Welcome to the Hells!
Hiiiii and like, welcome to the Infernal Bureaucracy! Oh-my-gosh, it's so nice to meet you, seriously, I'm like, super excited you’re here! Just, y’know, take a deep breath, relax your shoulders, and we’ll totally breeze through your sins, your virtues, and your little orientation session, okay? Don’t even stress! I’ve got all the paperwork handled, pinky promise.
Heaven? Uh, yeahhh… that’s a whole thing. Let’s just say that ship? Totally sailed, babe.
Sooo! I’m Tiffany, and yes, I’m like, 100% a demon. But don’t worry! The Hells are full of different kinds of demons, and not all of them are as sweet or as sexy as moi. But like, we can totally get into that later, or you can just flip through our bestiary if you're into that kinda thing! It's, like, super informative.
Anywayyy, so right now you’re in the Infernal Bureaucracy. It's like the admin center for the whole afterlife situation. We’re under the fabulous Lord Baphomet and he reports only to our Sovereign Supreme himself. That’s right, honey, the actual Morning Star.
What we do here is suuuper important: we figure out where new arrivals like you are gonna go, and assign you to the correct level based on, like, your eternal vibes. So let’s totally dive into what a level even is, okay?
The Levels
Okay, sooo, why is it called The Hells and not just Hell? Because there are, like, tons of levels! Infinite ones, technically. Level 1’s at the top, Level 2’s below it, and the bigger the number, the lower you go. Most souls land somewhere between Levels 1 and 5, but if you’ve been super duper awful, you might get sent to Level 6 or further down. We kinda stop counting after Level 10. Don’t worry, I’ll explain why in a sec! Oh, and the level you start on? That’s your native level, by the way, important to remember that.
Level 1 is classic fire-and-brimstone vibes. Honestly, it’s kinda cozy if you don’t mind the heat. We’re super close to it right now since the Infernal Bureaucracy connects right to it with a big fancy staircase. It’s got lava rivers, sharp obsidian mountains, smoky red-gray skies. And just a little fun fact, there’s no actual sky. Cute, right? There aren’t many people down there, but it’s a total hotspot for demon settlements.
Level 2 is like, totally the opposite. Everything’s frozen! Icy plains, icy mountains, icy lakes. Just ice, ice, ice, very nice! There’s a constant blue sky, but no sun. Where the light comes from? Literally no clue. But the place is pretty, and there are surprisingly a lot of human settlements tucked into the taigas and stuff.
Level 3 is basically Earth if it was stuck in, like, Renaissance cosplay. It’s got oceans, jungles, grasslands, mountains, and it’s honestly gorgeous, just… hellish. The tech is pre-industrial, so we’re talking feudalism, markets, castles, and drama. Demon lords rule from fancy fortresses and battle under a mega-powerful demon king. Humans and beastfolk live there too, either serving demons or playing politics. Lots of intrigue, betrayal, and power games. It’s exhausting, but like, fabulous. Also, it’s the native level for my kind, so I might be a little biased. Best level ever!
Level 4 is kinda like Level 2 but, like, meaner. The ice is darker, the demons are tougher, and the human settlements are basically under constant pressure. You’ve got big demon fortresses, tax-collecting overlords, and rebels hiding out in creepy underground ice tunnels. Honestly? Super dramatic.
Level 5 swings back to something Earth-like but darker and more modern. It’s all neon signs, cracked concrete, flickering power grids, and demonic crime lords running the show. There are cars powered by, like, infernal goo, and the TV shows are wild! Propaganda, violence, weird reality shows, totally messed up, totally amazing. Forget all about smart phones, we're in the 90's, baby!
Level 6 is not fun. It’s a foggy, dead forest that messes with your sense of time and space. Everything feels wrong. The trees are all gray and bony, and the mist is everywhere. People mostly live near lit paths or in tiny torch-lit towns, and nobody goes far from the light because, well, whispers, illusions, creepy creatures... you get the idea. Yeah... Welcome to the lower levels.
Level 7 is war, nonstop. Like, literal eternal war. Trenches, infernal battlefields, flames lighting up the night, all that jazz. Demons and dead souls just fighting constantly, and the war machines? Huge, loud, and terrifying. Generals are all super ambitious and mean. If you get sent here, it’s fight or die. Or fight and die. Over and over. Yikes.
Level 8 is still war, but like, urban style. It’s basically what’s left when a bunch of ancient megacities collapse into ash and rubble. Rusty machines, broken towers, and gunfire echoing in the streets. You’ve got cults and warlords fighting guerrilla battles through shattered buildings, and it’s just, like, full-on apocalypse all day every day. Some people say when buildings fall apart on Level 5, they just drop straight into Level 8 to rot. Makes sense, right?
Level 9 is all rot and disease, and it’s run by Beelzebub, Lord of Flies. Ew! Everything is filthy, buzzing with bugs, and full of sickness. People live in gross, broken-down cities, and the healers? Yeah, they’re more like cult leaders than doctors. Their “cures” come with, like, super sketchy strings attached.
Level 10 is the last place we really count. We call it the Great Quiet, and honestly, it’s awful. No light. No visibility. Just pitch-black everything. You can feel people near you, but you can’t see them, only hear faint whispers or feel creepy little touches. It’s all paranoia and fear and maybe monsters. Probably monsters. Definitely monsters. People lose their minds down there, and if they keep going, they fall into the lower levels. We don’t talk about those.
Life in the Hells
Okay, so like, why does all this even matter? Well, let me explain the basics of life in the Hells or, you know, afterlife in your case. You’ve already died once, right? Left your cute little mortal body behind. But guess what? You can totally die again! Let’s say you get placed on Level 3. That becomes your native plane. You won’t die of old age anymore, but you can still get hurt or, you know, killed. If something bad happens and you die there, boom, you wake up on Level 4. If you die again, it’s down to Level 5. Even if you find a way back to Level 3 somehow, next time you die, you still drop to Level 6. Once you reach Level 10 this way, the next death is what we call the final one. From there, it’s a descent into eternity, and trust me, that’s a one-way trip.
Comments
Author's Notes
Welcome, welcome! I hope you enjoyed Tiffany's introduction to the Hells. Appropriately my first finished article in this world, and it was totally a bitch to write. I hope the valley-girl accent came across, and that it wasn't too much of a hassle to read. Also, drawing hands is difficult! All illustrations of Tiffany (as of writing this in June 2025) has been made by me, using a mouse and keyboard in inkscape. So was Baphomet on the home page for that matter. I quite enjoy vector drawing, 'cause it can always end up alright so long as you take your time. And boy, does it take time!