The More Changes, The More Stays The Same

Why did I think things would be different this time? Somehow over the last six months, I've managed to convince myself that this could be a fresh start. A rebirth, as it were. That I had a chance to be more than the wretched creature Eliza's death turned me into. More than the monster my family tried to turn me into. That I could redeem this curse. Use it to better the world.
That illusion has been thoroughly broken. Torn through by the jagged remnants of an innocent soul and set alight in flames of conviction. It is naught but bitter ashes in my mouth now. Shattered glass melting among the dying cinders of a kind soul. Shards of a false Hope scattered alongside memories of a man whose last moments were of betrayed charity. Both slowly fading to mist. Both sacrifices to the Dark Thirst that won't let me die, as I deserve, nor live without it.
What's worse, even as the rest fades, parts of him stick in my soul like fishhooks. His face. The look of horror and betrayal. His name.
I can't help but remember all their names.
Irving Diffey
Moira Lavoe
Mitch Harrows
Ben Rickets
Eliza Hyams
Dear God. Eliza.......