I Hate Manure

Returning to the farm from the cave, Hildreth settles down and writes about the days experiences.
 
"I will admit, it's quite nice to finally be able to rest someplace that isn't a dank dungeon or a dilapidated old house to rest and make notes. It's not anything special like a palace, but considering this teams history with royalty and leaders, this might be better.
 
Not much of note has happened recently, but I figured it was best to put down thoughts to paper, since I am being tasked with gathering information. Just because nothing happened that put the party in the jaws of death or the fate of a kingdom was at stake doesn't mean I can slack in my duties. I do not know if my benefactors will be interested in the party's personal life, but I should be diligent and take notes on the family of Kern.
 
His family resides on a pleasant enough place that feels rather...in the middle of nowhere. I hate towns like this. It reminds me of those that shunned me when I was first orphaned. And, in typical farmer fashion, they are ignorant to dangers largely outside their purview of dirt and crops. Such simple creatures. Even Kern understands how stunted his family is, as he was very reluctant to share most of the details with his family; even, as it turns out, that he ran away from home. As it turns out, Kern was destined to become a Priest of Estin but left without telling anyone, not even his family, and this is his first time sharing with them that he is still alive. While it seems silly to me that one would run from a family they have, I think Kern may have the right of it. It seems that he was gifted with more sense than the rest of his bloodline and left this rancid, shit smelling pit of mediocrity and stupidity. Not that the denizens of this putrid town aren't polite enough, but a cheerful demeanor does not make up for true compassion. Indeed, almost everything I have perceived in this place only supports my previous belief that farmers are barely people at all; no better than the livestock they dedicate their whole lives to raising.
 
Kern's father, his sister Fanella, and brother Jamison are the only ones I feel adding any information about, as one was subject to an interesting mental affliction and the others seem to be the only ones besides Kern with the good sense to wipe their backsides.
 
His father, whose name I missed, had a strange mental derangement where he would often forget where he was, who people were, and what was going on. He did not seem old enough for it to be a natural affliction, so it may have been a curse (all the more reason for them to look up from the pig dung they wallow in and pay attention to the dangers all around them), but it may also just be a natural inclination for life long farmers minds to decay faster than a normal persons. Further evidence that it may be a curse of some sort is that Kern was able to cure him. While it is possible his divine powers could cure regular dementia, the idea of a harmful curse seems more likely to me. After all, if I were not tasked with my current job, I would probably cast a similar hex on an obnoxious farmer if they crossed my path and proved troublesome (as most farmers are).
 
The sister, Fanella, is a special case. She seems to have left home shortly after Kern did and as far as the family knew, she ran away with him. Leave it to farmers to add a slightly incestual twist to any story... However, the truth may be much more interesting. She, in the same veins as Kern, decided a life on the sea was more interesting than sticking carrots in her ears for the rest of her life and became a pirate. At least, that is what the rumors are. She also seems to be the only one besides Kern to know that one other brother of theirs was killed by the undead in a cave not far from the village. As a note, we went to the cave to investigate but instead of finding the undead Xylund's horse grew wings and a voice. I do not think I like this new horse; it talks too much. While on the subject, Xylund himself seems to think he is a butterfly. While I got a nice new eye out of this current fever dream of his, I believe that friend Xylund needs to sober up instead of ingesting even more, powerful drugs whenever he can. While I do like him, and when he has moments of clarity he is as a genius this world has never seen before, more often than not I fear that he has burnt out his brain.
 
The youngest child of the family, the boy Jamison, I see following in the footsteps of his sister and brother. I took all of the young siblings to impart upon them my knowledge of the hunt, but all of the older ones seemed squeemish and abandoned their lessons in favor of seeing who could grapple an oiled down pig, or some such nonsense. Not knowing how to build proper defenses will see them and their damned pigs devoured by some great evil, mark my words! Jamison, however, has heart. I wasn't much younger than he was when I first took to learning how to hunt the beasts that lurk beyond sight, and only a little older when I lost my eye, and Jamison is taking the lessons seriously. I see great things in the future for him. Perhaps he will become a great protector of this hovel, or better yet, explore the world and become a hero that the bards will sing stories of long after we are all dust. I see great things for him, I need just enforce the mentality that life is hard, and only the strong will survive, lest his horrible family convince him all there is to life is potatoes; possibly the worst fate of all.
 
Friend Davynn seemed to fit in well, as he too came from a miserable farm pit. Much like Kern, I praise his ability to free himself from the stinky shackles of oppression, but he has been convinced that it is a background to be proud of instead of buried. At least actions speak louder than words, and I see he is more than capable in a fight and quite adept at slaughtering any who would cross him or his friends. While he seemed more interested in the well being of Xylund (as I am sure we all are), he did seem quite insistent upon one specific point he wishes to become a rule for everyone of the party to follow: No one can date another party members family. It seems he has a history with his mother and this problem in the past, and if so, she must have been quite attractive to woo so many of his party. Or it could be because Xylund also wished to bed Fanella, a woman he has never seen before and just wished to protect his family. I may never know. What I don't understand is why his rule doesn't apply to other members of the party and is just their family? Is he seeing someone in the party? Is it Xylund? He has been spending much time with Xylund. Or perhaps it is Kern, for many tell about the things his hair does to them. Or perhaps...me? It certainly wouldn't be one of the girls, as we only recently got Lily back and he seems MOST uncomfortable around Lana.
 
The hour is now late, and neither I nor Zohar could see nor smell anything evil coming this way. I placed a magic circle under the bed of Jamison while none were looking, so that if anything were to happen to us, he may live and exact vengeance on whatever foul beast rips us all to shreds in our sleep. I just hope that he doesn't gag at the sight of his mothers entrails the same way I did."