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The Red Rover

The sound of static echoed in their ears, followed by high-pitched feedback. They trudged along dunes of pale green sand, each armed to the teeth. They were so close. The fort was in view, its ramp lowered to welcome them home. Harry carried Michael over his shoulder, grunting as he carefully chose every step. The seeker in front turned hastily, fired a few rounds at their pursuer, only to turn again and continue running. They each took the risk and danger in shifts, trading off routinely. The creature bit at their heels, its heavy steps beating the sand in a steady rhythm that reminded Harry of his own heartbeat. Michael screamed, and Harry had to tighten his hold to keep the boy still. The wind picked up, blowing sand in a wave of particulate jade across the expanse they crossed. They heard the static again. “Marco,” Harry said, addressing the man on the other end of the mic in his ear, “Is the sand causing interference?” “That’s a no, polo 5. I was about to ask you if there was a lost mic.” Marco replied. A gunshot rang out, sending a massive shell into the body of the beast behind them. The collision sent the fiend tumbling down the dune in a fit of rage, pain, and panic. The feedback faded, but never disappeared completely. It lingered behind a foreign voice on Oxenfree's secure channel. The words it spoke bubbled and spat as if spoken through the gaping maw of a viscous black sea. It was deep, dark, and Harry could almost hear the speaker smiling as the words faded in and out of the static.
“Red Rover -tsstk -over, send Michael on over.”

The Red Rover is a man, but also a title. The Rovers consist of every multiversal version of the same person. The Red Rover is infamous for being the only member of Oxenfree to go rogue. The man, Lorne Courtney, encountered The Entity, a multiversal being believed to be behind the disappearance of Michael Graham.

The encounter changed him, twisted his mind beyond repair, and he still seeks vengeance, no matter the cost. The Red Rover abandoned Oxenfree, believing that the real threat and solution to finding Michael lies in destroying The Entity. He refused to search for the missing boy, instead choosing to unite his many universal twins and take the fight to The Entity directly.

The Red Rovers are often treated like a ghost story by the members of Oxenfree. It is rare to encounter them, but in the event that a strange voice chimes in over the radio playfully chanting, it installs any seeker with fear. The Rovers are unpredictable and it's impossible to determine if they're on one's side until it's too late.

The Fall of Lorne Courtney

Lorne Courtney was one of the best. He excelled beyond the other seekers, and led Lavender during the operation that earned the team its name. During the following operation, Lavender would travel to a dark and stormy world. Most of the team were able to extract safely. Lorne found himself shared by something and whatever it was pulled him from his only way home.

He was left behind, and somehow found a way to survive. The desolate landscape he traveled offered enough in the way of strange creatures to eat and water to drink. The world was filled with hidden terrors, however. Impossible beasts stirred in the dark, and one happened to be The Entity.

The Entity took a keen interest in Lorne. The other monsters would stare at him as he passed, as if assessing whether he would be an easy kill. The Entity did as well, but then it decided to follow. It attacked him many times, each coupled with snarls and shrieks that sounded more like mad laughter.

What's in a name

The Red Rovers earned their name when they made their presence known to Oxenfree. During an extraction, The Rovers recited the phrase from the children's game. It is unclear what they wanted, though they did demand for Michael to be "sent on over."

Perhaps there was something special about that version of Michael, or at least, they believed there was. The probable theory is they wished to use Michael as bait for The Entity, or were speaking to The Entity directly and not even trying to communicate with Oxenfree.

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Cover image: by SolarSouth

Metadata

Article template

Military Formation

World

The Web

Author

Dylonishere123

Publication Date

28 Jan, 2020

Creation Date

17 Jan, 2020

Last Update Date

28 Jan, 2020

Visibility

Public

Views

451

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Comments

Work In Progress

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Kendallonian

Jan 28, 2020 17:12

"it installs any seeker with fear." That's 'instills', like a potion or a brew. So, it's a multiversal league of assassins! Has anyone else ever tried to mage a league of themselves from multiverse copies? Also, in driving Lorne Courtney prime insane, did the Entity also reach into connected consciousnesses throughout the multiverse and drive them insane too? Otherwise, why would they all go along with it?

Dylonishere123

Jan 28, 2020 17:43 by R. Dylon Elder

ooooo thanks for that. I fix it! Multiversal league of assassins is a good way to put it, for sure. Yes indeed they have, that's what Oxenfree is in many ways. I'd recommend looking at Where's Michael? that discusses some of the stranger elements of The Seekers of Oxenfree. Also, YES. That's a good question. In truth, that is the story of EVERY multiversal version of Lorne. They all have the same story, as impossible as it is. I may add how they began the Rovers, which literally involves them all appearing int he same place at the same time by complete accident.

Kendallonian

Jan 28, 2020 17:47

That is going to be one very crowded space.

Dylonishere123

Jan 28, 2020 17:55 by R. Dylon Elder

You'd think, but a weird part of Oxenfree's story is that they have determined, contrary to what some thing, there is a limited number of Oxenfree's in the multiverse. They are not infinite. There are a limited number of Harry grahams, Michael grahams, and Lorne courtneys are well.

BrokenJac

Jan 29, 2020 23:06 by Jacob Billings

I really love this article. The first thing that I noticed was that your links in the blockquote is really hard to read because of a similar tone. Secondly, I don't know if it is intentional or not, but you have the second paragraph, first of information, centered. It looks a bit weird, but may be an intentional design element.

The man, Lorne Courtney, encountered The Entity, a multiversal being believed to be behind the disappearance of Michael Graham.
— Opening Information

This is a bit weird, as you say "the man" without specifying who the man is. You probably need a more direct connection to the title and the relation of the man, as you both specify it is a title and a person, meaning it is unclear which you are referring to at the moment.

He refused to search for the missing boy, instead choosing to unite his many universal twins and take the fight to The Entity directly.
— Opening Information

You don't really mention what a "universal twin" is, though I also believe that you mean to imply his doppelganger from another universe? I don't really know as this is a bit fuzzy on meaning.

The Red Rovers are often treated like a ghost story by the members of Oxenfree.
— Opening Information

While it is okay to lean on inferences in many cases, I would advise against doing so in places so important to your article. Because of the information that you mention before, I can assume you are referring to the other twins, but you also don't really specify the difference between the person and title at all within the opening information section.

Lorne Courtney was one of the best.
— The Fall of Lorne Courtney

You don't really directly mention what he was one of the best at. If you were to either make it more clear or work this sentence, it would flow a bit smoother for the reader to make the connections.

and led Lavender during the operation that earned the team its name.
— The Fall of Lorne Courtney

You don't mention who/what Lavendar is... I can assume it is a person, but lacking a linked article or any other context within the surrounding paragraph, I am rather lost as to whom you may be referring to.

Impossible beasts stirred in the dark, and one happened to be The Entity.
— The Fall of Lorne Courtney

This seems to flow a bit weird, perhaps writing it more like this would be a better phrasing: "Impossible beasts stirred in the dark, among them was The Entity" as it draws a more direct subject relation.

The Entity did as well, but then it decided to follow.
— The Fall of Lorne Courtney

This is the same problem, as a phrasing like this works better: "The Entity did as well, though it decided to follow." This simply has better use of transition as "but" implies opposite rather than attempting an additional action beyond the expected. While the grammar technically matches, it is edging on the side of a misplaced modifier.

It attacked him many times, each coupled with snarls and shrieks that sounded more like mad laughter.
— The Fall of Lorne Courtney

This kind of lacks enough subjects as you say "each coupled with" but, though you technically have the correct subject of the modifier, but you lack the connection with each. The reader can draw the connection if they wish, however, it would also suit you to specify a bit more in the sentence.

The Entity took a keen interest in Lorne. The other monsters would stare at him as he passed, as if assessing whether he would be an easy kill. The Entity did as well, but then it decided to follow. It attacked him many times, each coupled with snarls and shrieks that sounded more like mad laughter.
— The Fall of Lorne Courtney

While I get where you placed this paragraph as a whole, I do have to mention that the placement is slightly strange. There is a bit too much of a connection to the following section to the point in which this would server better as the opening. The only thing that you could really do is find a way to place more information in the "Fall of Lorne Courtney" section. Again, the "Glittering Eyes" seems to be a subsection of the "Fall of Lorne Courtney" to the point in which the initial section would be suited for better formatting. As a whole, the "Glittering Eyes" section also confused me. It's really unclear what is going on. It is placed like a regular informational text but seems to summarize the events with a snippet of dialogue. You probably need to work a little more with containers or quotes to match it so that you have a clear outline of whether this is narrative or informational. Depending upon which way you lean, the previous advice may be useless.

Eventually he disappeared, leaving no Trace behind.
— Red Rover

Is "Trace" meant to be capitalized? If it is an actual term worthy of capitalization, a link or tooltip to specify what it means may be nice.

NOTE

It's at this point that I first see the link to "Lavender" in which you should probably use that link in the previously mentioned section.

Instead of the deep and iridescent purple, each suit painted crimson.
— Red Rover

There is no verb within this sentence. "each suit was painted crimson" is the easiest fix, but reworking may help.

Unlike the standard helmets worn by other members of Oxenfree, one cannot view through the blast shielding of the mask. The shielding is black with morbid and often uncomfortable faces painted on them.
— Red Rover

On this, and the previous paragraph, you may need to consider your flow of ideas as this doesn't fully require a unique paragraph but it also slightly needs a better transition from the paragraphs before to fit.

NOTE2

Another thing I notice with links is that you probably need to overhaul your entire link location situation. You tend to be rather inconsistent with using links.

Each of the red Rovers
— Strange Gifts and Horrible Devices

You probably want "red" to be capitalized

Even among these two organizations, it's a rare event, and it should be treated with caution.
— Encounters and Engagment

You would due well to add another modifier to this sentence to specify what exactly is a rare event and possibly alter the use of commas to flow a bit more smoothly.

The only problem The Rovers present to Oxenfree is with their Home Teams.
— Encounters and Engagment

You appear to be missing another word here as the whole sentence seems to flow a bit weirdly with the initial opening.

The only problem The Rovers present to Oxenfree is with their Home Teams. When a Red Rover appears in a home reality, they will always be causing trouble. They're usually met with extreme hostility. Hopscotch and Spud, The Home Teams of Oxenfree, have a firm policy of killing Rovers on sight.

This is a bit of a weird paragraph as you have a whole bunch of simple sentences which leads to a rough and jumbled with a really short and tense writing style.

There are many in Oxenfree who believe The Rovers have no grasp on reality and their goals will do nothing to further their ambition, no matter how much The Rovers believe it will. There are those in Oxenfree who believe there might be a method to the madness, and that each of these seemingly nonsensical goals further a much larger plan that only they can perceive.
— Agendas and Ambitions

These sentences both start virtually the same. It's always good to start your sentences with different words most times, but this especially needs to be altered with the similarity of these two sentences.

Saving a lost child is the most common example.
— Agendas and Ambitions

This seems a bit unclear. Any child is found or Michael? Just wondering I really liked your article as it was a really interesting concept for the character that you worked with.

Dylonishere123

Jan 30, 2020 01:15 by R. Dylon Elder

Duude thanks so much. All are valid and shall be worked on once I expand this here article. Some of the confusing things in this one are cleared up elsewhere. This one is not meant to be read the Oxenfree article and I got world blind XD but I do think ot all applies. It's given me lots of stuff to work with in the next edit. I'm glad you still enjoyed it, and do recommend venturing further into Oxenfree if your curious. Also! The links were my fault. I inserted them before setting up the layout. So sorry boot that!.

BrokenJac

Jan 30, 2020 01:22 by Jacob Billings

All good. I just haven't had time to really catch up on your world, though it is also nice to get the perspective of someone without too much outside perspective as you never know what a reader has found.

Dylonishere123

Jan 30, 2020 05:09 by R. Dylon Elder

oh yes. Absolutely/. I appreciate it very much!

Incaseofgrace

Feb 20, 2020 21:44 by Grace Gittel Lewis

That's an A+ opening quote! An enjoyable read, splinter factions are often fun ones to read and write!

Dylonishere123

Feb 21, 2020 06:23 by R. Dylon Elder

Thanks so much for saying so. I really liked how the quote turned out! I agree. As i move forward, alot of the smaller branches and splinter factions will be fleshed out. im quite excited.