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Article List
I've tagged articles that are good to go for you to edit/work on with "Edit Away!". I think if you search that they should pop up. So far its mostly just species but once I get back home from errands I plan to go through other categories too like cultures, characters and organizations.
Gonna see if I can list them here (its quite a lot)
If this DOES work, feel free to mess around with/edit the articles listed here in whatever order you want. Some of them are and aren't complete but I think most of these at least have enough to work with! If you need me to split them up into smaller groups lemme know. Or you can just look for the "Edit Away!" tag when browsing articles.
Articles Free to Edit
If this DOES work, feel free to mess around with/edit the articles listed here in whatever order you want. Some of them are and aren't complete but I think most of these at least have enough to work with! If you need me to split them up into smaller groups lemme know. Or you can just look for the "Edit Away!" tag when browsing articles.
Okay, I'll start on them as soon as I can!
And if you can split them into smaller groups like animals, character etc. that might be a bit easier, but it's fine if you can't. Don't worry too much about it.
Update: I did the donkey one, and it was actually pretty interesting. I just added some fun quotes where I thought wouldn't ruin the flow, and added a little bit after the bathing in a goats milk. I'll leave these updates here after I do an article, so you can read through them, and see if they fit or not.
Oryx: a little story spread throughout the article via the quotes. I'm debating whether to leave them separate or just combine it into one thing, and put it somewhere near the end or at the beginning.
Animals:
Honestly I think any of the beasts I've already published are good to go but here is the list anyway
Plants:
Same for plants. Any that are published are good to go.
Characters:
MOST characters should be fine though some you may need to ask me some questions or I haven't fully developed them yet. Some of those here are listed a bit tentatively (like Eshana or Lily).
Entities:
These are the elements that I think I've added enough to for you to have something to work with. If you have any big ideas for them lemme know! A lot of the aspects need quite a bite of refinement, Zalikar's obviously the most developped as they appear more.
Familiars:
Honestly I just have alot of fun with the elemental familiars, Duff is the only one I'd say be particularly careful with.
Culture:
I'll continue to add to these myself, especially in the next week or so for Alkelbulian cultures. If you're unsure of the real world equivalent lemme know.
Organizations:
These are very dry and I typed them up quickly quit a while ago so.... they need lots of work. Lots of editing. I definitely need to develop their diplomacy webs.
Other:
Honestly I think any of the beasts I've already published are good to go but here is the list anyway
Aa-hemet Donkey
Abu Qarn Oryx
al-Mawt Scorpion
al-Nil Crocodile
Asp Viper
Ayyur Fox
Azru Aodad
Baihu Tiger
Hadu Hedgehog
Hangkok Lizard
Impangele Hen
Isk Viper
Itri Raven
Abu Qarn Oryx
al-Mawt Scorpion
al-Nil Crocodile
Asp Viper
Ayyur Fox
Azru Aodad
Baihu Tiger
Hadu Hedgehog
Hangkok Lizard
Impangele Hen
Isk Viper
Itri Raven
Jah Eagle-Owl
Jormungandr
Kabus Nightjar
Khepri Scarab
Kraken
Manid Hyena
Marqat Sandgrouse
Masryeen Vulture
Mefkaht Ostrich
Minx
Mul'ataa Agama
Omkhii Polecat
Jormungandr
Kabus Nightjar
Khepri Scarab
Kraken
Manid Hyena
Marqat Sandgrouse
Masryeen Vulture
Mefkaht Ostrich
Minx
Mul'ataa Agama
Omkhii Polecat
Paraa Falcon
Qafz Jerboa
Qinglong
Ramil Lark
Raqz Gazelle
Sahra Hare
Shamsi Camel
Solar Moth
Strix Owl
Tamadla Goat
Uwriun Scorpion
Wata Jackal
Wuta Finch
Ko Wild Dog
Qafz Jerboa
Qinglong
Ramil Lark
Raqz Gazelle
Sahra Hare
Shamsi Camel
Solar Moth
Strix Owl
Tamadla Goat
Uwriun Scorpion
Wata Jackal
Wuta Finch
Ko Wild Dog
Plants:
Same for plants. Any that are published are good to go.
Artemesia
Azeradj Olive Tree
Isik Sakiz Tree
Jari Tamal
Khisbat Palm
Maliha Tamarisk
Mashe Lovegrass
Azeradj Olive Tree
Isik Sakiz Tree
Jari Tamal
Khisbat Palm
Maliha Tamarisk
Mashe Lovegrass
Mawa Palm
Murna Acacia
Nerium Cupidinis
Ramli al-Hanzal
Satie Drinn
Shadow Tongue Clematis
Murna Acacia
Nerium Cupidinis
Ramli al-Hanzal
Satie Drinn
Shadow Tongue Clematis
Characters:
MOST characters should be fine though some you may need to ask me some questions or I haven't fully developed them yet. Some of those here are listed a bit tentatively (like Eshana or Lily).
Accia Syltaris
Acquilina Breathen
Adamantia Scylla
Aisling Black
Ala
Allen Minx
Ambrose Syltharis
Arabella Brunner
Baahir Ilnidhotep
Ben Stahlmann
Bolorbataar
Bridget MacDougal
Brynjar Erling
Casimiro Vela
Cortez Facundo
Cuntur
Acquilina Breathen
Adamantia Scylla
Aisling Black
Ala
Allen Minx
Ambrose Syltharis
Arabella Brunner
Baahir Ilnidhotep
Ben Stahlmann
Bolorbataar
Bridget MacDougal
Brynjar Erling
Casimiro Vela
Cortez Facundo
Cuntur
Danut Cel Tradat
Deidre O'Sullivan
Eshana Chakrabarti
Evelyn Minx
Everett Allard
Faustin Aydem
Felicity Minx
Fiadh O'Sullivan
Florio Espina
Gan
Ghislaine Webb
Grusha Morozov
Inge Erling
Joyce Claire
Karl Anker
Leon Chevalier
Deidre O'Sullivan
Eshana Chakrabarti
Evelyn Minx
Everett Allard
Faustin Aydem
Felicity Minx
Fiadh O'Sullivan
Florio Espina
Gan
Ghislaine Webb
Grusha Morozov
Inge Erling
Joyce Claire
Karl Anker
Leon Chevalier
Lola Cel Tradat
Lucy Aydem
Makeda Samrawit
Martia Aquila
Martin Stahlmann
Mina Minx
Modeste Aydem
Nigel Black
Renard Foster
Shi Yang
Simona Albescu
Sirius Cato
Yannick Baudin
Zhou Longwei
Lucy Aydem
Makeda Samrawit
Martia Aquila
Martin Stahlmann
Mina Minx
Modeste Aydem
Nigel Black
Renard Foster
Shi Yang
Simona Albescu
Sirius Cato
Yannick Baudin
Zhou Longwei
Entities:
These are the elements that I think I've added enough to for you to have something to work with. If you have any big ideas for them lemme know! A lot of the aspects need quite a bite of refinement, Zalikar's obviously the most developped as they appear more.
Azowyr
Azryth
Felryth
Ferith
Fliral
Ilnid
Irkath
Kalitho
Lithmor
Azryth
Felryth
Ferith
Fliral
Ilnid
Irkath
Kalitho
Lithmor
Luxis
Ralgotar
Rithaldis
Siptalis
Sylthari
Vokda
Wylrith
Zalikar
Ralgotar
Rithaldis
Siptalis
Sylthari
Vokda
Wylrith
Zalikar
Familiars:
Honestly I just have alot of fun with the elemental familiars, Duff is the only one I'd say be particularly careful with.
Clay
Duff
Kiba
Pandora
Rain
Sequoyah
Sol
Duff
Kiba
Pandora
Rain
Sequoyah
Sol
Spirit
Stella
Wyrm
Etenesh
Wulong
Bubbles
Stella
Wyrm
Etenesh
Wulong
Bubbles
Culture:
I'll continue to add to these myself, especially in the next week or so for Alkelbulian cultures. If you're unsure of the real world equivalent lemme know.
Arabiyy
Bakongo
Han
Huaren
Imazighen
Bakongo
Han
Huaren
Imazighen
Khalkh Monggol
Nihonjin
Saan
Tawantinsuyu
Nihonjin
Saan
Tawantinsuyu
Organizations:
These are very dry and I typed them up quickly quit a while ago so.... they need lots of work. Lots of editing. I definitely need to develop their diplomacy webs.
Accian Military
AMTP
Aquila
Aydem
Cato
Cel Tradat
Chakuqpa Runan
Chevalier
Danguk
Education Department
AMTP
Aquila
Aydem
Cato
Cel Tradat
Chakuqpa Runan
Chevalier
Danguk
Education Department
Espina
Ilnithic
King's Shadows
Kingdom of Accia
Minx
Morozov
Planar Postage
Procession Staff
Scylla
Si Xiang
Ilnithic
King's Shadows
Kingdom of Accia
Minx
Morozov
Planar Postage
Procession Staff
Scylla
Si Xiang
Stahlmann
Ten Houses
The Procession
Unit C210-Royal Unit
Unit C222-Shadow Unit
Unit Z909-Storm Unit
Units
Zhongguo
Ten Houses
The Procession
Unit C210-Royal Unit
Unit C222-Shadow Unit
Unit Z909-Storm Unit
Units
Zhongguo
Other:
AMTP Courses
Birth of the Erlithmanil
Downfall of the Erlithmani
Islam al'Rasul
Material Magic
Mauling of the Iron Fort
Mental Manifestations
Birth of the Erlithmanil
Downfall of the Erlithmani
Islam al'Rasul
Material Magic
Mauling of the Iron Fort
Mental Manifestations
Mother or Father
Naadam
Physical Manifestations
Racial Magic
The Hare, the Moon and the Hunter
The Jackal and the Sun
Naadam
Physical Manifestations
Racial Magic
The Hare, the Moon and the Hunter
The Jackal and the Sun
True Magic
Unique Manifestations
Elding Timbr
Elemental Crystals
Isik Gozyaslari
Shadow Tongue Mead[/coll3]
Unique Manifestations
Elding Timbr
Elemental Crystals
Isik Gozyaslari
Shadow Tongue Mead[/coll3]
FIXED IT!!
Oh no 0__0
Oh, no what?
I also don't understand what you mean by this. "Tbh I think the list of ones I'd say hold back on them for now on is probably shorter!"
Ah I just saw how all of the lists compressed into big blobs of paragraphs after I posted them (not how I had typed it out!). And I was just saying retrospectively the list of articles id wait to try and work on is much shorter than this list of ones that are good to go if that makes sense.
Yeah, got it. I was actually reading through them, and most of them are pretty good. I'll head over to the organizations and see if I can brush stuff up there. and some of the entities, since you said they needed a little bit more work.
I definitely like the additions to the aa-hemet donkey! Was definitely what I was expecting/looking forward to seeing. IDK where you come up with those but they breath a lot of life and humor into things!
I also like the oryx one, playing to the heroic and mythic side of things. Interestingly, something I didn't mention in the article because I haven't found a crossover into Emynea is that Alexander the Great was rumored to have ridden into battle on a male oryx! Sort of goes along with the unicorn association and all that. Not sure if I plan on weaving this into local myths or making an Alexander the Great figure or not. Or if these ancient myths would get tied into any of the Erlithmanil/Aethid. Could SORT of see Alexander being associated with Banalkar except Banalkar doesn't really like getting involved in the affairs of humans and especially dislikes empires so idk if that works or not. Just some thoughts I had on that that didn't make it into the article.
Good, I'm glad.
But I think, if you ever wanted to having hints of great historical figures would be quite fun. Maybe just every now and again for those history buffs. (I know several and they'd all get a kick out of it.)
And yes it took a lot of time and consideration to create and balance out all of the aspects and aethids and some of them are not as well developed as others. I was planning to go through and flesh them out more over time like I have Zalikar's aspects more detailed. I was going to tie in some real life mythologies and symbolisms as inspiration, something I think will collect more and more of as I develop species and cultures. Thats how Irkath wound up being owl themed after all (and the well association if you've ever heard of the Well of the Wyrd or how many trance rituals involve wells or caves).Something not mentioned in the articles yet is that these aspects are somewhat affected by how people think of and imagine them a bit, sort of a collective consciousness of what they represent. They're still individuals of course but they are affected by these legends and how people imagine them.
OH, and since youre working on thngs too I ought to let you know my sort of goal/plans are that I'm focusing on development wise. I'm trying to finish up all of the Shamsi Desert species, plants and cultures hopefully before the end of the month and then fix up the Shamsi Desert article itself because once its all rounded out I was going to use some coins to post it globally and sort of showcase the first completed biome of Emynea! You can still work on whichever articles you feel inspired to work on but I thought I'd at least let you know where my main focus is right now. Not sure which biome, editing or whichever else will be the next focus but thats what I'm working on right now.
Oh and with the organizations..... I think the best way to put it is they are a bit out of date and I haven't touched them in a while. NTM they are likely super dry too. Me trying to explain the weird system I cooked up over the years.
I think what I'll do is hit the organizations first maybe doing the animals, plants, and characters every now and again when I've got time, since most of them are pretty good. then circle around to the entities and familiars (maybe I'll take a peak at some of them while doing the organizations.)
I don't know. I'll probably bounce around. And if anything feels out of place or doesn't work, just tell me and I'll do what I can to fix it.
Sure! Just lemme know which one's you've added something to so I can give em a look over. And lemme know if you have questions. Even nearly a year later, there is a ton of stuff that hasn't made it into articles yet and is just floating in my head (because its lived in my head for more than a decade now) so there are gonna be holes/gaps in what you're seeing. NTM a lot of the organization stuff and bit of the aspects details are still on my poor old dead laptop, didn't make it off before it gave out on me. And don't even get me started on all of the old notebooks >_> so so many notebooks and journals and old doodles! Also you'll probably enjoy the familiars, they are a lot of fun, Kiba in particular is both cute and dangerous. And yes, they are all canines. Because I was obsessed with canines when I was younger and decided that ol' Accia Syltharis was that same kind of goof.
Sounds good. I will keep you updated. I'm just about finished with the Accian military. You can pop over there if you want. (Update: just finished)
But I am honestly so excited to go through all these articles. You have so many! It's very impressive.
Okay, so for the AMTP Courses article (For some reason I can't find the article just labeled "AMTP") But anyways. I think it would be fun if you styled the AMTP courses like a manual. I did that with one of my articles in Offenders' Neighborhood. (Well, tried to anyways). But right now the article just sounds like every other article you have, so I think it'd be fun if you changed the voice a little bit.
Also, for the three Units you have, can you give me a two-ish sentence summary of the characters personality from each Unit. Please.
Yeah that could be fun. I was mostly just putting it there so I had it there for when I needed it for writing. Or if people wanted to imagine what courses their character would take and get a feel for what life and training is like for recruits. You can honestly have fun with that as long as the backbone is still there (courses themselves). And if you have any ideas for other courses thats fine too. I just stuck to the basics.
And yes there are a LOT of articles. Way more than I thought id reach when I started recording everything! WA has been great for organizing and fleshing everything out. And there is still so much I haven't jotted down yet. But I'm logging off the night. Idk what your time zone is but I finally fixed my sleep schedule and its like.... 11 pm where I am >.> so I'll take a look at your edits tomorrow! This is already lots of fun :D
Okay, I'll talk to you more tomorrow! I'll update you if I've written anything else.
Royal Unit
I'll go ahead and assume you're familiar enough with AldricMartia: Gruff and miltaristic, Martia keeps most everyone at arms length and takes her role and the expectations placed upon her very seriously. Most would call her honorable and her respect is usually hard earned. Underneath this nearly impenetrable facade she cares deeply for those who stick it out with her (like Lucy and her brother Faustin), even when she pretends she finds Lucy bothersome, extremely protective of Lucy despite a sharp tongue, and far softer and sensitive than she will ever allow herself to recognize.
Zetian: Poised, adaptable, deliberate and even charming but endlessly ambitious, driven and cutthroat. Living life on a pedestal, she is chock full of arrogance and prejudice but despite this, she has her own deep set purpose in what she does not for herself but for her family! She doesn't get close to anyone in particular but is single minded in doing what is necessary for her clan's survival. And underneath all of her manners and posturing hides a dangerous temper.
Eshana: Eshana greatly enjoys the spotlight and admiration her good looks afford her, glamorous and confident. Charming and charismatic yet she hardly ever talks about herself, carefully redirecting inquiries into her background despite her royal heritage--not a common tendency among royalty! Eshana is also endlessly flirtatious, quickly befriending Shi Yang as fellow princesses who care little for chastity and are instead living up the advantages of their position while neither commit to any one relationship. Yet underneath all of the glamour, charm and flirtation is a vicious but elegant warrior and a mysterious woman chock full of secrets.
Baahir: A divine descendant of Ilnid himself but one of many, Baahir is actually a favored son among his kin and was chosen as an ambassador or sorts for his unwavering faith, loyalty and selflessness. Baahir reveres his father as a divine messenger of Allah (Luxis) and tries to present his father and what he stands for in all that he does as he attempts to form rapport with Prince Aldric. He can get a bit lost at times in foreign customs and beliefs, falling back on his own rituals for comfort. Surprisingly, he has found a friend in Grusha Morozov and Adamantia Scylla who appreciate Baahir's creative touch in crafting with and manipulating glass with his magic.
Yul: Honestly I haven't developed Yul much beyond him being a very composed, contemplative and intelligent royal heir of Joseon. Much like Baahir, he aims to get closer to Aldric diplomatically. Excellent at using his magic to aid and enhance his allies performance but also fights with clean and precise strikes.
Karl: Very much a side character. Karl is amiable, jovial and hedonistic, the heart of any gathering, but this hides a sharp intellect no one expects. While he has a bit of a party mentality in social settings or naturally plays the fool, he becomes focused and strategic in battle. With a warm smile and the disarming words, he likes it best when everyone is getting along.
Florio: I know you're already a bit familiar with Florio. He is flamboyant, reactive if not theatrical and is always trying to help Aldric tune into his own humanity and passions. Life is full of color and adventure to Florio, especially when considering romance, dreaming of a whirlwind romance of his own. Despite his theatrics, Florio cares deeply for his family and includes Aldric in this family, seeing him as a brother. He feels his loyalty to the crown is less of a choice, betraying this allegiance never even a consideration despite his occasional criticism.
Makeda: Unquestioningly confident and effortlessly charming and shrewd. Makeda knows who she is, knows her own prowess, power and radiance. She doesn't tolerate disrespect and can seem demanding at times. She loves her homeland and culture but isn't afraid to dive into unfamiliar traditions without losing herself. Gets along surprisingly well with Zetian, even if they are both aiming and competing for Aldric's hand. Makeda doesn't broadcast it quite as much and isn't quite as obsessive in her political pursuit but her determination to marry into Accian nobility or royalty is stahlwart nonetheless. In fact she is far more patient and careful than Zetian and is developing back up alliances in case Aldric doesn't choose her.
Faustin: Faustin doesn't stand out very much, usually hanging back and observing as he is very perceptive, amiable but reserved. He is close to his clumsier and more blindly optimistic sister, Lucy, which has naturally led him to become closer to her best friend Martia Aquila. He harbors admiration and feelings for Martia for some time but knows they could never see each other seriously due to their positions and politics (Martia's magic form must be passed down but the Aydem family's magic always results in the same abilities which would overwrite Martia's). Despite his laid back attitude, he takes his role very seriously knowing he will likely grow up to become the next duke of his House, frequently shielding Lucy from the expectations she hasn't the heart or skill to live up to, taking up her burdens without question and without being asked.
Shadow Unit
Danut: Melodramatic, mysterious, charming and a bit mischevious despite his brooding temperament. He can often appear regal and proud, drawing quite a bit of confidence from his rare and powerful magic. He is suave with a distinctly dark aesthetic, having a bit of a vampiric persona. He is a passionate and attentive lover, doting despite going through romantic relationships all too rapidly, but on the battlefield he is bold, independent and fearsome.
Andrea: Andrea can be intense, serious and prickly but drastically blunt and straightforward. She comes from a proud and powerful family (her father super racist and full of shit tbh) and she can come across very intense, territorial and overwhelming, unafraid to speak her mind even when spewing prejudice. She doesn't like playing mind games or dancing around anything, she prefers to take direct and brutal action. There is one thing which underlies all of her fierceness, hatred of foreigners and proud posturing--fear. Andrea had a traumatic childhood as a survivor of the Mauling of the Iron Fort, suffering her own harrowing assault and witnessing her mother's death, even her father being maimed by Supay (though he earned it, Andrea doesn't see that). This fear has never left her and drives far too much of her actions.
Yang: Yang is hedonistic, chaotic and masochistic, reveling in battle. One might never guess this princess of the Vermillion dynasty to have had a difficult childhood, especially not with her vibrant smile and hedonistic behavior but Yang actually grew up on the streets of the red light district of Yanjing, her mother a prostitute. It wasn't until the death of both of her parents that Yang was brought into Penglai Shan, not until she herself had begun working in the brothel to get by. But she is the only viable descendant of this dynasty and has been enjoying each and every opportunity this has brought he but having little loyalty to her clan or role as princess. She is endlessly flirty, elegant and vivacious which at times obscures her own intelligence and percipience. She reads people well, seeking out those with "inner chaos" as she puts it, enjoying their company the most.
Fiadh:Confident in her magic and martial skills but far more reserved socially, ever trying to live up to her mother's expectations, even when she naturally has a big attitude and a sharp tongue. She behaves formal, haughty and composed, playing into the 'dark caster' image which matches her gothic appearance, very witchy. Indeed she is naturally morose but simultaneously, she is bold and yearns for exciting adventure and combat, this contrast giving her anxiety at times as she tries to find her true self now outside of her mother's shadow. Best friend is Aisling.
Bridget: Lively, sporty, kind and even bubbly, Bridget is very outgoing and extroverted. While she isn't quite the conversationalist she believes she is, she does have a skill for de-escalation. Despite her amiable nature and sunny facade, she doesn't often expose her true self to people, few seeing her envious or pushy side. She has a bit of a craving for the spotlight, easily growing jealous and far more manipulative than even she realizes. Still, she has kindness at her core and can even be a bit naive and gullible.
Renard:Renard is seemingly sunny, refreshing and amiable all around. He listens to other's troubles, cheers on those around him and breathes life into even the grimmest group. However, this is a facade. He is cunning, spiteful and apathetic in nature but acts the way he does to put down people's guard and learn everything he can about those around him to use them to his advantage. He is an avid manipulator, very proud of his ability to do so, and his ability to gather intel has gained him the monikor of "little mouse" though some also call him this for his lack of courage.
Aisling: Aisling is naturally secretive, deadpan and reclusive, usually quiet and solitary with Fiadh being the exception. She is hardly shy, quite prideful and arrogant in fact, but dislikes expending unnecessary energy putting up facades or socializing. She enjoys gothic aesthetic and enjoys reading rare and cryptic literature. Despite her melodramatic, cynical and grim behavior, she takes her future role as a member of the King's Shadows seriously. She is also on good terms with Aldric, having spent much time in the royal library, and has dated Florio on and off for several years now, believing he will always come back to her.
Euan: I'm gonna assume you know Euan well enough since he's such a frequent character in the book.
Everett: A cheerful member of the Shadow Unit, he is a man with a long fuse and ample patience. Everett is tolerant and has an urge to help those around him. He is also quite traditional, enjoying family and social events. He is hearty, comforting, generous and quickly befriends those around him, always an encouraging and steadfast ally. (I need to develop his faults and motivations a bit more tbh. Very much a side character)
Lucy:She is naturally earnest, energetic and dedicated, believing she is good at reading people (which she isn't), falling wholeheartedly for the facades of nobility all around her. Lucy believes in the kingdom and its cause and usuallyl sees the best in people whether this is real or not. Her brother and Martia worry about her cluelessness and try to protect and direct her. Lucy can say things without thinking of the consequences but also has trouble speaking up in large groups, sheepish especially around Andrea who often bullies her to "toughen her up". Lucy is sunny, amiable, spacey, kind and a terrible gossip and, despite her prickly nature, sharp words and insistance Lucy is a bother to her, Lucy sees right through it and sticks at her side, finding Martia's kindness in her concern and complaints. Not a good leader, struggling with her role as Command Support and not particularly strategic
]/center]
And yeah I like the Accian Military additions, I like that it seems like a recruitment thing. Put a smile on my face
Hey just updating you on where I'm at. I'm taking the dive into cultures this week which will likely prove immersive and complicated. Feel free to add whatever you like to any of the species I wrapped up or even the cultures once I'm done giving them some rough shaping. Even the ones I publish will likely see more additions as I continue researching neighboring cultures and get a clearer mental picture of things. As I cook up more historical events.
Which btw I made a decision today that I had been teetering back and forth on for a while: histories of these cultures are going to mirror or imitate some real life events and circumstances so that, while still having their own signature and twists and turns, will still leave them sort of educational to readers! Perhaps peak their curiosity into learning more about them past what I'm publishing and expanding cultural awareness. A lot of this stuff are things we all ought to know and learn in school but, at least where I live, we certainly don't because it is "white" history. We don't get to empathize with and see these as relatable people. So I like the idea of bringing some of the cool facts and essential skeleton of these events to people in a palatable and available form if that makes sense. Lemme know what you think/how you feel about lacing this kind of stuff into things! Hopefully it isn't too dry or vague for most people and obviously I'm still gonna be trying to respect these cultures as I go along.
Yeah, that sounds great! But I'm not going to be on here too much. I'm sick you see. So, I'm going to be out for the next day or so.
That's fine, I hope you feel better!
Thanks!
I'm back.
So, for the Units I added a little character blurb next to their role in the Unit. Although, now thinking about it. It might be a bit repetitive, since there's a small character blurb in the character articles at the bottom of the Unit articles. But tell me what you think of the character blurbs in the two Unit articles.
Ohhhh I really like them actually, I don't think they're repetitive at all. Its a cute little peek into their character that, as you usually do, breath a bit of life and relatability into the characters. I have such a solid idea of some of these characters in my mind its hard to figure out what the readers need to know about them. Austin (who originally made Euan) got a kick out of his blurb. Did you need the same for the Storm Unit? I know they get a lot more attention and sort of "screen time" than these other units but wasn't sure if having it in one place helps you. (really though they're very quirky and succint!).
Oh and I hope you're feeling better! I've been going nuts on the last few ethnicities of Shamsi this week. You can feel free to add to any of those if the urge strikes you. I'm just making pictures, adding and integrating magic into their culture and making pictures. Hoping to get em done before World Ember starts but... idk. Gotta not burn myself out before it even begins!! I was considering making a post but really you're one of the few people who even respond anyways, but I wasn't sure which area I was going to move into next after finishing Shamsi. Logically should probably be somewhere adjacent like Kemet, Arya, Dawn Ahrayn or Kasar Wuta but I don't necessarily have to. Can go somewhere completely different like somewhere in Yaxiya or Eluziar. Lemme know what you think.
Yes, I'm feeling much better. Thank you! And if you didn't mind doing a summary for the character in the storm Unit. You don't need to do Tia, but the other characters would be much appreciated.
And as for the next region I would start with whichever one strikes your personal fancy, but as an East Asian who loves East Asian culture I'd take a dive there next.
Well I certainly wouldn't mind developing Joseon and the Samhan a bit more or perhaps Nippon. Or really any of the Zhongguo biomes I've skimmed over so far.
Ifani Brandt
Ifani is outwardly taciturn, prickly, sharp tongued, confident and assertive. She keeps all at arms reach save Albert, her childhood friend. She can be intimidating to all who threaten herself or Albert. She is intensely protective of him despite occasionally trying to toughen him up and Albert is equally protective of her in his own ways. She has become reliant on his support and perspective, Albert always looking out for her. These two were an island for the longest time, Ifani entirely oblivious to Andrea's infatuation and only seeing her as a rival swordswoman as Ifani has a deep distrust and criticism for nobility despite being noble herself (of the lowest rung). Underneath her tough facade, she is immensely kind, warm, caring, considerate, brutally honest and straightforward and hides considerable uncertainty and softness. She is a comfort and stalwart ally to those she cares for and there is nothing she wouldn't do for her chosen family. She is super critical of herself, especially in regards to her "wierdness" (autism), feeling the need to prove herself more than any other, both to herself and the society which has criticized her for all but her ability to fight. And she has begun letting more people in, however cautiously, starting with Tia
Brynjar
While his sister is quiet and reserved, Brynjar is extremely outgoing, boisterous and straightforward. He is also excessively protective of Inge especially after she lost her sight. Brynjar quickly comes to admire and become infatuated with Ifani, admiring her strength, diligence and honest nature and finding her extremely beautiful. He has an adventurous soul but can be very serious about his sister and her past. They fled their ostman village due to certain events involving Inge and how she lost her sight, both hopeful about a new start. Brynjar insists Inge keep a number of secrets about her past and abilities. Sometimes he forgets about his own happiness. Brynjar has and will always feel guilty and at fault for what happened to Inge. This is part of why he works so hard to protect and watch out for her now, hypervigilant. This is especially true because Inge once gave up a chance for a pampered life in the branches of Yggdrasil to remain with him after their mother died. This choice, forsaking a life surrounded by others like her who understood her unique abilities, has only further left Brynjar ingratiated, regretful and guilty in his failure to protect her.
Orin
Despite his charm and charisma, Orin is a very manipulative and ambitious nobleman. He judges those around him harshly behind a smile and flirts incessantly with Tia. Despite his beliefs and ego, he can be extremely charming and isn't afraid to use his good looks to his advantage. He is also far more intelligent than many assume. He is in fact Leon's cousin but his parents were caught in a scandal which lowered his father's station. Orin is extremely bitter towards his father for his failures, this hatred furthered by his father's alcoholism. He believes he is meant for greatness and intends to save his family through service and marriage. Both Andrea and Leon recognize and admire his ambition. He also has a reputation as a player and status chaser, but he carries some horrid, grave secret which is is greatest shame. Orin is skilled in assessing the mental states of those around him and in manipulating certain emotions to his advantage, mastering the art of provoking others to give him something to work with
Bolorbataar
Bolor is a man deeply entrenched in the customs and traditions of his people most of his life. He loves his kin deeply and highly values community and comradery. He is jarred by the sudden shift of his life but was eager for recruitment for the purpose of finding Gan, who originally taught him his passion, hunting, who had never returned from service. He also has come to enjoy travelling and seeing the world despite this unfamiliarity. He struggles to learn Accian and his refuses to conform to Accian norms, sorely missing his old lifestyle. But one might not guess this as he is amiable and boisterous with a ready smile. His language barrier still makes it hard to form bonds, thankful that Longwei has taken the time to learn his language. However, he is persistently kind, respectful and generous to all those around him, valuing hospitality, brotherhood and mutual respect. Simultaneously, he keeps an invisible barrier between himself and those of outside cultures, viewing the world through the lense of his own culture (ethnocentrism). Quick to dismiss outside beliefs as silly or unimportant, finding and bringing Gan home his only goal, originally. Despite this barrier, he comes to care for his unit-mates as if they were family, something he had never expected, challenging his views. He find beauty eventually in the places they travel and similarities between the heart of his own culture and these new practices, trying to do so without losing his own cultural identity at his core.
Albert
Albert is a young scholar, musician and tactician. He and Ifani have been friends since childhood, sticking together through their hardships, and both are very protective of each other in their own ways. They tend to be polar opposites but respect the other's skills. Ifani does become frustrated with his lack of confidence, despite his various talents. He worries too much about her and how she is adapting. While a terrible warrior, Albert became a certified scholar at a record age thanks to his magic and comprehensive skills. Despite this, he is rather insecure. He can be surprisingly cynical and it takes time for him to trust people. While he can insecure, he is astonishingly firm when it comes to defending his friends. Albert is a devoted academic, seeking truth and enjoying comparing, consolidating and theorizing. Albert is naturally kind, gentle, and hopes to add some good to the world with an endlessly big heart. Simultaneously, he is cynical, mistrustful, shrewd, firm and unrelenting. It is partially this kindness that makes him a terrible warrior, extending out to anyone "different" or who is treated as an "outsider". Albert was bullied constantly growing up in the capital as a commoner, brushing shoulders with royalty and nobility on unequal ground. This is part of why he is timid and reserved by nature—he was expected to be. This left him with a severe distaste for bullying, maltreatment of outsiders or oddballs and general haughtiness. This has unfortunately made him very mistrustful and reactive to manipulation, toxic behavior or general deception. It is only in the defense of his friends or any outsiders that his stalwart, uncompromising and cut throat side emerges. Despite his reservations, Albert strives towards a brighter future. He is hopeful Accia is redeemable, clinging to the better qualities he sees in rejects and outcasts. He tenuously believes Aldric is capable of being a better king than his father, if he can learn to be his own man. These dreams are uncertain and brittle but he clings to them nonetheless, doing all he can so he and his friends can stride forward.
Arabella
Arabella has a strong and confident personality. She can be very contrary to social norms and she likes to stir up chaos. She can still be incredibly inclusive, affectionate and nurturing to those she's chosen. She is a mother hen, both protective and encouraging growth in others but she isn't afraid to criticize them harshly as well. She values loyalty, honesty and spirit. Unfortunately, she can also be draining, demanding and has a poor sense of boundaries. Arabella was born into a simple farming village. Her mother was born with the ability to summon rain but Arabella summons storms instead and has been discouraged from using her ability at full strength most of her life, especially summoning lightning. She is excited she no longer needs to stifle herself. Arabella is a lesbian and polyamorous, making no effort to hide or stifle her preferences. She can be somewhat pushy in this regard but enjoys giving advice and educating her friends on positive sexual health. Arabella is obsessed with romance and battle. She hopes to prove her strength and gain opportunities so she can become more than a simple farmer.
Longwei
Longwei works hard to prove himself in a world which doesn't recognize him. Despite Longwei's confidence in his gender identity, a lifetime of having to prove himself has left him angry, bitter and understandably exhausted. His small frame and feminine face are a source of insecurity and frustration for him. He can have explosive anger, bursting out suddenly and viciously. Until arriving at the valley, it was just he and Bolorbataar. Bolor is the first human to recognize and accept Longwei as male and they become fast friends, surprising most around them as they seem total opposites. Bolor has become accustomed to disarming or redirected Longwei's anger to keep him from trouble. Longwei's greatest pride was being chosen by Wulong, a bond azure dragons reserve only for men which was the first outside recognition of his identity even if his clan was furious and refused to acknoledge them. Longwei was Wulong's caretaker before this, the two of them behaving like siblings. Outside of this anger, he is cool and composed, listening quietly and observing those around him before offering up sharp words, quite enjoying crafting creative insults and having a skill for learning and wielding new languages. He also has an inner serenity, a gentleness only few are able to appreciate. Longwei is considerate and defensive of outsiders like himself and Bolor. He doesn't tolerate bigotry or bullying and is quick to defend anyone and everyone. Despite their practical ousting of him, he values his clan and strives to prove to them who he is. He loves his culture as well, revering the Si Xiang. He is quick to show that immense respect to Wu Zetian and Shi Yang. Longwei shares the Zhou's dream of redeeming themselves but his relationship with his kin is otherwise strained or even malicious, believing if he can redeem the Zhou in the eyes of the Si Xiang, his clan will have to accept him.
Wulong
Wulong is an Azure Dragon born and raised within the lake beneath royal palace of Zhongguo. Wulong is fairly young, only recently reaching full maturity. Her own parents had died during the attack so she was primarily cared for by the women of the clan. Because of this, Longwei interacted with her often in their childhood. Despite these creatures usually being standoffish and mysterious, Wulong is extremely affectionate and playful with Longwei. She cares for him deeply and their relationship is like that of siblings. She is, of course, still a prideful creature and tends to be standoffish towards everyone except Longwei. Wulong doesn't particularly care for violence but will still protect Longwei fiercely. This is one of the primary reasons Wulong and Longwei have taken up a support role rather than becoming cavalry. Wulong enjoys using her abilities to flit about the battlefield and aid allies instead. Wulong is registered within the stables but will often find a nearby body of water to occupy when it isn't appropriate for her to be near Longwei. She misses being waited on by the clan. Longwei tries to help her with this when he is able.
Inge
Inge is reserved, contemplative and quiet. She is very intuitive and pays close attention to others. It is in Inge's nature to help people, seeing the best in others even while witnessing their worst, and she struggles to stop herself from butting in even with personal problems. However, after a lifetime of backlash, she has become more hesitant. She's begun to expect people to rebuke her or worse. A lot of her fear stems from a traumatic event that left her blind. Brynjar has become particularly protective and vigilant after this event. She still laments losing her sight and struggles to navigate as she has not been blind for very long. Despite this, she still wants to use her abilities to help people and is trying to continue to see the beauty in the world despite so many foul experiences. She is most cynical of her own future and value. Brynjar has made her promise not to use her ability to interfere with people and to hide the full extent of what she can do. She tries to keep her promise not for herself, but for her brother feeling her own guilt for forcing them to have to leave their home. In childhood, when Inge was discovered to possess Ranalis' blessing, the pampered and lofty life of an alfar was set before her. Inge rejected this opportunity to remain with her brother. Without their training, Inge had a lot of trouble tuning out or controlling her sensitivities. She was quick to become overwhelmed and this made her prone to bullying, becoming quite shy and reserved. Brynjar made a habit of coming to her rescue and became very protective of her. Despite their difficult past, the two of them are looking forward to seeing the world and having a fresh start.
Sorry I know some of those got long. Its hard to leave too much out of their character description for me!
Storm Unit
That's fine. I finished the Storm unit!
They look good! I'd say my only criticism is perhaps making sure to emphasize Ifani's warm-heartedness over the inner criticism since that's a bigger part of her character (and a trait often overlooked in autistic people because its not as easy to witness). Its kind of fun that I can see your own perspective on the characters in such short little snippets. I think after world ember I should work on re-editing older articles actually, after skimming over the articles on those characters. They're really rough compared to what I'm doing now!
Okay, I'll edit Infani's super quickly!
Take your time, I gotta log off for the night (was just finishing up Masala and Toubou which took much longer than I intended, no video games for me tonight T.T)
Okay. I'll talk to you tomorrow?
Yup! Lemme know if you have any questions, I'll see it here when I'm up
It occurred to me that you might actually have a harder time with the characters specifically. Most are pretty old (almost a year old) and need a lot of both editing and formatting I was probably going to bite into after world ember. You may even notice alternate formatting and tags on some that others don't have because I got a partially through some editing but then got side tracked. You're still free to work on whatever you feel inspired to work on but I thought I'd at least point out you'd probably have an easier time working on more recent species or cultures since those are sort of "up to date".
Also, with world ember about to start, once I put together my list of articles for the next area (probably joseon) if you see one you feel inspired to make an article about before I get around to it lemme know and I can probably sort of... leave my research and whatever notes for it and you can have fun with it. I have no shortage of ideas so itd be fine, can only put so much time into em.
Okay, sounds good!
Hey, hope your doing well after World Ember and the new year! Just wanted to let you know I'm going to be going over and editing older articles with some of the new formatting I'm getting the hang of, starting with characters. So once I've sort of... refurbished them you can feel free to do your own thing with them! So far I've finished Zalikar, Lithmor, Tia, Ifani and Albert. I'll probably do a few a day, it should be pretty obvious which ones are finished and which aren't. Lemme know if you have any questions and happy new year!!
Okay, thanks for letting me know!
I'll be taking a little writing break for a while, so I won't be on as much, but I'll keep you updated for whatever I end up editing. And happy new year to you too!
That's fine I understand, I'm trying to force myself to take it easier but its difficult for me to step away. But I've definitely been out of it after World Ember. Had all these ideas for Draconis the other night and I can't remember any of it T.T Didn't write it down. I hope we both get the rest we need after such a busy month!
Hey, just thought I'd let you know I just finished reformatting Lina's page! Lemme know if you want anything changed/altered/added.
Hey, Lee, the article looks good!
And I'll be back to writing and peeking into Emynea's articles sometime this week.
That's fine, take your time! I'm just fixing up formatting and thought you'd like to see how Lina turned out. It's amazing how many new ideas I get while editing and tryna flesh out characters more. It'll be good to get back into writing soon myself, I took a pretty long pause.
Okay, so, are there any specific articles you think need brushing up? Because a lot of them look pretty good and I don't see anything that need editing.
I mean anywhere you feel inspired to add to is fine, you have a way of cutting through the dry exposition and bringing content to life. So anywhere you feel like or anywhere you get an idea is fine. I've finished up plenty of characters, locations and species you can feel free to tinker with whether thats quotes, a few fun lines or even new sections. Whatever you feel up for! I think the only characters I haven't finished up yet are the adults. It should be fairly obvious which ones are and aren't fixed up yet (I can't believe I could alter the size of pictures this whole time!)
Okay, I'll do my best. My only concern is that because of our difference in writing styles the switch from your lines to my lines then back to yours might be jarring, and I also don't want to ruin your articles. Sometimes just a simple rewording can completely change the meaning of something. But I'll see what I can whip up.
Just do whatever you're comfortable with, really no pressure. And if something sounds a little bit off thats fine, we can work out specifics as we go. I really really doubt you'll ruin anything, its all experimental still anyway. Cant be any worse than my oldest articles, which I am still going through and WOW yeah lots to edit.
lol, okay. I'll see what I can do.
Hey, Lee, I was reading through the intro to your world, and I think it might help if you created a little introduction article. The intro to the world is good, but after the "I hope you enjoy!" you don't really give the reader anything else. You kind of just leave the reader hanging. Now, you absolutely don't have to create an introduction article, but I think it might help for someone just getting into your world, especially because it is so expansive and complex.
The article doesn't have to be much just something small that maybe introduces the new reader to Tia and her friends, the major aspects of the magic system, and the basics of how the kingdoms works.
I just think something like that could be helpful and then maybe some fundamental articles linked somewhere in there too. Again, just a suggestion that I think would help a new reader.
Yeah it has gotten pretty large now, I should try and put something like that together.
Hey Ebelt, I hope you've been doing okay! I've been doing a lot of reformatting of my articles and had an idea. Well, it's an idea thats been spinning around in my head for a while but still. I know you've been hesitant to add your touch to Emynean articles for a variety of reasons, like messing with the tone or style that's there already. And I'm straight up not good at bringing articles to life like you can!
The idea I had was something I was calling "Emynea in Action" which would be either their own category or even its own separate world which let's the reader experience the setting in Emynea in more direct and fun way. Like with first person articles, maybe even interactive, little stories and such. Most of my articles right now or sort of wiki like but this I was thinking could use Emynea as it is now as a sort of base to leap from, a foundation? If that makes sense. But none of this is really my skill set. I can cook up stuff all day and handle world building but at the end of the day my writing on this stuff is dry.
So I guess what I'm trying to offer/suggest is that if its something you'd be interested in, we could set aside a section of Emynea or make a new world which takes a more creative and fun tone by bringing stuff from articles to life. Essentially me saying "here's the information for species, and cultures, and magic and places and all that, go nuts and have fun!". You wouldn't have to worry about tone or style differences or anything like that, cuz you really already have a skill for this side of things. I can still help with formatting and all but it would essentially be Emynea through your lens.
If you don't feel up for/aren't interested in that it's okay, just thought I'd throw it out there! Lemme know what you think
No, I love that idea! I really appreciate this idea!
I think that'd be super fun! I can think of a bunch of maybe choose your own adventure stories where the reader could join the military procession and interact with a bunch of the world. Or maybe some fun little first person short stories just involving like the regular every day life of Emyneans. Oh, or maybe some stories through the eyes of the animals and that could be a short fun way to show how the different animals live and could even be a quick peek into the cultures.
Yes, I think this is fantastic! And again, thanks for...I don't want to say bending over backwards, but for trying to find ways to include me more in this world. It's really sweet of you.
It's no problem really. I know the way Emynea is right now isn't very engaging or fun which is something I fall short of. But you have a real skill for that and I feel like you could bring a lot of Emynea to life! Plus its a great way for you to experiment without worrying since it doesn't really need to be perfect.
I do like a lot of those ideas. Can definitely make use of certain features like buttons, links and even interactive maps and such. Definintely the one with perspectives of animals or perhaps someone studying these species. Just sort of... have fun with it! Which way do you think we should try doing it? Like, start a separate world or set up a category for it?
I think right now a category would be fine. If it gets bigger then we can start to consider a world, but right now a category is fine!
Okay, that works. Feel free to start wherever you want and lemme know if you have questions/need ideas
Great! I'll get started sometime today!
All right, I think I have an idea for two short stories. One is about a mage trying to make the Shadow Tongue Mead. The second is about a child in Naadam.
I think all I'll need is a name for those two characters.
Well a mage can come from literally any background so anything could work for their name. The Mongolian kid you only need a first name as, during this time period at least, they don't really have surnames. Then its just male or female?
Hmm, I'm not sure yet, so can I have a name for both?
Okay. Here are some common Mongolian names. Some of em may seem weird but thats because in traditional Mongolian beliefs, bad spirits could be confused by naming a child or animal something that a person wouldn't be named or even just "no name" or "nobody" in order to protect them. Others are just what a parent hopes for their child to become.
Unisex
Altan, "Golden"
Ankhbayar, "First Joy"
Dolgoon, "quiet, calm"
Enkh, "peace, calm"
Erdem, "knowledge, wisdom"
Erdene, "jewel, treasure"
Gerelt, "radiant, bright, shining"
Jargal, "happiness, blessing"
Nergui, "no name" (meant to confuse bad spirits and protect them)
Otgonbayar, "youngest joy" or just "youngest"
Temuulen, "striving, aspiring"
Male
Baatar, "Hero"
Batbayar, "Strong Joy"
Batu, "strong, firm"
Bilguun, "wise"
Ganbaatar, "steel hero"
Ganbold, "steel"
Ganzorig, "steel courage"
Naranbaatar, "sun hero"
Togoldor, "complete, perfect"
Tomorbaatar, "iron hero"
Female
Bolormaa, "crystal woman"
Bolorsetseg, "crystal flower"
Enkhjargal, "peace blessing"
Enkhtuya, "ray of peace"
Erdenechimeg, "jewel ornament"
Gerel/Narangerel, "light"/'sunlight"
Khulan, "wild donkey"
Maral, "deer"
, Monkhtsetseg, "eternal flower",
Odtsetseg, "star flower"
Oyuun, "wisdom, intellect"
Sarangerel, "moonlight"
Sarnai, "rose"
Solongo, "rainbow"
Tsetseg, "flower"
Uyanga, "melody"
Zaya, "fate, destiny"
Ankhbayar, "First Joy"
Dolgoon, "quiet, calm"
Enkh, "peace, calm"
Erdem, "knowledge, wisdom"
Erdene, "jewel, treasure"
Gerelt, "radiant, bright, shining"
Jargal, "happiness, blessing"
Nergui, "no name" (meant to confuse bad spirits and protect them)
Otgonbayar, "youngest joy" or just "youngest"
Temuulen, "striving, aspiring"
Batbayar, "Strong Joy"
Batu, "strong, firm"
Bilguun, "wise"
Ganbaatar, "steel hero"
Ganbold, "steel"
Ganzorig, "steel courage"
Naranbaatar, "sun hero"
Togoldor, "complete, perfect"
Tomorbaatar, "iron hero"
Bolorsetseg, "crystal flower"
Enkhjargal, "peace blessing"
Enkhtuya, "ray of peace"
Erdenechimeg, "jewel ornament"
Gerel/Narangerel, "light"/'sunlight"
Khulan, "wild donkey"
Maral, "deer"
, Monkhtsetseg, "eternal flower",
Odtsetseg, "star flower"
Oyuun, "wisdom, intellect"
Sarangerel, "moonlight"
Sarnai, "rose"
Solongo, "rainbow"
Tsetseg, "flower"
Uyanga, "melody"
Zaya, "fate, destiny"
OOhhhh, lots of options, thank you!
Oh and I forgot to mention. Feel free to use any of the pictures on here for your articles. I've even been working on chibi/stickers of characters that might be particularly helpful for quick in character lines and such. in general I'm making new images of characters as I reformat articles so there's likely to be a lot of new art as I continue. And lemme know if you need a specific image for something! .
Okay sounds good! Thanks so much!
Okay, I finished the story about the one with the mage, sort of. I'm not sure if I should end it here or write a part 2.
But read through it and tell me what you think. Any critiques or corrections on how the magic/plant/animals actually work. And if you see a typo go ahead and fix that. I might have missed one or two.
It looks good! You're writing style has a lot of personality to it. And yeah I'll make a few small corrections, for the most part it's good. Fresh eyes help with editing. Did you want to do anything special with the formatting, or did you want it to be a traditional prose? Can easily add in some pictures, links and icons if you want or just keep it simple (your call)
World mechanics wise, you did pretty good actually! Character, as a mage, is making ample use of enchantments and material magic and alchemy. I haven't started on the ecosystem of the Chain really so you did well with what little there is. You could probably get more specific with the caves and all, the Cryptic Karst, idk if I have everything written in its article yet...
But essentially it's the network of subterranean caves, tunnels, reservoirs, underground rivers, springs, etc. running below the entirety of the Chain. Very dangerous and confusing to navigate especially since a lot of the water is laced with effects from Irkath, some of it the viscous goo from Tia's nightmare! Some of the water is hallucinogenic and impart lost knowledge but this doubles as a danger. The really unlucky may even stumble into portals into Irkaths Plane! Idk how much of that is helpful but do with it what you want.
This is just my first impression of it, I'll look over it again with further critique if you want! And fix typos as I go. It's actually pretty exciting to see someone else write a story in Emynea :)
Yeah a further critique would be great! I'll start thinking up format and how I want it to look. I might go back and give more descriptions of the caves just to show familiarity. I tried to do a little bit of that with the bioluminescence.
Yes that was a nice touch. Honestly wishing I had some cool other species made up for you to drop in! I might just work on it here soon
Yeah, I'm sure there are hundreds of animals in the "real world" that you could play around with that you haven't mentioned here.
Yeah pretty much like I did for the Shamsi Desert I'm hoping to do in about as much or less detail with the major biomes of Emynea! The Tenebrous Chain becomes important later so I definitely need to do that one. It should be fairly easy since it's gonna be based on the British Isles with some eastern European influences (like Romania). Those are pretty well studied regions with lots of cool animals and myths to integrate.
Absolutely! I'm excited to see what you come up with
Yeah the integration is a lot of fun. Btw when I do make a shortlist of species and such, if you see one that inspires you feel free to jump in! And I think I'll look over your short story more tomorrow (with a fresh mind) but overall it's already so fun to see! Whenever it's finished I'll make sure to put an articleblock up in the void bees, shadow tongue clematis and shadow tongue mead articles. I can even make a global post if you want! I have SO MANY coins, I gotta do something with them. And of course credited to you very clearly, as it is your story!
Yeah, if you want to do a global post I won't mind. Just so people know what "Emynea is Action" is for, (and you gotta use those coins for something lol)
And I look forward to your critique
- 1st impression: I like the opening lines. They grab attention right off the bat. It flows pretty well from that point. I think you could weave in a few more of the dangers that the Karst holds or describe it a bit more? But if you're wanting to keep it sort of in the perspective of the character I'd understand avoiding too much exposition too.
- The goggles are a good idea, they're an easy and utilitarian object to have enchanted for eye magic (much like Annie's). You could probably add in them activating the enchantment? A lot of people reading this genre love the creative and magic flair I think so you might as well have fun with it! Bit of wonderment can draw people in. But I know me not having developped the setting well yet makes that more challenging.
- Your sentences are broken up very neatly (I have a tendency for run ons apparently). Maybe just add an exclamation here and there? Its really an art balancing things out and not having too many but it can show importance of something or punctuate a character's excitement when in the right spot!
- I like the conversation between Kara and Zia, it feels very natural and like they've had this exchange more than once. The descriptions of how they're talking, faces their making, how they react to each other is a teeny bit basic, but that's really just a stylistic thing from author to author. Keeping it simple can let what they're saying be more the focus if that's the intent.
- "Not working was one of the worst punishments he ever received" What a mysterious line! Is there a story there?
- There is a jump over from Zia reading their master's journals to "I did not like today" that seemed very abrupt and I'm not totally sure where the shift from one day into another exactly happens, is it instead "tomorrow is another day"? Is this like a journal entry the following day? Is this whole thing supposed to seem like journal entries or is it actual prose? I think a few visual indications on those would be helpful and avoid confusing readers. Heck, you could even put a cute little date right before each entry if it is a journal or at least split it with a
or page break, etc. Its easy to confuse a reader otherwise. - Smaller note, I'd probably use the word pollinated rather than fertilized in your description of the set up for the clematis... but that's me nitpicking i think.
Overall it is fun and relatable! Just some minor touch ups and figuring out the formatting for the most part. I might still fuss around with the editing too but I'm avoiding changing anything that isn't like, grammer/spelling errors and such but lemme know whether or not you're comfortable with me adding in ! or italicizing bits and pieces or if you'd rather do that yourself.
I probably will add in some more description of the Karst. I think that might give a bit more time to establish the character and extend that tension.
Ooh, yes, I like that idea of using magic to adjust the goggles. Makes it feel a little bit more apart of the world.
My punctuation is very basic. I tend to rarely use exclamation points. Don't know why, sometimes it just feels weird? I don't know. That might be something for me to work on.
Facial expressions and stuff happening in-between the dialogue/dialogue tags are things I KNOW I need to work on. I do plan on brushing up that scene in draft 2.
Yes, there maybe will be some story about her teacher. I'm kind of hoping to draw some sort of through line for each of the short stories, but we'll see.
As for the journal entries. His journal entry started with "I did not like today." I did think about adding in a date, but I figured that would be at the very beginning, which is the part the MC skipped. I thought the double space and the indent would help a little bit, but I might do something different. Like do it in bold or something. Maybe that might help make it more obvious?
The journal entry ends with "I will always be grateful for that." and we're back in the present day with "Tomorrow is another day. I smile, how did my teacher always know what to say?"
Pollinated that's the word! I knew fertilized sounded weird!
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But thank you for the critique! I do agree with a lot of the things you've mentioned. There are a few others things I might fiddle around with. Some weirdly written sentences etc.
But I think for formatting I might just want a few pictures here and there. Considering it's not a super long story, you won't need to do too many images. It will be similar to what you're doing with ITS. It will look similar like, the image will be off to the side with the text around it (I really like that look. Very clean and professional), but it won't be for every line of dialogue, like you do Probably more for setting a scene, introducing an important character, or a big emotional moment.
Don't know if that makes sense, but hopefully it does, lol.
Yeah thats fine! If you do want to use the formatting I used for ITS lemme know and I can either format it for you or at least let you know the shortcuts I've set up to make it easier to use (REALLY loving variables for that or else it would be way too tedious!) If you're going for the journal feel, I can probably do pictures in a sketch style. Though honestly, a mage and especially one capable of alchemy it wouldn't be farfetched that they could create colored images with special ink or something! Ingredients for color magic would be readily available from Nyasi za Rangi. Also I don't think dialogue in the style I use in ITS would be too disruptive here as most of your story is the internal dialogue/journal entry with minimal lines between the two characters. Otherwise, you could even enclose "pages" of the journal within tables/quotes rather than dialogue if you prefer. I did a LOT of experimenting on formatting before settling on what I did so you can really just try different bits and see what you like.
And don't worry too much about the style suggestions. Stuff like descriptions of dialogue take a while to get the feel for, I'm still learning myself! It's sort of something you have to constantly experiment with. A lot of the time I'll do a basic description "he said" "she said" "he frowned" "they smiled", etc. and go back over the rough draft to fix it later, fluffing them up one by one. You can ALWAYS go back and revise! No matter how many times you go back and look there is always something to improve. Can't tell you how MANY times I've done this with my chapters so far. Don't worry too much if first or second or even third drafts seem basic. Also I remember you mentioning you have a bit of trouble with visualization so it actually makes sense that might make these things tougher on you. A lot of it is visualizing how a character looks like in a moment and trying to describe it after all. If you need any specific advice or a different perspective, just lemme know! I'm happy to help, share some of what I've learned by trial and error.
Oh and if you are uncertain about the exclamation points, I can like, add a little (!) or something like that where I think would be a good spot and you can choose whether to use it or leave it as is for yourself. And yeah just a small little indication so you don't have to worry about confusing the reader when making a transition can go a long way and keep the flow going. Plus it would add to the journal aesthetic. Could easily use a header or a line break or whatever just to make it obvious.
I think you can do what we typically do for images. Just make a bunch and I'll pick out my favorites. That usually works out pretty well, and yes, I will 100% let you do the formatting. It takes me way to long to do it, and figure out all the ins and outs. And I have no problem with your adding in exclamation points!
Okay, so I made some adjustments mostly at the beginning and when Kara's introduced, and then a few lines at the end. Tell me what you think about that, and then we can probably move onto formatting once that's all done.
Sorry i got pretty sucked into redoing some character art today but I'll take a look at it tomorrow (Austin is insisting I go to bed early tonight cuz I have a dentist appointment in the morning >_<)
lol, no you're good. Gotta take care of yourself!
Yeah I've had a rough month with it actually as much as I dislike the dentist. Got bad enough that I had/have a jaw infection! Not that I have an abscess or anything but I tend to clench my jaw a lot and it took a real toll on that joint. not something i thought was a dentists job tbh
huh, interesting.
Well, I hope all goes well!
Oof sorry for the oversharing, bad habit. Here is the first sort of attempt at formatting your story:
https://www.worldanvil.com/w/emynea-leestepp/a/prose-testing-prose (If that link doesn't work lemme know)
Doing it in this separate article so I don't accidently mess up the original. Gonna copy paste things over once your happy with it. Lemme know if you like the formatting or whatever changes you'd prefer. Then its just pictures!
https://www.worldanvil.com/w/emynea-leestepp/a/prose-testing-prose (If that link doesn't work lemme know)
Doing it in this separate article so I don't accidently mess up the original. Gonna copy paste things over once your happy with it. Lemme know if you like the formatting or whatever changes you'd prefer. Then its just pictures!
lol, no you're good. I'm assuming the dentist appointment went all right?
Okay, I'll check the formatting out.
Yeah it wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be, I'm not losing my teeth just yet. Just need a cleaning. I DO apparently have to see a dental surgeon for my jaw though >.> poor joints are all buggered up enough to make the dentist grimace when she checked them out! "Do they pop?" she asks. Oh boy DO they, so many times. I'm well past just popping. Pretty sure I'm clenching even when I'm working on my articles. Still better than losing teeth or jawbone to an infection! My mother lost ALL of her teeth to a jaw infection a few years ago and they even had to put cadaver bone in to replace what had died! It's amazing dental stuff is still considered "cosmetic"
Oh, wow! That sounds very painful. Wait, dental stuff is cosmetic? Whoever put dental stuff in cosmetics, clearly never had any dental issues.
But I check out the formatting, and I think I want this to be the only thing in journal form.
"I did not like today. I spilled several chemicals and stained my favorite jacket. One of my potions exploded because I put too much milke in it. And I made my apprentice cry because I shouted at her. Apologizing is not something that I like to do and I especially don't want to do it to my apprentice(!). Admitting your wrong, even though you're right, is even harder. Thankfully, the sun has set and my apprentice seems to have mostly forgiven me. Tomorrow is another day(!). I will always be grateful for that."
The other parts don't really work for me as journal entries.
I think...we can probably leave the dialogue the way it is. I'm not entirely sure about that yet, but until I can make up my mind, they'll be fine that way.
Okay I updated the formatting and added some pictures. If you think its good, I can start making a few basic character images
Okay, so I went through the article and I think I got it to where I like it. (I think I spent more time editing the look of the article than writing the article itself lol). But I just want to say, I love how you did the bees at the very end of the article. I thought that was pretty fun and cute.
But for character designs! Okay, there's one placeholder image that I added and it's the only one that's not attached to the dialogue scene, so it should be pretty easy to find right before the MC finds her bloom I want a picture there. For that one I want it to be similar to this header image and this one . She has a lot of similar images under the "yearbook" heading. I'd look at those to if you need more of a feel.
But basically I want it to be like that, but just the silhouette. The idea is that she's on her stomach reaching towards the flower with the background being black, and she and the Clematis in white. Or she and the flower can be black and the background white, whoever is easier. I think the background being black makes the most sense, but again whichever way is easier.
As for the characters. I want Zia to have light brown skin, dark curly brown hair and brown eyes. She'll typically wear leggings (or Emynea's equivalent) and a short blue dress? I think is the best word. It looks like a really basic dress, cinches at the waist, and goes down to about mid thigh. That's very detailed because I can't think of the right word.
And then kara, cute little blonde girl I'll probably take anything. She likes to where blouses and nice jeans. Her blonde hair is about chin level.
Does that all make sense?
Yes learning I can resize images added a lot of creative options. Can make them so tiny! And yeah I'll see what I can do with the images
So here is the first round of Zia:
Lemme know if any of them stick out and any changes I can try em back through with some different descriptions. And please delete the ones you don't like so it's just the ones your interested left (rather than me trying to name all of these)
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Zia Angry
Zia Annoyed
Zia Concerned
Zia Deadpan
Zia Neutral
Zia Silhouette
Zia Smile
Zia Smile
Those are all amazing! Lee, you are the best.
I appreciate the positive feedback! ^_^ I've certainly gotten better and better with the AI and the tech has gotten better too. I even started putting the art on deviantart, clearly marking that it's AI generated mind you, and it's sort of blown up! Course I'm also adding to the ones that aren't characters as free to use so I'm sure there are plenty of creators who can make use of them, especially ones I've stripped off the background. Easy to just slap them over your own background. Don't see the point in only me making use of them after all! Maybe I should add a link in my user page so other WA users can also make use of them? What do you think?
Yeah, I think that'd be awesome! You could also take like custom orders too! Maybe have them pay a buck or two or something cheap, if you really wanted to. Especially, if they're images that are pretty generic and something that could be used in a multitude of things. Could probably help some people out.
Yeah I ought to watch a video on how creative commons stuff works first though. bureaucracy frustrates me >_> Idk how AI art and copyright works either? But yeah if it makes it easier for other people who aren't great at art to spruce up their worlds I'd say it's worth it!
Oh, I didn't even think about copyright. I have no idea. It honestly might depend on what kind of AI you use too, like if they can claim your work or something. But I don't know how it works either.
Okay I added some pictures for Kara to the same file. Lemme know if any of them will work as a base. And for either of them I'll probably remove their backgrounds and make some basic racial expressions for the dialogue. Then it's just last little tweaks!
Update: I put up some images in different styles for the one you requested. Any of the ones with color I can edit into black and white using the original as a frame (some fun edits I've figured out how to do using both a photo editor and the eraser!) and I figure we could also use another one of these as the header image for the whole article! Also I know the flower is the wrong kind if a few of these but it should be simple to edit a shadowtongue clematis over them.
Hey, they all look great!
I'll start picking out my favorite ones. I think my tonight I'll have my finals and then just editing them in!
Ahh, I'm so excited. Thanks for letting me do this! I'm beyond grateful and happy.
Ok and yeah it's been a lot of fun to collaborate on!
Is there a certain number of Zia images I need to choose. Like five max or something?
Also I like this image , but her face is a little weird, I don't know if you can do some find tuning on the face without changing the clothes, if you can't that's fine. I'll just delete it then.
I mean I really just need one to use as the base for her lines but if you really wanted to you could make her own character page! Up to you. If you want any just sort of located alongside narration could still put them in
Okay, cool! I probably won't write a character page for her, but I will be using her in future stories, so I hope you don't mind the extra images, lol
Yeah that's fine. Could even just put a carousel of their images at the bottom of the story if you want.
Okay, finished choosing all my images!
Okay, is all of the ones left in the folder? Which one did you want for the dialogue, the header and the moment she finds the flower?
Let me put them into the article and then you can go through it and tell me what you think.
Gimme a quick sec.
Edit: finished!
It looks really cool! Looks like I don't even need to make different emotes. I'll just do some touch ups, alignment adjustments and the like.
update:Okay I think most of the editing is done! Just some small touch ups left. Do you want me to create a few different emotes for the characters and do you want me to strip the background off of any of them? Are there any edits or adjustments to the pictures that you want?
I think everything's pretty good as is!
I would say create some emotes whichever ones you want, since I'll be doing some future stories with these characters so those might be good.
But I think for this story it's pretty good. I don't think it needs any more adjusting (at least for right now)
Okay! I'll get those last pictures done then
Great!
I added a handful of Zia emotes, Ill finish up with Kara tomorrow
Sounds good.
And quick FYI, I published the short story! So, I'll hopefully be starting on another one soon.
Oh awesome! I'll type up a global post for it tomorrow then, put my inane amount of coins to use lol and set up an article block on related articles (void bees, clematis, shadowtongue mead)
Hey, so I'm getting my next story ready, and I'm thinking of having this one be a romance! And being a very biased asian woman, lol, I thought it'd be fun to have it take place somewhere in Zhongguo, especially in the Xizhulin Shan region.
Anything particularly romantic spots that you can think of? or some place that one could find a nice lake with good access to the stars?
Oh definitely. I still need to develop each area of Zhongguo more but this region is essentially highly mountainous and lush, very much a wilderness unsuited to agriculture. Lots of bamboo forests too. It's main magical influence is actually Gokrilvek so gravity gets really weird. Thinking of having shifts in gravity including weightless islands in the air, some of them with increased or decreased gravity and other weird movement alterations related to Gokrilvek. So lots of strange and bizarre landscapes dressed in verdant bamboo, riverways and those distinct, pointy Chinese mountains! Regionally, I based it on geographic regions of China like Guizhou and Guangxi. The line blurs a bit between this region and Huiyun Sanjiaozhou, as mountains give over to plains or have been cleared out for agriculture.
Gotcha, any articles I might need to read before jumping in? I have read all of the articles under Zhongguo, though, so do with that info what you will.
Not in particular, I've really just got the bare bones for that region set up. Am planning to develop it more before they actually head into the area. You probably know a lot more than I do! Not exactly a lot of asian influence in east TN >_> just what I've taken the time to research myself. Can't tell you how many of my classmates in high school didn't know the difference between Korea, China and Japan let alone countries in southeast Asia -_- Still, I'm looking forward to delving into it when I start developing Yaxiya more!
lol, well, I'll do my best in that region, as I write the story.
Okay, so I decided to change and have an adventure take place in Xizhulin Shan instead of a romance story. (I've been writing a lot of those it feels like) But anyways, I've gotten started on the story. Hopefully it'll be done by Sunday or Monday. Then we can go through the editing and stuff!
Okay sounds fun! I've been trudging through all of the edits and sort of redoing/making more art for characters (I'll let you know when I get to Lina!) Been making chibis of everyone! they look pretty good even really small so I think they''ll be good for dropping into articles or short stories and the like. For example, here's a little Albert! 
Awww, he's so cute!!!
Yeah, I've noticed you've been updating the character articles. They look really good!
Hey, Lee, hope everything's going well with you!
I'm coming up on the last bit for the 2nd short story in Emynea in Action so I don't know if you want to read through it and give your thoughts or start working on the art. Whichever one you want to do. I will warn you though, the story is still sin it's rough draft form and I haven't reread through it, so it might be a little rough.
But take your time for either reading through it or starting up on the art just wanted to give you an update.
And could you explain the relationship between Longwei and his dragon?
Oh that sounds fun, I'll have to give it a read over or two in the morning then. And don't worry about it too much, my rough drafts are SUPER rough at first so I understand.
As for Longwei and Wulong... Wulong was orphaned after Allen's assault on Yanjing and Longhu (if I'm remembering those names right) so she was mostly raised by the female attendants of the Zhou clan. Longwei was one of her attendants and, because Wulong was very persnickity and churlish, she only really took to Longwei. They became like siblings, somewhat frowned upon when witnessed by others but overlooked because Longwei was the only one who could handle Wulong (who became even more stubborn about who attended to her). She was also the only one who knew and fully recognized Longwei as being male early on, Longwei often only opening up to Wulong in private. And eventually, Wulong further confirmed Longwei's identity when she chose Longwei as her partner (this population of Qinlong only ever picking men of the Zhou clan), becoming his familiar. Other clan members were horrified, blaming Longwei for becoming too casual with Wulong and "wasting" the sacred bond of one of their dragons.
Overall, they act very much like siblings or like two close friends who wish they were siblings. They'll fall into formality sometimes, like in serious affairs, as Longwei was always her attendant but in casual settings Wulong is very affectionate if not protective of Longwei wheras she is standoffish, churlish and arrogant (as one might expect of a dragon) with others. She is also used to being pampered, Longwei going out of his way every day to attend to her hygiene and diet. It isn't all one sided though. Wulong has Lothvem's Touch, frequently calming Longwei's hot temper when nearby. She is actually pacifistic by nature but won't hesitate to defend Longwei, especially once their familiar bond linked their lifeforces together (after all if one dies so does the other). They often chatter to each other telepathically, mostly harsh judgements and sarcasm if not witty banter. Her tongue is just as sharp as Longwei's only far more prideful and judgemental.
And if you were questioning how the familiar bond works, it is essentially an irreversible bond between a beast and a human, usually a strong or sentient beast. They can share their thoughts, their lifespan, their energy and even their kaithur (racial magic) to a certain extent. The stronger their bond the more can be shared and this bond even effects their magic forms. Yet if one dies or grows sick so does the other. Longwei and Wulong haven't had much training in strengthening their bond, especially before joining AMTP. Its still in its formative stages but they do have access to each other's magic. Longwei gains the white hair, yellow eyes, antlers and a short tail to match Wulong but has few if any azure scales.
Probably more than you needed here but I hope that answers your curiosity!
No, that's good! I enjoy context, it's usually really important.
So, how does a Qinglong speak in general. Like to people who aren't their familiars. Do they speak outlaid? Or is it more of like a weird voice in your head that's not yours? Because in the story I'm thinking of having one of the characters have a bond like that, I'm just not super sure if I'm executing it right.
It's fine I don't mind answering questions. And I was going to make it a thing that dragons in Emynea can usually talk. There are other sentient species and sometimes they'll have languages or methods of communication that are different but I decided pretty early on that dragons can speak any language they take the time to learn and the really old ones can even speak ancient Accian. so not Wulong as an example but she would likely speak Huaren and a bit of Accian. Maybe even some Mongolian, pulling from Longwei's knowledge of these extra languages. But Wulong doesn't speak very often, some dragons disliking speaking to people if they don't have to, hating how chatty and casual people sometimes become when they learn the dragon understands them, if that makes sense. Basically getting a dragon to talk to you is a privilege or is seen as bothersome.
And yeah if you have a familiar bond it's very much like Duff and Tia with their telepathy and linked minds, which is a very similar kind of link to a elemental familiar and a shape shifter. In fact that link is a bit of a warped version of a familiar bond. Though a real familiar and their partner have a much stronger link to each other, especially if theyve worked to enhance that bond over time. OH and whichever is the longer lived between the two shares that longevity with their partner. For some, this is a human sharing their lifespan with a shorter lived species like a dog or, in cases like jornungandr, kraken or Qinglong the human partner will live for hundreds or even thousands of years depending on specifics, so long as they aren't killed. Lots of fun to be had for these links. They just aren't super common with these rarer beasts as it's hard to win their respect let alone forge this permanent, vulnerable bond. familiar bonds with smaller beasts or beast companions is more common but, if done carelessly, can endanger those involved. Double edged sword really.
Ahh, intersting!
So, it's originally portrayed that one of the character doesn't want to go on this adventure just because. You know, it comes down to responsibilities and studying all that great stuff, but his friend the narrator and MC wants to go on this adventure and is arguably more lax in his responsibilities. Near the climax of the story it is discovered that Hui Fen, the one who doesn't want to go on this adventure, actually has a familial bond with this dragon, and he was trying to keep it a secret from, well, everyone I guess. That's why he didn't want to go on this adventure. And why he was more insistent that his friend not go.
Is that realistic? Or realistic in the context of this world, I guess?
Yeah that makes total sense. I like the way everything is subtly building up for that twist. And it makes sense his friend may conceal having that kind of rare and powerful familiar. Perhaps he doesn't want anything to change in his life because of it and then it may also have to do with the Qinglong and its own reasons for keeping things inconspicuous. You could find all kinds of reasons depending on the relationship of Hui Fen and his familiar. The story overall like you said is rough and can use a lot of polish but I think you have a good base to work with (I'm guessing the ending is still being written?).
One thing to consider that stood out to me too is I wasn't sure what era/society this is set in. Seems more contemporary or modern than the current era of Emynea (like mention of a bus and the mountain tours). Not that that can't be done! This could take place back in time when Zhongguo was more modern. Human society in the long span of Emynean history has reached and digressed from modernity several times (as one might expect over the course of almost three million years!) So whatever setting you are hoping for, just make sure its clear early on for the reader.
Most of the rest of what stood out to me is silly proofreading stuff like "add" ought to be "ad" or grammer/diction stuff. Small adjustments to make reading smoother and such. As MC arrives, perhaps give a short description or even paragraph about Xizhulin Shan and its magical influence to set the scene for readers (and we can add in a picture too) so the story is a touch more immersive. Characterization is great, as it usually is in your writing. Overall a pretty good rough draft to build off of!
As for making pictures, just lemme know what you want the characters to look like for now. Any specific visual quirks, how they dress, some basic personality and impressions they give. They come out far less generic with a few extra quirks added in, perhaps having to do with their magic form? If you want to consider what magic they'd have.
Oh, shoot I totally forgot about the magic! *facepalms*
Ming Tao can have Siryl Breath and Push, and Hui Fen can have Irkath Shadow and Mind.
I think I did that correctly. I'm still a little unsure about the magic system, but I think those combinations fit the characters. For the most part
Yeah that should be fine, definitely interesting. That's one of my favorite things about the magic system, any combination is possible. Dark magic isn't super common in Zhongguo but it still happens. Also I think siryl suits the adventurous mc but wont be effective against a water dragon (who is immune to water magic). And don't worry bout forgetting, I forgot to give Annie magic outside of being a mage for quite a while!
Okay, cool!
I'm still trying to figure out how to end the story. Like do I do another cliffhanger like the 1st story? Or do I wrap it up as much as possible? What do you think?
You could finish it out but if you want to do more with it later, you ought to end it with a good hook or twist or discovery for the reader. Don't necessarily need a cliffhanger but it's classic for a reason. So long as you plan to continue it. I'd say this one probably needs a bit of action before it's over though. All the mention of the dangerous lizard and getting killed ought to lead up to either a bit of action and misunderstanding, sort of a comupance of ignoring all those warnings, or could do like a twist where the dragon is offended by the suggestion. Have some kind of conflict of whatever kind and sort of a moment where perhaps this secret the friend is hiding is either heavily hinted at or revealed as the climax. You could even give a moment where the mc questions the whole moment and perhaps he and the dragon made some kind of promises or arrangement that involved the secrecy or perhaps he is keeping the dragon from eating or attacking people in exchange for something? Lots of fun opportunities with the current set up.
Ahh, okay. I think I have an idea now! Thanks!
Hey, sorry I fell off on collaborations! Did you still want me to make art for the short story? Also I had the idea of adding the Emynea in Action stories to the In Their Shadows: Extra Content manuscript! (Which I might just rename to Emynea in Action) That way more people might see and read it, even if the visuals aren't going to be the same. And I'll still make sure to credit you on it. Lastly, I recently added Lina's art onto my deviant account and she's actually fairly popular!
You're good Lee. I know you've been pretty busy with real life stuff. But yeah, if you want to start on the art that's fine! Feel free to organize it however you wish.
Oh, okay. Awesome!
I think I'm starting to get things back to normal, at least a little. Tryna get back into a regular routine again. Did you have any ideas of what you want the characters to look like or should I just cook something up myself?
That's great!
Not really any ideas. The setting is china, so you can go from there. If I get any Inspo I'll let you know
Okay, I'll have fun with it then!
Hey, Lee, I hope you're doing okay. I know it's been a while since we've talked, but I have a writing question for you.
I know you're pretty good with writing battle scenes, so I was wondering if you have any tips. I'm working on something write now that involves battle scenes and everything just sounds weird. And I'm not sure what's wrong with it. I don't know if I'm over explain or under explaining or what. It just feels/sounds stilted and awkward.
Okay no problem! And yeah I know it's been a little while, I haven't been doing much more than editing things or adding new art. Starting to do a bit better and am just sort of trying figure out the best pacing as I get back into things.
I don't have the attention span left tonight but I'll take a look at things tomorrow! Writing those kinds of scenes can take a while to feel comfortable in what you're doing. Reminds me of this metaphor I heard where writers essentially try to give readers a peek into the world/story your writing about but you can only ever give them a peek through a small keyhole at a time. Each writer does that in their own way. Personally, I can't write jokes. Can somewhat do situational humor but wordplay or straight jokes not well. But like I said, I'll take a look tomorrow
Okay, that's fine. Here's a link to the article.
https://www.worldanvil.com/w/slumbering-gods-ebelt/a/the-longest-journey-pt-13A-battle-prose
It's honestly not that bad but its pretty easy to be extra critical of our own work though so I get it. I think the clunkiest part is just the opening but once you get going it draws the reader in. Then its just little awkward bits where the sentence is a little off. Ex:
Otherwise I think you could lengthen or merge some of the shorter sentences unless brevity is what you wanted to emphasize, like since she's in a very touch and go battle so thats her mindset. Some of those shorter sentences you could probably elaborate on too. Focus on what she is thinking, what her body feels like or really any of her senses. Get into the details in a way the reader can relate or imagine it. How is she handling the chaos? Does she dissociate, depersonalize or focus on what motivates her (guessing its the last one based on what you wrote so far).
Thankfully you are already good at seeing the story from the character's perspective already and guiding the reader through that and its a good base to work from. Everything is already choreographed and all that. From here its a lot easier to just dive into specific moments and improve them, add more detail and refine the text. Add in the way certain actions look or feel, how are they perceived?
Could be merged into something like:
Could elaborate or dress it up more sort of like this:
Obviously you can do this in whatever way suits you and in your own style, I just wanted to give a quick example. The rough draft is a good place to start from though, I can't tell you how many times I go back over a simplistic or clunky scene and just sort of embellish it with more detail and flair. I hope this actually helps you out. Oh and I really liked the implied relationship between these two characters, something that you established with very very little which I thought was impressive!
"She tried not to think too much as she fought against the near endless swarm of soldiers. Her body cried for rest. They begged her to stop moving and to just rest."
Pretty sure you mean her muscles begged her to stop but it isn't very clear. But thats easily fixed.
Otherwise I think you could lengthen or merge some of the shorter sentences unless brevity is what you wanted to emphasize, like since she's in a very touch and go battle so thats her mindset. Some of those shorter sentences you could probably elaborate on too. Focus on what she is thinking, what her body feels like or really any of her senses. Get into the details in a way the reader can relate or imagine it. How is she handling the chaos? Does she dissociate, depersonalize or focus on what motivates her (guessing its the last one based on what you wrote so far).
Thankfully you are already good at seeing the story from the character's perspective already and guiding the reader through that and its a good base to work from. Everything is already choreographed and all that. From here its a lot easier to just dive into specific moments and improve them, add more detail and refine the text. Add in the way certain actions look or feel, how are they perceived?
Examples
"Out of the corner of her eye she saw a flash of cloth. She barely managed to block the soldier."
Could be merged into something like:
"Out of the corner of her eye she saw a flash of cloth and she barely managed to block his strike."
"She swiped at him, but he parried. He swung towards her head. She ducked out of the way and tried to cripple him by slicing his heel. He blocked and shoved her backward."
Could elaborate or dress it up more sort of like this:
"She took a swipe at him as he staggered back but he still managed to parry, steel sliding raucously against steel, before taking another swing at her head. With a grunt, she ducks under his sword and very nearly loses her balance, goosebumps springing to life across her neck at the near kiss of his blade. But she doesn't waste her opportunity, lunging forward and slicing at his heel with the intent to cripple him. But this time he blocks her attack, shoving her back with a ruthless kick."
"She landed on the ground and groaned in pain. He swung down hard. She just managed to roll away, before the sword bit the dust. She scrambled to her feet and lunged toward the soldier. He took a step back to avoid the blade. She saw a bit of silver, before feeling a sharp pain in her stomach."
"Her back collides with the broken terrain, slewn with blood and craggy mud, extracting a groan from her cracked lips--she questions if she's reached her limit. Her opponent swings his blade down with all his might, his eyes as cold as the glint of his steel blade. She just barely managed to roll out of the way, her body screaming as she gasps for breath. She scrambles to her feet, panic gripping her stomach, and haphazardly lunges at the soldier, throwing her entire body into this desperate strike. Yet he takes a simple step back to evade her blade. She saw the slightest flash of silver, her breath staggering on the sharp pain caught in her stomach."
Obviously you can do this in whatever way suits you and in your own style, I just wanted to give a quick example. The rough draft is a good place to start from though, I can't tell you how many times I go back over a simplistic or clunky scene and just sort of embellish it with more detail and flair. I hope this actually helps you out. Oh and I really liked the implied relationship between these two characters, something that you established with very very little which I thought was impressive!
Thank you! This did really help. I do sometimes struggle with picturing fights like this in my mind, but I suppose it's sometimes just a matter of revising.
And thank you for the character compliment. I'm really excited to flesh them out in this story.
Yeah picturing a whole battle at once is a lot. I normally have to plot out who is where and doing what, what each character is trying to do. Its easier to get the basics down and then focus in on each individual moment. Ways to make it seem more realistic or detailed. Revision is probably most important step when I'm writing right after planning. But you have a good base to work with and a natural way of connecting your characters to each other. The rest is like drawing art, keep trying and slowly get better at it as you practice. My early writing actually looked a lot like this but worse, especially when it came to dialogue. But I guess thats what I like about writing. You don't have to get it perfect right away like doing stuff in front of people. You can revise it as many times as you need to!
True! But the perfectionist in me doesn't like doing revisions.
That's fair enough. I just had a teacher drill revision into me and I really took to it. After all you gotta be kind to yourself as a creator. Can't get everything perfect all at once and youre not gonna be good at everything. It's why I'm surprised collaboration isn't more common. But I guess we're made to compete too much. I'm just sort of rambling now but yeah just be kind to yourself as you improve.
Maybe because collaboration is too similar to asking for help. People like to do things on their own, and some people don't like sharing the credit. But those are my thoughts.
Anyways, I might have a redraft of that scene finished un a day or two, if you're up for giving it a look over when I'm done?
Yeah that's fine! I like helping out and digging into creative stuff. I should probably try working with other people more tbh. And yeah it's easy to get possessive of our work. Idk why the fear of having your ideas or work stolen is so prevalent but I get it. I really think copyright laws and standards need to be reworked. It's very inflexible and on the creator to enforce and figure out. Rugged American individualism strikes again -_- If things were easier for us to understand legally and we knew how and where to draw lines, what a healthy collaboration looks like, it would be amazing what people might create! But anyways, yeah I totally down to pick through the next draft.
https://www.worldanvil.com/w/slumbering-gods-ebelt/a/the-longest-journey-pt-13A-battle-prose
Okay, finished the redraft. I think it reads soooo much better!
Okay, I'll take a look at it tomorrow. My focus is really poor today -.-
Okay, sounds good!
I'll probably go through it again sometime before then, just to give it a few touch ups. The last line is a little ehh, but we'll see. lol
Okay, Lee, I've got some questions.
First is the AMTP. I know that the training period is two years and most of the time the kids entering are 16 years old, so the training ends when they're 18. However, is it possible to hold off on entering the AMTP for a year or so? I know Euan did it, but I kind of figured he was a special case.
And is the AMTP a yearly thing? Like for example, once Tia is 17 will there be another recruiting period for the next batch of 16 year olds to enter the military? Or does it just happen every two years. So once Tia is done and graduated then does the recruitment period start?
Second batch of questions, what can you tell me about Rossiya and that diamond cave. Specifically can you take diamonds from the cave, and is it tourist friendly.
Hey sorry it took me a bit to respond (was otherwise occupied).
It's very rare to hold off on recruitment as you saw with Tia. And there are special staff associated with AMTP which handle recruitment on a local level, keeping tabs on the age of kids in an area and, where necessary, enforcing enlistment. One of their big points of pride is that everyone serves no matter what. Even disabled people like Inge. And yes, Euan was a special case. Normally it's pretty iron clad of a rule. Martin is having Euan lie about his age so he can attend AMTP before service. Privelage of his position. But if you can think of a way of pushing things off or wiggling around the rules go for it cuz I'm sure people are bound to try and find a loophole. Either way, when someone "comes of age" ie turns 16, recruitment staff keeps close tabs on them so that when the Procession comes back around, they join.
Recruits don't necessarily move on to service when they turn 18 but rather when they have made their second full rotation, a full two years. So yeah, it's a yearly thing. I didn't put it down anywhere yet but the second year is more intense and detailed, they've had a year to figure out their niche and they lean into it. Though if there is a particularly large demand for troups, especially if AMTP is nearby, they might press recruits into service ahead of time but not usually first year's as they're still learning the basics. Either way, once they leave AMTP they jump right into service. Where they get deployed depends on their skills, kaithur and so on. But generally the first year isn't on the war front. They can even be assigned to AMTP security! But this isn't a position where they can earn a lot of benefits or respect or anything like that (hence why Ben was upset with being reassigned there).
I haven't developed Rossiya a ton yet, you can probably find more on the Morozov House page than the location article. Overall, Rossiya is dominated by a Russian culture but it's southern regions especially are a mix of northeastern European cultures. Elementally Rossiya has a lot of earth magic, especially mineral, metal and tradition (elbixur). But blizzard related weather magic and some lesser ice magic is also prevalent.
The only thing I have conceptualized with the diamond cave (I think I named it but idk? It'd be ok the main map) is that it's completely constructed of diamond, created by Ylithuum as her abode in Eluziar as Kunlun Shan is her home in Yaxiya. I know I was going to have a lot of different kinds of diamond especially colors. Idk if it'd be one seamless diamond but honestly it sounds grandiose enough Ylithuum might do lol I think the castle and throne room is definitely solid though. And I'm not sure on the tourist thing. It's pretty deep into a cold, craggy mountain area but I could see it overlooking Rossiyas main port city idk. Like I said I haven't developed it a ton yet. But it was once the home or Rossiya's royal like (the Morozov) before they deferred to the kingdom.
And I gave it a quick read over (may pick it apart more closely later) but even just with that I can definitely see the improvement! There is a lot more going on than just characters moving her, doing this, saying that. Its more immersive. I would still say you could lengthen some of the choppier sentences or merge them together but that may just be your stylistic choice and thats fine. Either way, the characters' experiences were more apparent and there was way more for the reader to visualize. Also... that poor couple! Don't see tragedies as often anymore. I think otherwise my only negatives are some of the details of the battle itself was off. Like idk if anyone could fight for that long of a duration without breaks or retreats >.> a lot of these very physical battles were pretty short. But thats just my brain going "thats not how ... works! Human biology...." but most readers aren't really going to know all of that anyway. Stories are about what we want them to be not fettered by reality so its entirely normal if you don't get every painful detail to be realistic. So overall, really good improvement! It leaves me with a desire to hear what happens next which is really great for such a small exerpt!
Okay, good!
So, first, I do usually prefer choppier sentences when doing fight scenes. I personally feel like it helps with getting into the "rhythm" of the battle. Especially, if it's brutal and harsh. I feel like shorter sentences work better, and help give more of a rhythmic picture than a complex or compound sentence.
And yeah, she actually hasn't been fighting for very long. I'd say only half an hour or so. This bit "She had been feeling nothing but cramped muscles and stiff joints for the past hour and a half. Before that it had been soreness and aching bones." Refers to a time before the battle, it's just a small hint and I am aware that some people might confuse it with her talking about fighting and just how exhausted she is. That's fine if there is confusion. But it should become clearer later, especially once I circle back around to this fight.
Okay and yeah, really just minor criticisms really. Like I said, overall there's a lot of improvement!
Awesome! I'm glad
I'm definitely happier with how it reads now, and I'm almost finished with the second part! (Kind of.) But I'm very excited for this story. I have no ending plotted, so that is not good, but hopefully it'll come to me. lol *sweats nervously*
Ehhh sometimes the ending comes to you as you're writing. I have only a basic skeleton plot for a lot of In Their Shadows. Like major anchors with little daydreams and ideas in between. That's sort of what's stopping me up from the middle part of the book. Just been putting off sitting down and solidifying subplots. I know in general what I wanna happen but not as many coherent events. Plus I still need to actually design the different elemental planes and the aspects themselves! So don't feel too bad if you don't have everything worked out yet. Sometimes characters and events roll out in the moment.
Yeah, true, but it does help when you're writing to know how it's going to end. Helps with character arcs and pacing, and most of the time you can kinda get away with putting extra bits in the middle, especially if they're fun, most people won't care. But gotta have a good satisfying ending. I have been bouncing around some ending ideas, but none of them really work.
Yeah the ending is important so no need to rush it. You'll figure it out. Weirdly I have the most trouble with the middle part but I'll figure that out too. I'm also having fun making species for Emynea and expanding the depth of the world and magic. Plus experimenting with other formats has been great too. I think its easy for authors to rush themselves.
OH I was actually gonna ask for your help a bit. I know I've completely ignored Draconis for a while :/ But I wanted to ask if you could help me out with Emynea a bit? There are a lot of places and species and even aspects I haven't developed beyond a basic concepts. If you wanted to/felt up to it I was going to ask if you would want to help me flesh them out? You could even design an elemental plane or help make an aspect more distinct of a character and so on. If you don't want to its fine but, with World Ember coming up, I could use the help and extra opinion (and you can totally claim articles you wrote/did most of the work on). Plus I figured it might be fun to try and collaborate a bit more. Just thought I'd at least ask.
The middle of the story is kind of the hardest part to plot, just because there's a lot of stuff happening and it's the largest part of the story. Lots of important bits there. Take your time to plot that for sure.
Oh, yeah I'd love too! I haven't been doing a whole lot of world building on my worlds (whoops), just not really feeling it, but of course I'd want to help! That sounds like a lot of fun! Just tell me what you need me to do!
Funnily enough I was thinking a little bit about Draconic since I noticed a lot of the prompts for Spooktober were dragon-related, since it's kind of Kaiju themed.
Lol yeah spooktober looked good this year I just haven't been able to get into it this time. We had a new roommate move in and I had to do all this cleaning to make it possible (displacing everything in our junk room). Plus I've been trying to start healthier habits back up which means limiting myself on how much of the day I spend working on Emynea. I tend to get lost in my work and forget a lot of stuff irl so I'm trying to find a balance. I still wanna at least work on World Ember though and there is so much room in Emynea for growth. It makes sense to try and lean on collaboration a bit and I think we collaborate well so... yeah.
I think I'll still pull together research and data so we have whatever we need for articles but we can brainstorm and work out details together if you're comfortable with that? There are like 50 elemental planes so you can feel free to get creative with it and I can leave notes for like what little I had imagined so far. Can even work on the aspects more. Giving em their own personality and quirks and appearances, probably pulling off of similar real life mythology and all. I think itd be a lot easier having someone else's opinion on designs and ideas (Austin has gotten tired of me being like "how does this look/sound?" since he isn't a creator in that way). Just lemme know what catches your interest or what you're comfortable with.
Okay, cool. So similar to what we were doing with Draconis but on elemental planes instead! I can do that.
LOL, oh gosh, talking to non-writers about the struggles of writing is so frustratingly funny. They're like "Yeah, yeah, that's...it looks good." *nods convincingly* And I'm like, that's all you got?
Anyways, that all sounds good. Do you have anything written up?
Idk is there any particular element you feel compelled to start with?
Not particularly, but I think you've mentioned Zalikar's plane quite a few times in ITS, so maybe start with that one since I'm a little bit more familiar with that one.
Sure okay. He's got five which include Azowyr (shadow), Vokda (void), Siptalis (despair), Felryth (fear) and Irkath (Unknown). These are probably the most developed ones so far because its so involved in the story but there is still definitely room for improvement. Only two are physical planes while the rest are all mental ones which are way more... metaphorical and symbolic. More fluid, changing from one mind into another which are all linked to the plane through various doors/portals/gates in the mind, in trances and in dreams. Wheras physical planes connect to the physical world wherever that aspect exists. Ie fire for Flithmar's Plane, sea water for Siryl's Plane, metal for Martor's Plane and so on. Some are very set and permanent while others constantly change.
These planes have two levels. One which mimics and mirrors the physical world, connecting as direct portals and windows into the physical world, and a second deeper level (potentially more idk yet) which are the home and pure expression of the aspect. Where they live and, for some aspects, where denizens of the plane reside. The structure of this level reflects the actual Aspect and their preferences and personality and is comprised entirely of that aspect. Azowyr for example has a kingly theme, the Shadow King. There is a shadow of every living thing which serve him, gathering intel and secrets for Azryth and monitoring the state of the physical world, especially after Zalikar's sealing. He has his own castle and court in the depths of the plane, lots of fun legends about him spiriting people away and trying them in his shadow court, all of their dark secrets and habits on trial. Meanwhile the surface level of the plane looks like a charcoal ocean, smoky imitations of real shadows always flowing and mimicking the physical world. Just using the shadow one as an example.
Interesting. Yeah, there's a lot of fun stuff you can do for these planes. Especially if you wanted to lean into a kind of gothic horror with Zalikar's elements. He kind of gives off that vibe.
Oh definitely. I think only Vokda wouldn't really fall under that kind of theme. He's more scifi horror since he has a space theme, the void of space is a big feature of void.
Ooohh, sci-fi horror is even better!
Yeah Vodka let those passionate about space exploration set up their central hub in his plane a long time ago. But after a huge betrayal, he slaughtered everyone and their bodies still linger in the futuristic city, forever preserved in the void free from decay. He keeps them as a reminder to himself about not trusting humanity and as a warning to anyone travelling his plane (which are few) what happens to those who cross him.
Oh and he has a massive treasure hoard in his plane too. He's a total hoarder, very dragon like in that sense, only sharing his treasures with those who manage to get close to which are very very few. And this is actually treasure but also old technology and just generally stuff he likes. He sees something he likes and he takes it, a lot of people believing lost objects are hidden in his plane.
Oohhh, very fun!
So, how do you want me to write these? Do you just want me to do a bunch of stubs in preparation for WE or just write up a bunch of these concepts in a separate article and work on fleshing them out, then just write it the entire article for WE?
I'm not too sure yet. You could probably write up your ideas in some unpublished articles where we can brainstorm stuff. At least while we figure out how we wanna do things, sort of feel it out for now. But if you wanted to make some stubs too thats fine.
Hmm, okay. I'll see what I can come up with and just message you here. Once we get something solid and something that you like then we can just write up the article. That might be a little bit easier than creating a bunch of stubs to go through.
Before I start brainstorming is there any additional lore that I should know about the planes. Like how Vodka's or Azowyr's work.
Oof yeah there is actually a lot. They are probably the two most developed ones among the planes since they are gonna be the first two Tia visits. But hopefully that'll give you plenty to work with. I definitely think its best to redo their articles but there should be plenty of information on these;
https://www.worldanvil.com/w/emynea-leestepp/a/vokda-s-plane-location
https://www.worldanvil.com/w/emynea-leestepp/a/azowyr-s-plane-location
You might also find more on the articles about Vokda and Azowyr but if you have any questions I'll answer. A lot of it is concepts I've been daydreaming about for a long time so theres probably plenty I hadn't written down. But tbh there are probably gonna be bits and pieces I may keep as "secrets" just because its pertinent to parts of the story that haven't come out yet. You are the only person who even reviews my work so I'm admittedly hesitant to spoil stuff :/ But all of the other planes besides Zalikars are barely developed if at all so these are the only ones that may have that difficulty.
Sounds good, I'll read through those articles and really anything pertaining to Zalikar's planes and see what I can come up with!
Okay, I hope you have fun with it! I'm about to make a post about the refurbishing of my plant species >:)
OH fun!
I'm gonna be honest, I don't know how you write all of those plant and animal articles. I like animals; they're cool. And plants are...okay, but honestly I've always found it difficult incorporating them into my world and the culture, you know? I don't know how you do it. All the animals and plants are so well developed and incorporated into the world, they might as well be real.
Well I really enjoy researching things, especially biology. So I base a lot of them on actual species and just... add magic. Typically those that compliment or strengthen their unique qualities or mythology around them. Plus... it helps to have a set format I can follow. Using variables also helps a lot! Plus this way its kind of educating people about the cool qualities of these species while I'm at it, dressing it up with magic. My biggest difficulty is not making it too dry or using too much jargon cuz that kind of stuff doesn't really bother me. Still working on that but I think the art really helps break it up.
Oh, that art helps for sure! Even if you don't have art it's still an interesting and fun read, just harder to go through cause there's nothing colorful to look at.
Well they are plenty colorful now lol lots of painstakingly generated and edited art in them now! I should probably update my deviant art so other people can make use of some of em too. And get it off of my poor loaded up phone >_>
I appreciate the dedication, Lee. Your phone probably doesn't, but I do. LOL
Ugh I should probably take a little breather tonight actually. It IS easy to go too hard on species and wear myself out. I think I'll probably work on aspects next and take a break from species. Characters can be refreshing
YES! Your characters are so fun. I just read through Azowyr to help me get a better feel for him and his plane. *throws hands up* fantastic. So much fun! What I think is really fun is that the plane can be used to gather information. Which is kind of a fun play on the saying “hiding in the shadows.” Because one is physically hiding in the shadows and is metaphorically hiding in the shadows.
Yeah I really like Azowyr. He is the main face of Zalikar after all. Im sort of playing with the idea that perhaps Irkath leans on Azowyr to gather information not afforded to him through his own abilities, perhaps trading it for advice. Since Irkath is sort of the subconscious of Zalikar, he would rarely give exact details but suggest courses or actions based on his knowledge. And yeah he really is Zalikar's eyes especially while sealed. Keeping him up to date with the events of the world. He's also pretty hard to read and melodramatic, very focused on appearances. Pretty jaded. Meanwhile vodka is the most physically powerful one and coldhearted, sort of Zalikar's nastiest side, while Felryth and Siptalis are his best means of influencing the outside world, especially through nightmares. And Siptalis is the most empathetic part of him.
Interesting. I'll keep that in mind when brainstorming!
I made a few new images of Azowyr so feel free to use those if you want. Also let me know if you have any ideas for art I should try and generate. The planes may end up being the more difficult to create though, we'll see.
Woah, those are much creepier. I like them!
Speaking of Azowyr I was just about to message you about some ideas on his plane. This is also partially me rambling, so be warned.
Euan uses it to travel/spy on people. I imagine if a war was going on, people with this power would be very, very popular, and very much wanted. I know quite a few wars have happened over Emynea’s history, so I’m sure you could think up some stories/characters that were influential in certain wars or battles, just because of their ability to travel through the shadows and gather info. (Honestly, you’ve probably already thought of this, but I just thought I’d mention it.)
Maybe some other people also use it as a place of safety. Considering that Azowyr is somewhat of a protector and willing to offer shelter to those he cares about, I think it would make sense if this place was also a sanctuary. Since this world is meant to mimic the real world I can image who buildings make of shadow that Azowyr makes solid for those people who seek shelter. Of course, people don’t do that anymore because of Zalikar’s purge, which I would imagine would make Azowyr all the more lonely and and reclusive. Maybe making his place more hostile than it already is.
Maybe before the Zalikar’s purge this place was a little bit more friendly, maybe the shadows weren’t quite so scary and the darkness didn’t seem so dark? But after everything felt more angry and sad and violent. Since you mentioned two levels and the second one is more closely tied to the aspect, I think this “second level” could feel much more hostile and much more like a “stormy ocean” than the calm ocean that you describe in the article. Or this “stormy ocean” could act as a divide between the two levels. If this “barrier” is calm Azowyr is feeling okay and isn’t in a horrible mood, if it is stormy be careful.
I feel like this plane could be so much scarier (I mean it is scary, but make it even more so) if there was a certain level of unpredictability. However, considering that shadows are relatively predictable (all you need to do is look at direction the sun is pointing and the object then you can determine which way the shadow will go), but a certain level of unpredictability might help make this seem more of a scary, mysterious place that this aspect would create. I think it'd be especially interesting, if some of the shadows aren't reflected in the real world. I'm not 100% sure why something like this would happen, maybe something "native" to this plane, but could add on a level of caution. Don't touch the wrong shadow, kind of thing.
Also I don’t think it would hurt to throw in some of those legends of Azowry trying people in his court. That would be very fun! Also an interesting look into his character as to what kinds of people he decides to try.
But question: since this place mimics things in the real world, do the shadows in Azowyr’s plane mimc the people as well? If Azowyr wants to spy on a specific person, could he just watch their shadow? Granted this might not work too well, since there’s not always a shadow of that person, especially like at night with no moon, but just a thought.
Lol yes Euan is definitely in a position to be a spy which is why he is in the Special Division. Infiltration, assassination, sabotage and spying are all part of what they are training him for. And later in the story he actually plays the role of double agent, making all but a few questions who he is really loyal to. It's one of the reasons he is so highly valued when they first picked him up. And on that note, the original Kings Shadows were all followers and agents of Zalikar, using his planes to these ends too. But now they're just a cryptic club with very few true shadows left.
As for it being a place of safety, yes it absolutely is. There are still plants and animals that can cross the boundary, perhaps some that ONLY live in the plane. Those that can cross over definitely use it as sanctuary. While the surface level mimics shadows of the physical world, this is a transient zone almost like a train station. I like the idea of there being something like an ocean or whatever separating this from the central plane, insulating it from what is going on along its edges and potentially keeping out unwanted guests. But the center of the plane is absolutely of Azowyrs construction. The outer area is affected by his emotions but this central part reflects it the most. But also the qualities and structure of the element. Which yes there will probably be buildings and much more inside. And idk if it'd be hostile perse. Little to no one has access to it so it's rather serene albeit gloomy and gothic. But any intruders would be treated with extreme caution, distrust and cynicism hence the trials. I was thinking maybe if you fail the trial, he turns you into some horrid shadow monster or even just into one of his many shades.
Overall the plane has always appeared scary and gloomy and mysterious but for those who are mentally flexible, you can see it is serene, peaceful and has its own beauty. So long as you are actually welcome. I do think it probably gets scarier the farther in you go, especially if your unfamiliar or being treated as hostile.
I'll have to think on the "don't touch the wrong shadow" thing. Could turn into something interesting. But yes absolutely Azowyr can spy on the real world or specific people by inhabiting their shadows but most often he leaves this to his shades. I think he's way more likely to spy on Tia directly right now but it has to be someone important. And yes I might try and write up a fable or horror story of Azowyr's trials, either a somewhat accurate fable or a first hand account of a survivor.
And to be clear yeah peoples shadows move or even disappear but I was definitely going to have it that every person has a shade, often living in their shadow. But this is also their "dark self" so to speak. There is a lot of lore of these dark selves where the hold all of our secret feelings, desires, our grudges. Things like that. These work for Azowyr and often reflect that person's true feelings including resentment, loneliness, etc. Tia's will actually be making appearances soon too.
Lol yes Euan is definitely in a position to be a spy which is why he is in the Special Division. Infiltration, assassination, sabotage and spying are all part of what they are training him for. And later in the story he actually plays the role of double agent, making all but a few questions who he is really loyal to. It's one of the reasons he is so highly valued when they first picked him up. And on that note, the original Kings Shadows were all followers and agents of Zalikar, using his planes to these ends too. But now they're just a cryptic club with very few true shadows left.
As for it being a place of safety, yes it absolutely is. There are still plants and animals that can cross the boundary, perhaps some that ONLY live in the plane. Those that can cross over definitely use it as sanctuary. While the surface level mimics shadows of the physical world, this is a transient zone almost like a train station. I like the idea of there being something like an ocean or whatever separating this from the central plane, insulating it from what is going on along its edges and potentially keeping out unwanted guests. But the center of the plane is absolutely of Azowyrs construction. The outer area is affected by his emotions but this central part reflects it the most. But also the qualities and structure of the element. Which yes there will probably be buildings and much more inside. And idk if it'd be hostile perse. Little to no one has access to it so it's rather serene albeit gloomy and gothic. But any intruders would be treated with extreme caution, distrust and cynicism hence the trials. I was thinking maybe if you fail the trial, he turns you into some horrid shadow monster or even just into one of his many shades.
Overall the plane has always appeared scary and gloomy and mysterious but for those who are mentally flexible, you can see it is serene, peaceful and has its own beauty. So long as you are actually welcome. I do think it probably gets scarier the farther in you go, especially if your unfamiliar or being treated as hostile.
I'll have to think on the "don't touch the wrong shadow" thing. Could turn into something interesting. But yes absolutely Azowyr can spy on the real world or specific people by inhabiting their shadows but most often he leaves this to his shades. I think he's way more likely to spy on Tia directly right now but it has to be someone important. And yes I might try and write up a fable or horror story of Azowyr's trials, either a somewhat accurate fable or a first hand account of a survivor.
And to be clear yeah peoples shadows move or even disappear but I was definitely going to have it that every person has a shade, often living in their shadow. But this is also their "dark self" so to speak. There is a lot of lore of these dark selves where the hold all of our secret feelings, desires, our grudges. Things like that. These work for Azowyr and often reflect that person's true feelings including resentment, loneliness, etc. Tia's will actually be making appearances soon too.
How do the shades work? Also, can Azowyr control someone/something by controlling its shadow? Or can he influence them to do certain things by using these "dark selves"?
Idk I haven't really worked out all of the details yet. I do think at the very least they readily take orders from Azowyr, sort of like his retainers and minions. But each is a bit unique to the person? Like I said, needs more development. I think some people maybe have a stronger shade than others and maybe more influenced by them. Though perhaps some people try to say their actions were influenced by their shade but because its not something thats well known or studied its very mysterious and perhaps inacurrate to the reality of the plane. I was also thinking people might even have a superstition of spitting at their shadow before talking about something secret so that their shade doesn't listen in or some equivalent.
Hmm, okay. I'll start thinking about these shades and how they work, since that seems to be a place we can flesh out.
okay! I'm not going to be super available today but I'll keep it on my mind
Okay so I think I'm going to try and update/improve the actual aspect articles alongside the development of the planes. Tried out a new format for Azowyr (though admittedly my focus is too poor for proofreading and editing text right now)
Just took a glance at the article and it looks really cool! I didn't see any typos or anything like that so you should be fine.
Yeah I just know the text could use revisions. I am glad it looks good though! I wrote most of the aspects up very briefly and my world wasn't as developed so there's lots to fiddle around with. I can also better how dry it is. But I'm pretty worn out this week unfortunately. Got brain fog like I'm high without actually being high lol my brains way of telling me to chill out. I think fall allergies are also making it worse >_> ragweed is in bloom where I live and it really punched me in the face this year.
Oohh, ouch. I'm sorry. Allergies suck. But take your time to clear your head. I don't want you pushing yourself and making things worse. Maybe take a nap? (lol, this is me trying to be helpful, while having no idea how to be helpful)
Lol no your fine. Today is one of the few days this week I HAVENT napped. Allergies are winding down now too now that it's getting colder. It just has a tendency to make the brain fog and drowsiness and all I already have from my meds or health conditions worse. Just gotta kick back and resist the urge to hop onto my laptop. Which is practically a compulsion at this point >_>
lol, don't worry Lee, all your work will still be here when you wake up.
I experimented with CSS a little bit on the Azowyr article, stuff is VERY particular. Was trying to change the background for just that article (which right now is those crests on the right and left of articles) but could only figure out how to change the middle column. I might copy paste and make some formatting choices different for other articles once I've settled on a format. This stuff really is its own language >_>
Oh, yeah. I took a CSS class several years back, and oh boy! I did not like it. But it's a pretty cool skill to have once you've got a handle on it. At least you've got a little bit of help, you mentioned your partner was good at this kinda stuff, if I recall correctly?
https://www.w3schools.com also this was a big help to me when I was learning, could help you too.
Yeah I leaned heavily on that site as a resource. Though Austin's way of helping me was just presenting his old CSS Introductory book from college. And its a bit dated ntm geared more for how to create basic webpages and I had to try and pick through for the bits and pieces I needed. Plus world anvil has some restrictions that make it a bit less straightforward, taking out a number of components like < >. It'll take a bit to totally get the hang of but I do like being able to adjust formatting without having to change it for the whole world!
And just imagine how pretty your articles are going to be!! Even prettier and nicer looking than they are right now
Yeah I just gotta not fall into trying to update the formatting on every single article and not get anything new done >.> Got too many edits I'm trying to do at once including the illustrated and article versions of ITS ntm all of the old articles. It's no wonder I've not done as much creative writing
Yeah, I think updating the look of old articles or doing the illustrated version of ITS should be as like a "take a break" kind of thing. Just as like a personal observation/preference
Well I'm hoping to I prove the rough drafts and fix holes where I made stuff up on the spot. Refine some of the dialogue. Stuff like that. But I am at least jumping between edits on articles and edits on ITS itself pretty evenly. I think more people might enjoy it if the appearance is more palatable given the way I write can be a lot or dry.
Hey so I was watching a documentary on Halloween and I realized we could easily model Azowyr's Plane on Celtic lore, especially as the "otherworld" where fairies live. Also, something I never put into an article is that some people might call the Doine (like Euan) fairies, especially those like bandits who don't settle down into Angli (English) society. But it's a moniker that'll easily piss off most Daoine, including Euan. Idk I might try and flesh out cultures in the Chain so it's easier to build Azowyr's Plane alongside it.
oohh, Celtic lore? Not something I'm super familiar with, but that could be fun to explore!
BTW, I was thinking a little bit about shades. (Been feeling kinda under the weather recently, so haven't been doing too much work), but if shades are/similar to the "dark self" I think these could manifest in someone's life as intrusive thoughts or "that other voice" in one's head (I believe certain mental diseases have this "voice"). I think shades would also have varying control over people. Since, if these shades are bad thoughts, dark secrets and things like that these shades could be thoughts of regret, remorse, or guilt.
Basically, I think shades are really good manipulating gaslighters and will use their abilities to convince a person to feel a certain way to get them to do something. Of course, since these shades are technically under Azowyr's control it's whatever he wants them to do.
I don't know if I made these shades too sentient. But, if every person has a shade I doubt Azowyr would be able to directly control all of them. I think that of Azowyr what's to look into/observe a specific person he'd call their shade and then the shade would be the spy or something. But I think maybe for the most part the shades develop as the person grows. The person creates the shade, not Azowyr.
Does that work/make sense?
Oh absolutely! I think the stronger this dark self the more influence it has on someone, especially with intrusive thoughts (Tia has already experienced this without realizing it!). And definitely on those kinds of thoughts, including regret, remorse, guilt, resentment, shame, despair, fear and the like. In fact I was thinking some of this dark self is also connected to the mental dark aspects perhaps. Giving them a link to the physical world through that shade.
I think a lot of people and cultures view these shades as evil and as manipulators like you say, and perhaps sometimes they are, but they are also that one entity thats always in your corner. Pushing you to stand up for yourself and recognize your own deepest needs. Validating your anger, your fear, your pain. Nothing in Emynea is starkly and purely evil, despite public opinion. But yes a person should still be careful feeding into this dark self too. Too much of these emotions can taint a person and make them very selfish and hateful. But many times, its a voice insisting you be true to yourself, not to put up with abuse, validating your worst feelings. That kind of thing.
And of course yes, Azowyr ultimately controls them. This dark self is always Zalikar's first impression of people too, giving him a very warped view of people. But like you said, controlling all of them at once? Not at every second of the day. He isn't omniscient after all, his attention is limited. The information they have and what they are doing is something he can turn his attention to if he puts his focus to that. I imagine he has either a psychic bond to them or like you said, he can call them to him. I imagine to the shades, being summoned by him would be quite the honor. And yeah, the shade would develop person to person. I imagine he sees them almost like children but, because there are so many, treats them as subjects in his domain.
And don't worry if you don't know a lot about Celtic stuff, I'll gather up all the research and trim it down for us to use however we choose to. It should be interesting >:) sad I'm getting holloween inspired at the last second though
Random thing: "Nothing in Emynea is starkly and purely evil" I like that. Very interesting thought to keep in mind.
Hey sorry if I fell off on stuff. Got really into the editing and wore myself out >.> but I got started on my research on Gaelic mythology. Still got a ways to go but I've got some of the basics up on the article Research. I'm typing it up so you can view it more neatly in view mode so it can be used for quick references. Eventually I'll make an actual article for the Daoine and Angli peoples but I still need to finish reading through the sources and consolidate the info into something usable. Lemme know if you have any questions/ideas!
Wow, that is a lot of info. I'll go through it more thoroughly as soon as I can. I've been a little busy with NovelEmber lol.
That's fine I understand. I've been adding some CSS to articles myself. I'll let you know when I get to Lina so you have a say on what background I give her, if you have a preference
Sounds good!
Hey, Lee, I have a question to ask you. And let me know if this is too personal, but I wanted to ask you what it's like to have depression. I know you experience some form of it with your bipolar disorder, but when you're depressed what are the thoughts that you think, are there certain emotions you experience? Is depression just being really, really, really sad?
It's not a problem, I don't mind talking about it. Depression can be a bit different for each person but is definitely more than just being sad. In fact the sadness is closer to the feeling of extreme grief or emotional pain. A lot of mood disorders cause a loss of control over mood overall, not needing a reason to be sad perse, but these disorders can be surprisingly physical. Eating and sleeping too much or too little, weight gain or loss, inhibited immune system, body aches and pain, physical or mental lethargy and fatigue, slower movement. But there are also lots of mental stuff too like brain fog or lack of concentration, lack of motivation and executive dysfunction (having trouble initiating tasks even if you want to do them), high stress levels without a trigger, lessened ability to tolerate/handle stress, insomnia or chronic nightmares, lack of interest in things you may ordinarily love, reclusivity and not putting as much time or energy into hobbies or even relationships, withdrawing from things in general. Some of the effects can get more extreme too. Like invasive thoughts where negative thoughts about yourself or others popping into your head whether you actually thing them or not, regardless of whether you can logically refute them. Sometimes even suicidal thoughts come in this way or getting a lot of doubts about the things that normally motivate you like or doubt how much other people care about or need you. Anything that usually motivates you to keep trying is generally attacked by these invasive thoughts. After all, much easier to give up if those things arent there.
Inability to accomplish even daily tasks thanks to a lack of or at least reduced amount of dopamine or seratonin in the brain, which is how our brain motivates us to do unpleasant or repetitive tasks. I know on really bad days, I'll have just this buzzing pain in my chest. Like bunch of carpenter bees are in my chest trying to chew their way out. Sadness and sheer emotional pain as though someone has died or like if a significant other dumped you but there is no trigger, no reason. You just hurt. Trouble doing any tasks to take care of yourself like planning/picking up groceries, cooking, basic cleaning or more severe like not brushing teeth, washing/changing into clean clothes, bathing, eating enough meals, going outside or exercizing. I used to spend my whole day in bed in a previous more severe episode, difficult to convince myself to take care of myself. Honestly it was taking care of my dog that got me up and through that period. Body can get really heavy in these states too. An inability to put on a facade and pretend to be okay.
I'm probably forgetting things though. It's a really pervasive illness that has a way of touching each and every part of your life. Causing immense dysfunction and slowly choking your ability to live your life without help. And a lot of it is chemical imbalance in the brain, not because of something you've experienced. But you are more prone to trauamatic experiences in that state and are way more sensitive/reactive to stress. It takes just one crappy things to kick your legs out from under you and cause an emotional shutdown/breakdown.
How do you cope with those thoughts/emotions/feelings? And how do you get out of "feeling" this way?
I mean everybody has their own way of trying to stifle, solve or handle all of it. Often people develop problematic behaviors and responses when blindly dealing with it on their own but people with depression can be surprisingly resilient. I often lean toward distraction and escapism when it's more than I can handle or whenever doing so doesn't get me into trouble (like at work or something). A lot of people use substances to dull the worst of it or to work around symptoms (like using weed to increase appetite/fight insomnia). Alcoholism and drug addictions are common, especially with bipolar disorder. Something I've thankfully avoided. But having supportive social network is very helpful, having understanding and patient family or partner. I tend to consume a lot of media that I know affects my mood a certain way too, like playing a game I find relaxing or rewatching an emotional show. That's one of the few ways I can affect my mood. Sometimes doing things I like like being out in nature, meditating outdoors by water especially, having a favorite tea or meal, being pampered in some way. But sometimes I just have to hunker down with the emotions and lethargy and just let myself feel it. To keep in mind that no matter how terrible I feel in the moment, I will eventually feel better. "The only way out is through" kind of mentality. A lot of people avoid feeling the feelings at all costs. If you aren't used to that kind of emotional pain, hopelessness and desire to give up it is much more difficult. But I like to think my resilience at this point is unbreakable after all I've been through. I can withstand pain that would overwhelm a lot of other people. Overall though, I can't always get out of feeling that way. I have to live with it and manage it and like a physical disability I have to find ways to move through life despite it. Admittedly I don't always cope either. Sometimes I just gotta cry my eyes out, curl up on the couch, and wade through intense despair and doubt till I come out the other side. But people in my life can still make a huge difference so long as they aren't judgemental, unsupportive or selfish in response
Thank you, Lee, for answering my questions.
Np! I know most people don't know much about it and the only way to better that is to talk about it. Unravel the stigma and stereotypes
Hey so I finally got around to reorganizing categories and how they are displayed. Whenever you have the time, could you skim through and tell me what you think?
DAAAAMMNNN, it's looking good, my friend! I'm really impressed. Fantastic work
Awesome!! I'm glad it came out well I really like it. Next I'm working on the Erlithmanil pages and I'll sort of set the stage to work on aspects (including research). I've also got a HUGE list of species set aside for World Ember for a few different ecosystems. You can feel free to work on any on the list of the inspiration strikes you but don't feel like you have to. Hopefully everything will be set up by the end of the month for lots of fun article writing!
Sounds good!
I've been getting busier with the holiday season approaching (preparing for family and stuff), but hopefully I'll be able to pop by a few times and write up a few articles.
That's fine, I understand. Just plenty to work with if you feel up to it. My parents are going on a cruise so it's just me and Austin >.> But I have a lot of cleaning to do. Fleas are eating up me and the pets just cuz I didn't vacuum this week and it's getting colder. Dang things like my blood type or something -_- but my cats allergic so it really affects him. But otherwise Im all geared up for World Ember >:)
lol, looks like you've got your hands full too. Hopefully those fleas will die soon.
But I was wondering if you could help me brainstorm for a story (yes, another) that I'm working on?
Sure, no problem!
Okay, so I'm currently working on the plot. I don't have much of a setting, but I do want it to be some kind of pirate thing. I want it to be a pirate adventure hi-jinks kind of thing. There does need to be some sneaking and/or spying that I kind of want to happen. But the main theme is "Community is important."
There are three main characters.
Montavious is probably a noble guy at heart. He’s a very stand-up guy. However, the brutal life of piracy was something he grew up with. His father was a captain and being brutal is something he was used to seeing. Although Monty might be a noble guy deep down on the surface he can be seen as rather cruel and calculating. He grew up in a brutal world, where the only love he was shown was given by his dad, and it was typically when he did something to hurt someone.
When his dad was tossed overboard and the crew had succeeded in their mutiny, they left him on the docks of some shipyard. They feared he would grow vengeful and try to kill them, so they figured it best to leave him. (Or something.) But because of how Monty had been raised, the brutality of the pirate life so indoctrinated in him that he had almost expected it, or at least knew something like that would have happened.
He was ten years old when the crew abandoned him. He never rally had a chance to mourn for his dad. He didn’t have time. He knew life was harsh and brutal. Life didn’t wait for you. So he sucked in his tears and never let himself mourn. Deep down, somewhere, he’s a scared ten year old boy on the docks hoping against all hope that his dad would swim up out of the ocean waters and climb onto the docks.
Monty's arc involves not only allowing himself to mourn is father, but growing up out of those brutal ways of life and realizing that life isn't just hardships and struggles, but also peace and contentment.
Cornelius (CJ) isn't a giant fan of trust. He still talks to people and is fairly charming, but he doesn’t trust anyone, and he doubts anyone trusts him. He’s just the distraction. The person that cooks and makes meals but that’s it. Despite all his charms, Cornelius really needs a friend. And so does Montavious. Being alone isn’t fun, and they both find consolation in each other.
CJ’s backstory borders on abusive. He probably was abused when he was little. I wouldn’t be surprised. With his emotional rollercoaster of a mom, and inattentive dad, he had a very rough child hood. His real self hides under thousands of masks. He’s terrified of what will happen if people knew the “real him.” He’d rather hide under the masks then reveal himself and be tossed out, rejected and scorned.
He’s scared of people and the what-ifs. He’s scared of reality being a cold and isolating place, where it’s just him working on the docks for a few scrappy pennies. He’d rather pretend to be someone he’s not, then getting rejected and shamed. CJ is scared of what-ifs. It’s how he grew up. What if mom is angry? What if dad is disappointed? What if they hurt me? He’d rather keep up the disguise, keep the mask on then reveal himself and risk the consequences and answers of “what if.”
The third character is Zara, but I don't have much on her. She's very smart and very persuasive, well spoken. She is also a hard worker, but grew up somewhat sheltered from the outside world.
Oooh I like the messy/complex characters! Sounds like they've got plenty of room to grow together (or fail to). Pirates always remind me of a weird vivid dream I had once >_> lots of possibilities with pirates tho. Austin totally wants Euan to become a pirate later actually lol
There is also room to flesh out Zara too. Perhaps she sees these two and all of these habits that are protecting but also tripping them up and tries to 'fix it's all the time, tryna share some healthy expectations and problem solving (since she is from a different less volatile environment I'm guessing). Kinda showing how people sometimes need these tools and unconditional support to grow, even if they initially fight it or see her as too soft? Idk. The other two leave you a lot to work with.
Not sure if you plan to do romance or what you're comfortable with but I could totally see the two guys ending up together (or something like that, pirates were actually SUPER gay and trans. Who's gonna police them at sea?) Hell maybe the guy with the pirate background it's normal but CJ is initially appalled? Hell maybe a love triangle/throuple happens idk. Just thought I'd mention my brain's automatic ship : p
Romance or no it'd definitely be great to see CJs fear and anxiety eased or challenged by Monty and Monty's harsh facade and good heart melted by CJ, even if perhaps it doesn't start that way. You could definitely create some outside circumstance which forces them together as allies however the means. Maybe CJ accidentally stumbles into a sketchy situation or trouble with the law and, not wanting to become a criminal or put his life at risk, Monty helps him out but not in a way that's obvious is well intentioned at first. Ooh perhaps he makes CJ work for him or do a job with him in exchange for that help? There really is a lot of possibilities! and somehow Zara also gets caught up in things.
If you need help with the world itself I can share some of the structure of the pirate world I dreamed about as inspiration? My dreams can be really complex and are great writing fuel, even if I can't remember all of it. But there was definitely some kind of kingdom and port city where bougie society of royals and nobles looked down on their "pirate problem". there was a noble girl/princess who struggled to keep up with all of the rules and demands of her life. Until she is kidnapped by pirates and held in their hideout while they ransomed her. But there she finds not a horrid, cutthroat group of killers in the traditional sense. These are all people, especially in this captains group, a bunch of people like her who don't want to be forced to conform or change who they are. Living their life how they want to but in exchange for predictably, protective laws and relative safety. Because alongside these people are cruel, greedy and selfish individuals which make the world of pirates dangerous alongside the precarious balance of power. Anyway, the noble turns out to be trans and has a thing for the nonbinary captain and sort of join forces to terrorize and eventually overthrow her kingdom and all the craziness of figuring themselves out and of the path they've chosen. Also the the castle/tower is built into this big bottomless pit which was kinda like a most. You needed an airship to reach it because it's just this huge curtain of waterfalls all around it, falling into no where, with this huge luxuriant pillar castle at the center. This was in the heart of a big bay of a highly lucrative port. They had a medieval European kingdom + pirates + a bit of steampunk or scifi tech added in. Feel free to take from any of that if you want to! It's an interesting setting after all.
lol, one of my plot ideas was actually taking Zara as a prisoner and ransoming her. But respectfully, I don't write gay romances. It's against my beliefs and those are not something that I can go against. I don't have any issue with other people doing it. I'm not going to shame them or make fun of them or anything, but those relationships are just things that I personally cannot write.
The world that you dreamt up sounds really interesting though. I might come back and think more on that later, the main thing that I'm struggling with is just the plot. I, quite honestly, didn't think about a plot starting with all of the characters starting in different places. Because I initially thought that Monty and CJ would both be pirates on the same crew. And Monty eventually becomes Captain through some shenanigans (probably involving someone drowning).
It's like what are they fighting against? What's an outside force that drives these guys to become closer friends? I thought about having some kind of pirate civil war, but then that didn't really make any sense...
Oh! What if Monty finds the crew that kills his dad, and in an act of brutal revenge (because that's kind of how he was raised), he starts hunting them down trying to kill them. CJ joins him for...reasons? And somehow Zara is also apart of this (I might make her a pirate too, but have her like be a spy or something? Maybe some double-crosser)
Thats okay if its not your thing. Not everyone is comfortable with writing lgbt characters/plots. And as for plot its kind of funny cuz I'm good at doing overarching plots but struggle with smaller arcs. But uhhh. I guess it depends on what you want the world to be like and if you want to tackle societal themes or if you just want something fun or light hearted. Or is it mostly about interpersonal themes? Kind of like creating a meta for a world you just gotta decide what you want to be the angle of the story, it adds a lot of depth.
Also my idea of the princess being kidnapped by pirates in an airship was clearly influenced by the story of Final Fantasy IX, princess garnet being abducted by Zidan and his pirate crew. Sometimes influences like that get remade into something weird in dreams. But generally piracy arises when there is an extreme economic disparity which is unbreachable to the average person. Wealthy, powerful people living a life of excess while the common man can barely get by, many may lean into piracy, seeing all that they have while they have so little. Poverty breeds crime after all. A society with many high standards and which doesn't tolerate deviation also produce pirates. Pirates after all were often sailors and naval soldiers who turn to piracy when this lifestyle doesn't provide enough to survive or if their desired lifestyle isn't considered acceptable (which is why there were so many gay or crossdressing female pirates!) I mean there are definitely people who are born into it or, more often, kidnapped as children and forced into the life of piracy. But overall these are people who would rather live a life of freedom and behave like predators, feeding on merchants and ransoms in order to survive. But sort of like the wild west, lawlessness and anarchy comes with a hefty and dangerous price.
Perhaps your characters are trying to root out what they consider to be the bad pirates while still dodging mutinies and the harsh hand of the law? Monty has the inspiration of revenge against those who turned on his father but CJ may be a bit tricky. What situation can you generate which forces them together, however unlikely allies they appear to be. Perhaps he has some kind of information that might lead Monty in the right direction or perhaps he has his own vendetta. Or perhaps Monty saved his life and he feels duty bound to help him? Perhaps he's got some kind of blackmail on CJ? Perhaps CJ was working the docks or bar of an infamous port known for its pirate activity but he had always kept his head down. His abusive family could easily have been pirates or perhaps even a tavern that services pirates? Ohhh and what if Zara is secretly a spy for the law. But she is hesitant to sell out CJ who she sees as a "in the wrong place at the wrong time" kind of situation but she also eventually comes to see Monty for his good heart, unexpectedly. Like her relationship with them clashes against her prejudices and duty. (Just spitballing honestly).
that bit about Zara is quite fun and I do really like that. There's a lot of good stuff in here. I think I have enough to work with to come up with an actual plot. Thank you for your help!
Np I'm happy any of my spitballing helped!
Hey, Lee, how are you? How was the holiday season for you? I left this on the "Random Stuff" discussion boards, but you never responded, so I figured you were just busy or forgot to follow the discussion board. Anyways I decided to copy/pasted it here just in case.
"Hey, Lee, I hope you're feeling better. I have a couple scenes from a book I'm working on that I was hoping you could critique for me. Just whenever you get the chance/whenever you feel up to it. Thank you!
https://www.worldanvil.com/w/aetheria-ebelt/a/contemplating-death-prose
https://www.worldanvil.com/w/aetheria-ebelt/a/monty-s-decision-prose "
Hey! Sorry no I didn't get a notification for whatever reason. I'm doing a lot better and am starting back up working on things again here and there. Austin was really sweet and got me a chromebook with his christmas bonus so I can at least work on things again (still learning how to navigate this computer though. Why tf did they decide to replace the CAPS with a search button??) The fun bit is its like a tablet/laptop hybrid and I can even use my phone apps on it. Which means I can make, edit and upload all of the art on this one device instead of hopping back and forth with my phone! I don't think its processing power is very strong though but that should be fine for writing.
Yeah I don't mind taking a look at them. I'll take a look tomorrow so long as nothing else comes up! I should probably get into the habit of reading other people's content too since I like offering advice/critique. I'm just not in as much of a habit of reading for fun since college :/ sadly a consequence of getting an English degree was me not reading NEARLY as much as I used to, weirdly enough. Sort of an executive dysfunction. Used to read several books a month as a kid but college sucks the fun out of it. OH and the new editor is really messing with me :/ I set up all of these variables to make my writing process smoother and now idk how to even deploy them with the new editor. How are you liking it?
I'm glad to hear you're doing better!
I honestly haven't used the new editor much. From what I've used it's been pretty cool. I never used a whole lot of the BBCode, so both editors aren't a huge hassle. However, they dropped me back down to freeman so I can't really write a whole lot on here anyways. So I'll probably turn my attention exclusively toward Draconis, at least when writing on here.
Oh wow that's rough :( I got lucky this year when my dad's Christmas gift was a hundred dollar bill. Used it for my membership. You're also welcome to work on stories/articles in Emynea if you want. I can transfer things into Emynea in Action manuscript or use my membership benefits to add features if you want. But if you'd rather work on Draconis I understand.
Aww, thanks Lee that's really sweet of you, but I think I'll just work on Draconis for now. Give that world a bit of love
okay, that's fine! Lemme know if you need anything then. I'm mostly working on tweaking In Their Shadows while I get the hang of this strange little computer! Think I'm going to pick the story back up finally once I've caught up the mixed Media version with the manuscript!
Sounds good!
Hey Lee, would you be interested in switching over to discord to talk about Emynea, Draconis, and whatever else.
I haven't joined yet or anything, but I guess it's a reliable messaging site? Just a thought. I have some other writing friends asking me to join and I don't know, I'm still hesitant for some reason. No one's ever given me a good enough reason to join I guess.
I'm fine with either honestly. Chatting and all would probably be better in discord while stuff that's more important or you might want to reference later is better here I think. Easier to lose details on a messenger vs posting like this
Hey, sorry it took me a while to read over your rough drafts. The brain fog this week has been intense and I forgot >_> They were very interesting though! I left a comment on the actual articles
No, you're good! I'm glad your brain fog finally cleared. But thank you for your thoughts. The story is definitely still in a rough draft stage, and the whole plot hasn't even been worked out, but I figured I'd at least try to get some scenes out, like some of the big emotional ones. Zara will have her's too, but her backstory is tied very closely to the plot, so her emotional scene is still in the works.
Kinda just needed to know I was going in the right direction.
Thank you!
Yeah no problem! I actually started real writing by just working on big/emotional scenes and reworking them as the story grew. In fact a lot of ITS was just the beginning and the end lol it's like a good starting point for exercising the writing muscles so to speak. The middle stuff is always the hardest for me but I'm getting better. You gotta build it up from something right? Like a foundation or skeleton. Ur doing good so far, just keep working at it bit by bit and before you know it you'll have something special!
Thanks, Lee! I'm hoping it'll become something special.
Oh my gosh, Lee, the weirdest thing just happened.
So a person just followed me, and I left a comment thanking them like I usually do.
And they respond back with "Thank you! You seem like a lovely person! I just wanted to inform you about one of the worlds you worked on, Emynea to be exact, I wanted to say that I'm worried about it containing AI generated images due to the little tid-bit at the bottom of the world, as AI does steal art to generate images, and, so, using them in a world is using stolen art, as a result, I recommend speaking with the owner of the world about it so they can remove the stolen art."
Like, bruh. I understand the concern, but why did they message me about it? Why didn't they just go directly to you? But they asked me to tell you, so here I am. I just find it funny, if not a little cowardly? Forgive me if that was rude, but if someone is going to critique another's work, forgive me if I think it should be done directly, especially if they have the means.
yeahhhhh that's pretty roundabout of them. It's not like I can't take criticism but I get some people would rather avoid that. I'm sort of prepared to get some hate for using AI though. I know not everyone is going to like it. But like... if there is going to be ethical use of this new tool, someone's gotta try and do that. Figure out what is and isn't okay. But that's also why I am making sure to be transparent about the art. I know its got a long way to go but its like magic to me being able to bring my ideas to life with nothing but the right wording! Plus, I'm not making any kind of money off of it or trying to say I drew it you know? Ntm I edit a [I]lot[/I] of it, sometimes just using the AI art as a baseline! Seriously tho, stolen? The app [I]references[/I] countless artworks the same way a human might, just a lot faster. but honestly each one is still pretty unique.
Rambling aside, you can tell them:
"Yes there is a lot of AI art in Emynea and I will continue to be transparent about that. I understand you may have your own qualms with that and are free to feel however you want about it. But I am doing all I can to use this tool as ethically and reasonably as possible. Just another broke creator who can't afford commissions and lacks artistic skill, trying my best to bring my creations to life in whatever way I can. I will not be taking down any of my art just because I used AI as a base and I do not agree that it is stolen. I understand that perspective but in my perspective, this is like arguing that all humans shouldn't eat animal products (that we should be vegan) because its stealing from animals/nature. If you feel that way you are welcome to reject AI but I don't and wont. Like many human inventions, it is a tool that can greatly aid the creative community so long as we work out what is and isn't okay. (P.S. feel free to message me directly if you have anything else to discuss, my ears are always open!)
yeah I'll copy/paste it and let them know.
They did message back, but they did delete it and didn't think to copy/paste it here or anything. Anyways they said, "I have read Lee's profile and believe it isn't a good reason on it's own for stolen art, and they replace them as soon as they can. I deleted and replaced my former comment is because I believe it was too soft on AI "art"
Not gonna lie I legit don't remember what the OG comment said.
lol that's okay. I get the gist of what their saying, it kind of speaks for itself. Like I said, I understand their view but don't agree with it. That simple. If they dislike the use of AI then they don't have to consume that content. I am getting the feeling they are very rigid and won't budge so I don't really see a point in engaging much beyond that. I know the type (I see a lot of it here where I live). But just because they believe it doesn't mean it has to be enforced, its not really their decision as far as I'm concerned.
Oh, plus, I put a LOT of time and effort into the art even if it starts out as AI. I'm not throwing out all of that work because someone doesn't like it
No, that's completely fair! Like as someone who has artist friends if there's a simple drawing that I need done I'll just ask them. But if it's something more complex that would take them a lot longer to accomplish, that I would feel bad asking them to do without any form of payment, yeah AI is an easy choice. Especially for someone with not a whole lot of income.
I'm not sure if that makes sense. Basically I understand and empathize with both sides.
Yeah I understand. It's not like I'm going out and purposefully stealing artwork for each art piece. Plus how much of art history were people imitating other art? I still remember an art teacher having us do our own versions of famous pieces. I know there are probably lots of assholes abusing the generators and being malicious or dishonest with it. But I'm not one of those people and I'd rather be an example of how it can be used ethically.
But that aside, being able to see my character's faces and the places I've only imagined is pretty incredible! And I sure af don't have any income, not for the past few years. And I'm definitely not going to ask Austin to pay for commissions so... this is my medium. I also like to think the editing I do makes it my own anyways. And they are still my IDEAS. I mean I can't look at how amazing the new format looks now that I learned a bit of CSS and have a few more editing tools. Idk if your looking at them but its so cool to see it come together and come to life! Plus I remembered you saying you have trouble visually imagining or picturing things and I think this format should be easier for you and other readers like you. I'll still be doing new chapters in both formats if it isn't for you though.
I do love the AI images. And I do like the comic/visual medium your doing it in, I think it looks really cool! And I think it could definitely help those who maybe struggle to read just plain paragraphs of text. I can, personally, do either way.
But the visual one is just so fun! Although granted I'm sure it takes quite a bit of work.
That it does >_> but I've found shortcuts mostly with variables. Either way, it's so worth it it's more of what I'd like the story to be! I'm pretty proud of it even if I'm not getting feedback. Been showing Austin and he's pretty proud of the work that went into it
Honestly it would be so cool if you were able to legitimately self-publish it like that. A kind of comic book story almost. I think it's honestly a good balance with the visual aspects that comics have, which is excellent for things like battles, and the more in the character's head that really only works in a purely textual novel.
Yeah I'm hoping I can. Maybe when it's done I can upload it somewhere like a webtoon or something idk. It'll be a while till I reach that point anyway.
Hey, Lee thought I'd see if I could start working on another EiA story. If I gave the characters these kinds of Kaithur 1) is it possible, and if it is 2) what kinds of abilities would they have?
Girl -- Rylmer push; Flithmar skin
Guy -- Krithda Vision; Irkath Mind
Oo those are fun combinations.
Girl)
Very powerful caster but needs to be careful about expending too much energy
Rylmer's push differs by which specific kind of storm they manifest, each person a little different but typically matching extreme weather of whatever region their ancestors resided in. Examples are blizzards for Russkie (russian) or northern Yaxiyans, thunderstorms for Zulu or Saan, monsoons for to rong lua (southeast Asia), tornadoes for various native American tribes and so on. Push essentially allows a caster to violently generate an aspect with themselves as the epicenter so for Rylmer, that'd be an explosive and sudden pulse of whatever storm they can summon and/or any specific qualities of a storm. Someone with tornados as an example can very suddenly generate a tornado with themself in the eye of the storm or just strong winds as a smaller summoning. Drawback is that Push eats up a lot of energy really quickly, depending on how large and how intensely they use it.
Flithmar's Skin is pretty straightforward. They can generate flames directly from their skin/hair/sweat and ignite things that make direct contact. They can then expand these flames around themselves into different shapes. This can take the form of a cloak, armor, a whole pocket of fire surrounding their body, spikes, shields, etc. Finally, these casters are totally immune to flame magic and natural fire and are immune to negative effects of fire like extreme heat and burns in general. Flame magic is fairly widespread, present in most regions, but is most prevalent in Alkelbulan (Africa), especially Kasar Wuta (the Sahel). It would be easy to say this character is Alkelbulian, a mix of Zulu/Saan and one of the. many peoples of Kasar Wuta.
Guy)
Now this is an interesting combination! Not handy for battle but very useful otherwise.
Krithda is the aspect of order, sanity and selflessness and Vision would allow them to mentally peek into Krithda's Plane. They can enter a meditative state and explore the plane like in a dream or trance. This plane is very organized and grants Visions of the overall balance, the overall order of the world which shows how insignificant each life is compared to the collective whole. I haven't really developped it enough beyond that yet. But while inside, they can peek through windows and portals within the plane, each connecting to the mind of a different individual. Even within the plane itself is memories, thoughts and emotions related to Krithda from all across Emynea! While they can access individual windows and portals, most aspects guard non-consentual access whether this is protecting and regulating access themselves or by some mechanism within the plane. Each person has their own defenses inside their mind space as well.
Irkath's Mind is fairly similar to a Vision but rather than projecting his consciousness into a plane, Mind lets him to jump into the mind of a target, into their own personal mind space. He can watch or experience thoughts, emotions and memories related to an aspect, those stored in that part of their mind. For Irkath, this is specific to being able to enter someone's subconscious! Their secrets -including those they are unaware of- are stored in this part of their mind, their subconscious thoughts and feelings, their "Id" (though I hate Freud), their lies and deceptions. Of course, they cant hop into someone else's mind space without leaving the door open for that same kind of invasion. Experience in using this skill and the willpower of the caster is very important to maintain control and guard themselves. Their target can also fight back, making the caster mentally battle them for access to certain memories and information, a battle of will and mental flexibility.
The last fun bit is figuring out how these skills will blend together and interact with each other! For the girl it depends on what kind of storm you choose for her. The guy will be an excellent seer of sorts, able to access a mental plane and capable of invading the subconscious of targets.
OOoohhh, okay that's a lot of fun stuff to work with!
Awesome! Lemme know if u need anything else
Hey, Lee I know it's been kind of a long while, but how are you?
I've been working on that pirate story that I told you about, and it's going pretty good, if I don't say so myself. I've got the plot, and I'm currently writing the first rough draft (again) while still world building as I go.
But there's a scene in the book, and I wanted to ask you, have you ever experienced/talked to someone who has had a panic attack, and what is it like?
Hey! Yes it has been a while. I've had to limit how much I work on my projects each day cuz I've been making some real progress on better daily habits (like actually keeping up with house work, relationships and health stuff). Plus I am putting... probably too much attention to one particular article I've just about finished. Took WAY longer than I expected. But I think it'll be a great addition. Integrates Hinduism into Emynea.
I'm glad you're progressing on your pirate story! I'll definitely give it's a read when its ready :) And yes I'm pretty familiar with panic attacks, both having experienced them and sat through them with other people (I DID used to work in a psychiatric facility after all). Did you have any specific questions about it?
Oh, that's right! I forgot you worked in a psych facility, that probably comes in handy from time to time.
But yes, I wanted to know just generally what it's like. I've heard that like the breath and heart beat quickens, sometimes it feels like walls are closing in, which is why when helping people who are having them it helps to bring them outside in a not crowded area and to help them calm their breath.
The walls closing in differs from person to person and a lot of the symptoms do in general. But racing heart and altered breathing are standard whether they feel they can't breath or hyperventilating. Overall it's just this moment of incredible intensity and a sense of a loss of control. The brain dumps a ton of cortisol (stress hormone) as tho your in a love and death situation, sometimes even adrenaline. It's a disproportionate amount of stress and panic to what is going on and people telling u ur okay sometimes makes it work. Cuz in that moment it doesn't feel disproportionate, it's a state of panic. Dizziness, sweating, near fainting, shaking. Their focus is the potential bad future so the best thing is a mixture of grounding them physically to pull them out of that panic and validating what they're feeling. Sometimes tho they just need to ride it out. Also, afterwards the person is likely to be super tired, exhausted, burnt out. The amount of emotion can be a lot to deal with and be emotionally draining. Tho there are other ways of dealing with it and approaching it too. Each person is different. Some feel claustrophobic like u said but other people seek out a hiding place for safety (I loved small spaces only I could get to as a kid, cuz I'm so small(. Some people elope or flee the area while others hunker down and can even become catatonia (can't move or talk or react) or shut down, becoming blank and expressionless (disassociation). It all depends on what makes them feel safer or more in control
OH and yeah crowds are terrible in that state, anything uncertain or unpredictable or potentially dangerous. Plus no one wants to be seen in that state, an audience is often intolerable
Ahh okay, interesting. So this scene below is supposed to be CJ having a panic attack, and I felt like it wasn't super accurate (mostly because I haven't had a panic attack) so tell me what you think/what could make it more realistic.
Once CJ and the dockhand finish loading up the cases, he heads out of the docks back toward the Secret Cellar. He is about halfway towards the Cellar when he glances behind him, and sees a familiar face out of the corner of his eye. He immediately hurries forward, trying to calm his breath.
He goes up the road, before turning down a random alley, waiting for the couple to pass by. CJ stands staring at the trash below him, pretending to think. He stands there for a long minute, trying to catch his breath. He didn’t run, in fact, he barely jogged, but the memories that were stirred at the dock, started to pull even more memories from his mind.
He remembers more than the dark closet, but hiding under his bed clutching a small little tiger stuffed animal. He had gotten it from his dad, as a gift years ago. His dad was back and he was terrified his dad would storm into his room and take it. Just like he had so many other “gifts.”
He remembers hiding under the sheets and burying himself under all the blankets he could trying to block out the sounds from outside his bedroom. It was hot under those blankets, but everything was so much worse when he could see their shadows and hear their words.
CJ’s hands start to shake. He leans against the wall, trying to catch his breath and to reel his thoughts back in.
He glances up and sees the woman. She has gray streaks through her hair with dark skin and wrinkles around her mouth and eyes. She looks older and even more tired. The man has faded brown hair and dark skin as well. He has a severe frown on his face. CJ barely hears the man mutter some curses under his breath.
His breath quickens. The alley starts to get narrower and the walls seem to stretch higher. CJ collapses to his knees. The memories rushing in and tormenting him. The hurt and the pain. The bruises and the blood.
His legs feel useless, barely able to support his weight. He stumbles across the road. He barely sees the people, staring at him warily, some probably wondering if he is drunk. He stumbles through the door and collapses on the ground.
When his boss sees him he says, “CJ, why do you look so…you don’t look good.”
CJ shakes his head, “I’m fine.” He stands up, his legs still shaky.
His boss’s eyes narrow, “No, you go up and rest. You look very tired.”
“The shipment.” CJ says, leaning against a table, “I left it…in an alleyway. Sorry.” He mumbles.
“No, I go find it. You rest.”
CJ doesn’t argue and makes his way upstairs. He climbs into his bed and stares at the ceiling only a few feet away from his face. He throws a blanket over his face and grips the sheets desperately trying to steady his breathing
Yeah it's not bad for not having had one. I'd say you could try to link up certain sensations between the memories u mentioned, draw parallels that anchor the previous trauma with the current moment and fear he is experiencing. Little triggers or associations his brain has attached, making him feel he's right back in that moment again. I liked the hiding under the bed bit matching his defensive reaction to hide. There is also a lot of shame attached to panic attacks or showing any emotional/mental weakness too. I hide away from everyone when I feel myself spiraling. Often as kids when we have these instances, teachers or parents (assuming its a tantrum) or peers heckle, shame or even assault in response so if that's how he was treated in his moments of weakness or emotional instability he'd probably hide it at all costs. I can tell u in those situations there can also be an element of detachment. Human brain can only handle so much pain, emotional or physical. So when there's too much, many will detach or even dissociate. Might go numb, block out the feelings, distract themselves with something else or drugs or alcohol. But I didn't really see that as a factor with CJ, mainly just a desperate avoidance for what he's afraid of and seeking safety. Also, there is a difference between the first panic attack and subsequent ones. The first time you don't know what's happening. It feels like your dying, that something is really wrong with ur body, so it's scary for that reason. But when u have them more than once, that seeking safety and veering towards things that help u regulate yourself are the focus—modes to regain control. To convince ye ol lizard brain you aren't in a life and death situation. There are healthy ways but a lot of people stumble into UNhealthy coping strategies too. What helps or even saves you in that extremely moment, or whatever flashback it is triggering, may be damaging or harmful outside of that situation. I'm probably just babbling at this point, I hope this was at least somewhat helpful.
No that's all really helpful! Figuring out if CJ has experienced a panic attack before is actually a really good thing to think about. Something that I hadn't thought about.
I don't think this would be his first one, but he probably hasn't had one in a really long time (at least five ish years), so I'm assuming going for a while without a panic attack would probably cause him to spiral a lot more maybe ?
Yeah if you think "I'm all better!" having one again all of the sudden can feel really jarring. I've had panic attacks where my brain is telling me "nothing has changed, you're still broken and alone". You really need someone to show you compassion in those moments, to prove the invasive thoughts wrong. But at the same time its hard to reach out for fear of rejection or judgement. Althought, tbh, I think I might sometimes mix up breakdowns, shutdowns, meltdowns and panic attacks. The line can be kind of fuzzy. But these are all different states where someone is reacting to this experience of extreme stress. Plus, neurodivergent people are more likely to experience these more often, struggling to adjust to a neurotypical world (I'm talking about autistic people on the spectrum vs alltistic people who aren't). For reference, meltdowns happen when someone (especially neurodivergents) become overwhelmed and often lose control of their actions in a fight or flight state, sometimes violent but more often fleeing. shutdowns are similar in cause but instead of acting out, they detach emotionally and often socially. Sometimes they can still talk but they at least become quiet and uncommunicative. Disassociation to protect themselves essentially. Panic attacks are all about anxiety and not feeling in control of that anxiety. And breakdowns usually mean a lot of crying and despair, sometimes even being delusional. Lots of invasive thoughts and sometimes even suicidality. Hell sometimes these states can blur into each other. Meltdowns and breakdowns especially or alternately breakdowns and panic attacks (not fun!)
Ahh, interesting! I didn't even realize all of those things were different. I've mainly only ever heard them used interchangeably. Thank you for the info
Okay, I talked to another friend who also gets panic attacks to get their opinion. They mentioned that it felt similar to PTSD attacks. Do you think it makes more sense for CJ to have a PTSD attack as opposed to a panic attack?
Because I think both are just as likely. She was just pointing out the way it was written it felt more like PTSD attack than a panic attack, at least for her.
Well panic attacks can be a symptom of PTSD which is a whole ass disorder in its own right. Anyone can get a panic attacks but it happens more with PTSD, it standing for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. ESPECIALLY CPTSD which is complex PTSD, arising from a extended period/repeated instances of trauma especially trauma of the same kind and that experienced in childhood. PTSD also coincides with flashbacks and what are called flashbulb memories. Basically spescific triggers will cause them to remember or replay those traumatic memories or snippets of them. Sometimes they fully relive the trauma! I actually do this in Chapter 9 of ITS, where Tia is back on the mountain with Ben. Unprocessed stress and dread over the possibility of it happening again can snap you right back into the moment, feeling all that fear or pain as if it just happened again.
I think it just depends on what he went through and how he did or didn't cope with it. Some people are extremely resilient and have good support, able to process what happened and not go it alone. Other people struggle more or avoid processing things or go everything alone, sometimes compounding their suffering. One man's puddle is another man's ocean, you can drown in two inches of water or swim endlessly in the deepest waters. Also It makes a difference if this was a continuous, repeating cycle of trauma, how pervasive was it in his life (like is it just at school, just at home, or does he ever have a safe moment), did he have anyone close to him or going through it with him, how did he handle it and what specifically brings him back into it? Also how old was he, was he in developmental stages? things are worse in that period.There's plenty to discover and if you aren't comfortable going into that much detail its fine, a little can go a long way and the reader can fill in the blanks with their imagination if youd rather be more mysterious. I love getting into the gritty psychology with characters though :)
No, I'd love to go into more detail! This story does have a lot of mental and/or psychological issues for a lot of the characters and I really want to make sure I'm portraying it right. In the actual story it might be more mysterious, but I'd rather have all the details so I can choose which ones I feel like the audience needs to know, if that makes sense.
But CJ grew up in a home where is mom was rarely ever home. She worked two jobs and whenever she came home CJ was never sure what kind of mood she would be in. Would she be happy to see him or upset and shout at him and claim that he ruined her life. His dad was in and out of the picture. He tended to gamble and drink whatever money he made away, sometimes coming home drunk, high, and poor.
Sometimes though he would bring home gifts for his wife and son, hoping to "earn them back." only for a few days later for him to take them back and sell them for more money. Whenever he came home, CJ's mom and dad would always shout and argue. He tried to block it out by like hiding in the closet or burying himself under the bed. His favorite stuffed animal was a tiger that his dad gave to him.
This definitely happened when he was younger too. At school, there wasn't much relief from the kids either. He didn't really have any friends mostly because it was a poor area in general. CJ was just in an even poorer home. So he usually got hand-me downs from the other kids at school. The moms tried to help out his mom, but only made it worse for him at school.
He left the house around 16/17 and never looked back. (Either that or he left when he was 18, still trying to figure out timeline). I do already have a lot of CJ's psychology mostly figured out. The panic attack/PTSD thing kind of just happened. (I mostly needed a reason for him to want to leave the island instead of just going as far away from his hometown as possible).
But because of how inconsistent everything about his childhood he's really good at reading people and figuring out what they're feeling and working out how to correctly respond, whether it's running away or a hug or whatever. Since, he's never really had any friends that's something of a foreign concept. He doesn't really understand how someone can love him for him, when his parents barely even did that.
When CJ's "contemplating death" scene happens after he's messed up really badly, and he's thinking basically, why anyone cares about him. Why did Monty want him on the ship in the first place when he barely contributes at all? CJ has a lot of self-hatred and he doesn't really know what to do with it/how to cope with it. Since his style of coping with it is shoving it down and pretending everything is okay so his parents don't get mad at him and shout at him for being a burden.
So that's CJ.
Hey, sorry, I went on a small trip so I missed all this.
Definitely seems CJ would have some trust issues, anger but also a habit towards fawning to win people over, very reactive to those around him. Also anxiety is a strong factor if he didn't have a safe space (something I'm familiar with). He would've grown up with too much cortisol in his brain, relaxing at all difficult. Hypervigilance can be a consequence, especially when combined with never knowing how volatile his parents were going to be. He might have a lot of trust issues but when it comes to those who are close there are a couple different ways that could go. Does he never let anyone close, despite his loneliness? Does he fawn and perform acts of service, love bombing or excessive generosity to keep them happy, only to overreact to the slightest rejection or criticism? How does he choose to measure healthy relationships and the overall success of his life, after having such awful examples? If he decided to leave it all behind he may have finally grown disillusioned or even bitter towards his family, the island, maybe even people in general. But some of his old habits and fears could rear their head as new people get close to him, would probably cause added frustration and confusion.
The being able to read people is an excellent perk for him, a lot of kids in these situations do develop that skill. Compartmentalizing his feelings also makes sense, I doubt his family left him much space to express himself without consequence. It's also something people do living in extreme circumstances, push the emotions down or disassociate from those feelings so they can continue to function and survive. They may even be able to talk about what they've been through in detail without showing an ounce of emotion because their brain doesn't link those feelings with what happened very well (sometimes playing a role in PTSD). Also, people telling him he isn't worthless may be difficult. It's hard to trust that because it'll hurt more if/when that rug gets pulled out from under him. It's easier not to feel worthy or valuable than to have another person or people one treat him shitty or two, attack his worth. How can being called worthless or a burden hurt if you already believe it? In those extreme backgrounds, emotional vulnerability is dangerous and scary, even when they are no longer in that circumstance.
Actually there were a LOT of kids like this in the county I grew up in. I didn't experience any of it until high school, when I finally attended public school, but there were so many cases of neglect if not abuse. Absentee parents or those who didn't want kids (awful sex ed in that county, rampant unwanted pregnancies, poverty and drug abuse). Kids who only ate at school, barely had acceptable clothing, no transportation, teenage drug use. It can be shocking to anyone who hasn't experienced it, like a friend whose house was heated by an oven, cockroaches in every crevice of the kitchen, parents I never even saw the face of, only food being rice crispy treats, getting hot boxed in the living room because they were smoking that much. But these kids were also incredibly mature, self-reliant, unflappable but also surprisingly cheerful and creative. Proud of what they can do to survive but sometimes quite toxic and bitter. Idk if any of that is pertinent but I hope it helps!
Interesting insights. Don't worry lol, it's definitely all pertinent.
Read your community post.
Congrats on the baby, Lee!!!
Thanks! :) I'm pretty excited, even if I have a long way to go.
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