New Here, Are You?
“You’d be surprised how many people stumble in here thinking it’s just another inn. The ones who survive are usually the ones who listened.”
So. You’ve Arrived
Whether you found the gates, walked through a door that shouldn’t have been there, or simply needed to be here — you’re inside now.
That means the Inn accepted you. Don’t ask why. It never says.
If you’re reading this, it’s because Lars wanted you to have something more useful than blank stares and panic. He thinks explanations help. I remain unconvinced. But fine — he asked, I agreed, so here we are.
What This Chapter Is
This is the start. Your first steps.
Not theory, not rumours — just the basics. Who to talk to. What to avoid. How to keep breathing long enough to get a drink.
I could write it all myself, but frankly, I don’t have the patience to explain doors, hours, and etiquette to every wide-eyed hero with a glowing sword. So I asked the others to help. The staff. The ones who live here, properly.
They’ve each written their own section. Or shouted it at someone who took notes. Don’t take every word literally — but don’t ignore them either.
Who You’ll Hear From
In the pages ahead, you’ll meet:
- Sylvie — the rules. Not laws, truths. She got to them first.
- Seraphis — time, and why it sometimes refuses to behave. She’ll be gentle. Probably.
- Mouse — stories from the Taproom. Rumours, legends, questionable advice.
- Rika — a tour, assuming she hasn’t flattened a hallway again.
- Tess — notes on gods, demons, and divine disasters. She has… opinions.
- Mama Jori — what it’s like to actually live here. Quiet routines. The rhythm between doors.
Together, it’s the nearest thing to a “map” you’ll get.
If You’re Smart, You’ll Listen
The Inn isn’t normal. There’s no chart, no compass, no guarantee the same door opens twice. No one truly understands it — not even Lars. We just keep the peace, pour the drinks, and pretend the furniture isn’t laughing.
But you’ve been let in. That matters. It means your story belongs here now.
So sit down. Read. Pay attention. We’ve lost enough good ones to bad decisions.
And if you still have questions by the end… ask Dave. If he shrugs, you’re probably fine.
Probably.
Contents
Advice from a Maid
"The trick, darling, isn’t to understand the Inn.
It’s to make sure the Inn never quite understands you.
Talk to the walls. Name your door. Never blink at the soup.
If something offers you a deal — accept it, then renegotiate.
If something growls at you — growl back, but with better diction.
And if you ever find yourself alone in a room you don’t remember walking into?
Smile.
It hates that."
—Sylvie Starfall
“Your continued reading is more valuable than coin. However, the author assures me that Ko-Fi support assists in ‘keeping the kettle on.’ I am told this is a metaphor. I remain unconvinced.” — Seraphis Nightvale Ko-Fi: #madmooncrow
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