When I was a child

Dear Diary,
I saw everybody is talking about their family so I want to write about mine,too. I do not like to talk about it because it makes me a little sad. And I don't need or want to be sad. My life was good so far. I cannot complain. I had a home, and food to eat and most importantly I was loved for a short time.
I do not remember much since before I was 5. I just remember a bit about my father. He wanted a lot for us and for our country. He didn't really love my mom, but he was trying to be nice with her when me and the other brothers were there. He was very nice with me. We would play with wooden swords from time to time and he would tell me how important it is to be brave. He wasn't home most of the time because he would go and fight. When he got back, he would always bring back the best snakes for us to eat. I guess that's i why I like meat that much, it is the closest thing to a snake, his favorite food.
My father was not the youngest, and in time, he would get more hurt with every fight but he would not give up. One day, he went away and we waited for him, but he never came back. I then heard some people telling my mom he is dead. I was very upset then, but I didn't want to cry because I know that if he was there, he would have scolded me and said that i must move on.
 
At that time, it was just me and my mother. All my brothers died before my dad because life in Flegen is not easy. My mom was very different from what Nixie told me about her mom. My mom always said that we would die anyways so there was no point for her to take care of us and that she never wanted children but she had no choice. She used to fight too, but she wasn't as strong as my father. She taught me a lot as well. I learned how to clean the house, cook and much more. She also taught me how to take care of her and my father after a battle. I remember that, a few days after my father died, my mom told me she is going to leave and that I should not follow her because she doesn't like me. I remember that I tried to stay with her, but she attacked me and told me that she will kill me. So I stayed behind. I don't hate her for that. Only I wish she would have loved someone in this life.
 
After, my life was not the best, I was trying to hunt snakes , but I was too small for that. I was also feeling very sad. Dear diary, i am not gonna lie, I did cry a bit and I was feeling very alone. For a day I didn't leave the house because I didn't want to do anything but I got a bit hungry so I had to go get some insects. The children of the neighbours would bring me some food from time to time. That's how we started to be friends. If it wasn't for them, I would have probably died of hunger a long time ago. In time, I learned to survive by helping the guards with certain jobs. If i didn't want to die as my brothers, I had to not give up.
 
One year later, I was cooking some food for myself when an old man came to my house. He said he was my father's dad and he also told me that my mom was dead because she was accused of some kind of crime. He came here because he heard we have a nicer house that him so he wanted to move in. He didn't expect me to still be alive. To my surprise, he was very similar with my dad, only a bit meaner. He was the one who showed dad how to fight and I convinced him to train me as well. His trainings were very strict and painful. I remember once, we were fighting, and he stroke me with his sword in the stomach. The wound healed but It hurt so bad that I didn't feel well for a month. But he was also the one, taking care of me. We did not necesarily love or hated each other. We were some kind of family staying together by need. I wanted him to train me, and he would use me for certain errands.
My time with him was peaceful. Well, as peaceful as it can be in Flegen. I also had time to meet and train with the neighbour's children, my two best friends: Flavia and Forsun. They got a lot of life in them and we would do a lot of fun stuff. I felt like I was not alone anymore and that I had someone beside me. During the years however, grandpa got sick. He died when i was around 18 years old.
 
I was now, the only one left from my family. All alone with no family beside. I saw the family of Flavia and Forsun, and I knew I wanted to have a similar one when I grow old. My friends, invited me in their family after my grandpa died. But I know better. No family in Flegen can afford to feed a stranger and I didn't want to be a bother. Not that anywhere else was better. The war brought a lot of poverty in the whole Continent.
I am grateful for my family. Each one of them, taught me something in their own way. Dear diary, I am feeling a bit sad about it, but i'm trying to move on and see the best in this life. After all, what can be that bad in a world where meat exists?. Yes, all my family died, and I miss them, but they all gave their best to live the way they wanted. And thanks to them, I lived a life that made me meet Nixie and the others.
 
Because I wanted to become a great fighter like my father, i started going to fights more. Flavia and Forsun joined me as well. They had no choice. They would always make me laugh after a battle but they weren't the best at fighting. One time, Flavia almost lost an arm, but she got lucky. I could feel that ,in the last years before we left the continent, there were more and more battles. And they were not easy ones. It was because of the war that Flegen, Radovia and Xantinya started. My whole life, I saw a lot of death around but never as bad.
And now, dear diary, let me tell you about the time when I lost everything. The day started as any other with a fight. It was around the time when Flegen started to slowly loose, and Ghebaro's army reached Focoso. I don't remember well what happened because when you are in the middle of a fight, you have to fight. But i remember turning around and seeing an arrow going straight to Flavia's head. Forsun was not a lot behind her. He ran to his sister and tried to help. But it was too late. I understood his pain, but there was no time to stay and cry. I grabbed him and we went further. But we got surrounded by soldiers. I tried my best to fight all of them, but one soldier hit Forsun near the chest. Forsun was not moving nor fighting. He was just sitting there. Before he was struck, he looked at me, probably for the last time, with a plain empty look. And I understood that All his will to live and fight was gone. But I couldn't let him die. I had to help him. After all he did for me as a kid, for every smile and every good memory he ever gave me. The battle was almost done, and we were almost defeated. We already saw Forunis leave, so I was sure it will be certain death for us now. But Ghebaro spared all of us. That is when I started to realize, that we were fighting for someone who couldn't care less about us. Who only cared about the power. Forunis and Xantinya left on a dragon. Leaving the city and all inside it to die.
 
Dear diary, that day, it was the worst day of my life. I didn't care about anything. I was just tired, tired of death, tired of losing people and most of all, tired of fighting. I couldn't protect the only two people who stayed with me my whole life, Longer than any family i had. After that, I went back home, where I became a guard for the prison. That's how i met Nixie. That's how it all started. Now, I am feeling better. I have moved on, but I am keeping the feeling of that day with me. It is a great reminder of how sad a person can feel. And it motivates me everyday to be thankful and fight for what I have and love. Because, even though life is sad, it is always beautiful.