Sunrise to Sunset

Story Circle went as well as it ever does for me and it made for an enjoyable evening. Afterward, I was approached by Aurok and Nemwani of the Palehorn Tribe and both were congratulatory of a story well-told. Nemwani, in particular was very complimentary and gave me, perhaps, the best comment to-date that I have ever received for my stories: That she wished to tell them to her children and her grandchildren. For a shu'halo, we pass our stories, our memories, our lessons, and our triumphs down through the annals of history through our oral traditions, the telling of stories. So to have Nemwani tell me that she not only enjoyed my story but wants to tell them to her own future generations that is high and sincere compliment, indeed.
 
While I was with them, Aurok invited me out to the Palehorn Tribe's first anniversary celebration, which I will look forward to attending. It will be nice to be among shu'halo who understand and enjoy my presence. They've promised to make my favorite meals, share their own stories with me. They called me family. I am not even a Palehorn, I am merely Aurok's apprentice, but to them that is apparently as good-as. Nemwani seemed very excited to have me come, she said it was a "great honor" to have me. Imagine that... a great honor.
 
After I left the Palehorns, I found Jeff, Gangsi, and their dracthyr friend Erythresh. We got into a rousing discussion about the Light, the wielding of it, and what it meant to a Sunwalker. He seemed quite impressed that I have an avid pursuit of knowledge -- why are people always so surprised by that? It is almost as if I have Big Dumb Brute stamped across my forehead. Still, I think I rather proved myself in the discussions, because Erythresh accepted my invitation to tour Mulgore and learn more about the shu'halo culture, as well as the philosophies and tenets of the Sunwalkers. At one point during the discussions an orc joined the verbal fray, though I am uncertain if they were merely playing Sargeras' Advocate or were being intentionally obtuse. The inferred that I was a pacifist and a peacemonger, simply because I do not believe in wanton killing anymore, and that I would rather heal the wounded of any given battle, regardless of allegiance. I think the only being I have known upon this earth that I would refuse to heal is Elizaveta. I would choke the life out of her with my own two hands.
 
☼
 
I returned home and saw Tazzi and Inah only briefly before they left me with the still-wordless Rory. So, I sat with him and let him talk to me in his own time. I learned of the tragedy of Olivia, Rory's ex-girlfriend, whose life he was forced to sacrifice in order to save mine. In order to draw me back from the brink of death, Elizaveta had given him -- It was a Hobson's Choice. There was no end where Rory would walk away the victor. Even in his death, Elizaveta would find triumph. I told Rory to savor his grief and his memories to allow himself to feel the fullness of his grief. He refused, saying he did not have enough time. I told him that there will never be a point in this life where we have enough time. That if he was willing to die for me, then by the same token he should want to live for me as well.
 
We spoke further on things I gave him as many reassurances that I could that none of it was his fault. All of this landed squarely on Elizaveta's shoulders. I told him several times that I forgave him, though there was nothing I felt needed forgiving, I knew that he needed to hear those words. He is riddled with self-doubt, even now. Considers himself a failure because he failed Olivia. I told him that Oliva was not his to keep safe. She had left him with that elf, Faehalen, and it was then his duty to protect and cherish her. If anyone failed her, it was Faehalen for not getting her out of Elizaveta's clutches. Rory went on to say that he failed at loving me. I pointed out as gently as I could that he had chosen me, in the end, it was a terrible choice and one that no one should ever have to make, but he had still chosen me. And that, in itself, was an act of love. Still, he doubts, saying that he just has to believe me. The only problem with that is that I do not think my words ever reach him. I do not think they pierce the wall of self-doubt and self-recrimination and self-sacrifice that he has hemmed himself in with. He does not allow himself to embrace my love, because he is convinced he is undeserving of it. Once, that might have saddened me and made me wonder what it is about myself that he could not find it in himself to truly open up to and love as I deserve to be loved -- but now, it just makes me sad for him because I once lived that life. A life where I was undeserving, unwanted -- unlovable.
 
But times change and so must we. I just do not know that Rory will ever change because he is so mired by his past, so chained by it, so consumed by it that he cannot embrace what he has in the present. I can only continue to love and support him as I have done for months now and hope that by some act of mercy or An'she or plain old common sense Rory comes to realize just how much good he has in his life and that he learns to embrace it.
 
We all only have one life to live. It falls to us to make the best of it, come hells or high water.