i was so shaken while writing yesterday's journal entry that i didn't even mention how jarring it was to hear my given name from hellebore when she first saw me
of course i wouldn't expect her to know – she'd disappeared not too long before i changed my name
it's just that i was sort of enjoying being among folks who didn't even know i had any other name but "millimax"
but now the group knows
i didn't think that would bother me but it's slightly annoying
she has an old name also
her new name comes from the galifari name for the winter rose flower and she's kept it even though she usually speaks dakhaani these days
. . .
i can't stop thinking about how the motives of the three relatives of mine who came out here were so pure – to help keep the war from endangering equestria – but hellebore did so many terrible things to that end
it feels like she protected our people but not our ideals and that bothers me
also i don't think she likes my legs
i haven't asked directly if she's bothered by my work but i'm considering doing so
i hope she doesn't think i'm removing myself from the natural world because i could totally see her being unsettled by the idea
my approach to harmonization keeps me connected to the natural world in ways just as fundamental as flesh and blood
i will continue to be made of earth and fire and the spirit of life
there's nothing unnatural about me
a variety of gryphon noises reminds me that it's time for our morning run
then a good breakfast before we set out for mossmantle so hellebore can see her coven about bit of business before we can finally start heading home
fortunately she can forest-walk so our travel to mossmantle will take an hour instead of weeks
gem says she has a plan to get us home from there but she won't say what that plan is
as usual