The Valva Bar

Dear diary,
It is yet another sunny day in Xy, and we are doing better than we were yesterday. I have gotten my long-desired sleep, we are one step closer to helping this world, we have gotten some money on our hands, and most importantly, we have learned some valuable lessons along the way. I believe there is even a new unspoken rule: Do not try to do toilet conversations in a bar full of bounty hunters that are after your head. Nonetheless, it was technically a very good day. Somehow though, I still feel tired.
But before I tell you what happened, I just want to talk a bit about this “internet”. I mean it’s a great invention, and very useful indeed. Instead of basically reading hundreds of books, we managed to find out most of what we were interested in about this dimension in a few hours. Great. Fast and efficient. However, as much as I like it, if I hear Nixie mention it one more time, I swear to the Almighty, I am going to hand her to the police. I know she can be obsessive about some things but given the fact that we will at some point return to our dimension, she might regret getting addicted to “the internet”. Also, it seems that there is a new trend in our party. Dillen and Nixie have started to smoke. Well, it’s not my place to judge. As many say: each to their own. Plus, they look very amusing when they smoke. I have managed to see a pattern. First, they light up their “cigarettes”. When they do that their whole attitude starts to morph. They become actors; in the most dramatic tragedy you’ve ever seen. Then, as they take their first “puff”, they lean against a wall or the back of a chair, just for more of a dramatic effect. They look through us, as we never existed, and then, with very wondering, empty eyes they look up to the celling, breathing out the “puffs” and admiring the beauty of the smoke that covers the room. Now, in their minds maybe it looks epic, but from my perspective, they look like they’re about to be possessed or something. Hmm…now that I think about it…What a coincidence: they started to smoke at the same time. But Nixie believes coincidences don’t exist…hmmm… Oh that’s it! They’re probably trying to impress each other. Cute.
 
Now, back to the story. After a few good hours of searching more details about this world, we have finally decided it was time to rest. We left Kelly in charge and went in the chest to sleep. I just have one question though: why do dreams must end at the most exciting time? You see, while I was sleeping, I found myself in front of the Vedian castle from the chest. The gates opened and revealed a black silhouette staying there. Then, a big spiral went towards me, everything went black, and I woke up. WHY DO ALL DREAMS END LIKE THIS? At least let me know who the silhouette is. One of the things I am a disaster at, is understanding symbols and hidden messages behind them. They mostly look the same to me. Until a few months ago, runes were some kind of abstract drawings that make no sense. Of course, I couldn’t make much of this dream either, so I asked the others. What a coincidence again! They had the same dream. All of them.
 
Now, at least one of them could tell me what that spiral meant. We barely started about it when Nixie had a very sudden feeling to go check up on Kelly. She seemed very scared, so I got worried as well. We exited the chest, and found Kelly fainted somewhere on a dark street. I panicked. Whatever happened to Kelly did not look good. We tried to wake her up, but she was very heavily breathing. Finally, she managed to recover a bit and tell us what happened. Kelly wanted to help us, so that night, she went to a bar and tried to beat some people to make some money. But, she had one of her pain attacks in the middle of an arm wrestle game, and lost. Because she had no money to pay, she got beaten up. She kept apologizing to us for being useless and for losing one of the watches. I couldn’t care less about those money. Kelly was breathing and talking. I felt so relieved to see her well.
I understand to apologize if you make a mistake, but when you put your life on the line to be useful to us, what are you feeling sorry for? I don’t like it. Kelly, all beaten up, barely standing, apologizing to us, who spent the night having a wonderful sleep in the chest. It was the same for the Enneth elves, and it’s the same for all the crew. They all wanted to help US with something when it is us, who should help them. Their very existence here, their trust in us, is more than we could have asked for. Yet, every day, they keep helping and helping us, to the point where they hurt themselves or even worse, die. Thank the Almighty, at least after all that happened today, Kelly is finally sleeping peacefully near the others.
 
Today, Kelly told us the very sad story of her childhood. It seems she was a gifted child ever since she was young. Because of that, her father took her to all great since contest. She kept winning and winning until there was nothing she could have won anymore. She felt that she wanted more. When she was 15, two of her father’s friends sponsored her. Now, she could build whatever technology she wanted and go to even greater contests. But the sponsorship came at a price. To achieve it, Kelly had to sleep with both of them. And soon, those bastards started to use this to threaten her, that Kelly’s parents will find out. For more than ten years, these people took advantage of Kelly’s knowledge, building a whole “governmental empire” of advanced equipment. To make things worse, in time, her parents slowly started to realize that what Kelly was doing was not alright but did not care. As long as Kelly won all the beauty contests that she was sent to, her mother would be proud of her. When Xantinya threatened Kelly’s dimension with war, Kelly saw an opportunity and used it to gain control and power. She wanted more and more. She could have chosen to turn back, to take another way, but she chose not to. She even paid back those two bastards that used. Eventually however, her parents found out everything and without a second thought, they threw Kelly out of the house. Having nowhere to go, she ended up in the SAI.
Kelly thinks that because of this, she is a horrible person. “That’s the kind of person I am” she said. Yes, maybe at that time, she was horrible. But, knowingly or unknowingly, we are trying to change, to become a bit better than we were before. For some, the past is a chain, each day a link, raveling backward to one ringbolt or another, making the future a slave of the past. But the way I see it, Kelly slowly managed to break that chain. All her life until now, Kelly was confident in her choices. She said it herself, she knew her purposes and would stop at nothing to achieve them. But ever since she has been travelling with us, she got to know a side that she never explored. It seemed that she has slowly learned how to somehow listen to her feelings as well. And that made her wiser, but a lot more uncertain which way to go. Isn’t that proof that she already changed from being that horrible person she used to be? The Kelly I see now is not the same she was back then. That’s what important, right?
 
There is something else as well, isn’t it? Because of everything she’s been going through, she’s losing her strength, isn’t she? She said it: “I achieved what I wanted but not it’s too late”. Every new pain attack, every new stress she’s under is weakening her. And now, when she wants to help the most, she feels the most powerless. She is trying so hard to help us in any way possible: fighting for us, guiding us through this dimension, putting her life on the line. And despite all her trust in us, there is no way we can help her with her problem. NONE. Not even in here in the most advanced dimension of Xy, there is nothing we can do for her. During the whole conversation with Kelly, I tried my best to somehow make her understand that even if growing old, she will leave something behind that will last, that all she did mattered. For all it’s worth, if I cannot do anything to save her, at least try to be there for her as a friend. At some point, Kelly said something like “When a person dies, you realize that you don’t need them”. What a stupid joke. I need Kelly, I need all of them to be here. It’s like the painting. Yes, I am the sketch, but without the small details coming from them, I would not be who I am now. So, I think that, at least I can do, is a beautiful color on Kelly’s painting. But is it enough?
Before we had any other discussion, Nixie suggested we should have had breakfast. So I went with Marc and Isbel to buy some meat from the store. I’m sorry for interrupting their little date, but I really wanted to move a bit. But, for some reasons, the watch we had, suddenly turned red. I did not know what it meant so we returned to the others as fast as possible. Since there was a risk of being followed through that watch, we had to get rid of it fast. Dillen had a genius idea. He saw a rat and tried to catch it so we can put the watch on it. But the rat seems to have won this time and escaped before Dillen could get it. Seems that wasps are not the only things that can beat us. 2-0 for the Mother Nature. In the end, we managed to get rid of the watch by putting it on the pocket of a drugged guy. Good luck with the police and sorry for the trouble, Drug Guy!
We then wanted to talk about the dream we all had. But, there was not much we got from it. Except for a name which Eve remembered. But it was not from this dream, but from the one she had before. Apparently the sword guy that was fighting Sikorki is called Laneas. I don’t know how it will help us in the future, but who knows. Eve seemed more irritated than usual for some reasons, and since Bart was busy spending time with Damaschini, it was my duty to invoke the secret weapon: “The Together training”- torture. Eve was not the only person I was a bit worried about. Ever since Legondol, we did not talk with the crew for some time either. And since we had no clue to go, I decided it was time to check on everyone.
 
I would have liked Nixie to start with this, but she passed the responsibility to me. But do not worry, dear diary, it didn’t take long before Eve took the lead. “Why did you come here?” she asked. Then she started to scream that we cam here to stop Xantinya, that it is our only purpose and that we consider Lullaby a burden. And that no matter what choice we choose we will end up in the same place as Xantinya, and because of that, this world is flawed and MANY OTHER THINGS that did not quite sound like Eve. She kept crying and screaming that we will now consider her possessed and that we are some kind of monsters. Well, she was almost right with one thing: a demon was definitely influencing her. At first Tallion and Nixie tried to calm her down but it did not seem to work. It was like the demon was twisting her mind, confusing her. It seemed that Eve was fighting with herself. She was very angry at everything and everyone, she wanted to blame someone for everything. SHE EVEN BLAMED LULLABY and slapped her.
This is where it started to get quite bad. But not even this three head demon does not understand how strong our friendship with Eve is. We needed to give Eve some strength to fight it. The only thing I could think of is return the questions to Eve. “So, if we are so evil as you say, why are we even friends?”, “So you didn’t come here to save Lullaby, did you?” and so on. I knew how our Eve would reply to these, but the point was to remind her as well. I don’t know how much it helped. We tried in a way or another to get near her. “Go away before It kills you” she said. But we would not move. I trusted Eve will protect us and fight for us. And once again, she managed to protect us by beating the influence of the three head demon (the fourth more powerful demon in Hell).
 
Truth be told, at some point for at least a second, I did think the same things Eve said: it’s Gilders fault, Zarkuz should die, Lullaby is weak. True, I accept that. In moments of desperation, one does tend to blame the others instead of blaming themselves. However, I do not think either option are true. We interfere with each other lives every day, and we change them in a way or another. So, the choice that led to the Gilders betrayal might have been done a long time ago. It could have been changed, but still, I do not know if there is anyone to blame in that case. Of course, if I write a wrong letter, I will find the mistake, but when it comes to feelings and trust, it’s no way to say who was to blame. We each act on what to feel and think and while a writing mistake is commonly accepted as wrong because it’s barely something we all think, when we put the feelings on the game, the rules change. Because we each feel different and understand our emotions differently. Was it a mistake that Lullaby trusted Zarkuz? I for one, would say no, because that’s what I feel. One interdimensional might say yes. But in the end, we could endlessly fight about it, because we would never know who is right. So why bother taking revenge on someone who might not even be to blame, when I can try to fix what is wrong?
There is one thing that the demon fighting Eve said back then that bothered me. “We all regret at least one choice we have done, even though we knew it was the good choice”. You see, with that I am alright, I don’t regret the good choices we have done. But there was another thing that began to bother me ever since: “I do not necessarily regret even the bad decisions I have made”. I knew that if I sent the fastodans on that wall in Metherol they will most likely die. I knew that, and did not go there to help them although I always claimed I will fight alonside them. Yet, I do not regret that decision, because they managed to keep the wall longer. I knew that if I was to be with Xebec, he would die protecting me. Yet I never tried to stay out of trouble for one second. Again, I do not regret it, because putting myself in trouble helped others. Even today with everyone. We know that we are hurting Kelly every time we put her in a stressful situation. Yet, we still let her do most of the jobs for us. Again, somehow, I do not regret it because without her, we would have probably not made it this far. I could give you many more examples. The loss of everyone still hurts so much I can’t even bring myself to talk with the others about it but still I would not change ONE single thing. I do not know how to explain it better than this. But I should feel something, some kind of remorse or regret for putting them in those situations, right? What about the ones that are still alive, just what kind of friend am I exactly to them?
But I only got to this realization a lot later this day. After all this event, Eve managed to calm down. We sat down and put the pieces of the puzzle together. To put it simple, let’s say that Lullaby has created a wall around her, and now the three head demon is trying to siege the wall. But because it can’t get inside, it has decided it would be a better idea to attack what’s outside the siege. Us. And Eve wants to fight it alone. She said that we should not worry about this focus on something else we need to do. JUST HOW DOES SHE EXPECT ME NOT TO WORRY ABOUT IT?? She is fighting one of the most powerful demons of hell ALONE. And once again, we get to wait and be protected by someone.
 
After many more deliberations, we got to a very strange conclusion: The evil tower of this dimension is in the black hole in the middle. That’s where the other undying elves live. And that we have to achieve the next purposes:
1. Help Ghighi find us, so he can be there for Lullaby when we wake her up
2. Find a way to deliver a spiritual message to people of the other dimensions.
3. Get to the Prime know it all thing and see what information we can get from there.
Now that we had finally found a direction, we needed to hurry to reach at least one of them. So, the closest option was to try to get to the Prime know it all. Our first idea, was to go in front of a temple and try to get in. On the way, we saw our faces on many big “screens” saying that “Dangerous not sentient mutations” and some kind of bounty on our head. I must admit it was a bit funny for all of us, but Kelly and Dillen seemed to laugh in tears. When we got there, we stayed in front of the place for a few hours, trying to understand what the symbols on the temple mean and if we should get in there or not. In the end, we have aborted this plan because, well we couldn’t get it even if we wanted. And I for one, did not really like a temple in which people do not pray to something. Why make a temple if you do not need them?
Anyways, after around four hours of walking through the city (which by the way is very tall and gloomy). We have gotten to better place. The underground. The streets looked a lot rustier and you could see that they were not the safest here. Because we looked like a bunch of visitors and we attracted too much attention, some of us had to go in the chest. The rest of us, followed Kelly into a bar. There was nothing much more different than the bars in our dimensions. Except that, in the middle of the room, there was a big place where people could fight. Before we entered, Kelly warned us that this place is dangerous, so I decided to keep my mouth shut for the time being.
 
Recently I have received a big helmet that covers my face, so people would not see I am made of fire. I could get used to having this on my face every day. Other people cannot see any of your emotions. Like the barman could not even see my totally worried face. Perfect. Oh and it also tells me more information about this place. For example, how the weather is going to be and the amount of “toxicity” that is in one place. So it’s a good way to avoid places that would cause us harm.
 
Well, while Kelly was negotiating with the barman, we were just staying there, trying to not be suspicious. Well you can imagine how that would have looked suspicious nonetheless. Our story was that we were bounty hunters and that we were trying to make money. At some point, Kelly said that she has a champion that would like to fight in the arena. “Pfff she’s for sure thinking of Damaschini, easy wins for him” I thought. Then the barman asked, “The girl with the helmet?”. Then Kelly simply said “Yes”. WAIT WHAT? IS SHE OUT OF HER MIND? ME FIGHT IN THE ARENA? IS SHE PLANNING TO KILL US ALL? I don’t mind fighting, but i cannot punch people as good. THAT WAS DRENIZEK. Well, I assume a fight is a fight and since I was selected to be the Champion that day, I had to give my best. Finally, there was something I could do for the others and not just watch.
 
Kelly managed to negotiate something with the barman, and we got one of those watches with money and some kind of drinks. I wanted to be intimidating as Kelly so I ordered the strongest drink there is while Nixie prepared her cute voice and said “Whatever you think it’s good”. Ummm…we’re supposed to be bounty hunters, right Nixie? Well she got what she deserved, a cute drink for a cute bounty hunter. Then the barman, looked at Damaschini very weirdly. He would have liked to talk with Damaschini but seems that our big erlagon lost his tongue on the way somewhere. “If you have such a big creature with you and a champion, why do you need this little one?” the barman pointed out at Bart. Our very fast thinking bard thought of a great excuse: “I am counting the money”. Well, I guess it’s fitted.
 
I must admit however, I was a bit excited for the fights. We haven’t had a proper duel in a very long time. That is… until I saw who I have to fight with. I mean the fast four arms I could deal with, the ones I could deal with. The orcish looking guy was probably a good training for later. But the guy I had to fight with slashed with one “bionic arm” the throat of another fighter in 1 turn. I almost missed the action. HOW IN THE HELL WAS I GOING TO BEAT THAT BAREHANDED? Suddenly it did not feel like a duel anymore, but rather a life-or-death situation. In the beginning, Kelly looked at me very confidently, saying that she trusts me. After everything I have thought earlier, I could not look her in the eyes. Thank the Almighty for the mask. I’m sorry Kelly. It’s the first time you said that to me. I’m so sorry I could not be happier with it.
 
The more fights there were, the more Kelly looked even more worried. “Don’t worry Verfy, it’s just fighting a duel. I have survived a sinking army of undead. I can do this” I told myself. “However if I don’t make it, I wish the first meal I will have as a dead person to be a good snake”. But to my luck, once again, Kelly and Damaschini had to come to our rescue and go to the chest to forge me something. Now I had a gauntlet and a very nice helmet with a sword on the top of the head. I assume it was Kelly’s idea since she knows how I love to go head on in a fight. The others were ready to cheer for me. What has gotten in everyone’s mind today? EVEN DILLEN BET THE MONEY ON ME. I should be happy, and grateful and more motivated to fight. But I was looking at everyone, and the more I looked at them, the more it hurt. I had a huge hole in my stomach. I was so unfocused; I barely noticed the fight was about to start.
Well, let’s get this over with. I tried to make an intimidating entrance,and I must admit the helmet helped a bit. In front of me, it stood a braski with two hands. Attached to his normal hands, he had some kind of metal “modifications” that were used as another two arms. “Where is the other half of you?” he asked with a very superior voice. You know, I learned that the smaller you are, the less space for hitting there is. But I was not in the mood for talking. I simply replied something like “I do not need it to beat you” or some kind of Nixie’s quotes. Well, one must respect their opponent, so for a few moments, I took my mind of other thoughts and focused on the fight.
 
Well, i got pretty hit in the beginning. So it was that kind of fight, in which I had to go all in and finish fast, or otherwise, I would be done. Three more hits like that and I would most certainly lose. So I did what I know best. Brace myself and go full force with the head in front. I swear this is my lucky move. Ever since I have done this in the Vazakis mines, it worked EVERY SINGLE TIME. On the other side, my kicks are an absolute nightmare. EVERY SINGLE TIME I tried to kick someone, I ended up being the one that took a hit. This time was no exception either. Thank the Almighty that I am flexible because at some point, the braski had my head and one leg under his leg, and he also held my left hand in one of his hands. Basically I was staying in one leg. But why do that, when I can completely let go and put him on the ground? I do not use logic very often, but when I do, it sometimes works. I had managed to hit him just in time before I could feel that I was about to faint. We hit each other a few more times after that. I was starting to become dizzy and tired. He was not doing well either. The last thing I remember, was that braski falling on the floor. But after that, it all goes blank.
And that’s how, dear diary, the history began. In the Valva bar, somewhere in the underground, it happened the first interdimensional duel with someone from XY. I am sorry, I had to said it. It’s amusing.
 
Note to self: DO NOTE EVER USE A KICK IN AN IMPORTANT FIGHT.
 
I woke up near Nixie and Vas who were patching me. It seems that I somehow managed to win the fight. But I didn’t want to stay in the chest too much. I went back to the bar. Everyone seemed to be in a good mood. Marc and Isbel were dancing, the others were talking and Dillen was enjoying getting the money from the bets. I saw Kelly was drinking, so I went to join her. She suggested I should go rest, but I did not feel like it. I’d rather stay with her for a drink. I wanted to thank her for the helmet. I literally saved everyone’s life once again. I was feeling a bit better, almost enjoying the party.
While we were chatting, we heard more and more people approaching the girl’s bathroom. Before we got to see what happened, we saw Nixie running towards us with a very scared face. Kelly sensed the situation was about to get worse, so she told Nixie to hide in the chest. When the braski in the bar came searching for Nixie, Kelly led them in another direction, and I joined them just to pretend we are actually searching for the culprit. Just what in the hell did our captain do?
 
Well, I could wonder that a bit later because for now, we had only a few minutes to hide from the police that was coming. To be honest, somewhere hidden in my mind, I wished for us to be caught. Imagine coming back to XY in a few years and seeing a “screen”: “Tallion Almas – dangerous non sentient mutation is wanted by the police”. I am just kidding, but getting caught now, would be very bad for all of us. We saw Nixie in the chest again. This time I noticed she had some kind of blood on her. She told us that, she was trying to find more information in the bathroom, so she began to have a conversation with the girls that were there. One of them, a bounty hunter, realized that Nixie was part of the prize she was after. The bounty hunter gave Nixie a chance to talk. So, our captain told her the truth about what was going on. The very next second, the bounty hunter fell dead, bleeding. She was neither shot nor killed by anything from exterior. Seeing this, Nixie panicked and ran away.
Before the police came, Kelly, with the help of Bart, managed to find a way to hide the chest under the floor and we stayed inside. But now we were stuck there. Even if the police would leave, we would have no change of leaving unnoticed. And the more we waited, the more our chances of talking with the barman and finding a gate away were decreasing. But if we got out, we would risk the police to find out. Whitout any hesitation, once again, Kelly offered herself to go, risk her life to save us again. While we were just meant to stay here and do nothing. And yet, once again, we accepted. Again and again and again. Every time, I become willing to let the others die, to save ourselves. It’s horrible. I offered to go with Kelly, but the others wouldn’t let me. WHY? Why does she have to risk her life but we can’t even go with her? We have to stay here and wait for anything to happen. It hurts. Because I know If something was to happen with Kelly, I would be devastated. But then, I would not regret it, because she probably would have found a way to save us. LIKE EVERY FUCKING TIME. I am horrible. How do I talk with this to the others? I am so sorry, but I do not find the words to tell them, I know I should say something, but I simply can’t. I barely know how to write it for myself. I can’t put two words together about it.
 
The situation was tensioned enough, there was no need to make it worse. We let Kelly go and do her thing. I always trusted her and Nixie made her promise that if the things would go down, she would reveal to the police where we were, so at least we go on together. Well, an order is an order, so all I was left to do is wait. Since waiting in silence would have been dreadful, I decided to at least make some good conversation around. And there was once specific person I had in mind: a not so talkative big erlagon.
Well, to be fair, he’s done quite some things for us ever since we came in XY, just like everyone else around. He did work with Kelly to make the helmet, and it is him who brought the chest, and others as well. But compared to the others, he does not even know us. So I figured it was time to at least start talking with each other and since it seems that Damaschini is rather shy, I decided to start the conversation. He told us about how he had arrived in these places so far away from how. How he met new friends, Evhai was among the first. It was nice exchanging stories and adventures for once in a while. But I did not really concentrate as much, my mind was somewhere else. I remembered about our little secret about the beginning of the world and how, not even until now, we did not tell the crew about it.
 
Well, we did not have anything better to do, at least try to keep an old forgotten promise, right? So I stood up and woke up Nixie, Eve and whoever was there. The whole party agreed that it was time to tell the truth to everyone, except Damaschini. After all that happened, I could understand why our guard should be up. I understood Nixie’s position as a captain, she had to protect the others. There were contradicting opinions on the matter. Some of us trusted Damaschini and some didn’t. Talion said he trusted Damaschini, but he wanted to know if Damaschini is here to stay. I was listening to the others. In general, my decision would have been clear, I would have even fought for it. Of course I trusted Damaschini, otherwise I wouldn’t have let him come all the way in XY with us. But, I doubted myself, what I felt it. Even if I should have had a vote in this. But in the end, I have decided to tell my opinion. Damaschini has helped me, so might as well give him a hand. Of course, I could not deny Nixie’s feeling, she had a point. So, I suggested another option. Give Damaschini a chance to convince Nixie and Talion he is trustworthy. After all, it was the easiest way to solve this problem.
 
I don’t know dear diary, at the moment I do not feel able of taking any decision. The thoughts that I wrote keep coming back. Earlier during this conversation, Nixie said something like: “Bart, would you be sad if I died?”. Of course, probably everyone would be sad. Would I regret it? I don’t know because at the moment it feels that this is the way to go, and it is paved with bodies of everyone we love. And I am afraid, that no matter what I do, I will lose them all. If I told them about what I think, I would break any thrust they have in me, but if I don’t say anything the demons would take care that the lie catches up with me. Just what am I supposed to do?
Everyone has a story to tell and sometimes there are things in in we spend our lives running from. I sure do. From what he said, Damaschini had some bad stories too. We were not the most mannered people, but then again, was it ever a time when we were? We went straight to him and asked all the questions the others wanted to know. They asked everything: If he is planning on staying with us, why he did not help Miyun, what did he think about everything that happened and so on. Well, it seemed that at the end, Nixie and Talion were convinced, and we did not even need to vote again.
So, it was finally time. We told everyone the Great Secret of this World, which for obvious reasons, I will still not reveal it here. Of course, everyone was in great shock. Xixi was extremely happy for some reasons, she said something about us fighting together to beat Xantinya and that is how we would save the world. Dillen, a bit freaked out, began to understand that the main person that we are fighting is not only a demon, but also an ex angel that was able to wonder on Earth. Marc and Isbel were just in shock. Vas and Drenizek were awfully quiet. Then, very calm as usual, Vas , sheding a tear started to say: “So everything we have believed so far was a lie”. I have never seen him cry before. Drenizek approached to him, and as he always does, tried to put Vas back on his feet. “It is good that we at least found the truth after all, right?”. After another moment of silence, Vas nodded and seemed a bit more light hearted. I agreed with Drenizek, plus, not all Vas believed to was a lie. In each religion, in each country, in each dimension, there is at least one tiny bit part left of the initial world. Malekat and the good brother, the war of the fastodans all of them, have a small part of truth in it. After a moment when everyone processed the information, the crew came in front of us and they bowed before us. I wonder what Drenizek is feeling, he from all sensed something before, he even saw the golden fish.
 
NO,NO,NO please don’t do it! Don’t look at us like we are some kind of heroes. Please don’t do it! Once again they were grateful for something we should have done from the beginning. THEY BOWED IN FRONT OF US! FOR WHAT??? Please, just don’t. I had already started crying (that helmet is very useful). I felt like I wanted to hide somewhere far away from all of them. Just stop…please. It hurt, seeing them there, knowing Kelly is upstairs, risking her life. It’s just horrible. I am just horrible. I’m so sorry! Nixie suggested a group hug and then the mood lighten up. And guess what, Kelly came back safe and sound.
We told her what happened and of course she didn’t take it very well. A few weeks ago, she thought we were a cult, and now she could not see any reasons why it would not make sense. It mush have been a shock. She wanted to be alone for some time. Well after all of this she deserved it but as I was afraid, she would have another pain attack sooner or later. So, I got Bart and went after her. When we found her, Kelly was on the floor, with her eyes rolled and barely moving. I sent Bart back to get the others as soon as possible. For a few minutes, I was just sitting there near Kelly, just watching her just wondering what I should do. "Just what are we doing to her? We are killing her". The more she stays with us, the more she suffers. And she must have realized that. So why? Why is she still staying with us? We are helping our friends, but also cursing them. If they stay with us, they are meant to suffer. And I can't even regret losing a friend. I'm so sorry. After a short while, Kelly came to her senses, but her muscles felt weird, and she was a bit cold. Nixie and me hugged her to keep her warm. She said she is feeling better.
I also apologized to Dillen. I felt absolutely horrible for making so much fun of him all day. He is a friend no matter what I say. I am grateful for what he is doing. I do not want to lose him either, no matter what I say. And now, more than anytime, I felt that I was meaner to him than usual.
 
Not even minutes after she woke up, Kelly told us that she has managed to strike a deal with the barman, who convinced the police to let her be for now. The barman will continue to help us, as long as we pay at least 35.000 of their money to him. Not all at once, but in time. He will put us in contact with other people that might help us with all we need. Well, now its up to us.Also, I am worried about Nixie. She is blaming herself for the women that died in the bathroom. She says it cannot be a coincidence that once she told all the information, and the next second that woman died. Well to be honest, I do not fully think it was a coincidence either. If in a dimension in which the information is the most valuable thing, and we had information no one else had, or could control, we would not want to get it out either. Or maybe I am overthinking. Maybe it’s just a little scheme that the barman used with the police. But I do not think it is a coincidence either. All jokes aside, those things do not exist, not in the world we live in. Well Kelly made the opportunity for us so now we need to take it. As for Nixie, she probably also feels bad for ruining our great plan. A done thing is a done thing. We will solve it somehow and the mistake will be fixed. I jsut wish she wouldn't be too hard on herself. She has already too much on her shoulders and so do the others.
 
I don’t know what I should do. How do I get rid of these feelings? How can I continue this way without hurting the others? Just how do I help? I want to sleep, but I can’t stop crying. I don’t know dear diary; I am very confused. This whole writing is a mess, it’s confusing. I’m sorry for that. I will be better soon. I promise.
May the Almighty take care of the others and protect them.
P.S.: I was right, Eve did not believe Bart about the “watching the animal-human” videos. I don’t want to spoil the surprise for Eve so I did not ask Bart what it is. But I tried to warn him to be more careful from now on.
P.S. 2: The thing that is going on between Marc and Isbel is very cute.