The Rains of Dusk

"All the world is new, for all transforms. Only the immutable souls age, and age ceaselessly" - Illien the Great, in his Letters to a Better Man
 
Dear journal,
 
It's a candid morning here in Radov. I'm once again thankful to Anevys for helping me, for writing this. I feel like a normal human being for once. You know, expressing thoughts, maybe, with some luck, even normal thoughts! I sip my little tea (they have plenty of tea here, apparently, and it's very inexpensive) and look out the window at the rainy gravel in the palace yard, looking at the guards changing. It's a lively place, here, must be said, even on such a drab day.
 
I must still go back to xy, for we have endured much there, before reaching the Dimension of Spirit. Yes, we left xy. It feels like the end of an era. We spent something like 3 months in there, and it feels like both an eternity and a single moment. It is a little sad, to be honest, to part in such a way with that dimension. It was a constantly dangerous, weird, convoluted mess, but so am I, so I can relate. I also feel like we left without at least attempting at preventing the series of disasters that has started once we met Soreoth the evil Elf. But there you go... It's kind of our pattern, we go in, make an even bigger mess, help to some extent, then leave prematurely.
 
Unfortunately, we had no time. And even with this hurry, we still have no time. It feels like all the time in the world has drained. Looking at these little droplets sliding down the window, slowly moving one into another, gaining weight... then suddenly falling down... it feels like our problems and troubles.... They amass, till they are too much, then - slam - they come crashing down, no time to react...
 
I wish I had more time to simply breathe in the rain, or enjoy a nice sight. I've seen things my kind has never dreamt of seeing, I have witnessed things of both great beauty and great horror. But I had little to no time absorbing it all. Maybe if we had more time, we would understand things in another light, maybe then things would be easier. But we don't, so we have to make do.
 
I can't even remember all that well. I can remember what happened before, but it feels distant. As to what happens to me day by day, after the Black Hole... I don't know, I keep forgetting at times. It's hard because every thought I have is echoed by a thousand more. It's confusing, too. Sometimes, I feel like I hate myself even more. The more I do, the more I feel like I did not grow at all. That I am the same little brat that used to annoy her father, upset the others and generally cause trouble everywhere. Only with a splash of demonic energy to spice things up. And by splash I mean a whole bucket-full. But that's how it is, some people grow, others wallow. It would take more than one miracle to make Eve Parion a normal human.
 
Anyways, our journey in xy was coming to an end. We had sent the message, and now we had to do something about it. We were coursing space on the pirate ship I wrote about last time. On the first day of my convalescence, we had a weird talk about my general state of being. As I said, I even attacked poor Tallion. I felt so bad I wanted to avoid them all again. I felt more monstrous than ever. But something in me wanted to keep doing it, to keep scaring them. It's like I can feed off their fear now. Can I? Just what exactly have I become...?
 
Keeping the story together... while we were travelling through space, we planned to celebrate Verfy's birthday and Nixie proposed that we do so by celebrating our crewmates too. T'seems Verfy used to celebrate her birthday together with her many siblings, back in the Continent when she was a child. So it would be nice if she could do so along her new family, among people who didn't get to celebrate their birthdays. It was a very nice idea, and one that showed how kind both Verfy and Nixie are. Sometimes it's these small things that lift people up the most. Not grand moves, or great deeds. I don't need Nixie to be a grand hero in order for me to follow her, for the same reason. But we'll get back to that.
 
So, for Verfy's birthday, Damaschini forged a weapon for every single one of them: Marc, Isbel, Dillen, Drenizek, Vas (well, Vas got a shield). And of course Damaschini reforged Flavia, Verfy's twin blackfire sword, the one ruined by the Abomination. Needless to say that everyone loved their gift. Verfy especially was very touched. She was also very enthusiastic about the idea of us having a tournament of sorts, a contest of strength and guile. I always knew Verfy wanted an excuse to pummel us all, hah! The others wanted even more competitions, like running or even some kind of pickup-line contest, but we never got to do those (yeesh).
 
The tournament itself was a very chaotic affair. We all gathered in the exterior garden of the palace, where we drew a rectangle on the grass. In the centre we put a chair surrounded by barrels, each containing some kind of surprise tool (like rocks, or a pan). All of us positioned ourselves in a cricle within the rectangle. The rules of the tournament were simple: last one inside the rectangle still standing wins.
 
Obviously, I was at a disadvantage. What's worse than a paper girl? A blind paper girl. I was not really into fighting, especially since I was afraid of what I could do if someone were to really hit me or annoy me. So I clowned around for the most part. Good thing was no one really wanted to mess with me, for obvious reasons (pity, pity, pity). I did get to hit Tallion, though. Hah. Isbel got him good I heard. I could hear it during the tournament itself, as Tallion was squealing in pain after every hit by our hardy cook.
 
The fight was actually quite intense. I didn't understand much of it, obviously, but it did sound like very serious business. I expected a couple of heavyweights to win (Verfy, Damaschini, Xixi, Drenizek), in the end, Kelly won, she's much tougher than it seems. And she seems tough to begin with. See? Kelly is so strong, and still beautiful even if she's over 40. I can't even see anymore, and I faint after 5 minutes of running, and I'm a potato-face to begin with.
 
But enough of my whining. It was a fun tournament. I even got to play around with Bart during the fight. Even hit him - by mistake, though. We should've teamed up but he wanted to gang up on Verfy and I'm not gonna betray her. Plus, I don't want to fight Bart. At least in this way. Woops.
 
We continued to spend day after day after day in the chest. I had to do something with my time... Verfy takes care of Lullaby now, and while I often check up on them and pay them visits, it's not the same. I know she's doing a great job... She's not even affected by Balan, like I am. Makes sense, she is a strong soul, not like me. I wonder if Balan is just messing with me right now. Maybe. I'd certainly mess with Verfy that way. I even thought of trying to take .... eh. Nevermind. Scratch that, Anevys. Don't write this! ............
 
I decided I had to fight through this ordeal. I can't let this energy take over me. I tried to empower myself with the kindness in Verfy's heart when she takes care of Lullaby, with my own feelings towards them all, and especially with the desire I have to protect them and this world. From evil, from my own evil.... Evil is too vague, but MY evil? That's as concrete as it goes. And boy do I have a lot of evil!
 
So I worked on that. Yes, it's the dimension of death. That's what makes it better! The struggle, the harshness. I re-read some interesting passages from Illien's letters. Found the one I used as a quote, too, very fitting for how I feel now. But another interesting passage regarded the nature of blessing. How it can manifest itself both as magic and as... well... pure feeling. Most of the time, the true blessings come not as actual magic. But count for more. So I tried to reverse this, I tried to take that something more from my soul, ready-made as it was, and manifest it into magic. I worked hard for it, every second, to conceive my desire to protect in a weapon befitting one that seeks the Almighty's forgiveness. A sword of light, like the sword that had to slash the darkness of the Desolation...
 
And with the evil within me stirring at every step, with those terrible visions of fear and hate in my brain, I could even more clearly see the good, and feel its grip on myself. And so, one day, I made it. I forged a sword of light. And I could feel the sword, not see, but understand. And it moves with my feeling, and my desire to protect. It will take a while for me to get used to using it. But now I can really protect them. I will be careful how and when I use such power, though... Sometimes, I wonder... One thought, one step... And I could turn this sword of light in a baneblade with which I could destroy all... Is it safe for me to have such a possibility? Shouldn't crazies like me be mercy-killed and be done with it? The world shouldn't allow such dangers to walk its shores.
 
Anywhoo, we reached Abb-Idi, a star sector close to the Black Hole, from where we took the Evo Drives. Seems the Commonwealth took over them as soon as news of the war transpired. They did it easily, because the ITA had not been aware of the war. Information spreads weirdly in this Dimension. Whoever is closer by Evo-Drive to the source has a huge, unfair advantage. Oh well.
 
While in our travel via the Evo-Drives, I got to talk a bit with Nixie and Verfy about what happened. You see, I can't really sleep all that well. SOmetimes, I cling tight to Bart and I feel calm, and fall asleep, but oftentimes I keep having the same visions in my brain, a pulsating eye of Xenatine, piercing through me, not really looking at me, but looking through me, making ME look through it, and seeing the world through its lenses... A world of horror, of sin, of ugliness. It's tiring.
 
One of those evenings, I was walking along the corridor when I heard a heated discussion between the girls. Since my name was mentioned, I barged in like an idiot and asked if I could join. It seems they were talking about the Black Hole. Nixie was very sad that I had sent the message, and that she let me. It seems she was conflicted by her own choice to let me do it. She didn't want to sacrifice me. That's sweet, but... I wanted to do it. What's her part in this? Didn't she try to find some other solution? Yes. There was no other solution. Oh. She thought it's not worth to send a message, to save the world, if it meant I had to die.
 
But then again, she didn't understand the difference. I didn't go die so I could send the message. I went in to look at the Hole to send the message. If that meant dying, I was prepared for it, but it was not ABOUT the dying. Dying was just a consequence I was ready to face. Proof of the importance of this difference is that I'm somehow alive... Nixie thinks it's luck. That kind of hurts, to be honest. Is it my luck? Their luck? Is luck even a thing? I love to think that even if we make our own choices, the Almighty knows not to burden us with more than we can carry. That sounds like a nice touch on His part. So, my death would've been maybe too much. FOr them. So I didn't die. That's not luck. That's the Almighty looking after us idiots.
 
But yea, generally Nixie was very very upset, and was almost mad at me for existing, for sending the message, because I spread all these bad vibes. I made her feel guilty. Well sorry! What can I say. Everything these days is about princess Nixie of the Elves! And then she feels guilty for making this about herself, she feels guilty for feeling guilty so she tries to hid it under a very thin veil of lies. As if!!! The only thing worse than feeling all these things is lying about it to your friends who know you! I swear, Nixie would do everything in her power to run away from her problems instead of facing them! She'd rather lie about her feelings than face them and resolve them! Oh well. Our captain is a mess, too, I guess.
 
She was also very scared that she wasn't a good captain, that she makes mistakes so no one should follow her, because "iT's NoT rIgHt". God! You're not happy with loyalty, either! Nothing satisfies you! You want a perfect world, where you don't make mistakes! Well it doesn't exist! But that doesn't mean we should abandon you or anything! What kind of sick system does Nixie have in her brain? If something's imperfect, you go 100% in the opposite direction and abandon it!?!??! Such absolutist stances are not what we fight for. That's the point, right? We fight for the nuance... Eh. Nixie isn't like that, but for some reason, she thinks like that when it comes to her.
 
I wish she were able to see her valor through our eyes, maybe that would calm her down. But she's both very scared of her own flaws and very sensible to anyone pointing them out, so... Maybe I should have sugarcoated some of my remarks. I don't want her to resent me... I know she still kind of does. It's the Hole, or maybe Lullaby, or Bart.... but I get this feeling that something I do just rubs her wrong.....
 
As for Verfy, I admire her resilience. She was unphased by Nixie's unpleasant attempts at stopping the discussion. Like "I don't think I have anything to say about this to you now" or stuff like that. Rude. Verfy tries her best to help people, and it's this kind of response that makes her think she's actually hurting them instead of helping them! And then Verfy starts second-guessing herself and so she suffers and so we all slowly start to feel miserable.
 
I swear, Nixie's attitude kind of runs this place. If she's down, everyone is. I know she's scared of this influence she has, but it can be a good thing, too, and should be. She should focus on that. Because somehow she got Kelly, Drenizek, Dillen, and everyone in between, to care about her darn feelings. And that's not easy. That proves how much influence she has. And her influence proves her qualities as a captain.
 
After this tense discussion, I went back to sleep, near my Bart. I told him what that was all about, and he seemed happy I talked to Nixie about it. I think.... He also remarked, cheeky as he is, that he'd want 6 children. Can you imagine me with 6 children? I'd kill them all through my sheer stupidity, I can't even take care of myself, let alone others! And 6 is an intense number, I look at Lullaby and I'm pretty convinced even 1 is enough work. And that's just getting one born! Still, the thought of it made me smile. I'd never really given it a lot of thought before, but I felt then that I wanted children. Mine and Bart's. The greatest proof and fruit of one's love. You know. But could I even bring someone to this world, blind demon-ridden idiot that I am? I'm afraid. And what if the child will turn out like me? I don't know. It made me think. I really, really want this. I bet the others would be like "ugh, no". And maybe I should steer clear. No one wants more madmen in this world.
 
Up to a point we had no problems travelling through the Evo-Drives. But at some point, the Orshag planner who was basically transporting our chest - and therefore us - through the Commonwealth came to report that the Evo-Drive between the star sector we had reached - Naizate - and the First Path was... down. Kelly explained us that such a thing was impossible, the Evo-Drives had never shut down, not even during the worst wars. But now it was the ITA who was at war, so maybe they did something. But the whole philosophy of these people was to let the Evo-Drives function, so that the galaxy could be reachable, connected.
 
But then, something even weirder happened: the Evo-Drive restarted. That was impossible, by any standards. This complex machine needed a huge time to get going, because it used you know plane-woosh-woosh.. Nixie panicked, and said that it can't be a coincidence that it restarted after we arrived there. Conclusion: it was a trap, and we should stay.
 
As I stated before, we had no time left. So staying would be a disaster. I didn't go through it, but I'll explain now. We had decided to go to the Dimension of Spirit in order to help Lullaby out. Wake her up, maybe even help her with the incoming birth of her child. You know. Plus make sure she's going to be all right in her country. We didn't know what had transpired there. So we were rushing back to the gate. We also wanted to reach our dimension as soon as possible.
 
I wonder if Nixie considered helping Lullaby, or just dropping her off somewhere so that she'd have one less burden to consider... Waking her up would ease Nixie's life, because she wouldn't feel guilty of abandoning a helpless person.
 
Anyway, it did seem that our plan included leaving Lullaby in her dimension and then returning alone (?) to the Continent, as if the message had never been sent and all that had been of no importance. If we planned on going back to fight in the Continent anyway, what's the use of the message? Or do you believe that people will magically react somehow to the message and... do .... what?! We didn't send a list of instructions, you know! We still have to coordinate this fight, right...? Or do we hope Lullaby will do that for us, once she wakes up? I don't know. I got very furious. Very, very furious.
 
My anger was also fueled by the fact that Nixie refused to try to convince the Commonwealth people to let us use the Evo-Drive that had just restarted. For safety reasons, they were currently refusing to allow anyone to board it. Nixie implied we are idiots for thinking that it could work, that the Commonwealth wouldn't just arrest us on the spot. She seemed a lot more optimistic when she accepted to become an information source and secret weapon for the Orshag. Oh well...
 
You know what? I'm pissed. Even now. Because after this whole ordeal with the Black Hole, Nixie's only reactions were anger that she let me do it, fear and angst. If nothing good came out of it for Nixie, then how should I feel!? I'm even worse off than before.
 
But after she had a dream of her angel Rostalon, she came to a different conclusion. We could talk to the Commonwealth people. Aha. Good thing the angles keep tabs on us. I swear I never felt so much anger at Nixie as I felt in those days. Sometimes it feels as if all we do is just one of her fever dreams, and it's all at random, and whatever we do has the same worth to her: zilch. The only things that are worth are the spin of the adventure. Oh and randoms she takes a liking to, like the pirate-captain Iz, a Nastaim who is now one of us, somehow.
 
I am so, so, so annoyed! Ah I should calm down. Anevys don't write this I'm just talking to myself.
 
Yes, I was mad at Nixie for the whole thing, but was secretly glad she decided to try our chances with the Commonwealth. And then she really seemed enlightened, happy, a fresh perspective. I was glad for her, I'm just... I'm just an idiot, and I feel bad for being mad at her. But it's just me, Monster-Eve. Anyway, we got out of the chest to confront the Commonwealth. We knew people would recognise us. Oh, they did. They did, all right... The whole Evo-Centre was aghast, and silent. Looking at us. Before we knew it, soldiers targeted us, and an official asked what we wanted...
 
Nixie started a speech. It was all so weird and sudden, they let her. Phew. Her speech was actually quite inspiring. She talked about the message, about the need to stop infighting and focus on the fight that is to come, the fight within us and without, on the importance of our mission, and our desire to go back and continue our side of the fight. She even tried to convince them to stop the war with the ITA and the Orshag (as if the Orshag would stop!). But, it worked! Nixie really struck a chord in these people that had felt in the message a series of feelings they were not really familiar with. Like having something above, watching over you, loving you. not something, but SOMEONE. Heh. Nixie is still afraid of talking about God in front of the Godless.
 
Anyway, the official was somehow convinced. He decided to let us use the Evo-Drive. Just us, not the rest. He still thought it was dangerous, of course, but he wanted us to be on our way. I think those people understood something. Not all, but something. They felt we were their friends. That we were simply trying to help...
 
Still, we did not know what awaited us on the other end. It's so strange with these Evo-Drives. You travel unfathomable distances, and you know not what awaits you at your destination. Usually you take it for granted, but now.. now we really didn't know what to expect. An Evo-Drive shut down and then restarted... what could it mean?
 
When we reached the Evo-Centre on Bethle, it was eerily quiet. We got out ready for a fight, but no one was there. The whole place sounded abandoned. Still, a weird feeling persisted, as if there were people there, or have been. Some strange echo of past voices. When Bart tried to see if he could interrupt some manipulations of the planes, he fell in the ground, as people explained to me! Which was strong indication that... the whole Evo-Centre was one huge manipulation... Steadily, we began to realize we were in something that wasn't real. The Evo Centre wasn't real. The others saw images of it being attacked by rockets, flying from giant ships which arrived from nowhere, bearing a symbol akin to a dead tree, upside down... The Elves. The darn Elves........... They had come here.
 
It took the ship virtually telling us to get out of there for us to actually get out of there. Tallion also insisted, because Nixie would not budge. Thank God for Tallion's sudden surge in insight. We got inside one of those rockets that they use to transport people from and to the Evo Centres. It also seemed like it was just a memory of the real rocket. Everything was... dead... The Evo-Centre disappeared right after the rocket took off.... It was all the memory of things lost, and Bethle itself was... well... ravaged. They could see from the rocket. The planet was filled with dark clouds, and debris and various remnants floated in the sky. I couldn't see them myself, of course, but could feel the extent of the destruction from the vibe of their voices, as they told me...
 
When we reached the landing platform in Vatan Armodar, the one we used to leave Bethle more than 2 months ago, almost nothing was left of it. Death and destruction, the after-scene of some gigantic battle. The city was eerily quiet, and it seems little was left of it, as I would soon find out. At first, I had to stay inside the chest, along with everyone who did not have plane-bending powers. The others would stay outside the chest. I didn't know what was going on, but I felt sick staying there and doing nothing. I knew the Elves were there, it was obvious... They were probably going to attack us. Soreoth did not kill us, it was true, but back then he had no reason to, maybe. Now he surely has. And even if for some strange reason Baphomet wants us alive, I'm sure they would all want to get rid of Lullaby, the one who faced Xantinya and stood her ground, the one who could carry the voices of all....
 
I made up my mind. I glanced at Lullaby, and told Drenizek and the rest to protect her, and I jumped out. Right as I did so, I heard a battle. In front of me, I sensed Damaschini and Verfy, holding the star essence bottle of our Erlagon craftsman, and in front of them, I sensed something dark and strong. Elves. Elves! I did not hesitate. I conjured my magic essence to protect them, and then, guided by Tallion who told me there were 3 Elves right in front of me, I went in to attack. I trusted the sword. I trusted my will to protect them. I could attack, but I knew the attack would be futile. So I tricked the bastards. I had thought about ways to fight the Elves, during these mostly sleepless days in the chest. And I figured that plane manipulations are not an answer: they are better than us there. But what if I could surprise them with something? Something simple, but effective. I knew how magic could be used to inspire a "copying" mechanism on other planes. For example, magical power can be used to copy the looks of someone, and therefore you can morph into people. What if I could use magic to influence something higher on the lasagna, like... the rules of the universe? Yes, the Elves were immortal, but their stupid bodies seemed to work like a "robot" thing they use here in xy. A machine, that is. Or, machines could be destroyed. I had asked Kelly about electricity. I found that it has properties not unlike those of magic. So it was a question of how much I could control the magical essence of the sword during my strike in order to change its attributes and create enough dispersion as to influence the electricity within those Elves to follow suit and, well, in simple words, disperse. It worked, 'cause I heard a loud sound and some electrical noises too, and then the Elf collapsed.
 
I did the same to the second one, who still did not understand what I had done. For such old creatures, they sure catch on slowly. Or maybe that's why. Anyway, I helped the rest get up. It seems the interdimensionals were back, because I heard that spear-guy's voice shouting something along the lines of "die, you stupid goo!" Seems that inside each robot there was a bright green goo. THAT was the Elf.
 
Later, thinking about it, I thought about Illien's quote. The oldest souls still on Earth are these guys. And while the world kept transforming, they kept being the same. THAT is how age looks. Hmpf. Fitting. Truly cursed with immortality. I still don't know exactly what the goo is, but it's clear that these Elves had it rough. I almost pity them.
 
Too bad we all have to suffer our suffering. Our punishments were diverse, but in the end, they all led to the same: rebellion, and war. And now the war comes, and ruins all, the world so perfectly crafted, the balance so carefully laid out. The Almighty, no, the Old Man will soon feel the consequences.
 
Or that's just a thought. I sometimes wonder. If I have all these new thoughts, does it mean I'm now several people? It shouldn't work like that, I feel like it's only one self. It's... it's still hard to understand. I should, though. For their sake. I need to make sure I won't hurt them...
 
Getting back to the story, we entered a train, it seems. I didn't know what was going on. God, I'm useless! I don't understand what is going on, I don't know where the enemy is, I don't even know my allies! It seems there was an essence bearer of xy helping us. Nixie even gave it a name, I heard. I didn't know there were essence bearers in other dimensions, I always assumed they are like beings of magic, so, bound to our dimension. This opens up so many questions.... But that aside, this essence bearer was basically sacrificing himself so we could run away! He created the Evo-Centre, the rocket, now the train... He could brin memories of objects gone from this world back to life, as if they were still real! Such power, used to help us... And we didn't even know who this bearer was!
 
It died for us.... It did so because of the message? Because of Nixie? Of Lullaby? Of the Elves? I can't know. But.. May the Almighty receive it in His Kingdom. I say "it" out of lack of a better word..
 
I felt the whole world crumbling around me as we ran, ran and ran as fast as we could. By the time we stopped running, we were past the interdimensional gate, in the dimension of Spirit. We made it, just barely.
 
The Elves did not follow us... It seems that the 3 interdimensionals who had remained alive after the fight with Jevyan had come back, and had saved us together with the Essence Bearer... Now only one, the glaive-wielding guy, was left alive. We were alone, in the rain. We pulled to some shack in the fields, or a vehicle or something, I don't really know, and most of us returned to the chest. Not before the glaive-guy expressed his deep regret that he fought us. I found it strange. In a way, I wanted to understand their thought process, and appreciate the turnaround. In another way, I wanted to laugh. Why does the misery of people and the world make me laugh!? Am I so far gone!? Damnit.
 
Anyway, all three of them had realized, after the message, that what they did was wrong. THey were blinded by their own power, thinking they knew the better solution to all things. Indeed, I can understand that. When you have such awesome power, you think you can use that power to keep some balance in the world, and the decisions you take wind up to be monstrous. I, for one, forgive them. It matters that they came to tell us they were sorry. And especially to Lullaby.
 
We decided to go to the royal palace in the capital. We had reached Redochia, Lullaby's country, and were steps away from its capital, Radov. So off we went, it was early morning at the time, and we endured the rain to get to a strange hulk of metal going on rails, I think they call it tram or something, which transported us close to the palace. There, Nixie straight up asked a soldier to let us in and speak to the prime-minister, who is like a chief of staff or second in command after the monarch, I think. And, strangely enough, after we revealed ourselves and whatnot, they accepted. And they even got us inside the palace, in some underground place.
 
There we would meet their prime-minister, Lemenis Donatavol. A very nice-sounding man, who was genuinely devastated to hear Bajid was dead, but also incredibly glad to see Lullaby alive. He thanked us for taking care of her, and for the news, but it was us who should have thanked him. He was kind and trusting to some very weird strangers like us. Well, to be honest, we're no longer strangers to anybody. Hah. Still, he immediately decided to work with us to help Lullaby. We told him we had to wake her up and we prepared some plan on how to proceed. We wanted to make a memorial for poor Bajid, and a proper burial. Glaive-boy actually carried the ashes of Bajid, who had been burned by the Elves in Legondol before they left it. And at that memorial, we would have the whole country praying for the dead King, and for their Queen. And then we could help Lullaby. Here in the spirit dimension I could do more than in xy. I knew it.
 
That night, though, we received an unwanted visit. Two soldiers entered, but they spoke with a coarse, empty voice. They were not Redochians, but... bodies of dead Redochians, inhabited by two of those despicable Elves... They faced off against us, warning us not to stand between them and Lullaby. As I thought, they were after her. We did not flinch, but they said we couldn't fight another day if we were to die now, and so we would betray our purpose. Bah. If I can't protect Lullaby, I'm not worthy of protecting the world, idiots! Try your best rethoric! Nixie and the rest didn't flinch either. So they left, but... I think more Elves inhabited the walls, because they attacked us from there, while we were distracted, and glaive-boy fought them on his own, and died.... So died the last of Sikorki's crew who had stayed with Lullaby. Except Ghighi, of course, poor creature.
 
We were shaken. Tallion especially. He had actually been glad to have re-found his old master. Tallion really has a good soul, he didn't hold a grudge at all. I was surprised at this maturity. But, then again, that's why he managed to get us here, right? Even Damaschini, his old captain who had abandoned him. There's a hidden strength in all of us, and this war has revealed it. Still, Tallion really seemed devastated. I tried to find words to console him, but I had none. I felt strangely aloof of the whole situation. Damn visions....
 
The next day, we had to go in front of their Assembly of legislators and speak about... everything. Mostly about Bajid's death and the message and our purpose there. Nixie held the speech, and it was "broadcast" in all the country. Like in xy, they have means to instantly show reality on screens everywhere. And they used it. Donatavol helped us by speaking first and introducing us. I sensed a great loyalty of these people for their dead king, who wasn't even Redochian, as Donatavol pointed out, but who had fought for them nonetheless. Bajid also fought for us, and died for us. Asking nothing in return. Same for Lullaby, who is thankfully still alive. I can't get over how much that means, how much she sacrificed for us. I ... I'm sad.
 
These have been sad days, or, rather, melancholic. But we prevailed. The next day, we had the funeral. After Nixie's speech to the assembly, I felt weird. We were now finally acting out in the open, openly declaring this war, openly seeking aid. It was as it was supposed to be, but it felt weird. We're not used to this stance, hah. But the Redochians seem receptive. Unlike in xy, I can feel God is far from dead for these people. That's an important difference.
 
The funeral itself was beautiful. Bajid was to receive a burial place right next to Lullaby's parents. It seems Lullaby had been visiting their graves oftentimes, in secret, to recollect and clear her mind. It made me think of my own mother's grave. I kind of neglected going there. Father always insisted, and was very angry whenever I tried to postpone or delay or plainly avoid going.... Back then, I just didn't like the time it took to get there, to stay there, to get back... I always liked cleaning the grave, because it made me smile to see my mother's name clear in stone again, to see nice flowers on her toombstone. Signs that she was still loved, still cared for, still not forgotten. And I would spend that time talking with my father about her, about us, about them, they were always candid, warm and funny stories.
 
Now, that Father is likely gone, I wonder... Will I even be able to make them such graves? I couldn't care less that their bodies would not be inside. I want to built something for them, to make them know I remember them... Just like Bajid got.
 
And he is remembered, oh yes. The whole country showed up on this barren field behind the cemetery. I swear. Thousands. And many more were watching on their screens. I heard the speeches from various officials, and they were all short, but heartfelt. These people loved their king. And then of course Nixie, and then Tallion, spoke, telling the story of how Bajid fought and died in our dimension, telling why they saw Bajid as their friend. And it made my heart melt...
 
Then, the moment of prayer. It was this intense moment... All voices simmered down, and we could only hear their head priest, and... I closed my mind to the outside world, and focused on my feelings for Lullaby. There it was, that link, I felt it. This dimension has a strange way about it, it's not really that the plane of the spirit can be manipulated easily, it's not a manipulation... it's... it's this link. THis link which cannot be explained, because it cannot be seen, felt, heard from or even magically understood. It's... Spirit touching spirit.
 
By the time the prayer was ending, I felt something coming from Lullaby, whom I was holding by one hand. She almost collapsed, but I held her. Xixi helped me put her in a chair, because I felt her hand grasping mine, for the first time, and I felt goosebumps all over. I never, never felt her do anything like that. It was the grasp of a conscious Lullaby, acknowledging my existence, and her existence next to me.
 
Lullaby was awake!
 
I cried. I couldn't hide it. I just started crying. Only she didn't crack. She stood up, and continued the funeral. She even mustered the strength to take the shovel and throw the first pile of dirt on Bajid's coffin. She remained stoic throughout, but behind her black veil I heard and most importantly felt tears rolling on her cheeks. For her, Bajid's death was something that happened hours ago. She felt it with all its intensity, but managed to keep it together.
 
Our love, the love of this entire country, helped her keep it together.
 
She still collapsed afterwards, and we all rushed to see if she was alright. Of course, she wasn't, really, but she managed to speak. She said "thank you" and I wanted to start bawling all over the place. You idiot, we thank you, without you we would have no xy, no message, we would all be dead in a ditch in fucking Faen! I would still be Nutcase-useless-Eve! Yes, I am even worse off now, but I also drew the lightsword that destroyed two of those nasty Elves, so I'm fine with it! As long as I can help... if but a little..... But that's beside the point.
 
I wanted to write more about this, but I really don't know if we need to say anything else. It's done. She's awake. Her mind is recovering, her body needs recovering too, and there's little time for that, because she will soon have to give birth to Rafil. The moment is closing in. Somehow, still, after 3 months of total inactivity, her mind just... switched on. She's very confused, and she's extremely devasted, but she soon became obsessed with helping us, because she "wasted time" and incumbered us with her state. I ought to stop such delusions, I thought...
 
So I pondered last evening, after the funeral. What to do, what to say. Lullaby wanted to help. You see, she had told her people to prepare an army suitable for our dimenison, an army of people with swords and spears and armor, not with guns and tanks, so that we could prevent our dimension from prematurely getting infected with technology from other dimensions. And that army was ready at this point... And let the armor aside... THere were MEN and WOMEN, HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS, who might come with us to fight for us...! If that happens, it means our message has breached all expectations.
 
Lullaby didn't need a message to think so and to want to do so, though. That's the thing. I kept thinking about these things while trying to get some sleep. But I couldn't. Bart was sound asleep, still hugging me tight. I always make him be the big spoon, but that's just because he's taller! I got out of bed. I realised, in my warmth and happiness, that there is someone here completely alone.... It struck me. Lullaby had never been alone until now. She had me, and then Verfy after the Black Hole. But now she was completely alone.
 
I went to visit her. I knew which room was hers and knocked gently. As expected, she was still awake. She was watching news apparently, trying to get up to date with everything that had happened. She came and straight up hugged me. I felt that all the time we spent together had permeated her mind, everything was tehre, nothing was lost. Hah, I feared she would feel me a stranger after waking up, but no. She was ever as close to me as I was to her... All the memories of her 3 months of isolation had returned to her when she woke up, nothing had been lost, only... kept aside.
 
I told her to stop working, stop worrying about how to help us, but she didn't want to hear about it. I didn't know what to tell her. I wanted to tell her it was alright to cry, to feel down, to just not think of other people for a while... But she didn't want to hear about it. She's still very weak, and can't coordinate all that well, and has some trouble putting two and two together, but she's quickly getting better. I am sure she will be completely recovered from her catatonia soon. But even then, she's... you know. Both pregnant and mentally shattered from this entire experience.
 
Still, Lullaby seemed uplifted by one thing: Rafil was safe and sound. They made a checkup just after the funeral, just to make sure - we did our own checkup in xy. She's trying her best to keep composure, to focus on helping us, to not think about anything else. She has to accept what happened, somehow, but how? She did tell me that she knows she'll have to get used to Bajid not being there, but that it's not a thought she can long endure. Rafil gives her purpose, and we inspire her to be strong. That's what she said, at least.
 
Well, I don't know. I don't feel strong myself, but... Well... Lullaby does her best to continue her help, but I fear it's at the cost of her own sanity. We'll see what we can do. But I don't want to abandon her....
 
May the Almighty protect us all. And may Bajid rest in peace.