03 - Battle on the Wall & a Missing Hairpiece

I write this fresh from the bath after spending a hour out in a blizzard. Papa would be very unhappy that I've been walking in such weather, especially since I've been hurt by the cold before. I will be surprised if I do not take ill with a cold despite warming up at my first convenience. Hopefully the Kami will see fit to grant me a boon and protect me so I may continue on with this Winter Court.
 
I do not believe there are quiet days left at this Court anymore. Today was supposed to be the Sadane challenge. Entertaining as it might have been to watch people hurl sanctioned insults at each other, I hadn't the mind for it. I went to the dojo. To my delight, Hanae-san was there, and Nayoko-san had been permitted to train with us. Nayoko-san sparred with Hanae-san for a while until Hanae-san's eye was caught by someone else, then Nayoko-san was in my care. It was fun to duel her. For a long time, I thought making a duel playful was a trait of mine alone, but I was surprised and delighted to discover Nayoko-san shares in this trait with me. It was certainly more entertaining than watching the Sadane.
 
The practice was not all well, unfortunately. I only heard pieces of the argument between them, but it seemed Hanae-san and the woman who drew her attention, a young Ide woman I later learned, differ in their opinions greatly. It... regarded Nayoko-san, I believe. Which Hanae-san confirmed when she informed me of a blood feud. For what reason, I do not know. All I know is that it will lead to nasty business. I understand how these feuds can come to be - my feud with Captain Kaoru, while tame in comparison, can be similar in many ways - but, I hope for the sake of this Winter Court, no one acts rashly on feelings for vengeance and anger.
 
The morning was soured further when the horn blew from the Wall. What monstrosities we bore witness to this day. Undead thrown at the Wall, assembling before attacking us. A monster like nothing I had ever seen before, but reminded me greatly of the monsters of the deeps Papa tried to keep me shielded from. I admit, however, that I don't recall much about the battle itself. I remember a ringing in my ears, feeling dizzy as if drunk, and seeing... something on a distant hill. I remember hearing how this figure, this... person needed to be stopped in order for the attack on the Wall to end, and it was my arrow that... struck them down.
 
I try my best to take comfort in knowing my actions saved a lot of people. The casualties were kept to a minimum as a result, and the number who sustained injuries was smaller than it could have been. But it hurts my heart to know it was me who had done it. I know it's foolish. It's a samurai's job to remove threats to their masters and their empire. I performed my duty, I was praised for it. But none of that clears my conscious, or the blood on my hands. I don't understand the samurai who can do this and not feel anything. I've heard stories of some who enjoy the slaughter, so much so that they wet their blades on the lower castes as part of their rituals.
 
But, the truth of the matter is, I'm the one who's different in this society we live in. I'm the only one who takes issue with it. It bothered me so much that I had to remove myself from the castle. Slipped away the first moment I could. I couldn't stand to hear their praises anymore. I just wanted to be done with it, to forget. To be by my beloved sea where my problems seems so little next to the vastness of it.
 
Perhaps it was the Kami, sensing my distress, that allowed my eye to catch upon the jade hairpiece in the river. A fancy little thing that was clearly worth more than my savings could buy. It was hard to believe something like it was in the river, and not missed by its owner. I spent my lunchtime trying to find out who the owner was, and regretfully I couldn't properly answer Hana-chan's invitation to sit and enjoy our meal together. According to an Ashaina elder I spoke with, the hairpiece was crafted by Asawa Kisawe-san, a Crane artisan here at Claw Point. Speaking to her revealed that the hairpiece belonged to the Imperial Princess herself. I could scarcely believe it.
 
As a personal note to keep in mind, Asawa-san has threatened to unleash the Claw Point guard on me on the account of theft if the hairpiece was not returned by the end of tomorrow. The very reason why I even searched for the hairpiece's owner was to avoid such accusations to begin with. The bloody gall of that woman.
 
So began the first half of my trek to the Imperial estate. Sometime during lunch and my search, a blizzard had started. Foolish of me, I know, but a little bit of snow would hardly stop me from getting this precious item back to its owner as quickly as possible. I was already eager to have it leave my possession. By the Kami, I regretted my choice fiercely by the time I reached the guardhouse. Thankfully, Seppun Kaijira-san saw me in and let me sit by the fire while she returned the hairpiece to the princess's chambers. Though, for reasons I cannot fathom, she accompanied me back to the Claw Point Castle. I suspect it was simply to make sure I didn't collapse and freeze on my way back. A death on her watch would not reflect kindly, even if the cause would have been my own foolishness. It was... interesting to hear what she had to say. I would never have expected an Imperial to impart personal history was, well, someone like me.