KORK Annual All-Realms Barn Dance Hoedown Shindig & Farm Auction

We don’t count years here in the Gri’x, but there are seasons. We promise. Spring, Summer, Winter, and Fall, just like the ones down in the ‘Node that generated and still faithfully informs our fair Realms.   The Gri’xian Wheel of Seasons turns along its spiraling path, smooth as you please, but sometimes that spiral twists itself a bit one way or another. Sometimes the Wheel gets stuck in a rut full of mucky cow pats. Sometimes the cart misses its turn-off and has to back up a ways. Sometimes the driver of said cart has to slow down for a traffic jam, or speed up to evade the Bimp County Police Department, as they maybe went through a radar trap where the officers are lying in wait for scallywags who stretch their metaphors a little too thin.   But sure as the Wheel does turn, those long, lazy, warm late summer days are going to come around again and again, and with them comes the Annual All-Realms Annual Barn Dance Hoedown Shindig & Farm Auction, brought to you by the good folks at KORK radio.   For a whole weekend more-or-less, Tarnation County opens its barn doors wide and throws a big party for anyone who cares to come around and celebrate harvest time with us. And that means you, and you, and even you--so long as you can behave yourself like a half-way civilized being and promise not to start fights too near (or with) the livestock.   We’ve got live music, games, food (just wait ‘til you see what that Mavis Neemermaber’s been up to with her famous potato salad this time around!), contests, raffles, and of course, good fellowship.   If we’re lucky, Sandusky Cook may have even got that rusty old ferris wheel sitting in his turnip field cleaned up and back in working order by now.   There’s plenty to do for the kiddos, too! Bring ‘em up to Ziebarr’s parking lot and let ‘em run through the car wash—it’s been specially trained to play nice this time. Once they’ve cooled off, there’s a puppet show—that’s right, a very special performance of the classic ‘Nodian song-and-dance Götterdämmerung, put on by Douggie’s House of Opera ‘Puppet Players Troupe’ all the way from the Kingdom of Blintz in Santa Pez. That ought to keep the little ones occupied long enough for you to put in some quality time in the beer tent.   When it’s time to get down to business (no, no, the other business), the Farm Auction is happening in the big field on Lennerd Road on Saturday and Sunday afternoons. The harvest is in, so bring your grocery bags, and if it’s machinery and doo-dads and such you’re after, you’ll find bargains on all the new and used or newly used equipment you could want: spreaders, sprayers, pokers, pinchers, tons of fiddly bits that no one quite knows what to do with covered with grease and gunk that no one quite knows what to make of. Why, there’s even a bona-fide Turd Whirler on the block this year, courtesy of the Bimp County Police Department’s impound lot.   Buy or sell or buy and sell or just come round and criticize what other folks are buying and selling. Carful when you kick those tires, though—you know darned well that some of them are fully capable of kicking right back.

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Huh? Whaddaya mean, 'the flyer's outdated?' Listen, around here, if Saturday and Sunday and any other day wants to be called "Tuesday" instead, then that's what day it is. Didn't you get my metaphorical memo about the wonky Wheels?