Demon-human

Hi journal I found out I'm a demon-human now what is a demon-human you ask I don't know I call me demon-human because it seems that I am a human but I also have some kind of demon influence and it's not Xantinya.
 
I was very confused because well I didn't know I was a human. I still don't know if that's true. It's what the girls and Damaschini found in an old book in the chest. I thought it's a bunch of lies but maybe it's true.
 
I mean I thought about it and the book shouldn't lie. The chest is not stupid. It has smart books from smart people that maybe are my people. Right? maybe I'm the chest princess. If I am, I should trust my books...
 
Also, I know my mom had a soul or something, because I'm only half Circeks. So if she has soul she needs to be like a creature with souls. And maybe Circeks are not like orcs or elves or smth another race, they are still humans.
 
But then why the demon part? Well it seems a demon called "the insatiable lust" made us be Circeks. This demon sounds like a lot of fun, insatiable lust hihi. But they obviously meant it as a bad thing.
 
No wonder, they are all so frigid.... It took them minutes to admit that what Circeks do is bad - that they fuck men and turn them to animals. hm but what is worse, fucking them or making them animals? Well they come together so. I mean what's a hunt if the prey is not prey?
 
But it's true that it's different. Before I just had fun, now it's serious... I wonder what happens if I stop. Can I even stop? I should. They asked me to and I told them I will. 'cause I don't want to not remember things or hurt people that I don't want to hurt. But it's not fair for them to tell me that what I am is not evil, but what I do is, when what I do comes from what I am!
 
They gave me some kind of story to explain it. If Nixie has long ears as an elf and you would say long ears are bad then you want her to cut them, and she's less of an elf because she cuts them, that's what I said. but then they said what if having long ears hurt the others, then Nixie would do it herself to protect them and it would not make her less elf.
 
And I don't know. I guess it sucks that I have to do stuff to protect others. Xantinya said I should not care that much. Any care will just become pain of some sort or the other aghh but it's true that I don't want to harm these people. And now Damaschini tries to teach me something called "ethics" which is like what the Almighty says we should do and how we should do things. So we can be good people, not demon-humans.
 
I love demon-humanssssssssss because we are our own brand <3 why be boring Ionolio-human instead. I told them I have to think about this whole mess. I don't know what I should do, they said just take it in but.... Should I do something? They want me to be calm and not you know hunt anyone. Alright but.... I really really wanna.
 
They even teased me with their stupid bathhouse. I said they are frigid but at least Nixie is a secret perv I can feel it. She got into a random bath-fight with the big blue girl Xixi and ran butt-naked all over the room from her and they wrestled and stuff and all. But then she told the story of how she lost her "fiance" to the war. What is this "fiance" thing, it doesn't make sense. If you wanna marry someone, why promise instead of doing it? If you don't wanna marry them, don't promise! Anyway, Nixie had this secret lover and he died many years ago so now she's still kinda sad. Still, no reason to not go for other boys (or girls I guess, not my thing), I mean if he's dead he won't mind. Plus we already got to see your tits bouncing you are what the Elves call peurd perud preud prude.
 
Also Tallion probably spies us through the door, I bet he's a perv too.
 
And they judge ME!
 
Ahhh but I can't take this anymore, it's no fair, I wanna. I gotta keep distracted, right? I trained a lot, very hard, I had to fix mistakes. My moves weren't all that good, now I need to find better moves to win always. I can't lose. If I lose then I'm not good at fighting, and if I'm not good at that at what am I good? At fucking but I can't do that it seems agh it's so frustrating!!! I'm sure any one of them would like to they just won't say it but if they do ask I won't say no because I didn't start anything they did, right?
 
Alright alright I can stay cool, I have to train.
 
Training sucks! I can't focus! I have to look the other way every time I meet with one of them or I swear I'll jump on someone. Except Tallion. Ugh!!! Gross. NEVER Tallion. Dillen yes, Drenizek I wish but he's no fun (I bet I can find his shtick too) I promised Marc so no Marc. So Dillen hehe He cute Oh enough I said I'll be good. I am good if I stay and write in this journal forever I can't go hunt right?
 
* * *
 
I heard we have to send Eve to look at the black hole so that she can send the message about the end of the world and fighting to all dimensions. Eve is very brave. I heard Bart also promised to marry her JUST MARRY HER DAMN WHY ARE YOU ALL SO WEIRD. also I hoped they fucked Eve deserves that
 
I don't get why Eve has to do this alone I mean I get it she has to send the message because she can talk to Lullaby somehow and she can then point her sword at the hole and somehow that gets the message through the hole. But..... It sucks that we can't do much. I don't want to leave people again to die. I think maybe I didn't get to do something nice. Eve was so happy when Bart gave her that ring and she is going to probably die.... I bet Bart was happy that he made her happy. How's that feeling? I kinda wanna know. I don't think I made people happy like that. That kinda sucks, it looks like fun stuff to do.
 
Is that what Damaschini keeps saying the Old guy wants? well then he sure did a poor job with the world, if Eve has to die like this. I don't like him or his world at all. No matter how much Damaschini wants to convince me.
 
* * *
 
EVE IS ALIVE she sent the message, they were all very shook but we did send it and wow it got like stuck in my brain we all felt it. It was a lot of stuff and I honestly don't remember like exactly everything but I remember what I felt seeing all that and it was somehow very very nice... there was war and fighting and even dying and a lot of running but there was like something good at the end of it you know like running and almost dying to reach that one last cart with fresh tarts on the streets of Qor... I miss Qor sometimes but it was lonely.
 
The chest feels nice. But we're not in the chest now we are in the spaceship on which we have the chest actually. 'cause we have to take care of poor Eve who got very burned her face melted off. and her eyes too she is blind now. And no right hand.... just like blue-girl Xixi. Poor Eve... She's a good human. I wanna do something nice to her but what do I know. I know how to make dolls but she can't see them now. I heard that xy people can make new eyes but it's not easy so we have to take her to some hospital-y thing.
 
I think I'd hate not seeing. It sure sucks. I would not see the faces of anyone. How can you see if they smile or not? They will always have to tell you, and that's just bullshit. I like seeing. I just hope that ionolio-humans can see with magic or something, maybe at least that.....
 
Journal I think I am fine for now. I am sad a little but also I feel a little better than before, I don't know how to say.
 
I know! From now on when I look at Eve I will smile, always, so she will know when I'm smiling because I'll always smile.
 
Goodbye journal