Arcane Philosopher

Everyone hates a philosopher. You have a vastly superior understanding of the universe and what it contains compared to your peers, thanks to your years of study, but all you’re really sure of is just how complicated everything is.  

Impenetrable Logic

At 3rd level, you understand a baffling number of contradictory lessons which make perfect sense to you but absolutely none to anyone else. Spellcasters find it impossible to predict what spell you might be casting until it is too late to counter it. In addition, any spell scrolls you author are completely useless to anyone but yourself, and your spell vocals are indistinguishable from tedious academic jargon.  

Solipsism

At 3rd level, you can ignore things that you don’t believe exist. If you would fail a saving throw, you can use this feature to succeed instead. You immediately gain a personality flaw reading “I don’t believe in X” with X being the magical spell, ability or monster you successfully ignored. You must finish a long rest before using this ability again.  

Alignment Crisis

Starting at 6th level, you can baffle extraplanar creatures with distressing observations about morality. If you spend one minute in conversation with an extraplanar creature aligned with Good or Evil, you can force that creature to make an Intelligence saving throw against your spell save DC. On a failed saving throw, the creature’s alignment shifts one step towards neutral. If the creature fails the save by 5 or more, its alignment shifts two steps instead, so that Good becomes Evil and Evil becomes good.  

Existential Paradox

At 14th level, you can perform the Philosopher’s forbidden move, and prove a creature doesn’t exist, thereby obliterating it. You target a creature that can hear you, and inform it of your reasoning over 1 minute of conversation - at the end of this time, if the creature has fewer than 100 hit points, it must succeed on a Wisdom saving throw or ceases to exist. This ability has no effect on a creature that cannot understand you, nor on aberrations. A creature erased in this way cannot be raised from the dead in any way, nor become undead.