Letting Love Go

"Penn!" Darien called out as he opened the front screen door of his carefully restored dogtrot house. "I'm home!"   When there wasn't an immediate response, he stopped, one foot still out on the porch that he and Penny had just finished building within the past year. Concern immediately filled him but Darien forced himself to not panic, taking a moment to sink deep into his heightened senses. They were nowhere near as strong as they had been when he had been a unrepentant killer but still stronger than a regular mortal.   Immediately he searched for the presence of a vampire. If they were as old as him or younger, he wouldn't be able to feel them but anyone older - which included all of the immediate members of his bloodline - would be like a signal flare. It was how he had felt his bloodsister years ago when she had visited to check up on him. Thankfully there was no overwhelming presence like that.   Darien then tilted his head, straining his other senses. There was only one heartbeat inside of the house, all of the others belonged to his neighbors. A rapid heartbeat under the house was a mouse, frozen in fear as it sensed his predatory presence.   "Penn?" he called out again, fully stepping into the long entrance hall of the house. Darien then moved into the left side of the house, where the heartbeat was. He had knocked down the wall on this side to make it one large room and the whole space was an amalgam of kitchen, dining area, and general workspace. As soon as he stepped in through the first door, he could see that Penny was sitting at the heavy dining room table, elbows on the tabletop, her head in her hands, the obvious scent of alcohol strong in his nose from the open bottle of whiskey and the empty glass in front of her.   Concerned, because his lover didn't typically drink, Darien slowly moved towards her. He kept his footsteps heavy and deliberate, as the automatic default of his nature was to move silently. HIs concern grew when she didn't move at his approach, not until he was nearly at the edge of the table.   Then she dropped her hands and turned to look at him, revealing the damp scent of the tears that were soaking her cheeks. Daren immediately darted forward - too fast, far too fast for a mortal - and dropped to his knees next to his chair. Gently grabbed her arm, he asked, "Penn, are you okay? Are you hurt? Love?"   "Dari," she breathed, her voice cracking. "I...I..." Then Penny closed her eyes and sobbed, "I can't. I can't do this anymore."   Darien froze and then reached up to cup her damp cheek, asking, "What, Penn? Tell me what's wrong and I'll make it right."   Penny shook her head slightly. "This," she replied. Then her trembling hand folded over his on her cheek and she breathed, "Us."   He froze, his tongue suddenly thick in his mouth, throat tight, and what was left of his heart after centuries of blood and sorrow suddenly as heavy as a blacksmith's iron in his chest. Had he done something wrong? Frightened her? Was his own predatory nature - a nature he couldn't deny, no matter how he wanted - coming between them?   "Penn, I...talk to me," he managed to gasp out through the heaviness. Then softly, quietly, he asked, "Was...was it me? Did I..." Darien trailed off, not knowing which words to use. Frighten? Scare? Terrify?   Suddenly her hand clenched over his, fingertips digging into the palm of his hand, and she shook her head. "Not you," she insisted in her trembling voice. "You've...you've only ever been good to me. The best man that I could have asked for to stumble into my life. But..."   "But?" he repeated.   Penny sniffled and closed her eyes, tears welling up from beneath her lashes. "I want a family," she whispered brokenly and his breath caught.   Family was the one thing that Darien couldn't give Penny. He was a man just a few years shy of being three hundred years out of his time and the only way that he could continue his bloodline now wasn't in the way she meant. She wanted children - real children - and his own biology made that impossible. The only way he could give her children would be to turn her and potentially others and not only did he not want that, she didn't want that. It had been one of the things that they had spoken of early in their relationship.   When she had told him that she didn't think she wanted to be turned, Darien had hoped that his relationship with her would be like his bloodsister's with so many of her lovers. Like Peitro da Norsa, Gnaea's lover when she had come to try and help temper his bloodthirsty nature, who had been more amused by him than afraid even though he was a mere mortal in a house full of vampires. That man had loved his sister deeply - even he as he was had seen the affection he had for her - and had stayed with her until the day he died.   Now...now he knew that hope that dashed.   "Oh, Penn," he murmured, lifting his other hand so he was cupping her face with both hands. "My sweet, sweet Penn."   "I'm sorry," she began but Darien moved his thumb to press it to her lips, shaking his head sharply.   Looking her directly in the eyes, he said, "Don't be sorry for this, love. You told me that you didn't want my life when we spoke about this years ago. I'm no bastard to force you." Moving his finger away from her mouth, he smiled sadly before he spoke again. "I had hoped that we would be together for longer but I understand. I understand."   "How can you just accept this?" Penny asked, tears welling in her eyes.   Darien pushed himself up onto his feet and leaned forward, pressing his lips to her forehead. Then he leaned his head against hers, closing his eyes as he moved his hands to her shoulders, thumb stroking over the hammering pulse point in her throat. "Because," he replied, "I've learned in my life that sometimes we must let what we love go. You were always going to go away from me, Penn, I knew that from the moment you said you didn't want to live forever. I just thought it wouldn't be so soon."   He then pulled away as he opened his eyes and she looked up at him, her expression broken. "And what kind of monster would I be if I refused to let you go?" Darien asked, smiling sadly. "I can't grow old with you no matter how much I might want to. The only way I can give you children is to curse others to this life fully or partially."   Penny sniffed loudly and then choked out, "I...I thought I might change my mind...but I don't want to live forever."   Darien moved a hand back to her face, cupping her chin gently as he bent to kiss her. As he pulled way, he breathed, "I would have done it if you wanted it." Turning others was something that he had balked away from ever since he had become himself again but for her...for her, he would have done it. He would have made her his child if she had wanted it.   "I know," she breathed. Then Penny lurched forward, her arms moving to curl around his neck, and Darien wrapped his arms around her. He lifted her up, straightening until she was standing and he was bent slightly over her shorter form, and buried his face against her shoulder. Anyone else might have been afraid to have him at their neck with his bloody past...but not her. His bright, beautiful Penny didn't fear him or his fangs.   Her fingers curled against the base of his neck and she choked out, "I still love you."   "And I you," Darien replied. "Always. Forever."   And it would be a sort of forever compared to her relatively short lifetime. Eventually - if he lived long enough - his memories would begin to fade and fog over. Things that were less important would begin to fade, but this? Her? Darien would remember her and the few years they had together as something beautiful.   They stood there like that, wrapped around each other, for a long time until Penny shifted her weight slightly and asked quietly, "Will you leave?" The silent question he could feel there was not only would he leave Bigby Fork, but would he leave her.   "Do you want me to?" he asked, softly kissing the side of her neck.   Her head gently shook from side-to-side against his shoulder and she sobbed, "No. No, I want you to stay. You're still...you're still my best friend, Dari."   Darien drew in a shaky breath, closing his eyes, because this would hurt. He would not be a coward, though. He would not abandon her. If she wanted him to stay, then he would stay.   "Then I'll stay," he replied, his whisper an oath. "As long as you want me to."