Script of "The Hog's Sausage"
A Dwarven Puppet Farce in One Act
Note: Traditionally performed with three puppets:
- Torgan the Mighty (a wild-eyed white Lap-Hog)
- His Royal Grumbleness, the Stoneking (small, serious, with a majestic beard)
- Lord Foplington, a human noble with exaggerated features, flowing clothes, and an enormous codpiece
Performance Style:
The show is performed with crude wooden puppets operated from below or behind a raised wooden stage (usually made from beer crates and flour sacks). It often involves:
- Spring-loaded Torgan puppets launched via slingshot.
- Detachable codpieces with hidden sausages or blood squibs.
- Live musicians or drunken tavern patrons providing sound effects.
- Audience call-and-response chants (e.g. “Chomp! Chomp! CHOMP!”)
- A rotating cast of "noble idiots" depending on local politics.
It’s considered a rite of passage for traveling Dwarven bards and young performers to put on their own version, with embellishments wildly encouraged.
Historical Details
Background
Origins:
The Hog’s Sausage began as a satirical tavern performance in the volcanic city of Gevblaith, supposedly invented by a drunk miner named Stikki Bellows after witnessing the real Torgan the Mighty (the Stoneking’s infamous Lap-Hog) chase a visiting noble through a public square.
Word of the tale spread quickly, and exaggerated reenactments sprang up in alehouses across Vashkelholme and Broyoto, eventually evolving into a puppet play complete with songs, props, and slapstick choreography. The show was soon banned from official gatherings… which only made it more beloved.
Public Reaction
Cultural Significance:
- A People's Satire: It’s seen as a way for commoners to mock the arrogance of nobility and outsiders, while celebrating the fierce loyalty and aggression of the Stoneking’s pet—and by extension, the unyielding will of Dwarves themselves.
- Political Barometer: Modified versions have been used to criticize local leaders, foreign emissaries, and unpopular guildmasters—always under the thin veil of “just a puppet show.”
- Forbidden in Court: The Grand Assembly of Broyoto once tried to ban it, but that just made it twice as popular.
- Children’s Version: A gentler rendition called "The Hog and the Helpful King" exists for children, where Torgan only bites bad dreams and naughty vegetables.
Legacy
Torgan in Puppet Lore:
The puppet version of Torgan the Mighty has taken on a mythic identity of his own. In the shows, he’s:
- The Avenger of Dwarven Pride.
- A squealing enforcer of justice.
- Capable of speaking in growls and headbutting through solid stone.
- Often portrayed as secretly smarter than the nobles he bites.
Some folk festivals even feature a Torgan Impersonation Contest, where dwarves wear a pig snout and try to wrestle sausages from each other to win a keg of Emberale.
That script is amazing. Fantastic article.
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