Peaceful days under Captain Nixie

Dear Diary,
It has been some time since I last wrote. To be honest, in the beginning I was not really in the mood to write. But now I am feeling a lot better.
That day, after the vote ended, our party gathered together for another one of the “torture” training. It was the time for us to talk about the chaos that happened a day before. Nixie was the one who started this time. She talked about how she was afraid that the promises she made were in vain because we will never be able to keep them. I swear that Nixie and me sometimes couldn’t think more different. As Eve said, when you make a promise, you decide to give the best for what you promised. You might never be able to succeed, but you kept your promise by trying whatever you can do. I do understand Nixie’s feelings, especially now when she has such a big responsibility. I hope what Eve said helped Nixie understand better, or at least feel safer. I don’t really know how to explain these things, but I will try my best to support our new captain, Nixie. She is after all, my best friend. Then, we talked with Pullius Demon boi and Heron. We tried to help them solve their problems. Heron was trying to avoid talking about the problem. He promised to show us his childhood diaries and Talion said he will try to fight his little demon friend.
I had a bad nightmare about Flavia and Forsun that night. I kept thinking about the people we lost in the fight. For some reasons. I remembered that day and got a bit sad. But after all, it is a memory I must live with. And so is the loss of the crewmen. I do understand that I can’t save anyone, but it doesn’t mean it hurts less to seem they die. I hate death. I tried my best to improve the mood, because we have to be strong for the other, but it didn’t really seem to work. During breakfast, the others didn’t seem to notice so I didn’t insist on that. We had enough on our heads without my own sadness. If I can’t take care of my own mood, I will surely not be able to help the others. And I know I am usually the happy one, so I do not want them to see me sad.
Suddenly, when we were enjoying the breakfast, we heard a loud noise coming from under the corridor . Of course, we all went to see what happened, but the space was too narrow. Drenizek and Xebec tried to see whatever was there. But I wanted to see what’s there. Sometimes, I am surprised by this trip too. I saw in front of me a weird lizard man. Very weird. He didn’t seem to be dangerous, but I couldn’t risk so I threatened him. It seems he is Marv, one of Damaschini’s old friends. So old that not even Talion knew him in person. He was very peaceful and talked with us. I never saw a lizard man before. Hmmm is that how people feel when they see me for the first time? I was very amused. The poor lizard man was very scared and confused. He didn’t even move. Not to mention, he talked with all of us and answered all our questions. He even told me about his family. I was pretty sure he is an ally. And he must have been a smart one since he managed to find us here.I don’t know why the others doubted him so much, I mean he teleported here so I am pretty sure he could have destroyed us very fast. All he needed to do is some bum bum and done, we all would have died. People are really scared about things they have never seen before. Well I decided to trust Marv. And since I didn’t want the others to keep interrogating him for hours, I volunteered myself to guard him all the time. Also, I could swear that Eve and Bart were not there, but it seems that I wasn’t paying enough attention
I appreciated that Nixie accepted that I can guard Marv, despite her small lack of trust in Marv. But she knows me well. The second that guy made a bad move; he would have had some problems. I made sure to let Marv know that in a way to not scare him too much. I wanted to do a nice impression. Also Marv was supposed to stay in the same room with Heron. After what happened, I didn’t want to leave our newcomer with Heron alone, so I moved with them. And now….Eve (and Bart) had the room to herself for now.
I then, went to talk with Xebec. There was something I felt to tell him. I left Marc take care of Marv. (Now that I think about it, it wasn’t a smart move because, well, Marc can’t really move from his circle. Or maybe I did think about it?) Marv didn’t even move from where I left him. So now I am convinced that he was to trust.
Anyways, I went ahead and talked with Xebec. I wanted to say sorry for doubting myself for a second, even if him, the party and Fastodans believed in me. I was feeling sad already, and this thought wasn’t helping. I guess it was one of my not nice days. Xebec said he understands what happens and I shouldn’t apologize. I did feel better about talking about it though. Xebec somehow noticed that I was upset so we talked about it. He also told me something interesting. He lost many people before, people he knew, people he fought. If he didn’t feel sadness what did he feel? And then, if he felt sadness, how does he deal with it? I was pretty curious and wanted to ask but I was more worried about him. After all, it was only one day since he wasn’t captain Xebec anymore. He said he is fine with the situation, but he wished Dillen wasn’t the first mate.
I did understand Xebec point. Xebec had a big part of the guilt for the fight between the crewman but wasn’t the only guilty one. He lost his captain position, and yes, it was fair. I can’t argue with that. You know, Dillen didn’t suffer the consequences for what happened. Compared to me, Xebec doesn’t seem to have something personal with Dillen. Dear diary, I only stand Dillen because I feel like Nixie likes him. She kept him as a first mate and talks with him quite often. If she really likes him, I have no say in that and I will support her. But that doesn’t mean I need to stop making not nice comments when he talks. I am only joking about killing him, I would never do that. No matter how I feel about that person, a life is a life. Maybe I should stop making such bad jokes. I will try to make nicer ones, like Drenizek.
Then, Xebec and me went back to Marv. I took him and we were walking on the boat while I was explaining him a bit more about what is happening here. I noticed that Laimon went inside Nixie’s room, so I was trying to guard it as much as possible. I, then, went to talk with Nixie. My mood was a bit better, but I still wasn’t feeling the happiest. She told me that she still didn’t talk with Laimon. So, she asked me to keep the secret a bit more. At this point, I felt I should let her know how I feel. I really didn’t agree with keeping the secret. I do not agree with lying, especially when it comes to people, I trust. And hiding the truth, is also a kind of lying. I did insist on telling the others about Laimon. In the end, I agreed to keep the secret a bit more because It is Nixie who asked me that. And I trusted she would do what she believes it was right. After the discussion, something crossed my mind. I was being very stupid. I also didn’t tell the others about how I felt in that morning, about this sadness.
After I thought for a bit, I realized it was more to my sadness than I thought. It wasn’t just the fact that people died, it was more than that. It was that whole day, and the chaos about it. We fought with each other on things we should have agreed even without discussing, we doubted the value of a life and we didn’t trust each other, not truly. I must admit that even myself I doubted what Nixie would vote to save Marc, so much, that I tried to influence her vote and I also know that Nixie doesn’t really trust Pullius, for example. All these things kept bothering me, there was no way this will end well if we didn’t get our stuff together.
But the perfect opportunity came along for me to talk. It was time for another “torture” training. Before that, Eve came to us and talked with us about Heron. We just needed to treat him normally. I mean easy enough I guess.
Back to the “torture” training. I really don’t understand why people don’t like these trainings. It helps us communicate straight with each other and solve our problems. And yes, we fight, but that’s what people do sometimes. This time the subject was: “Why do we complicate ourselves?”. I don’t know how Bart manages every time to choose the right subject. He is always ready to listen to us. I really need to thank him for that, for being patient enough with us. And so is Eve. We talked about a lot of things. It was the perfect time for me to say what I felt. We first talked about what happened with Talion and Heron. But we kept changing the subject and walk through stuff in a very chaotic way so at some point I became confused. I understood that if we wanted to help Heron, we needed to make him talk what he thinks and remind him of his purpose. (Hmm I am really curious what is Heron feeling and thinking. It might be interesting to hear). I felt like there was no purpose to this talk, because of the chaos around. I wanted to leave at some point when Nixie started talking about which route to take on the way back. I was wayy too confused about what was happening. Eve noticed there was something wrong with me, so she stopped me. It was then I started to say all I thought at once. Ooopsie….
I told them about my “sadness” and I also said that there was no point in having this discussion. I think everyone got my point, more or less, but I know Eve got mad because she considers that these discussions have a point, even though they do not have immediate results. I should have been more careful with how I say these things. I do not consider the trainings to be useless, although I do admit that I am impatient when it comes to seeing results. I really didn’t mean to make Eve sad. I am very sorry about that. She left soon and Bart went to talk with her but after a while, he came back without her. I didn’t mean to upset her. I will try to be more patient, waayy more patient.
We then continued the “torture” session. Pullius told us about a weird dream he had about a guy with no mouth. (It was a really weird dream. He was so tired after that we barely woke him up). Then Bart told us that we should not complicate our lives with certain issues. Maybe he is right, some things are easier to solve that it seems. In the end, to solve my problems as well, we came up with certain borders we should not cross: We do not take lives, we do not keep secrets and we communicate a problem, if we have one.
Nixie insisted on having Eve back because she had something important to tell us. Since I was the one who made her upset, I wanted to ask her to come back. She was working on some magic drawings or runes or something. I could feel she was upset after her voice. She agreed to come back but only if it didn’t take long. I’m sorry Eve. When we came back, Nixie told everyone about Laimon, her whole past as the daughter of Lofkia, and of course, about our dear snake, Dillen. We then decided that it would be the best if she said the truth alone, and that they should pretend they don’t know. Me and Nixie would need to talk with her and try to help her with whatever we need. Thank you, Nixie, for telling them, now we can solve this together. Later that week, Nixie and me had a talk with Laimon. I don’t know what the others think, but I feel respect rather than anything for Laimon. She had a hard life, alone. No child of her age should see her parents burning. And I feel she was forced to grow way faster than she should. I feel she wants to fight, that she wants to have a purpose. But for some reasons, I do not feel she knows what she is fighting for or rather, she doesn’t know if she wants to do it. I felt she regretted hitting that woman, when she escaped. As promised, I will protect her. I do not care if that sneaky snake Dillen will try anything, nobody will lay a finger on this girl without passing through me first. She did what she did to survive and did not harm many in the way. Yes, she hates Damaschini, Pullius, and the others, but that is no reason to harm her. She doesn’t trust us yet, but I know Nixie and me make a good team together so we will help her. Also, who in the Damaschini’s party danced while people were burning? I didn’t talk much with Damaschini but he seems like a good guy. Plus, his friends seemed rather nice as well, from what Pullius and Xebec said. Well except from what was his name….Zarkis or sth? The four eye white little man…I forgot his name but he just seems weird.
At some point, we passed a tall tower on the shore. We stopped near it, as the night was coming. Nixie and Pullius had a bad feeling about it so I decided to stay awake. Pullius decided to stay awake with me, but at some point, he gave up and fell asleep. I didn’t want to bother him, so I went to check the boat again. He was still sleeping when I came back. When it was almost morning, I tried to wake Pullius up but it didn’t work. I woke Bart and Nixie up so they could try helping me. When nothing worked, I called for Eve and Heron. When Eve got close to Pullius, our magic man attacked her ant got her by the neck. Since when did Pullius have that power? I guess his demon friend finally got him. Pullius didn’t even have his own voice anymore. Of course, I couldn’t let whoever that was to attack Eve, so I reacted. She was safe, but Bart went to help Pullius. Bart hugged him and started to sing in the hope that his voice would reach Pullius. But Axiol was smart. While I was away, he took a knife, which he used to stab Bart. Ughh I hate demons. Anyways, Axiol was strong enough to not let me attack him. Eve went to help Bart but Axiol grabbed her and started kissing her. Then Bart, to reach Pullius, he started kissing him as well. I wasn’t paying much attention to that because I was too busy stopping Heron from whatever he was ready to do. Apparently, it worked. I know it is not funny, but I found it very amusing (shhh, don’t tell the others, it is a serious situation).
The situation has calmed down for now, but of course, Black Sylph was suffering from this. I have never seen her that bad. She was trembling and couldn’t move or talk. She moved a bit but one leg was left behind. I couldn’t stand seeing her like this. I hugged her, hoping that she would feel better. She calmed down a bit. But I saw Eve and Nixie. We had to do something. I brought Pullius in so he can talk with her. The moment she saw him, The Black Sylph, hurried to hugged him. She is, the most lovable and loving person I know. She always motiveates me with just a :) . I really,really hope we will get her home in time. After this, Pullius decided to confront Axiol. It was about time. With the help of the Black Sylph, Pullius managed to defeat Axiol. So, I decided not to call him demon boy anymore. Maybe soon, he will become a real wizard not a magic man. But I am happy for him, I knew he could do it. He might make mistakes, but we all do.
We all spent our days training, afterwards. I tried to focus on the swords training, but I also started to work on improving my mood. It seemed to work, and I felt way much better. Nothing attacked us either. It seems the days are peaceful under Captain Nixie. I used these days to find something nice to give to Xebec for his birthday. I was a bit confused because I didn’t know if he would want to celebrate his birthday or not. After all, he only knew his birth date because of the premonition. I thought for a bit, but nothing seemed to fit. In the end, I decided to make him a cake. Since I only learned how to cook insects and snakes, I don’t really know who to make cakes, so I went to ask Laimon for help. I accidentally met Bart on the way. He also wanted to talk with Laimon, so we went together. Apparently he wanted to make a cookies for Eve. He really treats her right. Nice Bart! (He's been acting nice with everyone recently, he even says "good night " to us every night.) But I saw nothing or heard nothing. Bart also gave me a good idea. He said that Xebec might like some dried meat. I finally knew what to do: A cake in the shape of the sea made out of meat. I don’t know if it’s too weird, but I mean he can throw it away If he doesn’t like it. I don’t mind. The truth is that was only plart of the gift. I figured he would feel upset that day, but he will not say it. I can’t take the burden of what happened away from him, but I can at least make this day a bit less miserable. So, I thought that maybe, if I let him know he is important to someone, then he will be a bit less sad. I didn’t know how much this would help, it was worth a try. Plus, some things are better said than left unsaid. I prepared this for a few days. I may seem very direct all the time, but it does take some kind of courage for me to say things like this to people.
On that day, the others wanted to do something as well. But I knew that a party dedicated for him would not be something Xebec would like. Instead, I suggested them to organize a random party as a “break” for the crew. At the party, everyone seemed to have fun. I did some kind of force contest with Vadrek (You stupid Vadrek, you’re not beating me yet). Then we played some apple game with the others and danced for a bit.
At some point, Xebec came to talk with me. I told him about the cake so he suggested we should go and eat it. He seemed amused by the cake, so I am glad he liked it. It was time for me to say what I had to say. I really don’t want to imagine how I sounded because I forgot whatever I was planning to do before. His first reaction was “Even with the premonition?”. Like that has anything to do with anything. Yes, I know about the premonition, but I also know I like him. And even if he is going to die this year, well then, I will have a year to show him that I like him. If anything happens, I will probably cry of course, but I would be at peace with what happened. Then he suddenly took me to dance and said: “Now, I’m really glad I came on this ship”. I could feel he was pulling me tighter while dancing. I hope I didn’t blush too much. I already know that the others will know about this. I am not good at hiding things. Xebec doesn’t talk too much about what he feels but what he said was enough for me to understand. My plan worked; he was feeling a bit better. We spend some time of the night dancing and talking. At some point I kissed him on the cheek. I shouldn’t have done that because he replied with an even more daring kiss. I am glad I am made of fire sometimes; I blush but you can see it less. Well, I was happy, but I hoped he was feeling at least a bit happy too. Didn’t want to talk about Xebec with Pullius, who was training in Marv’s room, so I went to sleep with Nixie.
A few days after, Nixie saw something weird on the sky. It was the longest day of the year. Which meant, that from that day on, the nights would become longer and days shorter. Anyways, Nixie saw the clouds moving weirdly to the east. I don’t know what that is but I have a bad feeling about it.
Compared to a week ago, I felt a lot better thanks to everyone. But what was next motivated me even more but I am tired now so I will write more tomorrow.
May the Almighty love all of us