Journal 13 - Day 10 in Beaumont Pt. 2

**Psychic Paper**
"Thank you to the incredible women who raised, molded, and shaped no bitch. Love Kii"

 
(Written in the Queen's French)
Blink woke me up today.
She told me, “I didn’t raise no bitch,” and said I wasn’t acting like myself.
That hurt. Because she’s right — I’m not hope.
But I don’t want to stop being hopeful.
 
I think being playful — forcing that smile — is how I cope.
I’m not ready to give that up yet. But I know why I’m here.
I was sent to lead a people.
A ruler, I am.
 
Unfortunately, four hundred years of good intentions sit uneasily over the party.
Especially with Gidget. She calls me Princess — not kindly, but with that condescending bite. Still, she's finding out, she’s been the most respectful in addressing me by title, even if she refuses to accept the weight behind it.
 
Nicknames should be earned, not forced.
 
She says, “Be yourself.”
And yet, when I show my true self to those who claim to accept me, I’m told to step back into the shadows.
I need to find a way to show them that a ruler — no, a leader — lays down their life for a nation not their own.
 
That does not mean I’m eager to fulfill that promise.
All life — mine included — abides by Rule Number One:
 
Don’t die.
 
“Be myself.”
But if I am bold — if I am as certain and commanding as I can be — I might tear the threads that bind us. I might frighten them. I might create a rift.
 
Still… be myself.
 
Maybe the speech I’ve written will help them see. A good ruler is a team player. One who grows with their people. One who doesn’t claim glory, but gives their back to lift others higher. Even if daddy pretends to live for the praises of a king… we all know better.
 
I miss them — my family.
But perhaps that’s not a luxury I deserve, not when so many are missing their families while they rest in Auntie Rishi’s care. Let’s hope none of them wander too close to Mother Aey’s company. May they love the hunt as much as she does.
 
Still, secretly — I miss them...
 
But there’s no time to spiral down that rabbit hole. Not yet. Those answers must come slowly. For now — my speech. I’ve read it over and over. I’m ready to seek approval from my people.
Xhoya worked tirelessly on my mask; I’ll begin with her. And I’ll end with Lux. She’s poured her soul into making this Sanctuary Inc. performance perfect — down to the last stitch of my outfit. Mother Cestus, bless these girls with abundance. They’ve earned it a hundred times over.
I’m nervous. Lux has done so much to bring our stage to life. I’d better help her — and practice more. Once more, thank you, Ildris, for making me a Keeper. I hope I do him proud — and all my brethren here.
 
May luck grace Sanctuary Inc.
Please… don’t let me let them down.
Amen.
 
~~~

We did it.
We reached them all — or at least enough to ignite the first spark of hope… and fight. To remind them that no one has the right to declare them finished, broken, or too weak to rise again. To think for themselves. Because, their lives are worth every ounce of resistance they can muster — every kickback they can throw against the Deremitru.
 
How can I not see you, Ildris? How can you be this strong? You astonish me at every turn. You’re a living testament to what our people once were — what we still are.
 
How can I ask you to follow me, knowing you deserve more — more respect, more peace? You spoke of your family again today…
 
Blink, when the time is right, could he have a glimpse of what’s to come?
If only he could see his legacy. I don’t want to hurt him, but he deserves something magnificent. Until that blessing comes from the gods themselves, I will offer what comfort I can — a listener, a friend, a steady heart.
 
He made Sanctuary Inc. public today. We are uniting.
 
My debt grows.