Lucy

And she will appear before you, to the down trodden, to those suffering. To those beaten down by life, to those brought low by others. To those with which rain seeps from their eyes, to those with a fury that cannot be quelled. A feeling of warmth as the body grows cold in the darkest night, know that you will not lie alone. As the stars burn out before you, she will be by your side as she had with the one.   To those who need an ear to listen, to those who need something to hold, to feel the warmth in an empty world. Those unsound of mind, those whose minds are broken, the shattered hearts and the melancholic. She will be there. A familiar comfort to all those who suffer. For she had lived a life she was suffered to, she knows the chains of the coil. Only in love can one feel the weight of those chains, and be not frightened of them, but to understand that they were never there to begin with.   Lucy is a pure soul that appears to the lost, the unwell, the unhappy and the miserable. She will appear as a hound, friendly and welcoming. As she was in life, she remains happy to greet anyone she meets.

I knew you were failing, slowly. I watched as you wasted away, with nothing I could do. I thought to make you comfortable as much as I could. I tried to grant you a peace that I was incapable of providing for you. Yet, even so, you still showed my nothing but gratitude. Those happy little dances you would do when I came home, that excited look in your eyes even though I knew your body revolted at you for doing so.   Age was not kind to you, yet you thought nothing of it. You were simply happy to exist. Yet I tried to give you more, I tried to give you everything. My own naivety soon caught up to me, my own hope blinding me from reality. I knew. I think we both did, when I noticed it for the first time. I asked you a single question. "Please wait until I come home."   You fell quickly, unable to stand on your own power. I carried you. Whispering to you that I loved you. I asked you to give me a chance to try, as you lapsed into breathlessness and confusion. Only responding to my voice, unable to tell what what was going on around you. You believed in me to fix you once more. I was wrong.   I rushed to whoever would help me help you, thinking back to when I first brought you home. You opened a broken heart, scarred and melancholic, to me. As I brought you home in my arms full of love. I watched as your beautiful soul grew with time, as you weathered every storm, every drought, every famine and feast. Loyal as you returned the love I gave you.   In the twilight, as rain began to fall. You, my setting sun, slipped away as the sands of time wait for no mortal soul. My heart broken, scarred and melancholic, full of the love you gave me. I felt cold, as they all told me that anything I could do would prolong your own suffering. I knew I could fix one but not everything, as the stains ran down my face. I could let you breath again, but how much time would I gain? How much damage had already happened to your mind? Your lungs? Is it just for me? Is curing one and dealing with the fallout a selfish endeavor? Is your life dependent on my own contentment? Is your life nothing more than my own comfort?   I was given a decision I had hoped fate would decide, I did not cherish holding your heart in my hands. Arms empty, I gave back what I could never keep forever. A heart of gold as mine grew cold, I fixed that crack in your soul as you cracked mine. Now all I feel is the rain against my face, unable to see the stars through the storm. Knowing that the sun will rise again, knowing too that this storm shall pass. Only now, without you. A choice that I don't think I will ever feel right about, was there more I could have done?   I told you over and over that I am here for you, that I loved you. Held your face to mine, held you close to me. Laid my soul bare regardless of these onlookers that I had so carefully guarded myself against, as soul racking sob rose and broke. Rose and broke. Rose and broke, feeling your heart stop in my hands. I thought that I had made the right choice, as everyone told me that there were fates worse than death. Now I only feel empty as I no longer have the ability to take back that decision, I simply had to hope I wasn't wrong in the end.   Reaching my hand out to the skies I had built, changing them. Does this really matter? Weaving your own story into my creation as if it wasn't some self sanctimonious act. Fire filled my eyes as I screamed. A hatred at myself, to the world. It wasn't fair, but life rarely ever is. Enough to tear my voice, enough to taste the blood in my throat, enough to feel the blackness at the edges of my vision. I don't remember putting the bruises on my knuckles, on my arms, in my mind. Only a rage thar burned as to why I wasn't given the opportunity to do more for you, until only ashes remained.   It's not the initial hit, that smack across the face with reality that you've lost something irreplaceable. It's the small things, the slow realization of how intertwined two lives could be. The quiet in the room is louder without your breathing. It's the routine where you were used to seeing them in the morning. It's the happy moments that are gone. Where you never knew you loved these moments that hurts. That sense of loss that finally worms It's way into your mind. That peace, now missing.   Here I sit, more than a few empty bottles that haven't made me feel any better. My fury spent, only an empty feeling to prevail as this storm rages ever on. That rain still against my face, would this ever stop? I see you when I close my eyes, the happy moments. The way you would dance when I would shower you with love. The way you would sound when I gave you the attention you wanted. I already miss the way your fur would feel between my fingers.   I thought I got better, but maybe I didn't. My constant in a world that has relentlessly beat me down, a precious source of comfort in an endless series of knockdowns. You were always there, always there. Now, I expect to see you behind me, now gone. The song I had sung with you by my side, gone silent as I can't process it all.   I am going to miss you. My dearest friend. My little girl. Rest in Peace, 3/01/2018-4/2/2025