Internal and External Conflicts

So the battle was won. I hate that I had to play getaway driver instead of shooting assholes in the face, but so be it. Now we're staring at what they were after. A mammoth dragon like mech. Apparently Eldris' people created this thing. Weird that the keepers in this world had so much technology when the other keeper doesn't know what the fuck this is. I'm excited and terrified. Why do these things exist? Why are they worth blowing up a city for. Not that the people who are responsible really care, I suppose. They probably just want them to hasten the end of the world. I guess the Air Force is probably the largest threat to their domination. They seem to have a handle on the ground troops. Namely I'm pretty sure they have infiltrated the military. Given the fact that they were hiding the symbol on the bomb and Jaxion's orders seem hinky. Again they were also willing to blow him up rather than let him fall into enemy hands. They really want to cube and Echo. Something tells me it isn't for the greater good.
 
I'm half excited as we learn to use this mega machine. Guess I'm the left wing. It has guns so I'm good. The cat is my partner. My first thought before we got into it was I'm not sure how I feel about that. I think I can trust him, even though secrets are part of his craft. Thankfully, after it all went down, I feel better.
 
So yeah, we finally got into it. I was so afraid that everyone would start yelling at each other! I decided to open with my confession. I know that I really sucked it up the other day. Like I said, I let my fear get the better of me. I tried to explain that I think we all have moments of that without being too blaming. I appreciate that Echo said we weren't exactly wrong, even though we behaved badly. I really appreciate that Xhoya was willing to hear me out. For a young lady she is very mature. Hell she's less than half my age and sometimes she handles shit better than me, which is a bit embarrassing on my part!
 
I'm a bit frustrated that Sarge only half heard what the group was trying to say. Echo, Kii and Silas are right. We can't trust Jaxion if is first allegiance is to a compromised organization. I'm not saying all of the BRN are evil, but there is no way of telling where the orders are coming from. I wish he would take Kii's advice and fight for Beaumont. I wish he would see that Silas is right. Different people with different strengths might need to be mission commanders. Maybe in time, with practice, we can all start thinking that way?
 
I'm glad it seems I cleared the air with Kii. I'll do my best to have faith in her street smarts. She does seem to know people a hell of a lot better than I give her credit for and she has listened when we talk about our world. She's always been kind and I need to keep that in the forefront of my mind.
 
Lux started out as a mixed bag. I'm still glad she has Xhoya's back and I think she really heard that there is a big difference between choosing to feel indebted to someone and telling someone they are indebted to you. It takes a lot of strength to admit that you have room to grow. I really appreciate her vulnerability. I wish Sarge could see just how far she is leaning over to extend him an olive branch. I get that he's salty but he needs to water it down once people try to meet him in the middle.
 
I may have his back, but that doesn't mean I'm going to do what he says. I'm all for the team. Which means I may have his back by standing up to him. I think he's most likely to survive if he cooperates with the the rest of us, so I'll keep trying to worm my way under that armor. He's not a bad guy, but he's as bull headed as his double horns suggest. Maybe if we all get some combat training under our belts and some coms so we can communicate in battle things will get a little easier. He'll need some communication training. (Which will probably mean that we all have to hit him with different perspectives until it clicks.) I know we are fighting for survival a lot of the time and that soldiers are trained not to get out of "battle mode" but he's going to have to learn to lower his guard a little bit. Maybe he can start seeing that he's more than a soldier? (I mean he's worth more than his skill set. I kind get the feeling that he hasn't really be valued for much more than that. It's something I completely understand.
 
I have a feeling this group is different thought. At least, I hope so. Kii and Xhoya in particular really see the whole person. I think Lux does too, but she's cautious. Come to think of it, as a pop star, she probably hasn't had a lot of true friends. Maybe that idol image is more armor than I realize? I'll do my best to give everyone a chance and value their unique skills (Out loud not just in practice.) Everyone does have a lot of awesome in them. Maybe we can start making steps towards that awesome world Kii has talked about. I get the feeling that Xhoya may have experienced a more tight knit world where she comes from too. Not that Pops and the gang didn't have my back. Its just that, I learned from an early age that most of the world wants your skills first and you second. That's still kinda reality. I need to pull my weight in this team, but maybe, we can become friends along the way too?
Geez, I guess the gushy stuff is contagious. I better call Sarg a pain in the ass a few times to assure myself I'm still me.
 
Finally, we got into our first ever battle in this mech. It's awesome and terrifying. How the hell can one tiny robot be so powerful? I mean, I've heard some men say size doesn't matter I used to think that meant that short men can be packing (and they can) till I found out it can mean other stuff. Anyway, the Gazelle is a pint sized pain in the butt that makes Sarg look like a sweetheart. I get that he has a cube but holy shit! You would not think his body could take such a beating. I fucking hate this guy... thing... whatever! Fuck the Gazelle! Even after a crap ton of tail slaps, breath blasts, wing strikes and claw rending he is still not completely down and out.
 
I guess any battle you can walk away from is a victory? Even so, I wonder how the hell it managed to shoot off so quickly after we "defeated" it? I can't help but think about the fact that the BRN had an actual ocean presence. Were they tracking the Gazelle? Did they some how get him a backup body or something else so he can keep being the terrible menace to the world he was built to be? Can our tiny group really change the world? Gods I feel so dumb! I used to read the Pack comics and think how cool it would be to save the world. Reality... is action packed but I wouldn't call fighting for your life fun. (That said, now that we are in the hanger, I am totally going to watch how the mech arms work to put this baby back together. I only need to sleep half as much as most people. Lucky Echo, he doesn't sleep at all! Maybe I'll learn something to up my game?!)
 
Well, I better get to learning or I'll miss all the fun! Memo to me, change the infusions on Echo and Jaxion to the Armor of Strength when we wake up! If they are going to be our shield guys they need a boost when shit gets real. I better find a way to augment Echo a bit further. I'm thinking hydraulic augmentation. We might even be able to build something into the ship itself so they can both have a built in advantage.
 
That's all for tonight!
 
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