None shall stop it

"A done thing is as foreign and terrifying to man as the realm of the Devils" - Illien the Great, in his Letters to a Better Man
 
Dear journal,
 
I write this as we sail towards Roib, the volcano-island. It's been a more than busy couple of days. In fact, I can barely recover from all that has happened so far, and something tells me I won't have much time either. We're in the middle of a maelstrom here. A maelstrom of dragonfire, and a maelstrom of our own feelings and thoughts.
 
Or at least I'm like that.
 
Last time I wrote in you, we were preparing to depart Prepo island. There was a hopeful feeling on the ship, as everyone returned from the island with something, finally after all these incredible and harsh adventures we were allowed some of the pleasures of civilization, little as it could be found on that panic-stricken land. But off we went.
 
I actually had an important job that day. Keep captain Nixie away from her quarters for a little while. And since I wanted to talk to her about that dream she had concerning a demon and an angel, I figured it was the perfect moment. I took her to the bathhouse and we talked about that dream. Nixie once again told me everything about it, and I tried to help her navigate through the signs, the choices she had to make, trying to figure out what they meant and what happened, in truth, in there.
 
I got to say, dear journal, I was never a believer in the importance of dreams. I remember stumbling upon a book on dreams by an old mage from pre-Ionolian times. It was in the old east-of-worania dialect, but it was readable. I skimmed through the pages but concluded it was just bollocks. Musings of people still influenced by pre-Almightyist conceptions. I can sometimes be a crusty wizard-thinkalike myself, dear journal.
 
In any case, Nixie's dream was different than the normal ones I heard about. Or even the weirder ones. This was clearly more than a dream. It was a stage with 3 people in it, and each had a different role. Nixie was actually the director, but not the screenwriter, if you like. She could influence her dream, but the demon and the angel gave her the content. The angel was clearly trying to warn Nixie. The demon kept her in familiar, comfortable places, as all good demons do. Their greatest power remains making you forget about them, if only a little. So the angel had to be more ominous, if it were to reach Nixie. Using the aspect of a spotted sparrow, it tried to attract her attention, but Nixie didn't trust it. Bad omens are always things we like to keep away.
 
That's the thing, though. Unfortunately, bad omens are needed now. Maybe I was wrong in my attitude too, in the same way. We kind of repel bad thoughts and feelings and signs, because we want to feel happy and safe. But we're not. We're at a turning point... In any case, Nixie had a mixed reaction to the sparrow, sometimes trying to find more about what it had to say, sometimes repelling it. At one point the sparrow(s) drew swords, pointed at her. The angel was urging Nixie to fight. But the crafty demon hid well, Nixie didn't see that her dream was overrun by it. So she did not know that she had to fight it out.
 
By the time the two beings came clashing down, it was kind of late. Nixie now had to choose and help one of them. She had, probably, more control than she felt she had. But that's dreams for you. I hate them. Sometimes you know you're in one, sometimes you don't. And a lot of times you know you're in a dream and you do things you would never do while awake. By the way, is that sinning? If I kill someone in my dream, for example, knowing it's a dream? Or is it worse if you don't know it's a dream? But what if you dream you are someone else? I'm glad the Priests simply stated that dreams are irrelevant in this sense. But then... What about Nixie? Dreams clearly have importance. Maybe we were wrong all along to discard them. But if that's true, I'm afraid I've dreamt my fair share of bad stuff.....
 
I remember talking about it with Drenizek, back in Enneth, when we spent an entire week together. Hm... Though I feel our bond of friendship is strong, after that incident with Dillen I feel something broke in him, he was left on his own that day, after his confessions, no one came for him and I think he is getting used with Aedyra's idea of being alone on your boat. I talked about that with Bart, but we'll get back to that. I drift away. So I was talking about dreams with Drenizek, his dream of Mouthless Marcel and so on. Drenizek believed that some dreams may be normal, while others are not. Usually you are alone in your dreams. But what if you're not? That's when problems arise. But how to know? Nixie could've sensed that, but then again, she had to discern between an angel and a demon!
 
I don't know what I would've done in her stead. It's impossible to say. What is certain is that Nixie didn't choose, she ran away, then she tried to fight that army of undead that appeared in front of her, but gave up mid-way, before reaching a light that was beyond them. That lead her to the scene with the crew. Where she dreamt to versions of her telling them about our purpose: a realistic one, and the one she wanted. The demon was seemingly crafty in giving her what she wanted, while the angel tried to hit her with the hard truth. To her credit, Nixie didn't go to the end with the demon's version. But in the end the demon won, the angel lost, and now the demon is firmly latched onto her, probably.
 
We tried to find out what the angel wanted to convey to her. Basically, that Mottar the Bane of Widows is around, probably as a representation of all our grief on the ship, that reality is ugly but must be faced, that hope must not be lost in spite of hardships, and that there is no easy way out. And, most importantly, that you have to desire the harder, uglier outcome, for the sake of other people, rather than the easier outcome, which would be good just for you.
 
Verfy pitched in, too, at some point, and the discussion soon turned into a discussion about Bart... I told them I'm sad Bart didn't really explain to me what happened to him, only that "something" happened, and they urged me to trust him more. I felt like garbage. I don't want to admit I don't trust Bart enough. I love him! But maybe trust was an issue. I can't seem to trust anything. Is my faith so shallow, too? I've been pondering that. Faith IS trust. Do I trust us, myself, the Almighty? Stupid thoughts destroying my trust must've had an easy job. I'm far from a strong fortress of faith, a shield of an Ael Velle cooked up inside a stupid damsel's mind. That's my Lampsidron. That's my boat of happy crewmates. But the ugly reality there, the army of undead shouts it: I'm just some crazy woman running around and ruining everybody's day and faithless and weak. I can't stay like that.
 
I thanked the girls for their help. A little later, I saw Nixie talk to Drenizek about the paintings. Foxy bastard rebuilt all of Nixie's painting gear, and then told the crew to hang frames for pictures all across the mess hall, with small notes with ":(" on them. Hehe. Nixie has some painting to do. I'm sure she'll enjoy doing this. I saw her smile, like really smile, for the first time in weeks.
 
But it was not to last.
 
Damn you, Eve!
 
On the boat there was some commotion, partly because of Drenizek's attempt to brighten the mood with some decorations (other than the frames, he had some kind of glass lamps and candles, to replace the ugly torches with - plus, they are safer. And some other stuff, like a chest for the crew's clothes and some other trinkets - he basically spent all his money either on Nixie's paintings or on this stuff). Partly it was because the party went to assault Kelly with questions about the other dimensions. I'm not sure if they see it, but Kelly is very, very, very uninterested in human contact. As an expert in avoiding human contact myself, I can certify. But she has no choice, and I feel she has enough questions of her own to pose us, so she has to endure. Haha.
 
In any case, a storm started to brew, so we went to our posts to brace for it. I was in my room, cleaning up, when I heard strange footsteps, like someone was walk-dancing. I opened the door and saw no one. Strange... I then walked on the corridor to see if anyone was there, bumped into a very distraught Orman, who told me he also heard something. I went back and suddenly I saw someone climbing the ladder to the mess hall. For a very weird reason, I was convinced it was my father. By the time I climbed, too, no one was there.........
 
Talion then told us he saw the weird assasin-cat Cato (one of Damaschini's weirdest accomplices) on the mast, grinning at him with red eyes. Then Orman barged in and told us he saw Maltor, who even gave him a die and asked him to play with him. The die was real, and on the main mess hall table. Not right. Just not right. I remembered the spotted sparrow. Damn Mottar.....
 
Then we saw some Vedian ships bypassing us for Prepo, but then a dragon roared and we all scrambled out of there.... In the panic, Brunek came on deck with a hit on his head, shouting that the ship hit him.... Like, specifically. It was weird, but strangely believable. This ship is... it's attacking us. Well, not the ship itself, it's weird... It's like we're in a dream, you know? And the ship is controlled by someone else. It's because our souls and memories linked to the ship all are affected. And this weakness lets the demon corrupt the magical layer around us, to poison our mind and spirit, and this almost gives the demon physical powers, I think. A terrible power. If demons can affect the physical word... That explains the markings, and the die.... But, God.... It's bad. It's very, very bad.
 
We stopped by Ursilan island that night. Had fun memories about the name. I used to read this big compendium on Vedian history from papa's library. Big thing, heavy, too. In woranian, at least. Old Vedia, the greatest city of man outside Gava, was on this island. But we didn't get to see it. Instead, we got to hear two dragons, and see how they started to light the night with their fires. Ursilan was burning.
 
It was such a horrible feeling. Nowhere was safe. At any moment, the dragons might come to kill us. Then what? But more importantly, we felt death in the air. Destruction. All these beautiful lands and innocent people... Ruined. Forever.......... The end. The end? We said we are not seeing an end. But a change. I don't like this change. But can we stop it? We should. We want to. But where? It's already happening, all around us.
 
The next morning, tired and scared, we anchored in Iomen port, the new capital of a new Vedia. The city was in complete chaos, there was even a fire. Bart soon found out why: the city was lawless, its king, Tersiolis, had fled with all the nobility and sought refuge in the Inner City of Roib island, the legendary city built inside a volcano, protected by the thickest steel doors in history and by the technological and alchemical marvels of the Serene Tallia.
 
Monsters and men. Man was a monster. We looked at the population. Some were fighting to get on the few ships available. Everyone was trying to get out. We got the crew to try to extinguish the fire, but in the end it was Nixie's powers that helped put out the flames. I felt sad. The world was collapsing all over us. Instead of growing in power to face the obvious evil, man was shattered. Panic, panic and hate and death. Obviously, right? What can they do? Yes...
 
I finally understood why Xantinya shouted in the skies: "I come, I come, and none shall stop it!" That's the point. She can announce it. The new order. It won't help men join up and feel strong and defeat her. It will just scare everyone. She has shattered our souls. She is shattering them now. With dragonfire, and with our own weakness.
 
I could only mutter Illien's words I quoted at the beginning. A done thing... I never thought of it so much, but by the Almighty it makes sense! We always see fickleness, frailty, flexibility, and we usually hate it, but... it also means second chances, respite, rebuilding... But a done thing... It's done. Done! Sten burns. It's done! Prepo burns, probably. It's done! Thousands are dead. It's done! All is done! "I come, I come, and none shall stop it!"
 
That's the real power of a Demon.
 
Just as I was thinking about it, a roar, earth-shattering. A dragon. Oh, God, not any dragon. I saw its azure glow in the sky, coming from the west. An Azure Dragon, one of the largest beasts in the world, as I would soon find out. I had only seen that black dragon back then. We did gaze on this beast on East Sten, but from afar, from between the flames. It was gigantic. Two-thirds larger than the black dragon. Its entire head was half our ship or more. Its wings were large enough to cover the citadel of Iomen with them. The horrifyingly powerful and large beast flew directly in the port, burned down some ships and houses and immediately set upon the citadel.
 
That's when all the blood came rushing to my head. It was going to be another done thing. Right before our eyes. Maybe we'll die there, too. Nixie shouted at us to fall back to the ship. The crew, lead by Xebec, immediately started running towards the ship. The entire city was in full panic, people killing each other for one chance to get on board of a ship. Others scrambled to their cellars, or inside houses. Some were so terrified they collapsed to the ground and hoped for the best. Maybe the middle of the street was safer, since the dragon blast had just obliterated 8-9 houses in a row. The dragon was quite... happy. Trampling the towers of the citadel, ripping open its main building like you would carve open a chicken's breast with your fork and knife.
 
As for us... We were quarelling. Verfy refused to run, and I saw Bart and Tallion also unwavering. I was just blocked. I saw Nixie repeat: we must fall back. Dear journal, I think you know how idiotic I usually am. Well, that day I made up for all my time on the ship. I drew my useless sword and just charged up the street, towards the dragon.
 
Why?
 
I can be honest here. I don't know. Ah, I do know. The other day I was talking with them about recklessness and courage, saying we must fall into the former. Talking about taking down dragons, I was on Nixie's side, explaining that we can't really do that. Tallion was actually very rude and oafish about his need to explain to me that I have no argument so I should shup up, basically. Well, that day, seeing the dragon there... I couldn't back off. Not any more. Too many done things. Too much death. What was I? A stupid fighter-damsel, fighting dragons now. Whatever, right? I charged.
 
Illien also said that he hated taking orders from the brass, so he rose to the top. But I won't rise to the top, ever. I will have to learn, I guess.
 
The dragon was soon bored with trampling the building and turned towards us. That moment I knew we could all die, in spite of the powerful layer of magical protection Oaf-ion had blessed us with. I immediately decided to use a spell I figured out from my many inquiries of Tallion's Magic School courses. I remembered the main ideas, and I had the practice of all these other spells. It was quite strong, my body fusing with the magic within so that it will be hidden under it like you would hide someone around a blanket in a magic trip and make them disappear. I was there, but I could not be hit. I waited for the dragon to blast his flames. He did, but it was actually a fireball. He almost swallowed his tongue because Bart dissed him in such a way I almost lost focus myself; I almost knocked myself out of my trance, which needs full concentration to work. Anyway...
 
A fight started. Obviously. The dragon attacked again, just as Verfy and Xixi and Heron and our new mate Anevis (an Elf gardener that hitched a ride on our boat, a very hard-boiled character I must add) climbed or went under the dragon's huge head. Tallion once again rose to the sky - from the boat, he had been sent to protect it from the panicking mob - to fight with arcanic bolts against the creature, while Nixie and Miremis were trying to hit the dragon with frost spells. MIremis had a wonderful bow of ice, actually.
 
The dragon, still, didn't care. It was gigantic. Why would it. It rose to the sky and attacked Tallion. Verfy and the rest were still latched to it, except Anevis, who almost died trampled into the dust. Bart, my poor Bart, was almost killed by the last blast of flames, so I went to help him. But I also had to help Tallion, so I channeled that little faith I have and tried to pray for his wellbeing, casting my magic over him so it would help him. Tallion almost got eaten, actually, but a hawk (!?) saved him. Later found out it was a warged hawk. Elf magic is scarily strong. The dragon destroyed Tallion's magical mirror-clone, which also sent lightning bolts on it. Then it turned around on the port and started blasting the defenseless ships... God....
 
We were kind of useless there, so we ran towards the port. Just as we were trying to reach it, the dragon turned around and started flying towards us! I would not budge. I had to do something, anything. I felt my life was as irrelevant as any rock on that paved road. I would stand my ground and find a way to bring it down. But then I saw the Elves. Miremis especially was scary. She had risen a little from the ground, all blue and eyes spewing lignting, almost. Her voice trembled the ground as she shouted at us to get back and at the people on the dragon to jump. I saw her, one of the druids and Nixie preparing some spells for a while now. It had become very cold, and rainy. There were weird winds in the air. I felt something was about to happen.
 
And it did. In one incantation, in a split second, all the water that had been circling the demon froze shut, in a cage of ice-shards, and the dragon, stunned as it was, fell on the street. We had to get out of its way, but it was gigantic. Bart pulled me in a basement. Miremis, however, remained in the middle, as the dragon collapsed on her.
 
As we hurried to get out of the collapsed basement and house, we saw millions of droplets of water sneak from beneath the dragon, climb on each other and re-form in a shape of an elf. Soon, the shape of Miremis appeared, and the droplets slowly turned into her own, unified body. I was left speechless at the power, beauty and especially horror of this Enneth sorceress.
 
With the huge beast down and stopped, for now, I saw even more fantastic imagery (I swear, no dream could've captured what happened during this fight): Drenizek was flown into by a huge hawk and landed on the dragon's head, using some talisman to knock it a little into the ground. I also saw Xixi scream some Strygian battle cries as she plunged a harpoon into the dragon's right eye. It was like a toothpick trying to penetrate a hay bale, but somehow it was working. Xixi really scares me when she fights. Drenizek joined her and kicked the talisman right into the dragon's wound. Ouch...
 
Nixie and the Enneth Elves continued frosting the dragon, but the huge beast had so much strength, it broke free of the ice and started running up the hill towards the citadel. However, it was in clear pain, and a lot of stuff had dazzled and slowed his mind. He turned around and blasted some fire towards Tallion (who was still in the air, somehow), but it missed him by a long shot, instead blasting through 12-15 former houses (now rubble), including a very unexpecting Kelly. Triple ouch...
 
In the end, the dragon took off, not before dropping Heron (!?) and flew into the distance, Xixi and Drenizek still fighting it. Where did Drenizek come from, come to think of it? I actually found out later he had stolen the talisman from Xebec and turned back to help us, when he saw us running towards the dragon. Oh, well.
 
In the end, the dragon was gone. It didn't come back. Tallion and Drenizek returned with Xixi's smoldering body. She was alive, though, but barely. Poor strygian had been burning since the start of the fight. What an image. A burning 2-and-a-half meter one-eyed blue creature continuously screaming and pushing a harpoon inside a catapult-sized eye of an Azure Dragon. She fought well.
 
Those two kind of saved us, to think of it.
 
The aftermath was not so happy, though. Thousands dead, a destroyed city, and... Nixie, angrier than I'd ever seen her. She wanted to have no part in what was going on. Bart and Tallion rounded up all the survivors and started to mobilize them to burn the dead (some undead-bats were flying over us, great!) and organize an evacuation of the city. They shouted "Tallion Aiza" which meant saviour-Tallion and thanked him. Tallion took charge, but I was blocked. I wanted to follow Nixie's orders, not Tallion's. But no orders came. I felt her angry, very, very angry, and I hated myself.
 
I still do, don't worry. It's a weird look on me, I know, but I'm getting used to it.
 
We planned to take the vedians to another island, Trekko, and then to Roib. We had to convince Roib (who had closed down and retreated into the Inner City) to help these people. But I had no energy to help. It wasn't about the fight....
 
I felt very alone that night.
 
The next day, I went to Nixie and apologised. Apologised for acting recklessly and disobeying her. I did, I know. I'm a bad soldier. I tried to tell her I'm very sorry and that I plan to be a better soldier. She replied that she had learned a very valuable lesson. What does that mean? Why can't she say that she learned not to trust me, not to care for me!? Does she want to give up on her captainship? I won't follow anybody else! Even Bart!
 
Then I threw my sword at her and told her I'm done fighting. I'll assist them, heal them, protect them, but I'll no longer be a barbarian. The age of Vadreka Eve must be over. I was... To be honest, in my top 3 saddest moments. I had the moment when I told "I love you" to Tallion and he didn't reply immediately, I had the moment when Sea died, but that was a mixed feeling moment I guess... And now this. She just said: "I'm just done with all this". I had an urge to hit her and then hit myself. I wanted to strip my back bare turn to her and ask her to whip me if only she would stop thinking that. Here, take out your anger on me, but don't say you're done!
 
I felt it like a knife piercing through my throat and slashing me in half. I must say, dear journal, I think I have different friendships with all people on this boat. My friendship with Nixie is arguably the most complicated and mesmerizing. I .... We are different. Very. But I can say this, sorry, Verfy, but I know it's true: I'm her most loyal. I don't even know why, exactly, but I knew then, I would rather let the crocodiles eat me than have her say that to me. God Damnit!
 
I wouldn't have been able to write any of this, dear journal, if it were not for Bart. I still feel incredibly sad, thinking about it. Will Nixie ever be my friend? I mean, she will talk to me and pretend we're all right, but we're not. If I could pull this out of her "I'm done", I'm a terrible friend and a horrible human being. I was a bad friend from the start. I wrote that wretched letter, I pressured her, that's how she felt, probably, I was maybe as annoying as Tallion, I was annoying with my optimism and stupid idealisms and with my rebellious attitude. And disobeying her was the last straw. I am a bad soldier, but more importantly, a bad friend.
 
I returned to my room and cried and almost slashed my pillow with my bare hands. Bart found me exhausted and almost sleeping head first into my pillow, maybe I'd suffocate to death like an idiot. He tried to talk to me but I refused him, I was in no mood to talk to another person I disappointed heavily. But he remained there and read my Gavan book. Oh. He knew. He knows how to deal with me. I couldn't ignore him forever! My Bart, you are smart and kind...
 
I talked to him. In the end. I couldn't be alone. I missed him so much. I needed him. He was finally there. We talked about Nixie, but about us as well. He was saddened by the fact no one listened to him, not even me, so many times in the past. Queue the together-trainings I skipped. Ugh....... Idiot eve!!! I won't even write my name with a capital letter, i don't deserve it.
 
He was upset, I think, also because he was so mad at us. He is a sweet man, and he hates anger. But he felt it more than once, and now wanted to learn to overcome it and exude happiness. It was his purpose, he told me. To show others an example of happiness. It means to be stronger. Stronger than all. Can he do it? I'm sure he can. I trust him. I really do. With all my heart.
 
We talked about happiness a lot. I remember telling him not to be like Drenizek, who is not really happy, he just wants to make others feel so, but can't lift himself up. For Drenizek, it's a done thing too. Bart acknowledged that his story ended in quite a sad and anticlimactic way. Still, I thought, he climbed atop a dragon and jammed a talisman into its eye and helped drive it away. He is stronger than ever. He clearly has drive. Can it be enough? Probably not. Uh, I don't know. I'm tired of being so sad, but... I have many reasons, I guess, for people around me.
 
At least... At least he always thinks of us. i, on thy eother hand. Damnit, again i write with I instead of i. habit. Anyway, Bart and I talked about a lot of our issues. Like the jealousy spree I had. Or the fact Nixie and I kissed. He's mad at Nixie for not really apologising. I don't know, I think Nixie didn't see any problem in it and therefore couldn't feel more sorry than she did. I get her, Bart doesn't, though. He's harsh on her.
 
I felt better. I toyed with him a little as we talked, hehe. I once again felt more at home there, with him. I love him. I would once again attack him with kisses and would not let go.
 
Today we approach the port of Roib. I feel both happy and sad, for different reasons. I'm happy I finally was able to overcome my stupidity and get Bart back. I hope he's better too as a result. But I'm very sad because of Nixie... Well, I don't deserve her friendship anyway. So I'll resort to being the best soldier a captain could wish for. Maybe, maybe it's not a done thing. Just maybe... I hope, i hope very much.....
 
May the Almighty protect us and give us the faith and hope to overcome our difficulties.
 
P.S.: We're in Roib. We talked to a strange old merchant called Ewelon Roseld. Apparently he's the mastermind behind all of Roib and Vedia, Tallion told us. He wants us to do so some sort of ... well, he doesn't "want" anything, allegedly, he just wants to use us by convincing us what he wants us to do is the only way we can help the Vedians. He wants us to assasinate some high-ranking officials. Anyway, stupid Tallion. He interrupted Nixie and when Nixie slapped him for his insolence he told her "watch your hand".
 
I rose, fists clenched, and asked him if he's threatening my captain. I don't care what he wants, or how I behaved before. One more threat, I'll cut his hand off or blast him away. I don't care if he's Tallion or Vadrek or anyone.