Stepping Stones

Qiao invited me out to a tournament in Gilneas in the hopes that we might witness some duels of smaller opponents against larger, preparation for my duel against Baahl. There was only one fight of a smaller opponent against a larger, though, and the illidari's tactics were repetitive and predictable. Unimpressive. I was more impressed by a later battle where I saw a magus mix both spellwork and steel, I did not think they could do such things, given the nature of their somatic components for many of their spells. I wanted to ask the Duke in question about how he managed it, but there never seemed to be a good time to speak to him about it. So, I will ask Rory the next time I see him, he may have some insights.
 
Before I left Gilneas, Qiao pulled me aside and gave me her Shado-Pan insignia. I know this is a fairly important item to her so I wondered why she would give it up. Apparently, it is because she is leaving on some week-long mission for the Ebon Blade and these gifts that she plans to give to all of her friends are meant to reassure us that she means to come back and collect them. I mislike that she is going off to do this thing by herself, but she insists she must and that she will be fine. The only thing I can do is take her at her word.
 
Afterward, I returned to Orgrimmar where I got into a conversation with Raton Wolfmane. We spoke of his tribe and their many efforts to revitalize Mulgore. He told me that Elder Huwah sees me as an up-and-coming leader among those who take part in this effort. I demurred for I do not seek to be a leader of any kind, I simply do what I feel is right. If, somehow, I bring hope and joy to my kinsmen that there is a future for our peoples and our land, a hope to share our cultures with those outside our borders, then I have done rightly for my tenets as a Sunwalker. I pledged my assistance to the Wolfmane after Raton told me that they have been battling some troubles down in Darkshore. No specifics, but he said that it might be very likely that they call upon my strength.
 
Not long after Raton departed, Hakiro came looking for me saying that Artimir was asking after me. When I went to see what the matter was, Artimir was -- different from his normal, congenial self. He had the face of a hardened war veteran reliving some of his worst memories. He told me there was some sin'dorei rogue that had aroused his suspicions inside the Wyvern's Tail. No rogue in their right mind would attack someone in a population-dense tavern. I tried to press him, to get him to talk about it with me, but he refused. When I asked him what he wanted, he said nothing, that he only wanted Hakiro to check on me.
 
Zagosh and Hakiro were both there, along with the vulpera that fought the duel with Qiao, Kiri, I think her name is. They were deep in conversation so I did not opt to bother them and instead went over to where Rory was sitting, unobtrusively, as a female vulpera. Why female? Some mishap from the Dalaran sewers. Rory -- I am not calling him Akela in my own journal -- He asked me to pick him up and so I did. I cuddled him and I loved on him, we spoke to one another about how our day had gone. It was about then that I noticed that none of the others in the room, Zagosh, Hakiro, Artimir were even speaking to us. Granted, we were not talking to them either. It just felt odd. I should have remedied it. When everyone left without so much as a good-bye -- save for a wave from Hakiro -- I started to wonder if I had done something wrong.
 
Qiao showed back up not long after, so she, Rory, and I adjourned to Purgation Isle in the Hillsbrad Foothills. It became a night of spirited, but congenial debate and discussion -- not an argument -- and Rory helped me to see some of the flaws in my own thinking. The same kind of thinking that led to the line written above -- how I wondered if I had done something to offend Zagosh and Hakiro. There is probably nothing there to even worry about. However, because of my life experiences, I have a monumental flaw in how I view my own self-worth. It does not take much for me to question my value to others, because I have never HAD value to others, not since Taurajo fell, not since my tribe was lost. Sometimes it takes an ill-timed joke, or a statement taken too seriously -- like when Monnie called me a "guest" instead of part of their crew -- and my traumaed mind will turn it into an insult, a denigration of my character, a lack of my value and welcome. Rory helped me to see that flaw in my thinking. It does not magically fix it overnight, but it helps me to see it and perhaps recognize it the next time it happens.
 
He can sometimes be such a clever, cheeky vulpera, but I love him for how much he is trying o help me get out of my own way and find meaningful friendships and connections, because he knows how important those are to me.