Strength and hugs

"The tide ebbs. Why don't you have faith in Him?" - Illien the Great, during the battle for Fools' Peninsula
 
Dear journal,
 
I am a little tired, but I want to write in you as much as I can. It was not the easiest of days...
 
You see, the last couple of days have really been quite the emotional rollecoaster. And now... Now things have changed around us. It's weird to tell it like that. I'll just state what happened and see if I can make sense.
 
It was a peaceful night. I slept well, very well. Yesterday I had tried to teach Bart some basic Gavan. But I couldn't focus, he was so cute. And so quick to learn, I almost felt jealous. Well, I FELT jealous. God, Eve, nutcase. Anyway, I had that wonderful bath and was feeling all so well, I was sleeping next to the Sylph and we both felt each other smile, it was so nice.
 
When I woke up, however, there was this density in the air. I quickly learned why. Xebec rounded us up immediately. We were stuck. Somehow, during the night, the ship had drifted around and back to where we started the day before, probably. The winds here are very weird. Well, we were stuck in the sand, because we were close to the shore.
 
I rushed on deck to see for myself. The fog was so thick we couldn't even see poor Gerki in his post up the main mast. I was immediately struck by this unnerving feeling. We were in the Great Western Desolation. I think we had taken it too lightly. Anyway, Xebec was quick to take control of the situation. He found out that the water was around 6 meters deep. Not good, but it seems it wasn't the main problem. The main problem was this shipwreck in which our boat was stuck.
 
Initially, Nixie wanted to tie herself to a rope and plunge into the water, to get to the bottom and move around the sand dunes. We all vehemently opposed such an idea. That water is eerie at best. Dark, and heavy, heavy like lead. When I had fallen into it a couple of days before, I had felt this pull from the depths. Not good. Not at all.
 
In the end, however, someone had to go down there and push the boat out of the tangle. Some of our strongest crewmen tied each other to a rope and went down. We were all on our edge, because the fog was thick, and we were all annoyed that we got in that mess. Needless to say, things could have been way worse.
 
And they were. As soon as he touched the water, the first crewman, the Goznian Vadrek, shouted "purple-eyes". We all instantly heard it, as if the shoat came from everywhere, it was such a sudden panic, like a cold sword slashing through your chest. I had not seen the "Lady of the Sea" before. It was going to be my first encounter with.. undead.
 
I got up on deck and drew my Nutcase-Blade. Wasn't too sure I could do much with it, but I had to participate. I instantly looked for Bart. I know he's not a warrior, but he's a smart one, he knows what's up in a fight. Plus, paper-boy and paper-girl make for one sturdier piece.
 
The shipwreck immediately turned into a ghastly scene, as skeletons rose from the water climbing up the wooden debris. I couldn't really see it, but I heard about it later. The people who had gone below were quickly overwhelmed. But they were sturdy folk.
 
Talion got to use more of those arcanic waves which so easily pulverise these monsters. But he was only one, well, two, with his mirror-self, and the undead were climbing from everywhere. We had split in two groups, one on each side of the ship. Talion took care of the back, Dillen took the front, Vadrek and the Fastodans fought in the water. We were all overwhelmed, but I felt we were also all rock-solid.
 
I clenched my fist hard when I saw the first one up the ledger. A poor corpse, probably 900 years old or more. I really never feared corpses (other girls faint at the sight of blood) but I felt like throwing up. Not because of the skeleton. But because of those eyes. Those lights from within the skull, glowing through its eye sockets, slightly glimming around its collarbones and spine. Purple, bright, and... disgusting. I hated it. I immediately rushed to push that abomination back. I did. It fell off the ledger, before he could hurt Bart.
 
But another one climbed and Bart couldn't stop him. He stuck his blade into him, and for a second I wanted to smack his skull and get that horrid purple light out with my bare hands. But I calmed down. I was not a warrior. Not like Verfys, who was a few steps away from me, slaying these beasts like they were paper, with her beautiful blackish swords. I'm really mesmerised by those swords. I should learn more about them. Another time, I guess.
 
The fight was horrid. More and more undead climbed on board, and they were far stronger than our crewmates. Bart and I tried our best to keep them away, but our blades were surely useless. We started to pull back. I had little else to do, I felt frustration. I didn't even care about the battle at that point, only that I was useless. I quickly calmed down. I remembered Illien the Great. He was not strong as a child. He found strength in humility. I sheathed my Nutcase-blade. Bart needed me. I may be useless, but maybe all that was within me, useless as it was in me, could be of use in someone else. In him.
 
I pulled him from behind into my arms, so i could feel his heart beating with my left hand. I don't know exactly how, or when, but at one point I felt... I ... There's no word, but like there's a word for "smelling" or "seeing", there could be a word for that particular feeling. I had life essence in my palms. His. Mine. Somehow, I knew that I couldn't do anything. But I could create something, there was one thing of valor in my heart, and the Almighty works in that. Like a smith needs his iron, to cast his sword.
 
I felt it materialise. The longest second in my life, as I sensed my hands glow without even seeing them. I felt Bart twitch in surprise. Suddenly, he was all better. That gaping wound I was touching with my right hand closed. I trembled and throbbed, I couldn't believe what had just happened. Bart then sprung into action, taking down one of the undead which was climbing our boat.
 
By that point, the poor guys down in the sea had managed to dislodge the shiprwreck from the ship, and with Nixie's winds on our side, we immediately left. The remaining undead were easily cleansed by Talion and Verfys and the rest. But as we were leaving, we heard a horrendous screech, like a million blades hitting against a sharpening stone. And a huge bolt piercing from the depth of the shipwreck all the way into the sky. We were far, however, far enough...... What lay there... we could only know too well. It was one of them. Liches.
 
My heart was still beating very hard. I don't know if Bart noticed what had happened. He didn't say anything about it. And neither did I. I dare not. For me, it was a moment of true fear. I'm not going to lie. I was afraid. Very, very afraid. But somehow that fear had the gift of calming down my frustration. God works in truly wonderous ways. Even with idiotic paper-women like me.
 
I just wanted to hug him... But it wasn't the time. People grieved for their dead. Ten of our comrades had succombed.
 
Dear journal, I returned from their funeral. The Goznians had been burned away in a small raft which was tied to the ship. The Fastodans and Itelians were tied to barrels or boulders and sunk down to the bottom. A burial of sorts, the most we could do with. I felt sad. These people fought well. And bravely. No one thought of running. I know there's nowhere to run off to, but... Fear does not care for reason. You would still try to flee. I felt it. The need to simply flee. Get my feet going and run in whichever direction didn't have purple eyes. I didn't feel too ashamed. I understood it... I was just sad about the whole situation. Death, death and despair, simply crawling into every crevasse of our boat. I felt that newfound urge, that feeling. It was... unnerving. Because Death is everywhere around me. Can I learn to aid Life, with all this decay around us? Maybe more, here, than anywhere else.
 
I feel bad for the crew. I think I kind of forgot about them, I'm so self absorbed sometimes... I wish I did more for them. I won't let any single one of them go to battle alone. I have found my way. Illien the Great is once again right. Power is always weak. But in weakness lies the mightiest light. In acknowledging, understanding and overcoming that weakness. Not with your own strength, but with Purpose. And the Virtues. I think.
 
Illien the Great would never falter from that Purpose. Only when the Purpose itself would disappear. Thankfully, our Ael Velle is still alive. The Sylph, I mean. Oh... I feel even sadder. The poor thing. She's so strong. I don't think they know it. Verfi, Nixie, the rest, they all care for her, but I'm not sure they sense how close she is to death, every single time. I fear for her every hour, I always ask her if she's alright, glance at her, waiting to sense her glance, her little glimmer behind that small right hole in her mask. Whatever happened to her left eye.........? I don't want to think about it.
 
She was broken, poor Sylph, I think every single hit those undead gave, she felt it tenfold. I think every scream of fear within our souls were blades on her skin. I think every death was a another punch in her stomach. I know she loves us all, I don't know how she can have so much of it. I feel it now, better than before. I'll never truly understand it, though. I'm sorry.... And she HUGGED US. Amazing. I felt her body, light as a feather. I fear for her. But she doesn't. Her love is too strong. Her hug, too strong. I don't know what to write about it. Too shocked.
 
I don't know. Many feelings. But I hold my head high. We must brave through this. For our strong Sylph.
 
I just wish I got that hug.