. From what I gather, this place was not cursed, but near cursed lands anyway. It's confusing. Anyway, yea, so Drenizek's mind wasn't really in last night's incident. I smiled a bit, I think, and I felt again that there is a disparity in the world.
 
The flanks, the stupid flanks.....
 
Sometime later, the others woke up. We went to eat, but then Pullius held us up, telling us he had dreamt something. Then, Nixie arrived, we were glad to see her well, but she had the same worried face as Pullius and told us she saw something. So we all went inside the captain's quarters to talk. It seems Nixie saw Marcel last night on the beach, and into his eyes he saw Pullius sleeping. And Marcel had drawn the Primordial Beech in the sand, but the wind scattered it. And Pullius had dreamt something. One of Damaschini's crewmen, Cato (the one they called "the Shadow Assasin" at some point), but with red eyes and holding a reddish new sword, thowing the heads of Pullius' old friends at his feet (except Zarkuz, the one with four eyes, who's not his friend).
 
We tried to decipher this and decide what to do. I told Nixie that maybe the best course of action would be to let the worst case scenario play out in your head, feel those horrible feelings, if only a bit, so you would strengthen yourself for the next time these thoughts may appear. Brushing them off is not enough; I know she doesn't brush them off, she's very cautious and calculated and aware. Unlike me, haha. Anyway, I was just telling her what I gathered from Illien's Letters to a Better Man. It's a little hard, and dangerous, maybe, to let yourself filled with the thought of losing, of seeing your loved ones die, of seeing the Beech Tree of old burned, but... Feeling it now could make it easier to face these thoughts in the future.
 
We had a very heartfelt discussion on it, until I started feeling that Pullius and the others were cornering Nixie with their insistence on hoping and fighting and.... huh? Do they even listen? I think Nixie has more hope than I have, right now, if only because I let myself down with stupid thoughts and problems. Anyway, the demons could come for all of us, it's not like Nixie has a problem and we have to solve it for her. I think I'm starting to understand why Nixie really dislikes some together trainings. It's because sometimes people become very.. preachy... about stuff, and it feels like you have a problem and they need to help you because you can't fend for yourself. I know that feeling. It's what my father made me feel when I told him about Pullius. Well, I figured it out. Ha.
 
Anyway, I got very annoyed. Then came Pullius' turn. He was clearly not over his quarrel with the old crew. It seems he didn't really get along that well with a couple of them. Anyway, when they went their separate ways... Pullius couldn't tell us whether they had abandoned the cause of fighting Evil, or were swayed by Evil, or simply didn't want to stay with him anymore.. He felt abandoned, but I felt all of them must've felt the same. He even told me about a girl called Miyun who was a half-human half-some other creature who hated him and turned to Xantinya...
 
I don't know how I got annoyed by that as well, but Pullius had been mentioning Lyiaria lately, the Elf companion he had, and had huge praise for her. Also, he said how his life was influenced by them, and I felt.. I don't know, out of the picture? It was annoying to see how mediocre I was in the whole thing. Egotistical-Eve strikes again. I was mad and very petty and Bart gave me a slap :o
 
I must interject, and say that Verfy talked some sense into me earlier, that Bart was just curious, and all men are curious. It's natural. I'm talking about the Nixie thing. I bet that Bart is curious to know how someone beautiful looks like, hah. All he gets is the poppy-woman. Well, I kind of got distracted by that slap. At some point, I teased Bart by interrupting Pullius on his blabbering. I can't write about it, really, but looking back I think I am even more mad than I thought I was.
 
In any case, I wasn't there when they talked about the Drenizek-Dillen thing. I had forgotten about the flanks. I barged right in the room with Bart and went for all the bottled up feelings I had, and decided to throw away all these annoying thoughts and memories and frustrations and just feel happy and in love once again.
 
I regret it now. I truly do.
 
When Bart and I returned, the entire crew had been gathered, Nixie had started to admonish them for quarreling in her absence. Our captain was very harsh, but I don't think she wanted to get to the bottom of the issue. She insisted on the "you can't live one night without alcohol?" thing but ignored the obvious issue regarding Dillen's opinion of Drenizek, and Dillen snidely reminded her of it. He insisted on Drenizek being made to work extra to be of use on deck, he insisted that it's not fair that Drenizek gets preferntial treatment and he said something along the lines of "let's not let personal feelings influence how we do things around the ship". I felt Verfy wanted to smack him. I looked at her, and she at me. We had the same urge to smack him into smithereens. Thankfully, we stayed put. Then the Fastodans suddenly rose up in revolt that Drenizek believed in the One Almighty.
 
Yes, as I had said, Drenizek had found something more in the Fountain than most. He found a way to understand what he could already feel, but not perceive consciously. And they smacked him for it, too, because they were afraid of the "Almightyist conversions" that might follow. I wanted to say something, but the goddamn flanks... I thought "better not get involved".
 
Obviously the cornered Drenizek wouldn't take it sitting, so he stood up and faced Dillen and the rest. He said he was aware that this journey is more important than meets the eye, that we shouldn't lose focus as a result. More hardship awaited. He knew there was something big going on. He admitted he believed in the one Almighty now, and that he was in love with our dear captain.
 
Only then did it hit me that I could've done something. I knew all of this. And I did nothing. Flanks, flanks, flanks....
 
I don't think this was Drenizek's idea of how to handle things. I knew he planned to come clean, but not like this. I think Dillen just made it a lot worse. I hope there's a special place.... Nevermind. I don't want to wish ill of Dillen, but I hate his guts. His sly smile... He was happy. It's all he wanted. To humiliate Drenizek, to assert his stupid dominance. Even Bart had picked his side at one point. He's reasonable, right?
 
You know what? Why don't you reasonable folk guide us? Bart is a reasonable enough guy. I'm not. I was never reasonable. Haha, imagine this. Even now, I'm revolting like an idiot, just like I was revolting back in my childhood. For what? I don't know. But let's not lose focus. The one actually having problems here is Drenizek. And as I was fuming on the whole DIllen thing and thinking about my revolts, I didn't even go to him to tell him... I don't know... Something!
 
No one did.
 
We resumed our works, now that it was established that Drenizek would get some extra work of some sort done. It didn't even matter anymore. I hate Dillen.
 
I wanted to write more, but I feel some kind of sickness around this whole thing. I tried, later on, to talk to Bart. You know, talk, not just make love. And he brushed me off.... He was focused on his training. Was I not serious enough for him? I don't know. I feel bad. I probably have no reason to feel bad. Again, idiot, flanks! Look at the people who actually are in a bad place!
 
I went to talk to Drenizek, but even he had no words for me. He just smiled and said that he'll work off his stay on the ship and that's that. I know the cheerful types are always the most dangerous to upset. If you do, you destroy them. I think the era of the laughing-partyboy-Drenizek is gone.
 
I will write some more when I feel like it. There's much to say about a certain Abomination. No, not Dillen.
 
* * *
 
Dear journal, I'm back.
 
I think I fell asleep for a little while. Dreamt I was back in Ionolia, but everything was burned down. The glades, the fields, the forests, the cities, the beautiful garden in Marion... Only the temple stood intact, on top of the hill. I tried to climb its 999 steps, but couldn't. They just kept increasing in numbers. I was now jumping them, 10, 20, 30 at a time, I had superhuman strength. I was almost floating over them. But they were so many!! And I figured out why. The steps, they were the first witnesses of the True Faith. They had been killed for their faith. Now, countless more were added to the list....
 
I didn't dream of any Marcel, though. I kind of almost wish I would, because I don't want to feel that I'm afraid. But I am, obviously....
 
Anyway, I should go back to telling more factual stories. I think I consume too much ink on stupid idiotic damsel-thoughts. We had a good journey south, and reached a peninsula which was populated by both men and elves. We stopped at an elvish village and were introduced to the local village elders.
 
We found out there that they needed help with a necromancer situation. Well, the necromancer was gone, but he left something behind, in an ancient temple he had vandalized: an Abomination, a monster. The monster couldn't be rooted out and the humans in the region needed help and had asked the elves, seeing how we arrived there. There was no news of the priest either, the temple used to have one. I had an inkling as to what could have happened to him, but preferred not to think about it.
 
We set out the very next day. We had accepted. We wanted to help these humans, they were nice enough and who doesn't hate necromancers and their evil ways? We took Xixi, Drenizek and Dillen with us (why...? I don't know). We didn't talk much on the way there, anyway. Better.
 
The temple was located on a deforested hill. It look truly old. It was a Singularist temple of the Dawn days of mankind, when the Blessed People tried to understand the Truth of the World by looking at elvish magic from afar, if you could put it that way. Inside it reeked of death, for the bodies of several soldiers still lay there, they had failed to root out the monster.
 
We went inside this huge dome. It was pitch black, but we had torches, courtesy of Dillen. We found the alter in the middle, it was broken by dark arcanic magic. Nothing surprising. But suddenly as we were searching on the walls around a tendril of dark arcane latched itself onto Pullius, and we heard a screech. On the ceiling, a horrible, tentacle-filled humanoid thing was attacking us. The Abomination.
 
We retaliated as we could. We started hitting the tendril, but it barely phased the monster. Nixie started invoking white fire, it felt right at home in that temple, I must say, the spell broke beautifully in 6 bursts of white flame that shaped a symmetrical path around before re-uniting at the end, 3 of the bursts hitting the Abomination.
 
Pullius himself used his higher arcane to invoke blasts of pure arcanic flame which healed us, but injured the monster. It was made of some sort of distrorted arcane, which held on to some shape thanks, probably, to a ritual. Whatever hits it received, it could absorb part of the magic, distort it and reclaim it as dark arcane, throwing around seams of it and hurting us, or transmitting it through the tendrils and into the targets it latched on to. Poor Heron was hit by one too.
 
Then Bart started to shout at the Abomination. I think I never heard a more foul-mouthed man in my life!! I was quite shook, the Abomination somehow was also shook, because it decided to descend (Big mistake!) and bite my Bart.
 
I drew my sword and went on to save him. But if I hit him... the tendril would only take my hit, distort my energy and use it to hit Bart... so I tried to heal and shield him, rather than hit the thing.
 
Drenizek and Verfy used a rope to attack from above. Drenizek climed on its head, but got bit, while Verfy tried to hit him too, but she had lost a sword to the monster before (when he was still up on the ceiling) so I was worried. She disregarded her own life, and that wasn't good. Who was going to take care of her?
 
Nixie, Pullius and Heron did damage the Abomination a lot, then Xixi (who had tried various things before, unsuccesfully) finally decided to go full Fastodan on the beast and slash into it with one sword. I was genuinely more scared of Xixi than of the beast. Strygians are tall, and strong, and seeing one rage like that was... intimidating... And we were fighting a necromancer's pet monster, so... yea.
 
We finally brought the Abomination down, only for the dark arcanic seams to dissipate away and reveal the dissolving body of what was clearly the priest... poor man, he had been turned into a monster. I'm sure he couldn't do anything. He had been alive, but not really.
 
I read about this. I think Pullius learnt in .... nah, Pullius should have learnt in MAgic School, that before the Gavans there was no necromancy, but there were various ways to control people. These "-mancies" or "parazytisms" were sometimes even worse than necromancy. The thing is that necromancy is simpler and far more efficient, less time consuming and overall a more dangerous thing. But to be able to destroy a man's body and fill his soul with pure dark arcanic magic... and create that distorted monster, which could in turn distort the magic around him... And that material... The tendrils of distorted arcane... Any hit would just make them oppose the violence and absorb part of the damage, but they wouldn't break. You'd have to purify them from within and without....
 
Anyway, we got the job done... We were all tired. We searched the temple and the small house of the priest behind, but only found a button and a weird symbol I drew below. Oh, and some notes in what seemed like Vedian. Strange, Vedian in these parts....
 
I went to pray at the altar, pray for this place, for the priest's soul. I was sad before, now I was even sadder. Then Bart took me to sleep somewhere in a room of the temple.
 
After I woke up and on the way back... It hit me. You see, the goddamn flanks!? I saw it in Nixie's face. Why did we sleep away? I was never accessible. I thought of the way in which our room is almost always locked. I remember the days we spent sleeping in the same room, Nixie, Verfy, Sea and I. Those were good days. Now, I don't know... Maybe they think I'm unreachable?
 
That's even worse than being mediocre. And look at me now. I couldn't help Drenizek. Now I feel disconnected. I should change this. Let's not do that again. I don't like breaking away from the rest.
 
I will keep the door open from now on.
 
That being said... I don't know, I feel very bad. I don't feel like myself. I think I need some time alone, to sort myself out. But I can't find a good place on this ship. I'll just power through, for now. I'm going to be fine.
 
May the Almighty protect us, and yes, even Dillen...