Skyfire

Shite. Shite, shite, shite.
 
All I wanted to do was see Drim, get my axe sharpened, have some ale and leave but noooooo, there just had to be a catastrophe that’s sucked my arse into a plot between religious nut jobs and the fancy-schmancy nobles I was hoping to avoid.
 
Right, where to begin?
 
Rocked up to the Skyfire Festival. Which, to be fair, was a laugh. Got me some dragon on a skewer, ale in my belly and found Drim hawking his wares. Grumpy old bastard still drives as hard a bargain as he ever did but managed to get him to agree to sharpen my axe for 30 gold. 15 up front and 15 on collection, plus a loan of the axe he’d just forged.
 
I’d never tell the git but it was a damn fine piece of craftsmanship, and the engraving is bloody magnificent, the balance perfect and the edge sharp enough to shave a gnome’s arse.
 
…but that doesn’t make it MY axe. I crafted her, and she’ll stay by my side thank you very much.
 
Well, after she’s been sharpened.
 
So, while Drim was off sharpening my axe, I had a wander around the place. Saw a couple of elves floating about like they do, the buggers seem to dance rather than walk. It’s a strange movement. Anyway, there was a lad and a lass. The lad was called Thal (yeah, I’ll get to how I knew their names later), religious nut-job but good with a healing spell and isn’t adverse to a bit of pain. Kinky bastard. The lass was called Torwynn, white hair and loves a shiny thing. Probably some strange elf-magpie thing. I try not to get involved in that shite but she’s a bloody good shot with a short bow.
 
Then there was this olive skinned bloke wearing a hooded cloak because that seems to be tall-folk fashion outside the mountain. Thought he was human at first then the hood fell off and the bugger had pointy ears. The religious nut-job elf was dismissive of him so I figure he’s half’n half. Either way, his name’s Rynaar and he’s handy with a staff.
 
The last of ‘em was a little gnomish shitbag called Bort. Dirty rat shocked me when we shook hands. I swear to Lumos I will never understand their sense of humour. I won’t forget that smug little grin when he beat the bloke running the dice stall. Wanker.
 
So I went with Thal, the nut-job, into a herbalist’s store and had a chat with the old lady there. Cheeky witch tried to sell me a green potion of “healing” for 50 gold! Said I wanted to cut the elf and see if it healed him. Thal said yes (and that’s how I know he’s a kinky bastard) but she said no.
 
THEN, Thal does some drug deal with her and gets a wee bag of herbs to smoke.
 
Long story short, I’ve decided that Thal might be a religious zealot but he’s a good bloke. Herbalist lady? Not so much. She’s dodgy as fuck, but does brew a tasty cup of tea.
 
Saw Torwynn pottering around looking at shiny stuff too, that’s how I know she’s part magpie.
 
Couldn’t do much more because the fireworks kicked off then. Found my way back to the bar while the show was happening and had a few brews with Rynaar. All very good until the end, when there were a few strange symbols that filled the sky and I won’t lie, it made my stomach feel like it was about to throw up the six pints I’d just knocked back.
 
Didn’t have much time to think about it because a horde of goblins charged out from the alleyways and started attacking.
 
Don’t know what they were thinking charging into to party where there was a dwarf with three axes about his person but goblins aren’t the sharpest tools in the smithy.
 
So we had four goblins, two hobgoblins and a bugbear. Easy enough, but I wasn’t expecting the others to be so bloody quick to act!
 
Don’t know how he did it but shitbag Bort somehow catapulted two of the herbalist’s flasks at the goblins. The first hit the bugbear and it suddenly started breathing fire. FANTASTIC.
 
But…the second flask hit a goblin and poisoned its face. WITH A GREEN LIQUID! I knew that herbalist was dodgy. KNEW IT. Can’t bullshit a bullshitter, lass.
 
Anyway, before I could swing my axe Rynaar got stuck in with his staff and I shit you not I’ve never seen a flurry of blows so fast. In the middle of it another goblin shot an arrow that he plucked out of the air and threw it right back, into the goblin’s eye and killed the bugger! Fair play.
 
I saw Torwynn take a shot with her bow and that stuck another goblin between the eyes and it fell back dead.
 
While all this is happening Rynaar damn near breaks another one in half and the poison gets the better of another.
 
All that’s left is the fire breathing bugbear and MY AXE.
 
But of course it wasn’t my axe, it was Drim’s axe and I hadn’t adjusted to the balance so my first swing missed but the SECOND swing was a beauty, and I almost chopped that bugbear in half. And just as I was trying to wriggle Drim’s axe free from the bugbear’s spine, dickhead shitbag kill stealer Bort threw a PEBBLE and finished the job.
 
So I cannae claim the kill.
 
UGH.
 
SO that left one goblin, who legged it.
 
Didnae get a single bloody kill.
 
And even when that goblin was caught and started blabbing about a Grug who gave it the orders, Torwynn simply shot him. I like her style, but she could’ve waited for me.

Decided if I couldn’t get a kill, I could at least get some loot and I found 12 gold on the bugbear and a book. Strange for ‘em to have a book, especially one with the same symbols we saw in the sky. Thal started drooling at the sight of it so I chucked him the book - it’s no use to me anyway. Rynaar looked grumpy at this, but it didn’t bother me so I shrugged and went to find Drim and my axe.
 
Could I find him? Could I bollocks. Grumpy old coward had fled, and I had a moment where I thought he’d taken my axe with him. Thank FUCK he hadn’t, but the wanker hadn’t finished the sharpening job. On the plus side I now have two great axes as well as my two hand axes. Reckon I can flog Drim’s for a healthy profit too - once I clean the blood off it.
 
Thal was muttering about the book being holy but not important, I muttered back that I didn’t care.
 
After that, the woman told us that Valaris, the sage, was in charge of the fireworks so the group of us decided to go and pay the bugger a visit. On the way we introduced ourselves and that’s when Bort the Bastard shocked me.
 
I’ll be honest, I should’ve gone to the tavern instead of this big marquee full of devices and crap to shoot fireworks into the sky. All I heard was blah blah blah bollocks bollocks bollocks blah blah I like to burn stuff because I’m a lunatic blah blah draw some symbols blah blah not supposed to be there.
 
YAWN.
 
Only thing of any interest was a young sage who blabbed about hearing monsters in an old church which may be connected. I saw it as an excuse to get a kill or two so I was up for it.
 
I was also up for the idea of finding a tavern for the night first, especially if Rynaar was paying. So we dragged our arses off the the Thirsty Dragon Inn, got ourselves a room and then drank and ate the night away. Gonna be honest, I don’t remember too much of what happened next but I had a bloody good time with some bloody good ale until I passed out and woke up face down on the floor of our room.
 
Think we spoke about why we had found our ways to Eldbury? I remember oversharing, think Thal said he was a pilgrim, bit like me. Torwynn was here to find something for her mentor but was suspicious of seeing another elf. I think. Things are fuzzy. Rynaar’s a traveller and Bort’s here for the technology behind the display. I think. Maybe.
 
I’ll remember to ask them when I’m sober.
 
Had the weirdest dream too. That’ll be what I get for eating dragon.

So the next morning, I wake up with a wee hint of a hangover and I’m forced to watch Bort make some water appear in a jug. Buggered if I know what his smug little face was expecting me to say, so off I went to the privy to throw my guts up and make space for breakfast.
 
Breakfast was meat and eggs. Delicious, even if I didn’t know what the meat was. Rynaar, the greedy bastard, started pinching food off other people’s plates. Could at least have left some for me.
 
Anyway, with full bellies (SOME MORE FULL THAN OTHERS, HALF’N HALF) we wandered off to the church. Took a couple of hours but I’m nae bothered, I had my axes spread the weight evenly.
 
When we arrived the church was derelict. Sad to see the old girl that way, which only goes to prove the old saying that you can’t trust a human with a stone. Honestly, I sweat they wouldn’t know how to look after craftsmanship like that even if it was tattooed on their arses. Wankers. Think that was the most offensive thing I’ve seen in a while.
 
Torwynn seemed to agree in her own way, as she began looking through the broken glass for a piece to keep, telling us this was an church of Umbra before she found the one she was looking for.
 
Thal then gave me some kind of blessing. Felt good and I felt I wanted to take the initiative for once. He’s a good lad, but still a strange one because he then said that the church was old. I gave him a look and said no shit! Honestly, these buggers have no clue about proper masonry.
 
Still feeling I should take the initiative I wandered up and an into the broken entrance to the church, immediately overhearing more goblins shouting at each other that we’d ruined their plans and ruined their day.
 
A day I decided to make much worse.
 
Or at least I would’ve had everyone not rushed in ahead of me, the wankers. I know my legs ain’t as long but that doesn’t mean I can’t keep up. OH! And fancy-pants Thal burned one to the goblins to a crisp with some sacred holy flame bollocks before I could blink, then Rynaar smacks another one into a wall with his staff until there was only the big, bad leader left. Who, by the way, threw a javelin into Thal’s side. Hopefully this’ll teach the elf to wait for me next time.
 
Finally I did get to face off with the big goblin, who I made think I’d killed the bugbear too (WHICH I PRACTICALLY DID) who turned out to be his girlfriend. Look, I like a beard as much as the next dwarf but that bugbear’s was hideous, by Lumos.
 
Anyway, it was funny to watch Rynaar’s staff thwack against the big gobin and do sweet fuck all to it, followed up by Torwynn’s dagger missing his head. Now that I had MY axe back in my hands I could show them how to do it, and with one very reckless swing I sliced through the critical point on the big goblin.
 
...his spine.
 
Before his body was fully separated from his waist he blurted out something about the real power coming for us next. Uh uh, whatever you say, princess. Have a nice nap and thanks for the tooth.
 
17! Result.
 
Had a rummage in the two halves of the goblin an found a shiny pouch with 200 gold. That’s 40 each (I’m an arsehole sure, but an honest arsehole) and I gave the pouch to Torwynn who went full magpie with it. Buggered if i know what she was looking for but she seemed happy enough.
 
While I’m doing that Thal has another nut-job moment and burns a skeleton on the broken altar at the back of the church, and Rynaar is there with him. THEN he burns another symbol at the back of the church behind the altar.
 
But no, he’s just a regular holy man, doing regular holy things, because of course he is.
 
I think it was at that moment I decided to stick around with this lot. Sure they’re all bonkers in their own way but it’s going to make my journey much more interesting. So now they’ve got themselves a dwarf warrior by their sides.
 
Anyway, off we went to report the great success back to the town when outside an inn there was another bloke in a hood smoking a pipe. Posh boy, clearly noble and another half’n half. Obviously everyone was suspicious but he offered to buy drinks and looked rich, I was willing to give him a shot until the money ran out. Not to mention my axe is an equal opportunities decapitator. A neck is a neck.
 
Usual blah blah bollocks bollocks followed but the gist of what my new, rich friend was saying was that there was more to these symbols than met the eye, the crown was involved somehow involved and we’re to say a secret phrase when we get to Whitmere (or something).
 
“May the harvest be plentiful this season.”
 
Stupid thing to say if I’m honest, it’s pretty obviously you want a harvest to be plentiful every year.
 
Then Thal said something about Shadowborn? Maybe. I was pretty drunk again.
 
Didn’t catch much else. Said his name was Lysander Drake, his family is owed what’s theirs by right, which is pretty much what every fancy-schmancy says.
 
All I know is he’s bought me booze and I’ve got a gang of new mates to hang around with for a while.