35.7 Fic: Letter Home

Hi mom,   Back on the ground again. Little town in Callist near the Norish border. Might be here for a few days, so I'll give you the address. Found some work and I have to wait for the others to get here, then it’ll take at least a day to do the work and then I might just loiter for a while. Just in case you write. Not that you have to or anything, it was just really cool to hear from home.   Thank you for letting Shiv borrow Rose for me. It was unreal to see her again. ‘Can’t have a dog’ is very high on the list of reasons why life on the road sucks, but it’s not all bad. Like you said, I’m in good company.   Still, I'd visit more if I could. I wish I was there now, honestly. It's getting dark outside and if I was home, helping you put dishes away, moving slow to make less noise because dad's sleeping, this'd be easier.   Can I talk to you? Just you. I’m not going to say you can’t show this to dad but if I’m honest I’d rather you didn’t. I’ve already got his voice saying ‘just be careful, filho’ in my head on a permanent loop so if it’s all the same to you I’d rather just skip the live version.   I should be careful, though. Rather, I should have been more careful. Mom, I'm in so much trouble. I think I'm losing my mind for real. I can't sleep, I forget to eat, I've lost so many hours just staring at books that I can't focus enough to read.   (Now's the part where you look at me like 'cut the dramatics and tell me what's actually happening’ but I continue to wax dramatic for a few more minutes anyway because it's not always easy to just SAY these things okay?)   Okay. So I met someone. About a year ago. And honestly in the beginning I just thought she was super annoying. Pretty, sure, but stuck up, ignorant, chronically unable to take a hint.   To be fair I wasn't my best self at the time, either.   We've both been through a lot over the last year. At some point she became a friend, then a best friend. Don't tell Shiv I said that. She's my best friend too it's just... Different. Everything's different.   I feel like I'm finally paying attention. I feel like I've been wandering in a fog and the sun came out. How did I miss her right in front of me this whole time? Funny, brave, smart as a whip with a tongue just as sharp. Skilful, insightful, there's nothing she can't do, no situation where I'd bet against her. And I don't need to tell you she's stunning.   I don't have to spell out that I'm talking about Mirage, right? I might anyway. Her name is the most beautiful sound I've ever heard, and it's just as gorgeous written down. Marwa Hallah Noor. Flint, firestarter, reactive stone, throwing off sparks, arrowhead. The halo on the moon, gentle light in utter darkness, in the coldest, emptiest places. Brightness, vibrance, life-giving light.   Mom I don't know if I've ever fallen this hard before. I don't know what to do. I mean I do, but Christ, we work together. Suppose she turns me down. Suppose she says yes and changes her mind later. I really lucked out with this crew, I mean you have no idea. This could tear everything apart.   And that's not even the dumbest thing.   I've been really focused on work for a while. To the exclusion of a lot of things. Marwa and I had an unintended chat about it last winter. I was in a bad mood, and I told her in no uncertain terms that I wasn't entertaining so much as the idea of any kind of relationship until I finish what I'm working on. Which I haven't yet, or I’d be home so you could roll your eyes at me in person.   Me and my big mouth, I swear.   Wow, this got long. Thanks for letting me ramble. I’ll figure something out regarding... all of that. I’m a lot of things but I like to think ‘coward’ isn’t among them. Wish me luck, though? I think I need it.   Love,  

K. Mika Oliviera

  P.S. You’re the first person I’ve told. Not the first to guess, apparently obliterating my poker face is among her many talents, but the first I’ve told. So there’s that. Some things never change.