What the Fuck (Part 1)

What the fuck..
 
Today seemed like it was going to be boring, uneventful, and easy. It wasn’t.
 
What the fuck, I slept in. I tried to play it off cool. I grabbed my coffee and headed to Gidget like I had been awake for hours. I fooled no one. The coffee was cold and tasted like shit, but I drank it anyway. I needed the fuel. Today I was going to do something different — something I do not normally do, possibly something stupid. Today I was going to apologize.
 
Today was supposed to be about mending. Not just mending the Driftwood in the hangar, but mending some of the relationships in the party. Being emotionally vulnerable may be the toughest battle yet. Not to everyone, but to Xhoya and possibly Lux specifically. Xhoya is young. She didn’t ask to be thrust into this shitshow war. Maybe Gidget was right to have feelings of guilt and compassion for her.
 
Gidget was easy to find. Follow the noise. She works nonstop. I respect that. I also know that kind of behavior is usually tied to identity issues, or the need to prove worth. Still, I respect her work ethic. I figured that I would get her advice before I spoke with the kid. I didn’t need it to speak with my sisters. They understood me. They respected me. They loved me. But this was different. Xhoya does not know me from anyother BRN soldier. To her we are all bad I guess.
 
I miss my sisters and family so much. They helped keep me grounded in a world as fractured as this.
 
Gidget, as always, had some wise advice on how to talk with Xhoya. Deep down I already knew. Treat her like you treat Luna — with love and with jokes. I do appreciate Gidget. I feel that she is the most honest and real person in this party I’ve found myself tied into.
 
I spoke with Xhoya. It went well. I got the words out of my cursed mouth. “I am sorry.” I felt like I meant it too. I hope she is coming around to at least understanding my side of things, for what that is worth. I do not know if I understand hers, but I am trying. I let her know that she reminded me of Luna, and that I would try to treat her the same.
 
Xhoya is smart. Very aware. And in this case, very receptive.
 
To break the tension and awkwardness, I thought I would teach her a nasty move to defend herself in close-quarters combat. I quickly named it the Uncle Squirrel, trying for a smile. She practiced the move on me. My balls are still located somewhere in my stomach — the kid can kick. I felt strangely proud about speaking with Xhoya. That shit ain’t easy for a gruff soldier like me.
 
Speaking with Kii was next on the list. Gidget gave great advice about how to handle Xhoya. I figured Kii would help with Lux.
 
I struggle with Lux. They are just so different. So unrelatable.
 
Ithlia loved her on the show. Shit, I thought it was pretty entertaining myself. I couldn’t help but lurk in the back of the family room after dinner while the girls watched. I would strum on the guitar during advertisements, or play along with the popular songs the contestants would sing.
 
This group doesn’t need to know all of that. They need tough Jaxion. Soldier Jaxion. Right?
 
Kiielien was more flowery than Gidget, as usual. Same principles, though. She is kind-hearted, but stern. I treated Lux differently than Xhoya. She is a front-line fighter. Time to start acting like one.
 
I put her through her first training. How to work next to a fighter like me. More importantly, how to stay alive in battle. She was also receptive and trained easily, she will be a worthy ally on the battlefield.
 
Next, all hell broke lose. What the Fuck..