A wise man's words

Dear diary,
It is maybe the first time I am not in the mood to write. It is not because I feel bad but I do not know how to put my feelings in words. But I have to write because I want to remember everything that was so far.
Since I am writing this, we have managed to escape the Organization. It wasn’t easy at all, but we had help. Last time I wrote, we were in the middle of the negotiations. Luckily, we managed to buy enough time for their leader to wake up. So Nixie and me went to talk with Miss Red Knight, who just recovered from her coma.
At first, I didn’t know if I should trust her. Her story was interesting, and she seemed like a good person. Her real name is Kelly. She used to be a beautiful queen of two dimensions and a “business partner” with Xantinya. That’s how she got her big scar, fighting another girl called Antonia. At first, she seemed like a dangerous person to trust. We didn’t know anything about her and she seems that she knew how to do business, not relying so much on her emotions. Come to think of it, she is part of a spy organization and has a lot of technology that we know nothing of. But most of all, she was our only chance. It was a risky bet we had to make, and we shall see if we were wrong.
 
But at that time, we didn’t have a choice, but trust her. If we were as good at negotiating as we are at wasting time, Nixie and me would have probably found other options. But for now, we had two: hand in Eugen ,or hand in the biggest secrets of this world to the pew pew people. None of them were in our favor, so after some time of talking with the others, we decided that there is another option: we give Kelly all the information and we ask her sends the pew pew men only the minimum information that is needed. In the meantime, we stay here, wait for our ships to be repaired, and then, we all leave with Kelly and our map back. Basically, we put all our lives in her hands. (including the crew’s life, because the pew pew men managed to capture Orman for some reasons)
 
The days passed very slow, but it was finally the time to escape that place. Before we left, we needed to take Orman and other things back. We didn’t have much time, so we needed a good distraction so Nixie did what she knows best: she shook the ground. The plan was that while Nixie goes after Orman, the rest of us take our things from where they were. Of course, the pew pew men were not stupid, and we encountered some on the way, but Kelly took care of them. I was a bit worried when she said she’s going to get rid of her armor, for a second I thought she is going to come back with a whole army, but then I remembered that she has risked her life for us until now, why would she stop, now? She even tanked a few bullets so she can protect us. At some point, she almost died. But Bart was smart and made a magic that stops the time for a bit and Kelly was fine. I couldn’t do much against those guns but somehow, we managed to arrive at the ship…but…the crew was not there.
All of them went to a bar nearby. I mean, we weren’t there for six days. I understand them. They got a small break from all the danger in this world, so of course they went to drink. We had not much time so Dillen and me hurried to find them. When we got there, the whole crew seemed a bit surprised, and a whole chaos was created. People started to shoot us, but we couldn’t see from where. Those pew pew guns are very fast. One almost hit Marc in the head, but I managed to help him avoid most of it. He still got shot, but at least didn’t die. We all ran as much as we could to the boat. I don’t think I have ever seen someone being so close to death, but managing to avoid it every time. From far, we could see that the ship was being shot from some powerful cannons, but then a big lighting came from the sky and hit them. “There is no one that can do those lightnings like Nixie does” I thought. Anyways, we all got to the ship and left as fast as possible.
 
Everyone was very confused and shocked, so we spent some time explaining the situation and presenting them our new companion. The whole crew seemed a bit scared, especially because they saw Xebec with just one arm but we had to move on as fast as possible. I was happy Kelly made it with us. We were right to put our trust in her. Maybe she is a spy or something, but at this point, we need all the allies we can get. Plus, I like her. She seems curious about this world and what we do, although she doesn’t seem to understand It fully.
 
That night, we stopped near a sand island. I didn’t feel at ease, so I wanted to stay awake to guard the ship. That’s where our biggest problem began. Sometime in the middle of the night, Marc came from behind and put a hand on my shoulder. But it wasn’t his hand I felt, but a big claw that was scratching my skin. I could feel blood coming out but I wasn’t sure if it is real or not. First, I wanted to ask Marc if he sees blood there but then, I remember Isbel’s reaction when we saw the onions on the floor. I didn’t want to scare Marc more than necessary, so I just asked if there is anything on my shoulder because I got a bit hurt earlier in the battle and it hurt. When he replied with “No”, I knew. That bastard demon was back. In not even a few seconds, some campfire was made in front of the ship. Then, we heard a loud pew pew shot. In an instant, Marc fell down on the flood, with a big wound in his stomach. On the other side we saw Menn’e who, when realizing that he just shot Marc, became very scared and he was almost crying. Then, we saw that ugly creature staying on stick that catches the wind. Dear diary, I became a bit scared. I didn’t know what we could do. We took Marc out of there, and asked Vas to take care of it. That bird wouldn’t stop laughing, it was so annoying. But we couldn’t focus on that, because, not even after a few minutes, Menn’e started to convulse on the floor. That creature was corrupting him and was trying to kill poor Menn’e. At some point, Eve came to us and said that on every new wood plank on this ship, there is the symbol with the three-point lance. Once again, it was chaos all over the place. Bart and Eugen both65 tried to help him, but Bart fainted, and so would have Eugen, but somehow, he managed to calm Menn’e down before that. The boy fell in a coma and we immediately took him to Vas. I hope that the Almighty will take good care of Vas when the time comes, he is a genius doctor. It was now silence, but it was not the good silence, it was a heavy one.
 
This creature was feeding with our bad feelings, like it did in for a long time. The situation was very serious. There was probably a lot of fear, regret and guilt that Menn’e probably felt after the death of Vazi’e and this journey. He may be a fastodan, but he is still 16 years old. Probably all the crew felt the same, I felt the same. Bart decided it was time for a together training with all of us. He asked us to look at people who we had the most problems with. I didn’t know why, but my first instinct was to look at Nixie. Very curious feeling. Then, I also started to look at the fastodans, then at Xebec and then Dillen. But why was Nixie the first one? I had to think about it for a long time that night. Of course, everyone had a person that looked at them. Bart took this opportunity to ask us how we are feeling. I was a bit afraid that nobody would want to talk so I went ahead. I was remembering all the mistakes, I felt sorry and responsible for everything but…I also was worried that we might lose, both this world and the crew. The others said what they had on their mind and then, at the end, Bart made us grab the hand of the people we were looking at. It was a promise that we would try to fix these small problems. And so, we did in the next morning. I felt a bit better than before; I hope the others felt the same.
 
We all went to sleep, but I for one wasn’t that sleepy. I felt so overloaded with all these feelings and empty at the same time. You see, I see this ship, as an image for the whole world. The demons are attacking it, and we have a protect and save it. But what could I do against it? A few months ago, I barely knew anything else but Worania and Elves. I felt useless. The others think I underestimate our enemies. But I really don’t. I know what we are fighting against. Well, I know that one wrong decision can be fatal for all of us, one wrong step and the demon wins, the Evil wins. But if I admit that we are fighting with something more powerful than us, that our chances are low, that the world may end and we may be responsible for it, what will it help me with? Nothing. I have to hope. If there is one good person among the pew pew people, if there was a slight chance for Drenizek to heal and he did, and if we managed to make it so far, then what if, what if we would also to manage to save the world? I know of this evil’s power, but if I fear it, doesn’t that make the fight half lost? It is not only a swords fight, but also a spirit one. I looked at the wall and thought about all that happened. Slowly, the doubt feelings were coming back. I still felt powerless. I was feeling fragile, a bit tired actually.
 
I wanted to tell Nixie about it, but she has her own problems to solve. And like that, I finally figured it out, why I looked at Nixie. We wouldn’t talk like we used to do, we stop being friends, we were just…the captain and the crewman. Each one of us was solving her problems, and that is is. Not now, it wasn’t the time to fall apart, I need to help her somehow, and I won’t be able to do that, if I cannot understand her. And I needed her to help me. We are very different from each other, but always once one of us had a problem, it will become the other one’s problem as well. We do not fight this alone, that’s why we are friends. The next morning, I went straight to talk wit her, but Bart was already there so I went to train with the fastodans first and try to talk with them. Sometime after, I entered the room Nixie was in. I didn’t know how to say it. I knew it would hurt her, but I had to tell her. I didn’t really have a problem with her, but this feeling, I didn’t like it. By the look on her face, she was obviously already upset. I have no manners, so I went straight to the point. We talked a bit about that, and I could notice that she was devastated by everything she heard that day. She will always be my friend before my captain, I will not let us fall apart. Dear diary, I do not know how to help, how can I find this angel and help it instead of Nixie? Or at least fight her demon for her? Again, I couldn’t. All I could do is stand there, and try to give her some advice. She is still the most important person in my life, and nothing will change that. I may not be able to protect her anymore, but I can still listen to her. Life as a captain is hard, especially on a ship like this. But it is not her fault, this one, is on all our shoulders.
 
I let Nixie deal with all she heard, and went to Bart. I wanted to apologize. I knew Bart was sad, and I didn’t try to help, not even one bit. I didn’t know how to say it, so I just said “I’m sorry that I didn’t ask if you’re ok everyday”. We had a nice conversation and he said that it’s alright, but I shouldn’t miss doing that every day. Then, I let him go do his things because there was one more person that I wanted to talk with. These conversations were so hard to start , there were a lot of feelings to explain, and I had no clue how.
 
I found Xebec, as always, steering the ship. I always felt it is easy to talk with him, but I knew that it would be a bit more difficult this time. As always, I went straight to the subject. I didn’t want him to fight this just to protect me. I didn’t want him to die for a fight he doesn’t believe in, just to protect me. I cannot ask that of him, and I felt guilty I did it until now. I understood his point as well, it was his choice. And I also know it is hard to know someone cares for you. It is a weird feeling to get used to. But I still couldn’t bring myself to not ask myself: “What if he dies because of me?”. I even wanted to make him promise that in case my life is in danger, he will not sacrifice his to save me. Thank the Almighty, he didn’t. He told me that it is a hard thing to do, and in the end, he didn’t say it. I am happy he didn’t. At that moment, I felt a bit upset, but a few days later, I realized that I wouldn’t be able to keep that promise myself, so it was not right to ask him that. And it was also later that I realized that, while caring and being cared by someone, can be a dangerous feeling, because you have a constant fear you might lose that person, it can also save you. It Is a warm feeling, that makes you want to move on.
Xebec and me ended up talking for a long more. I asked him to tell me his problem, to talk with me, no matter how hard it is and not tell me he is fine when he really isn’t. He told me about how he isn’t like me, he doesn’t necessarily believe in all we do, and that he wants to fight this to protect me. Yes, dear diary, I feel flattered, but I want him to find a motivation for himself. Since we were talking about this, I asked him to what he will do after this, after this war is over. He didn’t know what to answer because he never thought about it. I want him to have something to look forward to after this mess, something to really want to fight for. But I can’t give him that, he has to find it himself. It was his turn to ask the same questions. There are many things I want to do after. I want to reunite Nixie with her family and see her happy, I want to see the world be well again, I want to see the party happy, and I want to travel to see what is after the horizon line, while traveling on this ship with Xebec and the crew. I do have dreams for the future. I told Xebec about the last reason, I thought it might raise his morale and it seemed that it worked for a little bit. I hope I made him understand about what I was talking about. And of course, I will help him with the training. It is time for him to learn everything he taught me. Dear diary, wish him luck, he will need it.
 
At this whole time, Marc managed to wake up, but Menn’e was still not conscious. Since it was such a big demon event, we asked the elves some advise. They were already on the way to our ship, because they wanted to let us know that they will be going ahead. After we told them what happened, they offered to help us one last time, and help Menn’e. But we needed to take him on the Elf ship. Of course, the fastodans were against it. They thought that Menn’e was cursed by his gods, because he became weak in faith and started to help other gods. They didn’t want Menn’e to have more influence from someone of other religion, nor be helped by it in any way. But he really needed to get on the Elf ship if he wanted to survive. It was hard to decide. Dying because you choose to keep your beliefs, or survive with the risk of losing what you believe in. It is a tough decision to make and I understand why. But, something in my heart, told me I cannot let Menn’e die. In the end, we managed to convince the fastodans to listen to us but they told us that “whatever happens, Menn’e ‘s life will be on our shoulders”. We promised to try to not influence him and insisted that two people from the party to go on the Elf ship with Menn’e. I wanted to be there so I volunteered, but then I thought that maybe Bart or Eugen or Eve would be better for this. In case of something, I will be useless, there will be nothing I will be able to do.
 
What we saw during the ritual was amazing and scary. The elves gathered around Menn’e, who was in a deep sleep, and started chanting something. Then, the oldest of the Wise Elves, came close to Menn’e, who started convulsing again. The Wisest of Elves, screamed at us to make some light and, in Menn’e’s shadow, we saw the creature that was hurting him. The Wisest of Elves fought the mivureh, for a long time. But then, suddenly, both the Wisest of Elves and Menn’e fell breathless on the ground. I couldn’t believe it. I got scared. If the Wisest of Elves couldn’t beat this demon, how can we? We are just some minions who got themselves in a big fight, we had no power if the Wisest of Elves was defeated. We were just some mere soldiers. But most of all, I didn’t want to believe it, that Menn’e is dead. I ran to him and tried to call his name. One other elf approached and told us that there is a chance that Menn’e would be alive, but we have to do something fast. “Useless. There is nothing I can do. I have no power here.” I thought. I was hopeless. We are not good enough to protect him. I thought back to the war, to the trainings, to my family. I was always the weakest of brothers, even grandpa said that sometimes. I was ready to give up, but then I remember something granpa once said, when I was upset about the scolding he would give me. “You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only option you have”. Nobody there would have been able to save Menn’e, no one but us. His life was on our shoulder, so I had to be strong. I couldn’t lose all hope, not now. What would the others do? Yes, they would have faith. I had to try doing it. I had to simply let go and believe. But I couldn’t do it, I still didn’t understand it well. But while there was still a chance to save Menn’e, we still had to fight is some way. Then, I don’t know who, had a good idea. It sounded like Heron’s voice for a second. If I were to be officially named in front of the Almighty, then I would be at the purest moment so the power of light would be stronger. I couldn’t fight by myself, but I could let the other (the elves and Nixie) use their light and I could be just their weapon. I tried to let go of everything I was thinking, to detach from everything and everyone, and then I saw nothing but white around. Somewhere in front, I saw only Menn’e, covered by a dark black aura. At first I wanted to touch that aura, but I remembered, that I wasn’t the fighter, but the weapon, I had to help the fighters do their job. And it worked, for a second it worked. When I came back to my senses, I saw the elves doing the ritual around Menn’e again. I was relieved to see Menn’e alive, and I was happy I had helped. I managed to . What I told you about caring for someone, that’s when I realized it. It wasn’t only for Nixie and Xebec and the party; it was a feeling I felt for everyone of that ship. I can’t stay away and do nothing while I see them die. No matter how useless our efforts are, we have to try, we have to hope that we are able to do something. My hope was back, it felt lost for a second, but it came back
.
We waited with Menn’e to wake up and we talked with him for a bit. He told us how he saw some monsters that were calling him. It sounded quite scary and Menn’e was terrified that he was doomed, that he is not going to get to his gods. We tried to calm him down, and to let him know that he fought well. After he felt less terrified, we returned on our ship, and we told the fastodans what happened. You could see it on their face that they were relieved that Menn’e survived and they were also upset about what they heard what happened. They didn’t want to talk on this subject anymore, and we let them be for now. The truth is, we were all exhausted, so we just went to sleep.
 
The next morning, we found ourselves near the Sten people land. There was a thin line of water that was green, but it seemed suspicious, so Eugen used his vison to see what it was going on. When he came back, he told some shocking news. It seems that there was a huge fight between the dragon riders people and the stenians. The Sten was burning from one side to another, and there weren’t any people that were alive. The weather was very bad and we couldn’t move that day. So we asked Eugen to do his magic again. What he saw next, was even worse. The Mountain dragon was now, laying dead in the water. It was a bit of a surprise. Later, we heard some screams from the water. It was a stenian who was barely alive. We took him to Vas immediately. The guy didn’t know much common, but we managed to understood just a tiny bit of what he said. In the meantime, Vas did some tests on him, and suddenly, his face became whiter than usual. The stenian, whose name was Odu, had green blood. He managed to tell us that the Mountain Dragon fought with some kind of Tentacle Monster that spread- disease all over. At first I thought that it was helpful, but then, we found out that It was one of the two calamities that cleansed this world. This one brought the Disease everywhere. And it was in the water we were sailing on. We found Odu dead in the morning. At some point, Eugen tried to clean up the ship from any possible disease but somehow, he managed to spread it. Poor Menn’e got sick immediately. No, just after we saved him, he got sick. The fastodans must have seen that as a horrible sign, a proof that they are not going on the right path. But we had no time to talk about it, because the whole sky became gray. It was smoke. We then looked further. The whole land was covered in smoke, and further, we could see the tail of a blue dragon moving. It was bigger than the one we met. There was nothing left on land, just fire. We didn’t stop, and went straight to Prepo. What we saw there, it was even worse. There was a total chaos. There were people selling and buying everything they could, lords preparing to leave in a hurry, leaving behind dozens of people who had to flee by themselves. Dreadful, but still, it felt painfully familiar. It reminded me about the first battle I went to. I remember that I was very excited for it. I could finally be a real fighter. Flavia and Forsun did not share my enthusiasm and I soon understand why. We had to fight for a good few days, I was tired, hungry, and miserable. It was nothing that I had imagined. It was a total chaos, and we were surrounded of people dying in every second. I remembered the first person I killed. After cutting his throat, I stepped back, balancing my weight on my left foot, and smiled. “I had finally done my job as a fighter” I thought. The war turned me into something so horrifying, so cruel. I didn’t care how many people die, or how they die. All it mattered, was that we achieve our purpose. I know now, the value of every life I have taken, I understand what I had done. I can’t take it back, I can’t change my past. But I am trying, dear diary, I am trying to learn how to be a honorable fighter, not a killing machine.
 
Ah, yes, there I was, in the middle of a war. It shouldn’t have, but it did hurt. Somehow I hoped, that we will not have to see this again, neither Nixie nor me. It is a frightening scene, nobody should have to witness or live. If I can help with ending this war and helping this world at peace, then I will. I will fight until my last breath, if necessary. There were others who were ready to fight as well. The stenians, or what was left of them, were on their ships, ready to go back and fight for what belongs to them. Thanks to them, the dragon raiders people didn’t get further to Prepo and other lands for now. And they bought some time for many people, who wanted to run. It felt similar to our situation, the evil was threatening everything the stenians had, and even with not much chances on their side, they went to fight. We need to do the same, we need to fight for this world with everything we have. I watched the stenians ships leave the port. Not one of them flinched, stopped or came back. They faced the enemy, with honor till the very end. As they slowly disappear in the distance, I prayed for them. Th
We spent one day in Prepo, trying to make some money for the crew. We gave them some gold. Luckily, people really needed what we had to sell, and Nixie and Bart made us very good deals. We let the crew have some fun for at least this day. But the very same day, what we found out from the elves, didn’t make our day brighter. Three leaves from the Primordial Tree fell. THREE of them. That must have been very saddening for the elves probably. But that was also a bad sign for us. We are running out of time, but until the last leaf has fallen, we still have a chance. We must get to the elves and start fighting as soon as possible.
 
May the Almighty help us protect this world, and to take care of every one that fell in this war, good or bad.
P.S.: Thank you, Odu. Thank you, to all of you, stenians, who went to fight and to all who fought in this war. And thank you the most, Wisest of Elves, for dying to save our friend with all you got.