Sick

"Man can only follow gods and lies" - Leri-an of Idemo, shortly before the battle of Kamar with the Gavans
 
Dear journal, once again I find myself returning from a funeral. It was a particularly somber one, for it was carried out mostly by the Elves of Enneth.
 
It's a relatively long story, so I'll start now before I commence my classical blabbering about small damsel problems.
 
We were on our way to the Road of Storms. It's this increasingly tight corridor of sea currents and winds, trapped between Fordel Forest and the continent on which dragons reside, according to Tallion. Naturally, we were very careful. I remember Maltor proposed we should sail around the continent and avoid the Road, but Nixie told him it's impossible. Later I found out it's because the dragons and their riders also live in the south of the Continent, so you can't just circumvent it. But Maltor never found out, and I think he and the other crewmen were a little annoyed that they didn't know why we were going through the Road in the first place.
 
Well, our first day was actually quite nice. We let the jagged rocks of the dragon-continent fade in the horizon as we enjoyed a peaceful, sunny day. It was windy enough for the boat to move fast, so we were content with our pace. So we could fool around the boat, I guess. Well, first off, there were some serious things to discuss. Nixie wanted to finally address THAT problem, which had occurred days before. She had summoned us all to tell us about the Road of Storms and its perils, and used the scene to announce that she planned on punishing Dillen and Verfy for their misdemeanors: Dillen for poor management and Verfy for disrespecting Dillen's orders.
 
I didn't really agree with this assessment, since a stupid order shouldn't be obeyed, but that's why I'm Nutcase-Eve for you, dear journal who wishes the storms had claimed its pages. That's why I can't lead. Leadership is a pain in the side, to say the least. I'm mannered enough not to push further, hah. Look at me, manners! Anyway, Nixie had a tough choice, she needed to exert authority but she didn't know how. The crew were already quite bemused. I think they don't really fear her, or, rather, they are under the impression her command is some kind of popularity contest, where the most popular get away with things (see Verfy). So she HAD to punish Verfy. Fine with that. But Dillen had done a far worse crime. In my opinion. And her punishment was to make them find a way to entertain the party... together.
 
I won't question our captain to her face, obviously, but I didn't like that Dillen got away so easily. I don't even care if she has some subterfuge against him. He should have been made an example for disrespecting another crew member like that. Well, I guess bad boys do win.
 
Speaking of which, Bart was very amazed Drenizek didn't get a punishment. Probably for... not giving Dillen the wine? I mean, Drenizek was following the CAPTAIN's orders. It seems to me Bart doesn't like our now-literate musician-monk. Or, rather, he simply has the same worldview as Dillen when it comes to useful people. I get it. Rationally speaking, Drenizek is a problem. Well, to rational people who need to reason all the time. Drenizek is an annoying presence for all their reasoning, mind you.
 
I'm a little scared. What does Bart really think of... you know, things? I don't mean me, I'm not always that egotistical. I mean things in general. I think he has this... coldness... I never remarked, mostly because he's so cute and kind with me. Or was... Now that he isn't, well, I can see he's far more Dillen than I thought previously. I think he thinks Drenizek is a liability, not because he doesn't work, but because of his feelings. Cute. Next time he'll need a cure, or he'll receive a shield from our kindred spirit rune, I hope he'll think about the importance and valor of feelings.
 
Maybe I'm harsh. Maybe there's something wrong with Bart in general! I mean he ignores me all the time. He just reads his journals and touches his pendant and reads stuff and thinks. And I get that he's trying to do something, but he won't tell me what! And what's worse is that I can see he's generally unwell and he won't tell me! Me! Who am I, if not his first and foremost helping hand!? Why does he refuse me? Why do I get this nasty Tallionesque feeling? Where once again I obsess and despair and the guy just sits there and reads his Ionolian books? Or journal, in this case?
 
I don't blame Bart. It's perhaps because I'm so tiring. I've been jealous of Nixie too, maybe I look like a stupid girl. He's 2 years younger than me, but for the first time I feel like the child. I don't like this feeling. I crave control. And attention. It's true, I love attention. But I'm good at giving attention too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He just has to do anything, anything!.... Ugh... I hate begging. I hate it so much. I won't do it. I hope he doesn't expect it.
 
But I wish he'd start talking to me....
 
Oh, great job, Eve. Once again paragraph after paragraph of stupidities. It makes me sick. I'd follow Bart, but is it because I put him on this pedestal, like he's a god? Do the crewmen follow Nixie only because of a lie, that it's the only way, that they have no choice, that it's what they signed up for? I felt these questions hard in my chest these days... So yes, that's when I remembered that quote at the beginning. I don't know...
 
I guess I should write about what was going on on the boat. Uh. I don't know. Nixie trained with her elvish tutor, the very scary Miremis. Who set the boat on fire, and Nixie had to extinguish it. I decided to try to work together with our captain, maybe two good minds can crack the code that is this elemental magic Miremis wants Nixie to learn. We tried to find the way in which elements are linked one to another and their energy can be transferred. It was fun, but I didn't feel like doing a full-fledged thing out of it. I did enjoy spending some time with Nixie, though. I miss our days in the room with Sea and Verfy.
 
That day, a dragon came from the sky, dear journal. I've seen so much this journey, but nothing could prepare me. Th... It's a marvelous beast. I can't say something negative. It was a monster who wanted to eat all of us... but damn if it wasn't incredible!!!!! Huge, black, thick scaled, with yellow piercing eyes, a killing machine, for sure, but a beautifully crafted one at that. We could only fend him off because Miremis created a water dragon from the sea and used the sea itself to batter the beast. The dragon did get to bite off the helm, almost eating Xebec in the process. I worked with Drenizek to dazzle the dragon with the only weapon I had: the third Eve-care vial. Oh well, goodbye, vial. It's not like I could have used you these days anyway...
 
Nixie created a line of ice claws that almost froze off the entirety of the dragon's tail. I must say, Nixie is very scary when she unleashes the full force of her magic. Same goes for Miremis (who was very scary even before, so....). Elves are intimidating. I understand why humans kept a healthy distance. Though I don't agree. Unlike humans, Elves don't waste their power on stupid endeavors.
 
It was a very intense fight. I remmeber seeing our handsome scout Marv fall from the deck, Xebec almost got eaten, Tallion teleported somewhere in the middle of the sea to fight the dragon (!?), Heron just jumped on his arm for some reason...! Poor crewmen, we must look like madmen and monsters ourselves, hah! Drenizek was the only one to get really involved in the fight, throwing my vial into the dragon's head. I'm pretty sure Drenizek would've faced the dragon 1 v 1 if it came to that. Mad. Madder than me. I'm jealous again.
 
Ironically, that was our last decent day (yes, this is decent nowadays). With some makeshift helm made of two ropes tied to the rudder, then tied together on top where the helm was, and held in place by a piece of wood Xebec could move from side to side, we soon had to face the worst storm in my life. There isn't much to write here, honestly. I was conscious for maybe 4 hours....? 3? 6? 1000? I don't know. The sky was dark, like there was no tomorrow. Lightning bolts hit from above, one even struck down our main mast. Rain was falling like we were underneath a waterfall. It was so cold. So, so, so cold. I was NOT adequately dressed for this. I saw Xixi enjoy this a little too much. But the rest were dead serious. Not even Xebec was laughing. It was tough. The storm wouldn't pass. I remember tyring my best. I also remember throwing up everything. Everything. At some point I gave up on any semblance of lady charm and started cry-puking in a bucket. I wanted to be thrown out in the sea. I couldn't endure such horrible....
 
Yea, I woke up in bed, next to Bart, I remember trying to read, but I couldn't. I was in poor shape. Could barely stand, when I did rise from bed. But I had work to do. THE STORM WAS STILL THERE. I tried to go, but they stopped me. They know, now, that I'm just a stupid poppy girl who is there to read runes and write history books. Oh well, I know my place. The puke-hole.
 
The storm lasted for three days. We got separated from the elves for a while, but we regrouped somewhere next to a big cliff. We were near land. We had clipped several large cliffs I later found were dragon skeletons... Imagine. Huge, huge rocks, actually being bodies of dragons... Chilling. Anyway. Now we were near actual land. Since there were not thick dark woods, we presumed we were in Dutris, a region in the dragon-continent. I remember Dutris was a name given by the Vedians to the land where the Gatofaktians came - greedy peoples who fought the ancient Madobans and settled in the Haunted Marshes.
 
What do you think, dear journal, could things get worse? Oh, yes. The very next day we were assaulted by 5 ships with no more no less than the Three-Pointed Lance on their sails! It was the first time I saw anyone use that symbol. It was... unsettling I think is the right word. It felt very ominous. Finally, the real enemy was being revealed. I readied for battle. Talion told us the Fatorarkians were formidable fighters. I didn't know what would happen to us.
 
Nixie told us to man the posts, but I was never told what post I had, so I stuck somewhere near Bart like the clingy poppy I am (maybe I should call myself a weed. Like a red-vine. Yes, yes, red-vines are these red-leafed plants that grow on walls. It works). Anyway, Redvine-Eve stuck with Bart. I heard Xebec give some orders because no one knew what to do, the Fatorarkians were engaging the Elves and we were somewhere behind. We tried to ram an enemy ship but had unfavourable winds. We wound up attacked from two sides.
 
I was initially on the left side, but wound up on the right side with most of the crew (Verfy and the Fastodans were in charge of the left). I clashed swords with an enemy, I remember it was quite a horrible moment, I have nowhere near the strength for proper swordfights. I did manage to blast them with an arcanic spear, I always wanted to make that spell!!! In your face, withered old men of the Council!
 
That was the only highlight of my days, to be honest. At some point I saw that the Fatorarkian ships transmitted a huge fireball from one bowsprit to another (yes, I'm starting to learn nautical terms, dear journal). And I knew it would bast us bad, very bad. Miremis I think weakened the spell, but it kept going towards us (it travelled from boat to boat, and the last two boats had us between them). I drew my swords, said a small prayer and waited. I used the Rite of Resilience from Illien's book to toughen myself against magic, and hoped I could survive the physical power of the spell. IT was a fire spell, so I had to adapt. I tried to increase the dispersion of the magic I used in order to "capture" the power of the fire spell, but I didn't succeed. Eh, I'm not a mage. I tanked all that physical power, and almost died. I remember feeling almost as fried as in Verrkis island.
 
That being said, by the time I felt better, the fight was finally over. We had some wounded, like Laimon, who fought beside me. But we also had a casualty: Maltor. I never really liked him, but he was one of us. I felt sick, again. Not like in the storm, of course. But still sick. Because Maltor ominously wanted to go another way. Maybe going under their noses could've worked...? We never talked about it. And now Maltor is dead.
 
We had a funeral for both him and the 50 Elves who also perished. A lot of dead.... The Elves prepared for the funeral. I heard about their rituals, but this was something else. They readied the graves and surrounded them with vines, leaves and flowers. They came, dressed in pale white gowns, men and women alike, carrying tree leaves. The leading Elves carried a silver-like recipient in which they carried water. It was made of Elvish iron, I presume. They used it to wash the faces of the bodies they carried into the graves, while the Elves sang a soothing, sweet song, of longing, of farewell, it was not in any way a song that sounded like a funeral song, but rather a song of lost friends who went away, and of futility, or so I felt. It was much sadder.
 
We couldn't sing the same for Maltor, but Drenizek did use his lyre to the most of his ability. Vadrek even gave Maltor part of his debt to him. And Orman gave him his set of cards. They really developed a close camaraderie, I know that. It's nice to see it, but right now I can't feel many positive things.
 
May the Almighty name him into His Kingdom.