Creative Practice Day 55

Anticipation begins

At times I feel I live more when I am looking forward to something

I work harder, feel less pain

I focus on a goal ahead

glimmering true north

There's that flutter

the half-belief that it will come to pass

the wonder as the sky grows lighter before the dawn

and yet, as the chill grows just

and the light begins to be brighter

and all my hope and will is bent towards seeing

the new become now

I feel as if I am not living at all

laundry goes unwashed

dishes undone

the little things, hastily cast aside

my focus is absolute.

It is of great help at times, when it works

and other times it shackles me to expectation

a blinding towards all that fills me in the interim

like a hiker, so excited to reach the summit they neither ate nor slept,

weakened by their journey they fall

and when they awake, they are right back where they started

rock bottom, burnt out

I think that's why I try to watch a studio ghibli movie near finals

so that I don't die.