The next person to join our group needs to go through some sort of audition process, because holy jeez

by Freya Fiore

Dear Diary,
I can't even get a day's peace with these guys. The whole debacle with the king happened YESTERDAY and this guy Boris thinks its a good idea to sneak up on our camp first thing in the morning?! Like, my guy, I am sleep deprived and ready to cry at a moment's notice - one wrong move and Baglin will take your head. And he almost did.

Anyway, we managed to settle things down for a bit and decided to check out the aftermath of yesterdays catastrophe. On the way, Baglin pulled me aside to discuss contingency plans for the less trustworthy members of the group - not complicated plans, mind you: I give the go ahead and he beats 'em up. We arrived back at the base of the tower and found Renjy's body. We still need to do something about that, 'cause we got distracted by a big ol' hole in the ground. And thus we came to the first instance of what I call 'The Boris Problem' - the man is vertically challenged (not just because he's short). Baglin, Laz and I all made it down without issue, but we had to wait for the bearded fool (this may seem harsh, but just wait) to slowly abseil down the side. A minor inconvenience here, but his lack of mobility really got put on full display throughout the day.

At the bottom of the hole we found these gross fleshy blobs that kept calling us fools. Boris immediately punched the first one we found whilst Baglin was holding it, so they got into a fight. I felt like a school teacher trying to get the kids to play nice, but I gave up before long and started burning all the blobs I could find. They split up if you hit them, so the fire was necessary.

We worked our way through and found a lift that led further down into the sewers, which broke partway down. Once again, three of us were fine, but Boris as always lacked a method to stop his plummet. He would've died if Baglin didn't save his ass. The sewers opened out into this huge room which was filled with flammable goop that came from the fleshy blobs. By this point we realised that this was the same stuff the king was spewing, so we were on high alert - especially since we didn't see his body. And then we saw this huge blob of dead people ooze out of a well and it turned out to be the king in a weird flesh womb coming back to life. We killed him again, but he wasn't even the biggest danger.

No, that honour belonged to Boris, who had fallen down the well with the flammable blob of meat. We threw him a rope, but in his infinite wisdom he elected to ignore that and use an untested fuel source (flammable goop) to power his rocket fist to try and fly out of there. Needless to say, he just set his hand on fire, making climbing the rope much harder and more dangerous than it had to be. I remind you that this room was FILLED with explosion juice. One more fuck up from Boris, and a detonation on par with the Bath Bomb incident would have vaporised half the country. I made use of our contingency plan, so Boris wasn't able to make any more fuck ups.

Phew. Ok. Bye.

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My New Friends
Session 1

Snake People and Glowing Flowers
Session 2

Red
Session 3

Genesis of the Bath Bomb
Session 4

Splitting the Party
Session 4.5

A Letter from Ser Reginald Cheese
Session 5

Friends won and lost
Session 6

I'm a bit busy right now
Session 7

He's back. I don't know what to do.
Session 8

The Journal Entry’s title
Session 9

I fought a tree today!
Session 9

YEAH BABY!!! ORCHID'S BACK!!!
Session 10

ILLY'S DAD ROCKS
Session 11

I'm scared. Please don't leave me.
Session 12

But it's Okay. I think. Hopefully.
Session 12 and 13

In Memory of Illyana Tharmolv
Session 14

Mr Metal Man
Session 15

Whoever called it mooning... I understand now.
Session 16

The

The Journal Entry’s title
Session 17

Everyone keeps leaving me behind.
Session 17

The next person to join our group needs to go through some sort of audition process, because holy jeez
Session 18

Well. The audition worked, I guess
session 19

Baglin's Holiday Home
Session 20

The Diary entry where the group is launched out of a hole in a cliff, riding the back of a giant Bone Naga, sailing towards a huge lake of lava
Session 21

The leg bone's connected to the. Hip bone.
Session 22

The next person to join our group needs to go through some sort of audition process, because holy jeez

Continue reading...

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