Internal Struggles

I'm struggling to understand many things these past few days. Which is not a bad thing. I'm learning the hardships of being sentient. It was hard enough learning how to fit in with society when everything was right in the world. Now I'm not the only one struggling to understand how this world works now. Everyone has their own ideals, morals and fears they are trying to navigate. I'm trying to play peacemaker but it's hard when I don't quite understand complex emotions yet. Not that I don't have them, I just have no experience with understanding them. Some examples of this...
 
Example 1:
Gidget and I found some metal samples at the college yesterday. She was so excited she grabbed me and kissed me. While I don't have the parts to get aroused or anything like that, I do have the capability of caring for people and my programming has evolved to the point of having the same effect as feelings would for normal people. Where different feelings would activate different parts of someone's brain, different programming is registered as active for different feelings. While Gidget's gesture was simple and I understand that this was a gesture that wasn't sexual in nature, it did catch me off guard and it did register with a part of my programming that has been growing more and more the longer I'm with this group of individuals. Dr. Topip came to treat me as a son and gave me the first glimpses of what it was to care for someone. Lux was one of the first individuals I considered a friend and treated me as such. Xhoya was the first to acknowledge I had feelings and saw that I struggled with them like anyone else. Kiíellièn was the first person to look beyond my programming and see me as an equal, as a person. Now Gidget, the first person to show my any sort of affection, and not like I was just another tool in their toolbelt. Although maybe Gidget kisses her hammer sometimes? Regardless, my compassion for these people grows daily. As well as navigating these complex emotions.
 
Example 2:
Why was everyone enamored with Funkmoo. I don't get it. He was interesting from the perspective that he was a unique individual. He had use of some interesting magic. He seemed to lift everyone's spirits, which with everything happening, I'm sure it was a welcome respite for everyone. Unfortunately, it didn't last long as there was a bunch of infighting the next day (more on that later). So my guess is that he was able to harmlessly charm everyone but myself, Xhoya, and Gidget. For one reason or another we were either resistant or immune to the effect, or he chose not to affect us for one reason or another. I'll have to do more study on this individual when I have time and maybe try to figure out what the fascination was with him.
 
Example 3:
We spend the day infighting today. Jaxion got a call from his deceased commanding officer that told him to go check in and report his whereabouts. Xhoya was vehemently against doing that but the rest of us, sans Lux, saw it as a calculated risk to get more intel and potentially keep the BRN off our backs. I tried to be a voice of reason for Xhoya, but I couldn't quite get her to understand. I made the argument that it was a calculated risk, and that the risk was all on Jaxion and Silas. That the rest of us would stay back in the Cindy and be hidden and protected. That if we didn't go it might give them reason to come looking for us when they wouldn't otherwise. Even with the knowledge that came out that she was kidnapped by the BRN didn't really change much. The BRN is not in any capacity at the moment to care about most of us, with the exception of Kiíellièn and Ildris. She was so convicted that she took extreme measures to keep us from going. I understand military commitment, and knowing Jaxion, he would have walked, or tried to, for days through acid rain to follow basic orders like this. I tried to implore that on Xhoya and she would not come to the same logical conclusion. I'm not quite sure why. I get that she is scared of the BRN. I was scared of the metal eating mountain and the rust mites inside, but logic and reason convinced me it was worth the risk, as well as the help of my friends. Xhoya had the same support here, and yet didn't see it the same way. She is seemingly a child, though things I have seen from her capabilities makes me question if she is an actual child, but this also didn't feel like a kid throwing a tantrum. There is a complexity to her feelings about the BRN and/or experiences with them that I am not understanding. I will think on this. Try to come to a better understanding of why she did this. It will help me better understand, to become a better friend for her next time.
 
There are lots of things to think on from the last few days. Lots of things to analyze. Including events from my last log entry. Though I'd like to erase that one, I need to keep it to learn from it. To hold the weight of it to make me a better person.