Faith and Apostasy

That's an odd question, all things considered. I suppose you want to hear that I felt safe, that I knew all along, that it was only a natural thing, as if it was always meant to be. But, I didn't.   I remembered seeing her for the first time, a corpse woman that haunted my dreams at first during my Ceremony into the Sisterhood of Bhal, the one that was meant to make me a Bride to the Great Father and bring forth the teachings and love of his wisdom to the rest of the Family. I remember being terrified, I didn't know why this thing was following me now. Mother Kari had never told me that these things didn't happen during the Ceremonies, never in all our history had any of the Priestess's complained about the dead following them in their dreams. I was scared of her, I didn't understand what was happening, nor did I feel any inherent loyalty to her as she continued to appear in my waking dreams.   As time went on, her presence didn't scare me, but it was constant source of stress and uncertainty as I was trying to gain favor with the Family. Until she began appearing while I was awake and lucid. She drove me further into my own faith, with the one who did that to her. In a way, I wonder if she had intended it, for me to see the hypocrisy in my own teachings and ideology. The Lords work in strange ways, but in all too familiar tactics. That was one of the things I noticed as time went on, she never spoke down to me, she never told me what to think, she never challenged my own beliefs. She spoke to as an equal, and in hindsight, I should have found that strange. They push you in ways you don't expect, driving you further to the embrace of their enemy so that you can see them closer, for what they are.   But, I remember becoming more comfortable with her presence, I was no longer afraid of her. She never hurt me, she would try and speak but only manage a horse whisper in a tongue that felt familiar, yet entirely alien to me. She slowly began learning my voice, my words, mixing her voice into mine. Broken, and wholeheartedly strained. But, I was always taught that the gods were perfect beings, what a lie. I could see it in her eyes that she understood me, every word I said she understood, yet she couldn't reciprocate for so long. She was learning, growing with me as she healed Tethered to me. Still, even she could speak my language far clearer, she would always comfort me when I was reliving my Ceremony in my nightmares. Soothing my stress away in my sleep from all the things happening around me.   She stood with me when the Family was slaughtered, gave me what little power she had left to give. I don't remember when I began to trust her, she asked when I used the Stones what I wanted. She, though at the time I didn't know it, a god didn't expect my reaction. The joy in her tired eyes as I offered the power stollen from her, back to her, it did something for me. It was a moment then, no words, nothing she said. It was the look in her eyes that told me that I could trust her, it was as if I removed the blockage from a stream then. Pools I never knew were there, running clear once again. But, even then, I didn't know who she was, she never said her name, never even hinted at it, seemingly content to be called specter. I remember she told me, "I am someone you've always known, yet have never met."   It was around this time that I began to suspect there was far more going on with this thing following me around. The granting me an unimaginable amount of borrowed power should have been my biggest clue but it wasn't. Because afterward, yes she was far more lucid, far more present, far more engaging than before. But, she still seemed so... fragile for lack of better words. She was able to speak so much more freely with me, teaching me magic I never thought was possible. She taught me histories of a world that didn't exist any longer, guided me through histories of lives that haven't even been born yet. Walked me through branches and forests of hypothetical metaphysical rules of esoteric rules and laws of the universe that opened my eyes for the first time. But, I never knew. I never did.   It was a long walk as she built on the lessons taught to me by the Sorcerer, who I had no idea at the time was Xelex. She seemed far more surprised that I knew what I did, I never realized he had given my such wonderful foundations to build my own Cathedral upon. She became happier the stronger I became, she unfolded from her shell the more I learned, she grew when I grew. She became my friend in those days, no longer a fear, no longer a stress, no longer a mystery to my mind. She was someone whom I came to rely on. Whether it was a piece of advice for a political matter, a suggestion in the new war with the Caliphate. When I needed advice for how I felt about Halgier, when I watched Ghet grow old, Hob become strong, Cori get married. She stood by my side, yet. I never knew her name.   It wasn't until Gjorn finally approached my with Odeza in tow to discuss why they had been helping me so much. Why the Dwarven kingdom had put their necks out for some Goblins living in the forest. I had thought no one else could see her, until Gjorn bowed deeply to her in a way I had never seen a mortal king do so. I remember seeing the look on her face, like she wasn't ready as I stood there confused. The moment was a blur as a few VIPs were gathered, and I demanded to bring my inner council with me. I wanted to feel safe, I wanted to know I had the support of those I loved around me, I just didn't realize it at the time, but she was one of them.   Emily, Azorez and her Daughter, Cori, Ghet, Knoll, Hob. Halgier wouldn't let go of my hand, fingers intertwined like branches in a flood. Gjorn opened a portal that Odeza crafted an unfathomable amount of runes of power to hide and shield. But, I saw none of them, as I watched her eyes widen in recognition. I remembered asking myself "Who are you?"   When Gjorn passed the portal over us, and we walked on alien soil. On shores beyond, on places elsewhere. I met the first one who openly called herself a god, The Queen, and the Children behind her. I watched as The queen wept upon seeing this specter who had followed me for so long. I watched as the Children sank to their knees in holy prostration. I watched as this world knelt to her, I watched as she was pulled into a form shifting embrace from the Queen as two divine entities reunited for the first time in eons. I watched as stars were birthed into existence, I watched as realities blurred and the voice of the gods rang out like a clear day wedding bell.   I was told her name, Vilorlith. The Great Mother, The original Brownie. The One who Sings. I didn't believe it. This being, was so weak when I met her. This being was so uninformed of the world she was in. This being was so different from me, and they wanted me to believe she was god? But, that's the thing. Thinking back to everything we had been through, thinking back to everything she knew that I didn't. Thinking back to how she grew stronger with me, thinking back to the journey we had taken. I feel as if she might have sensed my hesitation, my disbelief. My... everything.   "I am the same as you, the only difference is that I have lived far longer than you. You, my dear Daughter, will rise further than me in time. I love you, and I will see that extend to everything you know. I am not a god beacuse I am better, but because I endure. I am only a Mother, who has made her mistakes, and paid the price for them. Like you, I needed to grow, I needed to heal, and I needed be with you."   And like an odd memory, I remember her eyes. Not those of a god, not those of the Queen who's burned with a radiant gold of a rising sun, but like mine. But like someone who had felt the mortal struggle. But like someone who had lived a life, storied and full of trials. Not one of such omnipotent power, but someone who can err. Did I see the truth, did I see the truth... My Mother.