?? - Return to the Port that Never Sleeps

It seems my anxiety over returning to Kiyoko-sama was for naught. My return to the Kakita estate went as it always does. Yudai-sama ignored me, and Katsurou sneered from over his nose as usual. Mari-chan greeted me with giggles and the biggest smile. She is endearing, I must say. But, she's only four years old yet. She hasn't learned how the Crane typically treat us Mantis. I'll enjoy the joyful welcome for as long as I can.
 
Even while Kiyoko-sama read that message in front of me, I still cannot begin to guess what it was about. Her face was as stone. I thought I saw something in her eyes as she read, but I admit we're not close enough for me to properly read her expressions. The quiet moments seemed to drag on while she was lost in thought. My heart raced, and I could feel the sweat beading on my brow as I panicked and wondered what my fate would be. She had not even brought up the Mantis supporting Kimiko-sama, and my supporting them.
 
When she finally spoke to me, she was quiet but frank. We both acknowledge that our relationship is not typical in our society. I have not sworn fealty to her in the way other samurai swear fealty to their lords and masters. We have an agreement, a bargain from which we both stood to gain, and she recognises that the day may come when I go back to my clan and stop being her trademaster altogether. But she appreciates the loyalty I've demonstrated to her over the years, and the work I've done on her behalf. She said she wasn't ready to let go of me yet and, since I came back to her, it showed I'm not ready to be done with her either. I had never thought about it that way, but I suppose it's true. My time within this Crane home had not always been pleasant. Yudai-sama ignored me from the beginning, and Katsurou always thought himself my better. I still remember how he tried to insult and bully me when I first started working here, in that way the Crane insults just about everyone. He wasn't too pleased when I walked away from him. I heard he had been reprimanded by his mother, too, which I imagine only soured his opinion of me even more. And that is only the immediate family. My interactions with the extended family and other Crane visitors was much the same. Even some of the servants here. But I endured, and I found a place here where I do well. So I'm content to stay until I've accomplished my goals.
 
I admit I was surprised when Kiyoko-sama seemed pleased with that, and that she asked me what I intended to do next. I told her the truth, as I've always done; I'm involved in this now. I will see it through to the end, wherever that might take me. Which means I'll be heading to Butterfly Falls soon for the Spring Court, in hopes of preventing this civil war and figuring out the next Emperor of Rokugan. It still infuriates me that neither Kimiko-sama or Junya-sama want the throne, but neither are willing to let Kiyoko-sama or Reiji-sama sit upon it. If the situation wasn't so dire, it really would be amusing and typical of siblings. But people are dying because of this conflict already, and we still haven't solved the Shadowlands angle. Why are agents of the Shadowlands attacking the Imperial family? How did the oni get so far into Rokugan to slay the late Emperor? It's clear to me that the assassination was orchestrated for this reason, to divide the Empire and rouse this chaos, but why. And why is no one else concerned about it?
 
... I'm frustrated. I think I need a drink. At least I've already written to Hana-chan and Nayoko about my joining the Spring Court.