Potaiānēs
Ideals
Gender Ideals
Ideals for Men “The Pillars of House and Civic Order”
Potaissan men are judged foremost by honour, steadiness, and reliability, not aggression or dominance.
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Civic Duty Above All
The Potaissan man should serve his city, his Praevia, or the realm, uphold law and custom, maintain the reputation of his lineage, act as a stabilising force in society.
Potaissan men are respected for their service, service to their city, Praevia or the realm is considered a great honour, they do not respect them for power alone.
The Steadfast Temperament
Ideal men are restrained in emotion, measured in speech, calm under provocation, consistent in behaviour.
Those who lose control easily and unable to control their temper are considered weak and not strong. They are shameful men who would bring shame upon their family.
Martial Competence (But Not Brutishness)
Even non-soldiers are expected to know the basics of self-defence and household protection but cruelty, swagger, or reckless bloodlust are despised. “Strength without honour” is seen as barbaric. Honour is valued greatly across Potaissan society even among Rhovans and Karthics.
Capability as a Provider
A Potaissan man is meant to be able to be a provider for his partner. They are expected to bring economic stability, reliability in crisis and a respectable trade or office.
Potaissan men prove love by actions, not declarations.
Honour in Loyalty
Loyalty is highly valued by Potaissa, it is one of their many great virtues.
A man must be absolutely faithful, protective of family dignity, respectful of his partner’s domain.
The Potaissan man should serve his city, his Praevia, or the realm, uphold law and custom, maintain the reputation of his lineage, act as a stabilising force in society.
Potaissan men are respected for their service, service to their city, Praevia or the realm is considered a great honour, they do not respect them for power alone.
The Steadfast Temperament
Ideal men are restrained in emotion, measured in speech, calm under provocation, consistent in behaviour.
Those who lose control easily and unable to control their temper are considered weak and not strong. They are shameful men who would bring shame upon their family.
Martial Competence (But Not Brutishness)
Even non-soldiers are expected to know the basics of self-defence and household protection but cruelty, swagger, or reckless bloodlust are despised. “Strength without honour” is seen as barbaric. Honour is valued greatly across Potaissan society even among Rhovans and Karthics.
Capability as a Provider
A Potaissan man is meant to be able to be a provider for his partner. They are expected to bring economic stability, reliability in crisis and a respectable trade or office.
Potaissan men prove love by actions, not declarations.
Honour in Loyalty
Loyalty is highly valued by Potaissa, it is one of their many great virtues.
A man must be absolutely faithful, protective of family dignity, respectful of his partner’s domain.
Ideals for Women “The Hearth-Mind, the Wise Keeper of Lineage”
Potaissan women are not idealised as passive, they are seen as the strategic and intellectual heart of the household.
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Dignity and Composure
To Potaissans, grace is considered strength and not softness. Women should show calm poise, elegant restraint, thoughtful speech and controlled emotion.
Women who are able to show these have a greater dignity than those who are inelegant and unable to be restraint, uncaring of their speech, unable to control their emotions.
Mastery of Household and Lineage
While the man is considered the Pillars of a House, it is the woman who has true mastery over it. She controls household wealth and finances, marriage alliances, family rituals, the education of children and maintenance of honour and decorum.
To the Potaissans, if a house does not have a strong woman then it is seen as unstable.
Intellectual Refinement
Women are encouraged to expand on their intellect with studies in literacy, historical knowledge, poetry, philosophy, rhetoric, civic lore, genealogies and estate management. Her mind is expected to be sharp, refined and able to show her intellect.
Quiet Influence, Not Loud Power
Women influence decisions, they do not show political power which is rare but behind the scenes, they are powerful.
They can influence counsel, diplomacy and negotiation.
Loyalty and Prudence
The ideal woman protects her house’s reputation, maintains her partner’s dignity, avoids public scandal, acts with wisdom.
To Potaissans, grace is considered strength and not softness. Women should show calm poise, elegant restraint, thoughtful speech and controlled emotion.
Women who are able to show these have a greater dignity than those who are inelegant and unable to be restraint, uncaring of their speech, unable to control their emotions.
Mastery of Household and Lineage
While the man is considered the Pillars of a House, it is the woman who has true mastery over it. She controls household wealth and finances, marriage alliances, family rituals, the education of children and maintenance of honour and decorum.
To the Potaissans, if a house does not have a strong woman then it is seen as unstable.
Intellectual Refinement
Women are encouraged to expand on their intellect with studies in literacy, historical knowledge, poetry, philosophy, rhetoric, civic lore, genealogies and estate management. Her mind is expected to be sharp, refined and able to show her intellect.
Quiet Influence, Not Loud Power
Women influence decisions, they do not show political power which is rare but behind the scenes, they are powerful.
They can influence counsel, diplomacy and negotiation.
Loyalty and Prudence
The ideal woman protects her house’s reputation, maintains her partner’s dignity, avoids public scandal, acts with wisdom.
Shared Ideals
Both partners must show courtesy, patience, support in adversity and unified public presence.
No matter gender, excess passion is seen as weakness.
Ability earns respect. Incompetence whether civic, martial, or domestic is shameful.
Both genders are expected to know history, law, civic expectations and ancestral customs
Betrayal of partner or house is the gravest personal failing.
Other traits
Potaissan women: influence inheritance, maintain shrines, control household wealth
Men are admired for duty, stoicism, disciplined emotion, fatherly reliability
Both partners work to honour ancestors, maintain prosperity, uphold reputation, raise educated, disciplined children
Courtship Ideals
The Ways of Potaiānēs in Love & Marriage
Courtship as a Public Virtue, Not a Private Affair: The Potaissans view courtship as a act of honour, lineage, and civic duty. The suitors behaviour reflects not just on themselves but also their House, upbringing and ability to uphold civic virtue (virtus). The courship is never fully private.
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Courtship & StatusAdmiration of Strength and Steadfastness
The Potaissan people value restraint and distain flamboyant seduction. They also value strength, dignified bearing, steadfast temperament and reliability. Those who are calm, patient and respectful are considered highly desirable.
The Ideal Suitor: “Gravis et Decorus” (Solemn and Honourable)
The most admired suitors are: measured in speech, careful in promises, respectful of ritual, generous but never ostentatious and loyal to their patron-family.
A suitor who is impetuousness is considered untrustworthy especially with courtship, it makes it seem as they want something.
Gift-Giving: Symbolism Over Expense
The gifts giving during a courship must be meaningful, tied to their family lineage and modest yet finely crafted. The gift is about the symbolism over how much one can spend. The Nobles of Potaissa value meaningful gifts over excess, they also frown upon wasteful extravagance.
Examples of gifts are a wax tablet with a hand-written verse, a clasp, brooch, or hairpin bearing ancestral motifs, a ring with a house-crest (but not a full betrothal ring) and the likes.
Parental & Patron Approval as Essential
The parents or elder of the house must give their approval of the courtship. Patron-Houses have the power to veto alliances if it will weaken their position, this can cause bigger issues than usual which sometimes can become violent. It is seen as reckless and untrustworthy of the suitor if he bypasses family channels. Even in love, Potaissans value hierarchy and act through it.
The Walk of Concord
This is an important stage, formalised by the families. The couple are permitted to walk together, in public, through one of the districts such as the temple district or the civic area. Witnesses will normally join them, the witnesses are often members of the families but generally cousins if they do not have siblings. This walk is meant to show a mutual respect for each other, how they act together and the likes. The walk is meant to be symbolise to be able to “travel life’s road in concord." Families will reconsider if it is reported the walk was awkward, tense, disrespectful and went poorly.
The Virtue of Measured Passion
While Potaissans do not reject emotional passion, they value control over it. A good suitor should be able to feel deeply, speak thoughtfully, and act with restraint. Open, unrestrained romantic declarations are considered immature. Passion, properly should be expressed through formal letters, carefully chosen words, and thoughtful gifts. Passion becomes admirable only when disciplined.
Women’s Courtship Ideals: Wisdom, Grace, Prudence
Potaissan women are expected to display composure, education (reading, recitation, lore), elegance without extravagance, respect for ancestral rites. Intellect is prized; a woman who can quote classical Potaissan authors is highly esteemed.
Men’s Courtship Ideals: Honour, Provision, Reliability
A Potaissan man proves himself by demonstrating financial stability, maintaining his family honour, offering protection without arrogance, cultivating martial or civic competence. Cowardice, cruelty, and dishonesty are the traits most despised.
Betrothal as a Sacred Contract
Once the families agree, formal oaths are sworn before household shrines, witnesses seal the union with carved wax sigils, withdrawal without just cause is dishonourable and may incur legal consequences. The betrothal in Potaissa is nearly a binding contract then a promise.
Romance in Marriage: Expected to Grow, Not Begin
In classic Potaissan thought
“Love grows from honour, shared burdens, and prosperity.”
Romance is not expected to ignite courtship but it is expected to flourish within marriage. A match built on stability and respect is ideal; passion follows later.
The Potaissan people value restraint and distain flamboyant seduction. They also value strength, dignified bearing, steadfast temperament and reliability. Those who are calm, patient and respectful are considered highly desirable.
The Ideal Suitor: “Gravis et Decorus” (Solemn and Honourable)
The most admired suitors are: measured in speech, careful in promises, respectful of ritual, generous but never ostentatious and loyal to their patron-family.
A suitor who is impetuousness is considered untrustworthy especially with courtship, it makes it seem as they want something.
Gift-Giving: Symbolism Over Expense
The gifts giving during a courship must be meaningful, tied to their family lineage and modest yet finely crafted. The gift is about the symbolism over how much one can spend. The Nobles of Potaissa value meaningful gifts over excess, they also frown upon wasteful extravagance.
Examples of gifts are a wax tablet with a hand-written verse, a clasp, brooch, or hairpin bearing ancestral motifs, a ring with a house-crest (but not a full betrothal ring) and the likes.
Parental & Patron Approval as Essential
The parents or elder of the house must give their approval of the courtship. Patron-Houses have the power to veto alliances if it will weaken their position, this can cause bigger issues than usual which sometimes can become violent. It is seen as reckless and untrustworthy of the suitor if he bypasses family channels. Even in love, Potaissans value hierarchy and act through it.
The Walk of Concord
This is an important stage, formalised by the families. The couple are permitted to walk together, in public, through one of the districts such as the temple district or the civic area. Witnesses will normally join them, the witnesses are often members of the families but generally cousins if they do not have siblings. This walk is meant to show a mutual respect for each other, how they act together and the likes. The walk is meant to be symbolise to be able to “travel life’s road in concord." Families will reconsider if it is reported the walk was awkward, tense, disrespectful and went poorly.
The Virtue of Measured Passion
While Potaissans do not reject emotional passion, they value control over it. A good suitor should be able to feel deeply, speak thoughtfully, and act with restraint. Open, unrestrained romantic declarations are considered immature. Passion, properly should be expressed through formal letters, carefully chosen words, and thoughtful gifts. Passion becomes admirable only when disciplined.
Women’s Courtship Ideals: Wisdom, Grace, Prudence
Potaissan women are expected to display composure, education (reading, recitation, lore), elegance without extravagance, respect for ancestral rites. Intellect is prized; a woman who can quote classical Potaissan authors is highly esteemed.
Men’s Courtship Ideals: Honour, Provision, Reliability
A Potaissan man proves himself by demonstrating financial stability, maintaining his family honour, offering protection without arrogance, cultivating martial or civic competence. Cowardice, cruelty, and dishonesty are the traits most despised.
Betrothal as a Sacred Contract
Once the families agree, formal oaths are sworn before household shrines, witnesses seal the union with carved wax sigils, withdrawal without just cause is dishonourable and may incur legal consequences. The betrothal in Potaissa is nearly a binding contract then a promise.
Romance in Marriage: Expected to Grow, Not Begin
In classic Potaissan thought
“Love grows from honour, shared burdens, and prosperity.”
Romance is not expected to ignite courtship but it is expected to flourish within marriage. A match built on stability and respect is ideal; passion follows later.
High noble houses court with diplomacy, alliances, ceremonial exchanges
Middle nobles court with public rituals and civic duties
Commoners court more simply but still follow honour and family approval
Soldiers often court through letters, tokens, or battlefield-promises sanctified later
What is Considered Beautiful in Courtship
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low, steady voices
formal greeting gestures
scholarly literacy
graceful posture
devotion to family rites
discreet but deep affection
They do not admire loud, dramatic, or overly forward behaviour.
formal greeting gestures
scholarly literacy
graceful posture
devotion to family rites
discreet but deep affection
They do not admire loud, dramatic, or overly forward behaviour.
Relationship Ideals
Partnership as Virtue, Stability, and Mutual Honour
Mutual Honour Above All
Potaissans believe that the success of a relationship rests first on the honour of both partners. To them honour means, reliability, truthfulness, keeping oaths, behaving with dignity, maintaining the reputation of the household. The shame of one partner will blemish the other partner's honour and the reputation of both. Mutual honour is considered highly important in all unions.
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Partnership as Shared Burden
To Potaissans, a relationship is carrying each other's life burdens together. They are both expected to support the other’s duties, share household responsibilities, stand together during misfortune and appear unified in public. If a relationship does not ease life's troubles then it is considered unworthy.
Respect for Lineage and House
Potaissans view relationships as unions between houses, not just individuals. This means that both partners must show respect for each other's ancestors, observe house rites, preserve familial dignity, and avoid behaviour that tarnishes lineage.
Measured Affection: Emotion with Discipline
Potaissans value affection that is sincere, controlled and, steady. They see passion that is shown with restraint as more meaningful than dramatic displays of passion. Love that burns quietly and faithfully is held superior to love that flares brightly and collapses.
Public Unity, Private Disagreements
Couples must appear harmonious in public. The Walk of Concord plays a role in how harmonious a to be couple are when they are in public. If they are to argue then it must be in private and never in public. Public discord is seen as a failure of discipline. Arguements must be settled with mutual patience and by appealing to responsibility, not pride.
The Ideal Relationship is Constructive, Not Consuming
A proper partnership is about cultivating virtue, to strengthens each partner, raises the prestige of both families, improve household prosperity, supporting children’s upbringing, and encourages growth in learning and civics. Relationships are measured by what they build, not what they desire.
Loyalty as Sacred
Disloyalty, emotional or physical, is not just a personal betrayal but a dishonour against both houses. To be disloyal is a great act of shame and has caused blood feuds between families.
Loyalty is: absolute, uncompromising, expected without qualification.
To be Loyal is to be Potaiānēs.
Intellectual Companionship is Highly Prized
The Potaissans value Intellect and admire a partner who is Intellectual, especially when they are able to read together, discuss civic matters, debate philosophies and refine each other’s minds. Intellectual harmony is often considered the deepest form of compatibility.
Mutual Betterment: Each Makes the Other Greater
Partners are expected to elevate one another socially, morally, intellectually, spiritually.
When couples are not able to both each other better than the relationship is seen as incomplete.
Sacred Privacy of Intimacy
Intimacy is considered private, honourable, and emotionally significant.
To speak on such matters openly and are excessive about it, or public sensuality is considered shameful to the Potaissans.
True intimacy is loyal, respectful, affectionate, forming a bond of unspoken strength.
Endurance Through Trials
A strong relationship is defined not by calm years but by weathering storms such as illness, civic unrest, grief, financial hardship and other misfortunes that may come. Partners who remain steadfast through adversity are admired.
Imperial Ideal: “Two Pillars, One House”
Imperial Ideal: “Two Pillars, One House” The highest Potaissan relationship model is not based on passion but on two dignified individuals supporting a shared life. This model emphasises duty, mutual pride, discipline, affection expressed in quiet acts, visible unity, the shared carrying of burdens.
Partners should not carry their burdens alone, they must stand strong together and support each through a shared life that they have made together.
To Potaissans, a relationship is carrying each other's life burdens together. They are both expected to support the other’s duties, share household responsibilities, stand together during misfortune and appear unified in public. If a relationship does not ease life's troubles then it is considered unworthy.
Respect for Lineage and House
Potaissans view relationships as unions between houses, not just individuals. This means that both partners must show respect for each other's ancestors, observe house rites, preserve familial dignity, and avoid behaviour that tarnishes lineage.
Measured Affection: Emotion with Discipline
Potaissans value affection that is sincere, controlled and, steady. They see passion that is shown with restraint as more meaningful than dramatic displays of passion. Love that burns quietly and faithfully is held superior to love that flares brightly and collapses.
Public Unity, Private Disagreements
Couples must appear harmonious in public. The Walk of Concord plays a role in how harmonious a to be couple are when they are in public. If they are to argue then it must be in private and never in public. Public discord is seen as a failure of discipline. Arguements must be settled with mutual patience and by appealing to responsibility, not pride.
The Ideal Relationship is Constructive, Not Consuming
A proper partnership is about cultivating virtue, to strengthens each partner, raises the prestige of both families, improve household prosperity, supporting children’s upbringing, and encourages growth in learning and civics. Relationships are measured by what they build, not what they desire.
Loyalty as Sacred
Disloyalty, emotional or physical, is not just a personal betrayal but a dishonour against both houses. To be disloyal is a great act of shame and has caused blood feuds between families.
Loyalty is: absolute, uncompromising, expected without qualification.
To be Loyal is to be Potaiānēs.
Intellectual Companionship is Highly Prized
The Potaissans value Intellect and admire a partner who is Intellectual, especially when they are able to read together, discuss civic matters, debate philosophies and refine each other’s minds. Intellectual harmony is often considered the deepest form of compatibility.
Mutual Betterment: Each Makes the Other Greater
Partners are expected to elevate one another socially, morally, intellectually, spiritually.
When couples are not able to both each other better than the relationship is seen as incomplete.
Sacred Privacy of Intimacy
Intimacy is considered private, honourable, and emotionally significant.
To speak on such matters openly and are excessive about it, or public sensuality is considered shameful to the Potaissans.
True intimacy is loyal, respectful, affectionate, forming a bond of unspoken strength.
Endurance Through Trials
A strong relationship is defined not by calm years but by weathering storms such as illness, civic unrest, grief, financial hardship and other misfortunes that may come. Partners who remain steadfast through adversity are admired.
Imperial Ideal: “Two Pillars, One House”
Imperial Ideal: “Two Pillars, One House” The highest Potaissan relationship model is not based on passion but on two dignified individuals supporting a shared life. This model emphasises duty, mutual pride, discipline, affection expressed in quiet acts, visible unity, the shared carrying of burdens.
Partners should not carry their burdens alone, they must stand strong together and support each through a shared life that they have made together.
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