43. Sailing to the House of Morning

Dawnharbour isn’t very far from Lantern hill; they set out around midday because everyone was woken up with varying degrees of stress trauma in the wee hours and had to catch a nap, so rather than delay departure Ta'lok just suggested they have lunch on the way.
  Mirage got them underway and then realized she should tell her parents how the haunted house went so made a phone call
  Mika looks very mildly rattled, like he hadn't thought about how your family factors into this, and despite your saying how your Baba will not, in fact, murder him, he knows at least one of your parents is Not a Fan and at least one more reads as Politely Neutral at best which, he's affected polite neutrality enough himself to know that doesn't necessarily mean dislike but it doesn't mean liking, either.
  "I think...your situation triggers them a little, Mika. And they're worried about me. It's not you they don't love. You're quite lovable."
  He also knows that his dad has never had much beyond pessimism and caution to offer on this topic
  "Well you're biased," he responds with a cheeky smile, but she can tell he's distracted. She lets his deflection stand, just gives him a soft smile.
  Ta'lok raps on the cabin door to inform the Warlock that now that they have a kitchen he gets a turn making food and don't give me any lip about it because you've had a break for a whole ye-"
  "Sure."
  Ta'lok blinks, he was expecting to have to give the "we all contribute" speech.
  "Huh. Was expecting a bit more reservation from you, kid"
  Mika shrugs, putting his notes away and standing up. "Like you said I've got a pass for almost a year, which I still say is to all of your benefit unless you like eating charcoal. You're not getting anything fancy from me but I can throw a lunch together, I'm not a child."
  Mirage looks intrigued.
  "We hungry now, or I have some time?"
  Ta'lok's still a little off-balance, responds, "I'd say you have a half hour before Saeldor starts eating the mast."
  "Cool."
  The galley's below, there's access from the cabin they're in so you don't have to go on deck in bad weather. When Mirage looks, she can tell that Mika looks a little nervous. The speed of his speech is up, and he's standing straight in a way that's more self-conscious than practicing good posture.
  Mirage is reminded of the conversation they had in the graveyard, about running away together. His comments about cooking simple meals, and she's looking forward to seeing what he makes. Not to judge, but just as a...a facet of him she hasn't seen yet.
  He catches her watching as he lifts the trapdoor (ladder access below), he'd say if she wants to help she can. At this, she'd hop up from her seat and follow him. "Keep us on track, boss?" indicating if he wants to take over flying, she's cool.
  Ta’lok agrees, he wants to improve his airship navigation if this is going to be their go-to and it's pretty much a straight shot to Dawnharbour. They need to have other people capable of flying/navigating in the event that she needs an extraction, as she did at Amir's, or she's out of commission for some reason.Ta'lok will take over the wheel.
  The galley's small to make room for five people to bunk comfortably in the same deck, its built against the aft end of the ship, with windows that can be opened. Mika's eyes bug a little bit when he looks in cupboards and sees them stuffed, "Your pops' work, I guess?"
  He’s rummaging, seeing what he has to work with (way more than he'd figured on)
  "You think any of my parents would let me leave that house without a shitton of food? Probably Pops, he's the coordinator of them all, but still. Could have been any of them that mandated I leave with an overstocked pantry."
  He laughs, "Point taken".
  He started just looking for bread and something to put between pieces of it, but then he pauses, debating, drums his fingers a sec (always fidgeting, this man)
  "Boss said half an hour, right?"
  "Yeah, but I think that's negotiable. Got something in mind?"
  "Well-" grabbing a bunch of veggies; onion, garlic, carrots, couple peppers just putting them on the counter, "I was just going to throw some sandwiches together, but, if I've got all of this to work with-" stands up from the cupboard with the last thing, "-then coxinhas are quick and I haven't had them since I lived at home. Veggie version though, it's only lunch."
  Mirage goes to look for a knife. "Need help chopping?"
  "Yeah, if you wanna start making that into small pieces?" he's dragging a heavy-bottom pot out of the cabinet next to the stove, "I'll help in a sec."
  She washes her hands and grabs a cutting board, starts methodically peeling & cutting, and she's humming. He smiles over his shoulder at her, does the thing where you test if oil is hot enough by throwing some water drops at it.
  He washes his hands while he waits for it to get hot enough. Grabs a handful of the veggies she's already chopped and throws them in, lets 'em sweat a minute then dumps water on it. It's a quick, weak stock but it'll work. He doesn’t measure anything, adds flour by handfuls, shaking it through his loose fist. Boy has never heard of a sieve.
  Mirage has a bit of a competence kink and is just watching out of the corner of her eye lol like, damn he's cute with his sleeves rolled up over his forearms. The rhythmic sound of the knife against the wooden board stops, she's just staring openly. When she realizes she’s caught, she blushes and looks back down at the veggies, and gets back to it.
  He gives a smirk that'd be snarkier if it wasn't accompanied by a lil blush. Eventually the goopy flour-and-stock mess becomes a dough and he's working it into little balls, putting them on the counter near her board. He's been letting her sweep things into the frypan as they're chopped, most of them are pretty cooked by now but some are still kinda crunchy, he says that's fine. Shows you how to press the dough into a little bowl, scoop a bunch in, pinch it shut so it looks like a weird egg shape.
  She listens intently, and then swipes a flour-covered finger across his cheek to leave a mark, with a smirk.
  "Oops."
  He laughs, and he just finished working with dough so he's absolutely sir flourhands himself boops her nose,
  "Clumsy me."
  She's going for the other cheek, he's laughing, trying to dodge. Unsuccessfully, half-heartedly
  She cuts him a break, gives him a couple feet of space after planting a kiss on the flour mark on his face.
  He gets his composure, but not his proper skin tone back (still blushin a bit). He's a little off-balance as they finish up. The dumplings go in the oil formerly occupied by the vegetables and at this point the whole room smells amazing. He's acting like watching things fry requires 110% concentration because if he loses focus to Marwa right now he's going to burn the entire goddamn ship down.
  Saeldor pops their head in the doorway, "Followed my nose down here. What are you two cooking?"
  The last of the dough isn't quite enough for a proper dumpling so he does the thing like you do when you're cutting sugar cookies and there's only a tiny bit left so you make a baby warped cookie and that's the tester cookie, like there's a tiny tester one made from the leftover bits
  "Coxinhas - I dunno what you'd call them. Little fried bread things." Tester is small so it's done first. He scoops it onto the counter and glances at you, the nerves back a little.
  "She can let you know if they're any good though, it has been a minute since I made 'em"
  It’s hot, steaming on the counter maybe on a towel so the oil can drain off it. Doesn't take long to cool.
  She splits it, and offers him half to try. At the taste, her eyebrows go up, like YUM. "Damn. That's good shit. Do you think we made enough?"
  You made a bunch but he concedes that you might need to throw a second batch together unless Saeldor or the Boss hates them and goes on a hunger strike, says you can bring what's already done upstairs if you want, he'll munch while he works, and he's affecting casual like "oh good glad it turned out", but he is very pleased
  She'd bring up what's done and then run back down to help finish the next batch, just the prep, so it doesn't take as long for him to get cooking, but she's clearly having fun, bouncing around from one spot to the next.
  Boy is walking on air. He makes some comment like you're being disproportional they're not as good as his dad's, but he's clearly enjoying himself. When the last is done he starts washing up on autopilot. These can be eaten one handed so he probably really did just have his share while making the rest, so when Cri pokes her head in like "dishwasher reporting for duty" he's like "oh right". Reminds himself to check later whether this settles his lost bet with Ta'lok over Marwa's knife training, or if it was his regular turn.
  Ta'lok's too busy stuffing his face to engage in conversation at the moment.
  Mika was nervous about cooking for other people because like, his previous experience has been just for him and his parents who are both "hey its edible so good enough" people but also because obviously Marwa's approval means a lot and taking a chance on something more complex than sandwiches - even if it is simple and nostalgic for him - and having people not just accept it but enjoy it, built his confidence a bunch
  While they're eating he asks if next time Saeldor goes fishing (because Saeldor absolutely likes to kick back with a smoke on a lake or river) he couldn't trade off for dinner duty same day he's thinking about other stuff he'd like to make.
  Marwa, post-confrontation with Rochelle, is feeling very anxious for this conversation with the temple, and, in the way of Kit and Isaac, wants to savor every moment with Mika, but unlike Kit/Isaac, she's determined to keep fighting for a future where the two of them get to have these moments together without any time limit. She's living in the moment the way she always does, but doing her best to find moments of joy to share with Mika because a) that fight with Rochelle was ROUGH, but also b) there's good things coming, love. We just have to hold on long enough.
  In the small hours when everyone else is asleep, Mika might wonder if it's good for his long term mental health to so regularly indulge fantasies of agreement with this sentiment, but for now he's caught up in the same idea. He wants to specify what they're doing at the temple though, because the odds that temple's divine happens to be visiting are kind of low, and like, not to shoot things down prematurely but he has already tried approaching clerics for regular healing/curse-removal stuff. Are they asking if Lathander would intercede for him and how to make that happen?
  Part of him is maybe hoping it'll come out that he's already tried this and its retreaded ground that they don't have to bother with as much as it is pragmatism of clarifying the plan, but either way if Ta'lok insists that this temple visit is a Party Affair then it makes sense to discuss it together
  Part of the role of clerics in this setting is to act as intermediaries; there's ones like Brenda but there's also people who are just like, they have expertise in the god and their abilities and domains can help people figure out if their problem is relevant to a god's jurisdiction, whether they actually need Divine Intervention or if a favoured cleric/paladin could help them and link them up if so I think most people don't actually need a god to step in, so the process usually stops there
  Since this was Marwa's suggestion, she'd respond to his questions first. Marwa would acknowledge Mika's previous efforts to contact a church and get information. She believes him when he says he's not cursed, but her thought was that if we can talk to the guy whose focus is NEW BEGINNINGS. Dawn, free will, doing good in the world. Going to his followers for information, if not for intercession, seemed worthwhile.
  He'd concede that point.
  She continues, the possibility that they could get there and it's all bureaucratic, and they get shoved to the back of a long line and ignored.
  Mika thinks about the Selunite temple he visited before, remembers that they were kind, empathetic, but unable to help, and at the low point he was at at this point, he would've rankled at sympathy, especially if it wasn't accompanied by anything actionable.
  Marwa frames this as infogathering and he'll concede, though still reluctantly.
  "Speaking of infogathering, there's a Library entrance in Dawnharbour, and I do have a couple returns to drop off."
  Boss gives a one-word response, "After."
  "But listen, if I had some time to do just a little research on Lathander and his clergy...the more you know the better your odds, right? Don't want to offend anyone there."
  Ta'lok looks unphased.
  Mika wasn’t really expecting to get anywhere against the Brick Wall that is the Decided Boss but he's not above a frustrated sigh about it. Had to try.
  Cri might suggest accessing other resources of information while in Dawnharbour, if there are any scholars who may have insight.
  "Yeah, the Academy Arcane. Shiv studied there for a year. The Library gatehouse is on campus" (pointedly)
  Ta'lok snort-laughs, just a one-breath exhale through the nose.
  "I doubt my flavour of fuckery is lectured on in classrooms, but we can try. I really, really hope it isn't, actually. That's a terrifying idea now that I think about it"
  "We know you're not the only one in this situation, Mika." Marwa says gently, referencing Rochelle. "Someone's got to know something. Somewhere."
  Saeldor wants to know if there are any nature deity connections here in Dawnharbour. Saeldor's thinking is, let's try Lathander, let's check out the libraries, but if this thing tangling with Mika is an unnatural force, and it sure sounds like it, it may require a natural response to repel it. Old, old magic.
  Obad-Hai is the Old God of the Earth. He doesn't have a new-fangled avatar like gods that walk among mortals. He's the force that pushes new shoots up from the ground, that moves a river to the sea, that presses ground into stones. Saeldor would be in touch with that, whether he thought of it as a deity or not. That's the rabbit hole Saeldor wants to follow, in addition to everything else mentioned
  They get to town later in the afternoon, it's still bright out. Dawnharbour also lacks an airship dock, but Marwa puts it in sailing mode and docks in the harbour. Closer to town proper that way!
  The Noctilucent “Lucy” has some arcane warding around it that functions similarly to the Alarm spell, except the sound is audible to the intruder as well as just like, decent locks, maybe some thundery traps on them. The alarm spell insures that people knew they were unwelcome, so castle laws apply, so to speak
  Marwa's never operated a sailing ship before, it's startling the way the water feels like it grabs the hull and holds it.
  Marwa floats off and is like. Blech. Do not like. The rest of the party disembark via the gangplank. It's a pretty big town, it'll be plain when you see it but it might be pertinent to ask directions to get started in the right street. Mika knows a little from what Shiv told him but I don't think they've been here before. Locals are generally friendly folk; it's a college town so they're more used to new faces than your average burgh
  We ask the harbormaster for directions to the temple. There's a minor docking fee, Ta'lok pays it out of party funds
  The harbourmaster gives you directions to the House of Dawn, which is a large complex around a twenty-minute walk from the Academy Arcane. Its large yard which wraps all around the building is fenced in, but the fencing is a bright brass colour and the privacy screen is flowering scarlet runners - it's the opposite of forbidding. The gates are shaped such that when closed they form Lathander's holy symbol of a winding road leading to a sunrise. They're open at the moment, propped that way with some stones.
  Marwa and Cri are walking on either side of Mika, who has absolutely been dragging his feet and had his thinking-hard/fast face on this whole time. He's clearly unenthused. Boss and Ta'lok are up front, discussing stuff.
  Mika throws out some less-solid arguments for going to the Library first, stuff he knows is not going to change anyone's mind but just to fill silence. "Just to drop off returns? I just wanna see if any of the people I worked with in Midnight who transferred here are still around; just a name check and then we can do the Lathander thing. C'mon Marwa you're really not going to deny me the chance to get fresh dirt on Shiv are you?"
  Nimbus appears out of the corner of Mika's eye and, approaching closer than he's ever done before, gently brushes against Mika's cheek as he flies by.
  Mika startles a little bit, then regards Nimbus with something Marwa can clock as appreciation
  There's a smattering of people in the yard when they get there. There's a little courtyard and paths that wind away into the outdoor parts of the grounds and then straight ahead is the main building separate entrance for daycare. At first glance, the compound is OPEN, and there are lots of green things growing not in a manicured mansion sort of way, but like - wildflowers. Vegetable gardens. Fruit trees.
  There's a group of people sitting in lawn chairs off a ways, talking to each other. The silence is broken occasionally by the sound of a child's laughing shriek. And there’s a duck pond. Not huge, but there are a couple people feeding birds.
  I think the first impression of this place is that it's BIG, not just the facility itself but the SPACE. It's expansive.
  The group catches the eye of a very, very tall goliath woman with long red hair, who lopes over with a friendly expression.
  Mika's got that "where do I go" energy, glancing around, kind of ambling forward toward the building for lack of a clear destination.
  "Oi! Come on in, yer letting the bugs in." She chuckles at her own bad joke.
  Ta'lok huffs, appreciates the humour. As she approaches, she's looking him in the eyes, they are of a height with each other. She puts her big hands on her hips and surveys them. "Want to come in? I'm Thra'kara, but you can call me Kara."
  Mika seems to hesitate, Ta'lok gives him a social nudge. A step behind him, Mika can feel Marwa’s winds brush his shoulder.
  There's some petulant part of his mind that's like 'why do I have to answer this wasn't even my idea' but he'll speak up regardless. "Yeah, uh, is there someone I can talk to? I can't really speak plainly on the situation, but any information on Lathander and whether he or his followers are an option to solve it would be appreciated."
  It sounds mildly rehearsed. He was definitely puzzling over how to even explain what he wants when he's not sure what that looks like, himself, on the way over here
  Kara's expression is open, and she nods. "'Course. You lot traveled far? Follow me, we've got water and snacks if you need a minute." She turns around and starts heading back to the main building
  He’ll trail along after, realizing in post he should have added a "privately" after the first clause, and now puzzling over how to introduce such a request
  The group follows, and they're just sort of taking in the area
  The building is just as spacious and welcoming outside as the sunny yard is. The colours are warm and light. Lathandrian temples always have lots of windows especially on the east wall
  As the group enters, they can see that there's a whole wall painted by children. Hearts and suns and flowers. There’s also a cafeteria style area, but people can take food wherever as long as they bring the dishes back. Kara shows them around, grabs some water for herself, and then gestures to a large living area with cushions and games scattered throughout.
  When Mika clocks the group space his steps slow.
  She turns to look specifically at Mika. "Let's talk. Come with me? We're just going out this way."
  Relief. "Sure". He's stressed enough to drop an r here. She notes it, but tuck that piece of information away for later, in case it was just a one-word fluke. She leads him across the lawn to a gazebo in view of the windows where the party is.
  "This okay? Building is soundproofed, they can't hear us over here."
  "Yeah, s'fine. I won't take much of your time, I don't think" She nods for him to continue, sits back on a bench, overlooking the grassy field.
  He's too wound up to sit, he stays standing. He's fidgeting of course, worrying a thread on the hem of his shirt.
  "What I’m asking after amounts to divine intervention. I’m not cursed, I’m not sick, but I am running out of time. I can’t tell you more without making it your problem, too. I'm not going to pretend any expertise in Lathander or any other deity, but this request is very, very far from the first thing I've tried to get out of this, and there is a long list of reasons why this should be the part where you tell me it's not possible and I apologize for wasting your time and get out of your hair. But…”
  He pauses there, looks toward the windows where the rest of the party is hanging out
  "...I promised I'd try."
  Kara is like, DEEPLY insightful. And she's spoken to so many people over the years, I think she looks at this kid and sees him fidgeting and hanging on and his jaw clenching.
  "Wow. You seen a lot, haven't you?" Her tone is full of respect. Not pitying or sympathetic, but like, validating.
  He looks tired. Feels it. He's not as skin and bones since Cri pointed out he's technically skipping meals and especially since the visit at the Noors, but he's still skinny, still got shadows under his eyes because stress-habit-of-rubbing them, he knows he looks every ounce of the weight on his back and there's no point denying it.
  "You could say that."
  Kara's high insight also clocks that his gaze keeps moving. He's never looking at one spot for long.
  "Well. What's your name, then?"
  "Oh, sorry, you gave me yours already didn't you. It's Mika."
  "Mika." She bows her head. "Pleasure to meet another Midnight kid like myself. Although it's been a long time since I was a kid, technically."
  He gives a huff-laugh-thru-nose. “City grows people up quick."
  "That it does. Well listen, Mika from Midnight. Which borough, by the way? I don't know if we have the power here to help you, I won't make promises I can't keep. But I can promise here and now in front of my god that I will do everything in my power to get you where you need to go. I want to help you."
  "Nor'town. I believe you, I just don't think it's likely to matter. I meant it when I said I can't tell you more without making it your problem."
  She shrugs her big shoulders all the way up to her ears in a quick gesture. "Well. Worth tryin', eh?"
  "I want to emphasize that it's not these things, but you can think of it like a curse. Or possession. Sort of. But best I can figure - and it's hard to figure around the holes it's ripped in my memory - it started with awareness, probably. Comprehension, maybe. Once you know about it, that knowledge becomes a link, a portal. And mine won’t fucking shut up. Divine curse removal didn't work, 'nothing to remove,' I was told. Ditto possession. Sole occupant in here, apparently. Arcane shit doesn't touch it; apparently I'm weird enough to warp the weave. So with due respect I really don't know that there's much you could do even if your god was likely to even want to help someone like me."
  "What do you mean, someone like you?" She asks.
  He shrugs. "Like I said, non expert. But I'm not a huge believer in second chances, myself. My best friend's a necromancer, I'm kind of defaulted under a different god's jurisdiction by ancestry, and I might actually rather let this thing drive me insane than trade one master for another vis a vis any kind of compensatory service to a deity. So I just don't think he's likely to be a fan." This last phrase is delivered in a sardonic tone that sounds flippant but is clearly thought-through
  He catches a warmth in her eyes when she hears this. Not just empathetic listening, but MORE. Humor? Is she fighting a...smile?
  She wipes her hand over her mouth. "Sorry. Sorry. Not laughin’, honest. It's just. I know we've only been talkin' for a bit, but you sound exactly like I did, not that long ago. Bit surreal."
  She gets an 'oh really' kind of eyebrow raise in response.
  "I always thought second chances were for rich kids. Not kids like me."
  "We might differ there. Second chances are for kids. Kids are learning. Adults should have to deal with their consequences."
  "I see. So only once you become an adult, you stop learning all-together?"
  "I didn't say that. You can learn from a mistake without getting to live like it didn't happen"
  "Is that what the phrase 'second chance' means to you? Living without regret, or remorse? Getting off scot free, as it were?"
  He frowns, eyes narrowed not in anger, just like he knows if he says yes she's going to start counterarguing it. "Some consequences are forever."
  She nods at this. "Well that's true, I 'spose. Doesn't mean we can't try again tomorrow, you know? Extend each other a little grace now and then."
  There is. Zero concession in his face. He shakes his head in the negative. "Sure, but not every time. Not for everything. But we're getting off topic."
  "Sorry, my thoughts tend to wander. Didn't mean to steer us off track. I was just curious, seems like you're here without thinking you deserve a second chance. A new beginning. And that's a real shame."
  "If I'm being frank, I probably don't. But like I said. I promised I'd try."
  "Honestly, just showing up is hard enough sometimes, I get it. Glad you came anyway."
  He shrugs. It’s appreciated but he’s not sure how to express that at the moment.
  "I'll have a talk with the big guy upstairs," points a finger towards the roof of the gazebo. "I've been here the longest of everyone, so I'm probably your girl at least here in this temple. But we've got friends all over the place, within the Church and outside of it. Like I said, I'll do everything I can to help, even if that means we need to put a call out. Have someone else come in."
  His eyebrows jump slightly. "Just like that?"
  "Well yeah. I don't pretend to know what he thinks or what he'll do, but I'm here because he gave me a second chance when I didn't deserve one. And I think you should get your shot, too. Gotta have faith, you know?"
 
  "With respect,” He glances at the building where the party is. "And not that I won't get flayed alive if it gets out that I argued against this even a little, but you have no way of gauging deservedness here. What exactly are you basing this faith of yours on? Intuition?"
  He looks like he feels bad for the incredulous derision that saturates that last word but he's not taking it back, either. "You have no way of gauging deservedness here."
  "Not my job to gauge deservedness. I'm not perfect and won't pretend to be. Do you want to know what I did before I came here?"
  He gives her a look like 'sure, shoot.'
  She cocks her head and looks at him. "You're a Midnight kid. Heard of the Cat?"
  There’s a venom in his eyes, immediately. "Heard of her."
  A deep sadness comes across her face at this, she looks off for a second.
  "I was her right hand man, so to speak. Fifteen years. All the worst things you've heard rumors about, things people say behind closed doors - all true. And a lot of it I was a part of, for a long time."
  At this, his eyes flash white - just for a second - hands clenched in fists, jaw fit to crack teeth. He was leaning on a wall but he stands away from it like if she's got more to say she better say it quick or he's out.
  Kara hasn't moved. Her body language this whole time has been, for someone so large, very curled in on herself, like she's trying to seem smaller.
  "I get it. Don't have to stick around if you don't want to. But Pelor saw something in me worth saving. My crew left me to die, after a scrap with some of the Wolf's thugs. I remember laying there in the street, bleeding out, thinking that some nobody kid like me, growing up alone, had truly amounted to nothing. No friends, no family, no one to miss me or remember me. I'd be gone, and that would be that."
  He's not leaving, not moving, standing stock still. He's very used to viewing scraps between the Lords goonies as positive events when the only people hurt are the goonies, it’s when their drama fucks up people who didn't sign up for it that it pisses him off. He's probably wondering how many other people she left in the same situation, directly or indirectly.
  "This woman came over, patted my forehead. Soothed some of the pain. When I told her to leave me be, that I deserved to die, she scolded me. Me, on death's door!"
  He bites back saying this person was an idiot, but she can read that on his face. In his mind, there's a small part whispering that he knows some similar idiots, himself. But who the fuck offers sanctuary to one of the cat's claws?
  "She nagged her husband into coming over and helping me inside, even though I argued the whole time and I don't know if you noticed - " she gives a rueful grin " - I'm a big girl, and I can be a lot of dead weight."
  No smile, but he's listening. He's mad, he's not convinced, he's upset, but he's listening. Maybe you don't think you get to decide whether people deserve chances or not, but he still thinks it is the right of the burned party to decide if a bridge can be rebuilt.
  "A Cleric of Lathander himself, she was. Sweetest woman, Penny. I'm not saying what I did was right. I knew it was wrong then, and I know it now. But I took that job for the Cat rather than stay an orphan of Midnight, no clan, starving on my own. And then, I don't know if you know, once you work for the Lords, you don't stop. Sort of a lifetime job, most of the time."
  "That's why you don't start."
  "Sure. Easy to say when you've got a full belly. Place to sleep."
  He's bit back a lot thus far, but that gets a reaction before he can bite it back, "Speak for yourself."
  "I am. Tried to get away once, but she nabbed me back and had me flogged for...long time."
  She's telling this story very matter-of-factly, even though he can see that even now, years later, it's still emotional to talk about. She's making it clear that this isn't some bid for sympathy - if he rolls out of here, she'll let him go.
  "Thing is, judging others, figuring out who deserves a second chance or not. Hard to do when you don't live in their shoes, you know? Anyway, Penny pushed me to tell her who I was and why I was out there. And I ended up telling her the whole thing. No escape for someone like me, there was nothing for it. And at the end, when I'd said more to her than I'd said to anyone in my life up to that point, she just asked, "Well how are you going to fix it, if you're dead?"
  His expression changes at that. The anger doesn't clear, but there's a recognition. If he's been looking mostly down, he looks up a little more.
  "Pardon?" I said. "Looks to me like, as awful as things have been, tomorrow is another day. Are you going to go back, keep doing what you're doing, or are you going to seize your chance to be different? Do different? Which, of course, I argued about, because we're way past that, I said. She would have none of it. I asked her why. Said that's just how it is - you fall, and you get back up. You fall again, you get back up, again and again. And sometimes it's hard to get back up by yourself, so you need someone to give you a hand every now and then."
  As he's listening, he's alarmed at how similarly the logic gels with his own. Realizing he didn't have to fight alone, realizing that going it on her own hadn't worked, and that given the chance to accept better odds, it'd be foolish to turn them aside, recognizing the offered hand for what it was.
  He sits down, heavily, elbows on knees, hands over his lower face, thinking at the floor.
  "I left the next morning. Spent some time traveling, on my own." She continues. "Figuring out who you are apart from...a cult, if you will, not easy to do. Takes time. But I found myself coming back to what that woman Penny told me. 'How are you going to fix it?' And I thought...I can't undo it. I can't turn back time, not a magician. But I can greet every sunrise with a vow. To do better today than I did yesterday, to give someone else a hand who doesn't think they've earned one."
  She pauses, looks directly at him.
  "There are people who have not forgiven me and who won't, and I don't begrudge them one bit. You could be one of 'em, if you like. That's your right. But I am still alive, and I have a choice. What am I going to spend the rest of my life doing? Giving up, or doing what I can for the people around me?" She gets to the end of her story and looks tired, but certain.
  Mika lets the silence stretch for a minute. Then he sighs, a huffed sound of frustrated resignation.
  "Every part of me. Wants to tell you that Penny woman was an idiot. A wrong idiot. You're right that no one has the right to forgiveness. Some shit can't be forgiven. Shouldn't be." Has more to consider, but is considering.
  "But." His shoulders kind of slump "I know someone similar. Shoved me flat on my back once, watched the arrow shoot right through where my head woulda been. Shoulda been. 'You got a deathwish or something?' Like I was the idiot there. She didn't know the deal either. She's just allergic to giving up. Won't tolerate it."
  She nods like she understands. Empathizes.Even through the bitterness lingering over understanding where Kara comes from, she can clock the warm admiration in his voice.
  "Sounds like a special person."
  He nods. "She's why I'm here." He doesn't specify a context. It applies to any reading, anyway. "I don't... if it was just for myself. I'd say the future's foregone. But it's not. and godsdamnit, that's terrifying, but if I'm anything in this world it isn't a goddamn coward."
  "I don't know you, Mika. I don't know the things you've seen or the things you've done. But I've heard that there are no good or evil people in the world, only good or evil deeds. We're all capable of both, it's our actions that define our honor. If that's true...what do you want to do?"
  He needs a minute to think about it, but Kara's good at waiting. Reminds him a bit of Saeldor, very comfortable with silence.
  "I really don't know. Asking for help isn't really my strong suit. But I'm running out of things I can do on my own. I've been running in place for three years. Getting closer to four. But I don't know how to ask for a way forward when I don't even know what 'forward' looks like. I just want... I don't know. Silence. I've been listening around the whispers for three years. It never stops. I want to know what I can hear when it's gone."
  In his mind he's thinking about how he wants to rebuild all the moments that stupid fucking noise tainted. Telling Marwa he loves her. Hearing her tell him the same. The sound of his name in her voice and hers in his.
  "I hear you. The thing about asking for help I've realized is that none of us really know what the fuck is going on, we're all pretty clueless down here. So I don't pretend to have answers, to be better than anyone else. But I'll stand beside you, and speak on your behalf, if I'm given the chance. Because you deserve peace, Mika." He gives a huffed, single-syllable laugh, "You probably think that of everyone." But it's not bitter, it’s an acknowledgement that she's a more forgiving person than he is. There's this difference in their views, and that's fine. They don't have to agree.
  "True, but I didn't start out that way. Who knows what tomorrow will bring, you know?" She gives him a small smile. She'd explain the process of contacting Lathander's creatures, and offers the team space to stay here if they want.
  He shrugs "Boss' call."
  "Fair. We've been away from your friends for a while, haven't we? Better return you before they come after me looking for you."
  He'll stand at that cue, fucking exhausted. They make their way back to the group
  Of the group, Cri and Ta'lok wandered, spoke to people, learned more about the place and Saeldor just vibed in the corner with a couple kids, letting them climb all over him. Marwa has been restlessly pacing in front of the window the entire time, glancing out every so often to make sure he's not losing his shit and requires no intervention.
  She’s the first to see them heading back, jumps up at the sight.
  "Oo - they're coming back!"
  Saeldor swings their head around to look at her. "Easy, sister. Mika's a man who can take care of himself."
  "I know. I know. I just...worry."
  Kara walks him back there but doesn't stick around after delivering him.
  His eye is on Marwa first when they come through the door, which is normal given how BRIGHT she is, but also obvious
  She is affecting CHILLness, like yes I've been sitting the whole time, but it's obviously a facade, since her eyes shoot over to his pretty quick. Her hair gives her away, its all twisty
  The sight makes him smile, a tired, small one.
  "How'd it go, kiddo?" Saeldor asks, indulging a not-preferred nickname for the sake of a rhyme to which Mika shrugs.
  "She said she'd ask."
  "Did she seem...cool?" Marwa asks.
  He's had a minute to get his feelings about her former occupation wrangled down.
  "Sure."
  "Okay. Are you at the back of some...bureaucratic line? I don't need to go kick her ass? She was pretty big, but I'm scrappy, maybe I could take her."
  He gives a nose-laugh, but a smile, a real one. "You could take her. But no, I don't think so. Said she'd be in touch. Asked if we're staying here or in town, but I think that's the boss' call."
  Glancing around and noticing Ta'lok and Cri are absent he clocks the rugrats climbing on Saeldor, and that also gets a smile because fucking adorable. One of them is dangling off his arm like a tree branch. "Where'd he go, anyway?"
  "He and Cri left to go poking around. Said they'd be back in a few."
  Nods, flops a seat, fidgeting. She offers her hand. "You okay?", whispered.
  He'll take it. "I will be. Eventually." He gives a rueful laugh, squeezes her hand.
  "You didn't have to worry, you know. There might not be a safer place."
  She opens her mouth to deny the worrying and then looks at his face, and closes it. Her shoulders droop.
  "This whole thing was my idea. If I...if they hurt you, or told you no, let you down, it would feel like I let you down."
  "What? Marwa, no, your idea made sense, or I wouldn't be here. Or I'd be here tied up over the boss' shoulder - anyway not the point. Even if it went badly, that wouldn't be your fault. Anyway, it went fine. I'm just tired. I still don't think this god's particularly likely to 'take my case,' as it were, but Kara seems to think it's even odds. So I guess we'll see."
  He gives her a lil smile, teasing "You gonna kick His ass too, if it's a no?"
  She looks considering. "I mean, I could try? Feel like I'd have to recruit some pals. Maybe Akadi? Or...hmm. I don't know. If I could get a posse together, then yeah. I'd give it a go." She mimes punching someone in a boxing-style way, which makes him smile, creases the corners of his eyes.
  Her shadow boxing gets interrupted by a tug on her hip scarf. Looking down, an energetic little kid, shifting foot to foot in that erratic I’m-not-good-at-waiting bounce. Saeldor's over there with a 'go on,' kinda face. "Um, um - can I touch your hair?"
  "Oh. Sure. Just don't pull, 'kay?" She turns around, spins her back to the kid
  Kiddo's already clambering on the couch, giggles "How do you do that?" following the way it floats on the wind like a kid sticking their hand out the window of a moving car.
  "I don't know, I just do. The wind likes me, I guess. What's your name?"
  "Allie. But why, though?"
  There's a recognition on this question that makes the warlock next to you smile in a "here we go" kind of way
  Marwa grins. "Beautiful name. Mine's Marwa. Why doesn't yours do that?" I gesture to the kid's hair.
  "I dunno," Allie pats their own hair like they never considered that, but they're quickly back to being distracted by the way if they stick their hand in your hair it floats over it like a soft tide, just wide-eyed curiosity.
  Marwa looks charmed. She kicks up a little wind to ruffle Allie's hair. Does it to Saeldor too, knocks a bunch of hair out of their bun. Allie finds this hilarious. Their sibling is still on Saeldor's shoulder and is stymying Saeldor's laughing efforts to fix it. Allie scrambles off to run interference on the other shoulder
  This is the scene Cri & Ta'lok walk in on - kids climbing all over Saeldor, whose hair is just totally fucked up like they stuck their head in a turbine, Marwa is giggling, and Mika is probably looking at the group fondly.
  Ta'lok repeats Saeldor's question, and Mika restates the same answer. Ta’lok declines the offer of lodgings, since the party can stay on the airship free of charge. There's room in each of your berths for a bunk and a trunk and room to move around get dressed etc comfortably but not much more there's the deck and cabin for that. Ta'lok has already stored his chess set and pack of cards in the cabin for rainy days.
  Mika's definitively more comfortable with that, even if it's technically Marwa's space, she's made it clear it's functionally a party asset They head back, the group's quiet. It's dusk, Marwa's still got Mika's hand. He mentions wanting to go to the library, says it like he feels like he's earned it.
  "Now?"
  At the question, he glances up to gauge the time. It's not sundown yet but will be soon "I mean it's probably not closed yet but...ugh, fine. In the morning, then?"
  The group nods with varying degrees of enthusiasm. Cri is excited to go back, but the jjocks are like. Kay.
  "First, dinner." Ta'lok decrees, somehow hungry again despite having done little but sit and light walking between lunch and now. It's Saeldor's turn for dinner, but they'd like to explore around town (and maybe do some Rumour Listens) so they suggest eating out. There's a pub near the campus that smells greasy in a delicious way.
  "Yes! Love fried shit." Mirage pipes up.
  You enter The Queen's Arms, and it becomes immediately apparent from the patrons' age and the textbooks open but ignored on their tables that this is a student hangout. Mika's quiet over dinner. I mean he's not a chatty person generally, but he's not jumping on every opportunity to snark, his answers when replying to someone are thoughtful but somewhat reticent. He's got a lot on his mind
  After dinner it's starting to get dark, they make their way back to the ship. Conversation is laid back. Saeldor has food coma, ready for sleep, Ta'lok's an early-to-bed-early-to-rise type.
  Mika 1) doesn't sleep and 2) wouldn't if he did. He shoulders his backpack and makes for the crows nest. Gets his grimoire out and doesn't read it. Taps his pen on the blank page, watching the lights come on in the town as the sky darkens above it.
  Marwa goes to sleep but offers, "If you need to talk, I'll listen. Anytime, okay?"
  He appreciates the offer but tells her 'later', assures her he's not upset or mad or anything.
  "No problem. Just making sure." And then she conks out.
  The conversation with Kara made Mika realize he hasn't been thinking about what he wants to do when this thing's gone partly because he was scared to parse that as possible - it’s easier to have no expectations and be right than have expectations and be let down - but also because what he wanted for his future before this thing dragged him off track isn't perfectly what he wants now. He didn’t realize that until he let himself ask if it was still what he wanted. He just wants to take some time to think about what's next. After. To indulge briefly in the belief in an 'after.' And to think about what she said about deserving
  When morning comes people can smell coffee, because the galley's on the lower deck with their bunks, and it's that good shit from Marwa's parents place because Erik made sure she had a BIG bag o those beans on board.
  Mirage floats toward the smell like a cartoon character who smells a pie cooling on a windowsill. "Mmm. Coffee?" She sort of, mummy-shuffles over, and the others come down, too
  "Coffee." Mika ours her a mug
  Marwa comes along Mika but at some point he'd split off; 'gonna get some work done'
  Ta'lok and Saeldor remain uninterested, they head out to look around for info about the old god of the Earth. Saeldor could chat with like, some kind of religious studies prof, ask if the god around, do they help people out when asked. The prof answers that they're everywhere; they're the Earth, worshipped by its defenders. Obad-Hai's dogma and followers seem more concerned with the natural cycle than the fate of particular creatures, But another of the Old Ones, Beory, the Earthmother, is more kind. The professor reminds them that they’re reclusive; hermity, nobody's had a direct acknowledgement from them in a Long time, but their presence is still felt so they're not gone.
  The day passes relatively uneventfully. The party's all in 'waiting to hear back' mode, and it makes it hard to fully relax. They do their best to keep themselves occupied. Ta'lok makes rounds of local watering holes listening for rumors, leads, makes some inquiries about if any of the more accomplished faculty at the Academy Arcane are high level enough wizards to have Wish access, but comes up dry.
  Saeldor's better at using the time to chill. They make some efforts to connect with the local fey but it takes a while to get straight answers out of their kind. It's their third day in town, midmorning, when a dwarf hollers to them on the ship, from the dock, "Mail Call! Anybody home?"
  Ta'lok's up, answers.
  Mika was reading in the crow's nest, which is becoming a preferred spot for him and Cri both
  Dwarf has a bunch of letters for Cri from her penpals, one for Ta'lok, follow up on some feelers he put out back in Stagwall and a couple for Mika, who's climbing down to the deck as the dwarf hands them out. One from shiv, one from his parents. Marwa has one from shiv, too. She's eager, snatches the letter quickly.
  Her letter is actually a card, it's got a black skull with flowers sketched on the front, and inside it says in surprisingly neat penmanship, "You are cordially invited to come party with me to celebrate the conclusion of my training as a badass Necromancer.
  [date a short way in future very doable for travel time] [bar name she does not recognize]
  PS is it weird I invited your dad???"
  Marwa screeches and turns to look at him with a giant grin on her face, "PARTY IN MIDNIGHT!?"
  He was reading the note from his folks first, looks confused, then clocks that this has Shiv written on it and looks at her note and laughs, shaking his head, "I mean I'm not getting much choice about it apparently" (shows her)
  "She invited Dad! Which means Pops and Baba will come, and Mama too!" The realization hits as she says it out loud, "Oh my god."
  Mika's studiously not saying anything
  "Oh my god. Will your parents be there, too?" He snorts "To party with Shiv? When the hells freeze."
  "Oh. Cool. I just...I mean they know. About you and me. What should I tell them if they ask about meeting your family? I mean, feels weird to be thinking about something like that at a time like this, but...yeah."
  "...Oh." He wears a look of more trepidation than she probably expected, swiftly replaced by stubborn determination.
  "I don't really want to say anything in a letter. If I'm in town I'll drop by home of course and um, if you wanted to come along?"
  She covers her mouth with both hands, drops the card, mumbles past her fingers, "WHAT IF THEY DON'T LIKE ME!?"
  He smiles, amused, takes her hands, plants a kiss on her forehead "Who gives a fuck. I like you."
  "I have to work on my Chultslang. I have to make a good impression. Second impression, whatever." But she looks calmer at his words
  He smiles, then it turns mischievous, "I mean you can have some fun with 'Eu posso te entender, sabia'"
  "One of those words was 'fuck', because I know the swears, so don't even THINK about it."
  He laughs, "Thats 'porro', no swears, I promise."
  "Oops."
  Amused, "What did you think I was saying?"
  "I don't know, to be honest. I can't even think, my brain is exploding."
  "Fair enough" "Anyway, honestly don't worry about the Chultslang; mom barely speaks it anyway." He seems amused at her excitement, but he doesn't seem to share it.
  She's very internal at the moment. How do I not fuck this up? He's so warmed by that reaction, she cares so much about it. It’s so sweet that she's taking it seriously; taking this seriously, that it means that much
  She wants a, "Hey, nice to see you again" line to practice and that's it, she doesn't hound him, there's not enough time to get her fluent
  The more he thinks about it, the more the smiles are strained. I think the most optimistic thing he's actually said if she stops to think about it is that his mom already likes her and anyway it doesn't matter what they think because it's not going to change his mind.
  They set out in relatively short order, the rest of the party stays behind this time, says say Hi for them but I think Ta'lok's going stir crazy sitting around.