Miläwşä

Miläwşä (a.k.a. Rat Queen)

In the sprawling, shadow-drenched city of Gaf Themar, where the populous jostles and thrives within the confining walls of the West Themar district, Miläwşä has carved out an existence as elusive as it is remarkable. A young soul tempered by loss and survival, her story begins with tragedy, the blackening of West Themar stole her father and, with him, any semblance of the life she might have known. At the tender threshold of five years, the unforgiving streets became her cradle and crucible.   Life in the labyrinthine alleys demanded a price, innocence for sustenance, trust for survival. To live was to take, and so Miläwşä learned to become a shadow among shadows, her small hands reaching through the crowds to pilfer what they could. The streets schooled her in the art of stealth, but it was not long before her fledgling career was branded by the indelible ink of consequence. Once caught, the Thieves mark was etched onto her face, a permanent whisper of her transgression for all to heed.   Yet, within the whispers of West Themar, amidst the scurrying of rats and the flitting of birds, Miläwşä found an unexpected kinship. Her isolation birthed a communion with these oft-overlooked citizens of Gaf Themar. In the gentle grasp of her mind, she found she could reach into theirs, sharing sight, sound, and sense. With time, this connection blossomed into a silent symphony of consciousness, a network of eyes and ears at her subtle command. Her small army of creatures became her informants, her scouts, her concealed companions in the cacophony of the city.   This unique tapestry of connections afforded Miläwşä an unusual niche. From a thief shrouded in mistrust, she emerged as an official city guide, an oracle of the city's pulse. Navigating the sprawling chaos of a metropolis home to millions, she offers safe passage, a translator of Gaf Themar's unwritten language. Her services are a rare commodity, a slice of honesty earned by exploiting the very skills that once labeled her an outcast.   But the scars of her former life are not so easily left behind. The urge to claim what is not hers is an old friend, a whisper in her ear that grows louder in the silence. It is a compulsion, a silent struggle played out in the theater of her mind, where the will to change wrestles with the ghost of necessity. Despite the honest coin she now earns, the shadows within occasionally pull her back, her hands acting on a script written in the early acts of her life.   And so, Miläwşä of West Themar dances a delicate dance, balancing on the thin line between light and darkness, her fate intertwined with the very streets that both cradle and condemn her. In the heart of Gaf Themar, she is a guide, a thief, a friend to creatures great and small, and a living testament to the city’s layered existences.

Physical Description

General Physical Condition

Miläwşä emerges from the world of Umbrana with a presence that is as captivating as it is complex. At around the age of 12, her youthful visage is already etched with the tales of survival and the harsh reality of her environment. Her hair, dark and untamed, hangs loosely around her face, embodying the wild and unfettered spirit that likely guides her through her days and nights in a world devoid of sunlight.   Her eyes, vivid with the iridescence of emerald, glimmer with a mixture of defiance and wisdom beyond her years, perhaps a reflection of the life she has led thus far. The stark green of her gaze may remind one of the rare and treasured Lucerian stones, offering a semblance of light in an otherwise darkened world.   The canvas of her skin tells a story through its imperfections – it is adorned with spots of dirt and the unnamed filth of a life spent fending for oneself in Elphroc. These marks are not just a record of her daily struggles but a testament to her resilience and ability to navigate a world that's anything but forgiving.   Most striking, however, is the Thieves mark – a dark, swirling symbol that stands in sharp contrast to her natural skin tone. This mark, placed on her cheek, serves as a scarlet letter, a constant and unyielding reminder to those around her of her branded status. The design of the mark is intricate, perhaps belying the weight of its significance; it's not a badge of honor but a brand of infamy, warning others of her perceived untrustworthiness.   Despite the prejudice such a mark might invite, Miläwşä carries it with an air of resilience, perhaps even a touch of rebellion. It does not conceal her character but rather adds to the depth of her persona, hinting at the many layers that make up her identity in the world of Umbrana. Her clothing, practical and worn, suggests a life of utility and necessity, where survival is the foremost priority.   The portrait of Miläwşä is one of stark reality fused with a youthful spirit that refuses to be dampened by the darkness of her circumstances. Her features may not speak of the innocence typically associated with her age, but they do tell of strength, adaptability, and the raw tenacity required to exist in a world as challenging as Umbrana.

Mental characteristics

Personal history

The tapestry of Miläwşä's history is woven with threads of tragedy and resilience. Following the heart-wrenching loss of her father, a void yawned open in her world, leaving her alone on the unforgiving streets of West Themar. Necessity turned her small, nimble fingers to the art of theft, a means to claw through each day's daunting quest for survival. Yet, as fate would have it, her lone act of desperation, one that would earn her the Thieves mark, became a paradoxical gift, drawing the attention of those who shared her brand.   These kindred spirits, marked by society as outcasts, saw in Miläwşä a reflection of their own hardships and a spark of potential. They were a fraternity of shadows, a Thieves Guild, where the marked found unity in their exclusion. In this fellowship, Miläwşä found a semblance of belonging, a distorted mirror of the family she had once known.   However, Miläwşä harbored a secret, a singular ability that set her apart even from her compatriots in the guild — her dominion over the city's lesser-seen inhabitants. Her whispered commands to the rats and birds turned them into her silent agents, an unseen network that could ferry treasures from their resting places to her hidden hands. The ease with which she acquired her spoils brought her renown within the guild's clandestine ranks, her talents attributed to a thief's intuition rather than the strange truth of her gift.   As her command over her animal cohorts expanded, her perception of the city and its labyrinthine ways grew unparalleled. The realization dawned on Miläwşä that the reach of her small army could extend beyond petty larceny; she could be the eyes and ears of the city, guiding the lost and weary through its convoluted heart. It was a pivotal shift, a metamorphosis from a life of taking to one of giving, of serving as a beacon in the tumultuous sprawl of Gaf Themar.   It was this unique mastery of the city's secret trails that established her as a city guide, an emissary between the heart of Gaf Themar and those who sought to navigate its complexities. Her youth belied a wisdom of the streets that far exceeded her years, and by the age of 11, her official title as a city guide was both her redemption and her pride.   Yet, despite the turn of fortune, the tendrils of her past life persist, an insistent pull toward the thrill of the clandestine grasp, the silent cheer of a successful pilfer. It is a battle she wages silently, an invisible struggle against the whispers of a kleptomaniac's impulse, a term she'd never use to define the conflict within her.   Now, still only 12 years old, Miläwşä stands as a testament to change, to the possibility of using one's gifts — however unusual — for good. Her existence is a delicate balance between light and shadow, a daily navigation through the dichotomy of her nature and her aspirations. And in the vast, breathing entity that is Gaf Themar, she remains a guide, a whisperer to beasts, and a silent guardian of the city's untold stories.

Education

In the sprawling urban expanse of Gaf Themar, education can come in many forms — not all of them seated within the walls of a classroom. For Miläwşä, the harsh tutorship of survival began at the tender age of five, with the cobblestones of West Themar as her unforgiving instructors. Each alleyway held a lesson, every shadowed corner, a stern lecture on the laws of the hidden world. Her curriculum was survival, her examinations daily, and her grades measured in the bread she could steal or the nights she could evade the cold grasp of danger.   The streets did not coddle; they were silent observers, imparting knowledge through the sting of hunger, the ache of bruises, and the quiet camaraderie of fellow urchins. It was in the language of the market's clamor, the rhythm of patrolling footsteps, and the coded whispers of the night that Miläwşä found her education.   Her advanced studies commenced under the auspices of the Thieves Guild — a more structured, if no less scrupulous, pedagogy. Here, among the brotherhood of the marked, Miläwşä learned the finer points of stealth and the strategic value of silence. She was schooled in the delicate art of the lift, the weightless swipe of valuables from pockets unsuspecting. There were lessons in lock-picking, in the subtle deflection of suspicion, and the critical study of patterns and timing that underpin a city's pulse.   Yet, the most profound and peculiar of her studies would be self-taught: the mysterious communication with the city's animals, her "friends" as she termed them. This was her secret scholarship, a discipline unknown to her guild-mates, developed through the bond of mutual necessity and the innate whisper of an unknown gift.   This strange communion with the small creatures of Gaf Themar became a resource of incalculable value, a living network through which Miläwşä could glean information and orchestrate her strategies. It was a solitary study, for there were no tutors in this esoteric craft, no guides but the instinct and the growing understanding between the girl and her tiny allies.   With the foundation of her past, Miläwşä's present pursuit of knowledge is practical and immediate. Her role as a city guide is yet another form of education — one that teaches her the stories and secrets of Gaf Themar's citizens, the human geography etched into the living map of the city's heart. Each day brings new encounters, challenges, and the continuous, unstructured education of experience.   In a sense, Miläwşä's entire life is an ongoing education, her mind a palimpsest written over with the lessons of each day's survival. She is a student of the streets, where the syllabus is written in shadows and light, and every moment is an opportunity to learn something new about the world and her place within it.

Personality Characteristics

Motivation

Miläwşä's motivation springs from a well of primal and profound experiences, each one etching a permanent mark upon her psyche, much like the physical one that brands her face. She has walked alongside death's shadow more often than a child ever should, and it is this intimate acquaintance with mortality that fuels her will to survive. Her fear of dying is a powerful force, a constant whisper that steers her away from danger and toward the promise of another sunrise. It is not a paralyzing terror, but rather a sharp-edged caution that keeps her senses honed and her mind alert.   This visceral dread has sculpted her into a creature of resilience. The streets of West Themar did not offer the luxury of yielding to fear; they demanded the courage to face it, to understand its contours, and to navigate through it. Each escape from violence, each successful evasion of the guards, and every night that she managed to find food and shelter reinforced the lesson: fear could be a guide, not just a foe.   Contrasting her familiarization with death is an unyielding sense of hope. It's a testament to her character that amidst the squalor and the strife, Miläwşä harbors a belief that her fate is not irrevocably fixed. Her life, though marred by misfortune, is a game of chance that she is determined to win. This optimism is not the naive sort; it's been tempered by reality's cruel furnace into something steely and determined. She sees in her abilities, her newfound friendships with animals, and her position as a city guide not just a means of survival, but a pathway to change her stars.   Her determination to rewrite her destiny is fueled by the tangible proof of her own capabilities. Every time she successfully navigates the treacherous pathways of Gaf Themar or eludes capture through her unique connection with her animal confidants, she is reaffirming to herself that she is not powerless. She is the mistress of her fate, capable of steering her life away from the darkness that once seemed inevitable.   Miläwşä's motivation, therefore, is a delicate balance between the fear that keeps her alive and the hope that propels her forward. They are the twin engines of her existence, driving her to cling to life with a fierce tenacity while reaching, always reaching, for a brighter tomorrow. Her journey is a testament to the human spirit's ability to endure and to aspire, even when cast in the harshest of lights.

Social

Contacts & Relations

Miläwşä’s web of contacts is as complex and varied as the streets of Gaf Themar itself, ranging from the shady figures in the underbelly of the city to the more respectable, albeit competitive, members of the City Guide Guild.   The Radwae Inn Thieves Guild is a network of allies, enemies, and those who float somewhere in between. It's a factional world, a miniature society where bonds are forged in silence and sometimes broken in betrayal. Among them, Miläwşä has a handful she might call friends – those few who have seen beyond the mark on her face to the person beneath. These bonds, often solidified through shared hardship or mutual benefit, are her lifelines in the dark. Yet, not everyone in the guild looks upon her kindly. Her unique skills and the secretive nature of her animal companions have brewed a quiet envy and suspicion among some. These are her foes, lurking in the shadows of camaraderie, waiting for a slip, a sign of weakness.   Within the City Guide Guild, the air is thick with unspoken rivalries. Here, competition is fierce, as each guide vies for the attention and coin of the city’s visitors. It’s a cutthroat environment where trust is scarce, and alliances are rare. Miläwşä, with her intimate knowledge of the city’s pulse, commands a certain respect, yet her youth and unconventional entry into the guild have marked her as an outlier. She navigates this world carefully, aware that the veneer of professionalism masks a seething contest for dominance.   Miläwşä’s relationship with the proprietors of various establishments is more transactional, yet no less important. Taverns, inns, and restaurants are waypoints in her daily travels. In exchange for steering clients their way, she often receives meals, coin, or information – currency in all its forms. These relationships are a testament to her social acumen, her ability to negotiate and trade favors. They also ensure she has her ear close to the ground; tavern talk can often reveal more than official proclamations ever do.   Lastly, there’s the silent network that whispers through the alleys and flies above the rooftops – her cadre of small animals. This “army” is an extension of Miläwşä herself, a manifestation of her will and a reflection of her survival instinct. These creatures, bound to her by an unseen force, are her scouts, messengers, and, at times, her protectors. They are more than mere contacts; they are her eyes and ears, a natural intelligence network that keeps her informed and, often, one step ahead of friend and foe alike.   In the end, Miläwşä’s relationships define her as much as her abilities do. They are the threads that connect her to the fabric of Gaf Themar, a city of light and shadow, where allegiances shift as quickly as the wind through the streets.
Current Location
Species
Age
12 years old
Circumstances of Birth
Unknown
Birthplace
Outside of Gaf Themar on the road
Children
Current Residence
Homeless
Pronouns
she/her
Sex
Male
Gender
Female
Presentation
Feminine
Eyes
Emerald Green
Hair
Straight half long raven black
Skin Tone/Pigmentation
White
Height
100 cm
Weight
18 kg
Aligned Organization
Other Affiliations

Back in West Themar, Already

This morning was nice, in a way. The thief, who I now know is named Ilyas, didn't steal anything. We all shared some food, but it’s not going to last long now that there’s more of us.   I went to Daddy’s grave, and there was this little squirrel, all shaky and shivery. It wasn't cold, but the squirrel just shook like that all the time. I gave it some food, and it stopped shivering a bit. I called him Shivar. Dunkin and Shivar got along okay – it’s funny seeing them together.   I found the sword and dagger in the house. There was a belt that came with it so I put it on. The sword’s too big for me, I can't take it out and it's too heavy, but the dagger feels just right. I put it on with the belt and hid it under my cloak. Don’t want people staring. I also take the sword with me even if it's big and heavy, when I grow up it will be fine.   We can’t stay at the farm, not with only a day's food left. So, me, Dunkin, Shivar, and Ilyas went back to the city. Dunkin led us right back through the sewers to the tavern. Ilyas’s friend was there and grabbed him, all mad-like. Ilyas told him how we got out of the city through the sewers.   The other thief, he got this look when he heard about the sewers. He got all excited, thinking about sneaking stuff in and out of the city. He wanted to know everything, so I told him – not about hearing through Dunkin, just the sewer stuff and that I heard the guards saying it ended in the river.   They said they’d give me food and a bed for showing them where the sewer ends. The bed is soft, and Dunkin and Shivar like it. I didn’t really want to say yes, but I don’t want them mad at me. Maybe it’ll be okay for a little while. I hope so. I don’t like owing people, especially thieves, but I don’t want trouble either.   Tonight, I’ll sleep in a real bed. It’s strange, not being on the ground. Dunkin’s curled up, and Shivar’s found a cozy spot. Ilyas seems alright, he’s not so bad. But I got to be careful. I don’t want to get mixed up in bad stuff. Just want to keep Dunkin and Shivar safe, and find a way to be okay. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Back at the farm

Today hurt less than yesterday, but my face still stings where the mark is. I went back to the market because my tummy was growling, and I had to be sneaky. People look at me different now, they shoo me away, but I managed to get some food.   Then, this man from the cart yesterday, he asked me for some food. He looked really hungry, like he hadn't eaten in forever. He told me his story, how everything's been bad since the blackening. It made my heart feel heavy, so I gave him some of my food. It felt good to help.   I got enough for a few days, and with Dunkin and the shiny stone, I thought we could finally get through the sewer. The thieves weren’t fixing the building when I got there, so I snuck in. But one of them caught me! I ran to the basement and into the sewer before he could grab me. He followed me, though, asking what I was doing.   I told him I was going home, and he was all surprised. He kept asking questions, and I told him about the river outside the city. He decided to follow me, I guess.   The sewer was gross and smelly, but the water had to go somewhere, right? And it did – it led us right out of the city. The man followed me all the way to the farm. It’s empty and quiet here, and Daddy’s grave is all covered in grass.   I feel so tired, so I'm going to sleep for a bit. Dunkin’s here, and even the thief seems okay. He’s just sitting there, not being mean or anything. Maybe he just needed to get out, too. When I wake up, I'll find Daddy’s sword and dagger. But for now, I need rest.

The marked girl

This morning, I woke up when it was still almost night, and the stones were just little glows. I had to get some food before going into the sewers, so I hid my shard of Lucerian stone with all my things. I told Dunkin to look after it, to protect our stuff.   ...   I had to take some food from the market. I don't have any coins, and I can't go into the sewers all hungry. But that guard was there, the one who kicked me before. He's been waiting for me, I guess. He grabbed me, and he was so strong, I couldn't get away. He took me far, far from the market, and Dunkin wasn't with me.   They put me in a room that buzzed like angry bugs. I saw a man come out with a mark on his face, and then they strapped me down and put something over my mouth. It hurt. It hurt more than anything. I wanted to cry, to yell, to ask Daddy to make it stop. But it just kept hurting.   Now I've got the mark, too. The guard said I stole, so they marked me. They put me in a cart with other people who had marks, and they took us back to West Themar. I didn't look at anyone. I didn't say anything. I just ran to find Dunkin.   He was there, waiting, like he always does. I don't care about the rest. I don't care about the shard or the light or the sewers. I just want to be with Dunkin. I'm one of the bad people now, they say. But Dunkin doesn't think so. He just licked my hand and stayed by me.   That's all for today. I don't want to write anymore. I just want to sit here with Dunkin. He's all I got.

And there was light

These past weeks have been hard. Dunkin and I, we've been stuck in West Themar, and it's getting scarier. People are mean, and there's nowhere safe anymore. I've been running more than I walk, it feels like.   The sewers were a bust again – too dark, and now the thieves are fixing up that building where I got in last time. I can't sneak in there anymore. But I've been listening – Dunkin helps me hear things, lots of things. Guards talking about plans for West Themar, thieves planning big steals, and snobby rich folks saying nasty stuff about us here. But none of it helps me or Dunkin.   Every day's the same. Wake up, avoid trouble, try to get food, then sleep. But today was different. I was wandering, and I overheard someone missing the old beacon – the one that fell during the blackening. I know that there used to be one here, that's why it's so dark out here now. They said the stone shattered into a million pieces when the beacon fell, but even a tiny piece could be worth so much. I heard that a piece of Lucerian stone, as small as these stones that get stuck under your shoe is worth as much as a horse or even two. They say that they have removed everything already so I don't think that there is any left, but I'm going to try anyway.   Hope's been thin, but today, it got a little thicker. Dunkin and I went digging through the rubble where the beacon used to stand. It was a long shot. We searched until the Lucerian stone from the other beacons got brighter again after they dimmed. Just when my fingers felt like giving up, Dunkin scratched at something shiny. And there it was – a shard of Lucerian stone, big enough to light up a whole room... or a sewer!   It's amazing. It fits right in my hand and glows so warm and bright. I can't believe it. It's bigger than a stone stuck under your shoe, like way bigger, I thing this is worth as much as a house in the royal district, but I don't want to live there they talk bad about us. I'm gonna use it to find my way through the sewers and get to the farm. That's the plan. A real chance! I can't stop staring at the light. It's like holding a piece of Luceria herself.   I feel... different now. Like I've got a bit of the power that's been missing from my world. Tomorrow, Dunkin and I are going to the sewers again. This time, we'll see where we're going. This time, we might just make it out.

It's too dark

Last night, I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking about how to get into the sewers. It was pouring rain, so I put out a bowl to catch it – we always need water. But then, I thought, where does all the other rain go?   I had to find out. So, even though I really didn’t want to get wet, I stepped outside. In no time, I was soaked through, but I followed a stream on the street. It led to a small hole. Too small for me, but maybe not for Dunkin. He could get in and find a way in big enough for me.   After I got back and tried to sleep again, the morning came too quick. My clothes were still kind of wet when I put them on. Brrr. I explained to Dunkin what I wanted him to do, and we hugged – he's the best.   He went into the hole like a little hero, and I went to the market to wait. He came back so fast! I followed him to an old, dark building. In the basement, there was a big hole – big enough for me!   But inside, it was so dark. Like, the dark kind of dark where you can't see anything at all. I tried to go in, but I couldn't see a thing without the light. Dunkin was fine – he's got super eyes, I think – but I just couldn’t do it. It was scary and smelled awful.   So, now I’m back where I started. No closer to the farm. No closer to the sword and dagger. And I feel stuck. Dunkin did great, but I need to see where I’m going. It’s no use – I can't find the way out if I can't see my hand in front of my face.

Not the gates, but the sewers? Yuck!

Today felt like a big pile of nothing until it wasn’t. I sat by the city gate looking like I needed coins, but really I was trying to find a way out. The guards are always there, and they never leave the gate without others to replace them. They talk and laugh, and I wish I could know what they say – maybe it would help me.   Then, something really odd happened. Dunkin, being Dunkin, scampered off towards the guards! I called to him, quiet-like, but he didn’t come back. He just hid and twitched his whiskers. And suddenly, I could hear the guards as clear as if I was right next to them! It was like magic – like Dunkin was my ears.   I heard one guard talk about the river and how it made him sick. They laughed and said it was because of the sewers – all the icky stuff ends up there. Yuck! But then I thought, if the sewers go out of the city, maybe we could too.   I didn’t know how to get Dunkin back without going to grab him (which I couldn’t do without the guards seeing me). I just whispered to him, and believe it or not, he came back! I don't get it, but I’m happy he did.   So, now we’ve got a new plan. We’re gonna find a way into the sewers. It’s gonna be gross for sure, but if it leads us to the farm and to Mommy’s sword and dagger, it’s worth a try. Tomorrow, Dunkin and I will look for a sewer we can sneak into. I hope it's not as smelly as I think it is. But even if it is, it's better than staying here with the danger getting closer every day.

Trying to get back to the farm

These past weeks have been the hardest. More and more scary people come to West Themar, with marks on their faces. They look mean and do mean things. Daddy told me that people with a mark did bad stuff to get those marks, but I don’t know much about it. Dunkin and I, we try to stay away from them, hiding a lot.   I keep thinking about Daddy's sword and dagger, the ones he said belonged to Mommy. They're still at the farm, he told me he'd give them to me when I was bigger. I'm not much bigger now, but things are getting so scary, I wish I had them. They would help keep Dunkin and me safe, I think.   The money I got from making straw dolls is already gone and I had to steal again a few times. I got in trouble for it the last time the people are more looking out for that now wit all these bad people around. Buying a sword or a dagger here in the city is too much money, and I'm scared to steal one. Stealing bread to not starve is one thing, but stealing a sword feels different, scarier.   So, I've been thinking a lot about going back to the farm. It's just outside the city but the guards still won't let anyone out. Maybe I can slip through somehow like on the market when the people do not see me, I could make it there and get the sword and dagger. It’s a big risk, but I feel like it’s the only way to stay safe with all these new dangers around.   Dunkin looks at me with his little eyes, and I think he understands. He's brave for a little rat, braver than me most days. So, we're going to try. We’ll take it slow and be super careful. Maybe at the farm, it'll be like it was, a little bit like before the blackening.   Tomorrow, we start early. I will look if I can find a way to pass by the guards without being seen. Maybe Dunkin can distract them so that I can pass through.

Straw dolls

A big cart full of straw passed by the other day, with horses and a mountain of straw that made me think of home. When it turned the corner, a bit of straw fell off. It felt like a gift from Awïlïn, so I took it and ran. Didn't feel right, but didn't feel wrong either. It was just there, and nobody seemed to care.   I made straw dolls, just like I did back on the farm. Gave them all different faces, happy, sad, angry, silly. Dunkin, my little rat friend, he seemed to like them too, chasing their straw legs with his tiny paws.   Then, something unexpected happened. A woman saw me with the dolls and wanted one. She gave me money for it, more than I ever got for anything. she told me I had the spirit of Luceria in me. She said even in the dark, I found a way to make light. It made me think, maybe I can be brave like Daddy was. It was enough to buy bread for days. Suddenly, I had an idea – maybe I could sell these to others at the market.   I took off my dark green cloak for the dolls to sit on – the same cloak Daddy said belonged to Mommy. I know green is special, only the rich people can afford it like the king, so maybe that helped catch their eyes. And would you believe it? Over the next few days, people actually stopped and bought my dolls. All ten of them! For the first time since the blackening, since Daddy... I had enough money, real money.   I'm trying to be careful with it, only buying what we really need to eat and stay healthy. Dunkin's whiskers twitch more when he’s full, and I can walk further without my tummy rumbling.   I don’t understand why people want my dolls so much, but I'm glad they do. It feels nice to have something to do, something that feels a bit like home. And it feels even nicer not to be hungry. I hope I can find more straw tomorrow, maybe make more dolls. It's good to have a plan, even if it's just for the next day.

I have been bad, but I saved Dunkin

It's been four whole days since Dunkin and I had any food. My stomach feels like it's trying to eat itself and Dunkin... he's been so quiet and still. I've been sitting in the market, the place where people come to fill their bellies, begging. But it's like I'm not here, like we're invisible. Dunkin used to run around and sniff everything, but now he just lays on my shoulder, too weak to move.   Today, it got really bad. Dunkin fell off my shoulder. I was so scared, my little friend, lying there so limp and pale. I cried, I begged louder, I wanted someone to see us, to help us, but nobody did. It's like we don't exist to them, like we're just shadows.   Then, I saw a chance – a crate full of bread, just behind a stall, hidden by a plank that fell. I took two loaves, my heart pounding. I felt Awïlïn's wind in my feet as I ran, nobody even glanced my way. Maybe they didn't see, or maybe they just didn't care.   In an alley, I laid Dunkin down and put bread by his little mouth. He didn't move at first and I felt so afraid. But then, he twitched and started to eat. I could almost see the strength coming back into his tiny body. I started eating too, and with every bite, it felt like life was trickling back into me.   I never stole before. It feels wrong, but I was so hungry, and Dunkin... I had to save him. The market was so full today, full of food and life, and we were there, but not part of it. Not until I took that bread. Now we're not just shadows anymore. We're thieves. But at least we're not hungry, at least for now.   I don't know what will happen tomorrow. Will we be shadows again, or will someone finally see us? I just want to go home.

The Rat Girl

The stones were dim tonight, like the world was holding its breath. And in the quiet, I heard a little noise. A tiny heart beating, a small life daring to move in the shadows. It was a rat, right there in my bag, nibbling on my bread. I wasn't even mad. I picked him up and felt his little heart racing like mine. I gave him some cheese, the last of it. I think I needed a friend, even a little furry one.   When the light grew stronger, I woke up to see him still there, curled up and asleep, like he belonged. It felt nice not to wake up alone. I named him Dunkin, after a character in a story Dad used to tell me. Dunkin and I, we're going to stick together.   I walked to the market, the weight of my last coin heavy in my pocket. I could only afford old bread, but Dunkin didn't seem to mind. He’s good company, doesn’t complain about the food.   Today, I wandered West Themar. It's strange to see it from eyes that aren't mine. I used to see it as a place we passed through, now it's a place I'm part of. Some people call me "rat girl" now, but not like it's a bad thing. They said I showed them the truth about the gates. That we’re all caged in. They say everyone knows now because of what happened to me. I don't feel like I did anything, but if it helped, I’m glad.   People are different here, their eyes have stories in them. Stories like mine, like Dunkin’s. I see the hurt from yesterday, the work to rebuild, the whispers. Whispers that are growing louder. I don't know what they're growing into.   I found a new quiet spot, better than the last. Dunkin and I shared the bread. I broke off pieces, and we ate together in silence. He’s a good listener.   I don't know what tomorrow holds, or if I'll ever see the farm again. But at least for today, I don't feel so alone. Dunkin's presence is a little light in the dark, like the Lucerian stones, small but steady. Maybe we all need a Dunkin to keep us company in the dark.   For now, it’s just me and Dunkin, the rat girl and her little guardian. We'll see what the streets bring us tomorrow.

The Day of Blood

Today was scary, like a bad dream but I couldn’t wake up. I thought I could go home to the farm, but the city wouldn't let me. It doesn't let anyone leave. There's a big angry crowd at the gates, and the guards are all in shiny armor. I don't like shiny things anymore. They hurt people.   There was shouting and yelling, and words that tasted bad in the air. I pushed to see, but I wish I hadn't. There was blood. A man was on the ground, not moving. I don't think he's going to get up.   I turned to leave, but then everyone had sticks and hammers and angry faces. They ran at the guards, but the guards were like big rocks, not moving, hitting back. I fell down, and everyone ran over me. It was like being underwater, but if the water was made of shoes and anger.   When I looked up, I saw the other people were on the ground too, not moving. Some of ran away from the guards. Then I saw him, The guard from yesterday, with his sword. It was red and dripping. He looked at me, and I felt cold, colder than yesterdays night on the street. He told me to come, but I ran. I ran faster than I ever have, even faster than when I play chase with the wind.   I found a broken house and crawled inside. It was like being a mouse in a hole. He couldn't get in. He was mad. He said he'd find me next time. I don't want there to be a next time.   Now I'm in my corner, and I ate half the food. The cheese was okay, but I miss the meat. Tomorrow I have to eat less, or I won't have any food the day after. I don't like being hungry, but I don't like being scared more.   I keep thinking about the farm. It's so quiet there, and I'm so loud inside my head here. I want to go home. I want Daddy. I want the people on the ground to get up. I want the shiny guards to go away. I want a lot of things. I'm learning that wanting doesn't do much.   I'm going to sleep now. I wish I could sleep until the gates open and I can run home and this will all be just a bad memory. But I don't think I can sleep that long.

Why won't they let me leave?

I don't know how many sleeps it's been since Daddy stopped being Daddy. The farm is quiet, and the animals are gone. I think they left because they missed Daddy's voice. I miss it too.   Today, I had to go to the market because the bread was all green and fuzzy, and the milk smelled funny. I took the little tin where Daddy used to keep his coin and I went into the city. The guards didn't look at me this time. I wish they had. I don't like being invisible. It's scary when no one sees you.   The market was all noisy, but not like before. People weren't laughing or calling out good deals. They just moved around like ghosts. I bought bread and some cheese and a little meat, but everything was different. It was like when you bite into an apple and expect it to be sweet, but it's sour.   When I tried to leave, the guards blocked the gate. I don't understand why. I told them I needed to go home, to the farm, but they didn't listen. They just stared at me, and then one of them pushed me. I fell down and the food spilled everywhere. He kicked me and told me to move along. It hurt, not just where he kicked me, but inside, where I keep all the things I don't say.   I picked up the food, the bits that he didn't take from me, and I found a quiet corner. It's not a nice corner, but it's hidden. I cried there, not loud, just enough so I could feel it. I don't like crying where people can see. Daddy said crying is okay, but I don't think he meant crying alone.   I don't know what to do. The farm is lonely, and the city won't let me leave. It's like West Themar is a big cage, but I don't remember doing anything bad. Daddy said that sometimes bad things happen and we don't know why. I wish he was here to tell me why. I don't like not knowing.   I'm writing this down so I don't forget. I don't want to forget today, even though it hurts. I have to remember, so when I'm not little anymore, I'll know why I'm sad. I have to remember the bread and the cheese and the meat, and the corner, and the guards. I have to remember Daddy, and the farm, and the quiet. I think I have to remember because there's no one else to remember it for me.

The Day of Ashes

It's still dark, darker than the nights when the Lucerian stones seem to dim just a little, as if they are tired like I feel now. I had a scary dream, but when I woke up, I remembered it wasn't a dream. I wish it was. I wish I could wake up with Daddy's voice telling me it's just a bad dream, but Daddy doesn't say anything anymore.   Yesterday was the day the sky got even darker over our farm. Daddy was in bed, coughing and not smiling like he does when we play with the straw dolls I make. I wanted to make him smile, so I decided to get the special medicine that helps him breathe and stops the hurt. The one that smells like mint and makes you feel like you're sitting in a cool breeze.   Getting to the city was hard. The guards at the gate looked at me like I shouldn't be there. I'm just little, but I know how to talk big, just like Daddy taught me. "I need medicine for my Daddy," I said, as loud as I could. One of the guards bent down and looked at me with his big, serious eyes, then he let me in. I felt brave, but also scared, like when you climb a tree and look down.   The city was all noisy and smoky. People were running and shouting, and no one was smiling. The smoke made me cough, and my eyes hurt, but I kept thinking of Daddy and how he needed me. I went to the place where they keep all the herbs and bottles. The apothecary’s shop was in the middle of the blackening. The heat hugged me all over like when you get into a bath that's too hot, and it made me want to cry.   I knew what the medicine looked like. Daddy had shown me once, a green bottle with a red leaf on it. I found it, even though everything was falling and crashing and the air was so hot I thought I might melt. I grabbed the bottle and ran out as fast as my legs could go. I didn't look back because I was afraid if I did, the black would catch me.   When I got back to the farm, everything was quiet. Too quiet. I ran to Daddy, holding the bottle tight, thinking of his smile. But Daddy was lying still, and he wasn't smiling. He wasn't anything. I don't understand why he wouldn't wake up. I shook him, and I cried, and I told him I got the medicine, but he just stayed quiet.   I don't like this quiet. It's like the quiet of the city when the black eats all the noise. I'm holding the green bottle now, but it doesn't feel important anymore. Daddy can't feel the cool breeze from it. I just want to hear him say my name, see him smile, and tell me it's going to be alright. But all I have is this bottle, and the dark, and the quiet.

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