EP 57 S.O.S.

The Spoonman

  The old man lived in the woods near here many years ago. They say the villagers steered clear of him, they thought he was strange old hermit and they didn’t trust him. Some even said he was a greedy old miser who had treasure buried in his yard.   One day 3 young hoodlums decided the treasure should be theirs. So they went out to the old mans home. Beat him within an inch of his life and stole the treasure. Shortly after all 3 of the young men died of mysterious circumstances. They say before each of them died they could hear the click click click of spoons an an old man’s evil laugh. The old man was never seen again and the treasure was never found. They say his ghost still walks these woods searching… they say don’t get too close to the treasure or the SPOONMAN’s GONNA GETCHA.   WELCOME TO THE BLACK REPORT     That’s the story the camp counselors used to tell us to freak us out when we were kids. Then they’d sneak around after lights out and click spoons together, you know the drill. Well, this week a tip came in about 13 cursed spoons at large in the city and I immediately thought of the old Spoonman legend. Of course it’s just a stupid ghost story but I thought “what if it’s not?” What if there’s a true story behind the legend. You know in any decent library you can find books about the Origins of Fairy Tales, Folk Legends, and Urban Myths. So I did some digging and found out that the spoonman legend came from the story of a man named Eldminster Buckwald.

Eldminster Buckwald

Eldminster Buckwald lived in the 1600’s -silversmith by trade but some say he was somewhat of a Sage. -1656 , village of Salem asks for help with witch problem -devised the Spoon test -explain in modern terms -puts poison on these “specially made silver spoons” -no affect/ witches are immune to poison so they must be a witch -does work, well they might die but at least they’re not witches so they get to go to heaven. - cool right? Wow people are dumb! -one version- the last witch to die put a curse on the spoons with her last dying breath -another version says that the spoons became cursed simply because of the atrocity of Buckwald basically murdering 13 innocent women.   Since then it’s believed that whomever uses the spoons is cursed.     “What if that’s not the whole story?”   One of the first rules of Conspiracy College, haha. is if you have a fantastical-hard-to-believe story that you want to keep a secret, well, you just create a different fantastical-hard-to-believe story to cover up the truth.   I decided to look into Witches side of this story and what I found was, well, I just have to tell you. To tell this story we have to go back, way back…. Cue the music

The Legend of the Souptasters

Time of Gods and Goddess’s, monsters and Titans, to a mythological time These beings ruled the world and humanity was subservient to them Pawns in the games being played by the powerful. Until... We found a way to harness the power of the Gods and use it against them. Somehow humanity we defeated them and banished them back through the veil and into the realms from which they came. And this war became known as the SOUP TASTERS REBELLION   WTF is a souptaster and why is the rebellion called that. common practice for the powerful to have a servant taste their food in order to see if it’s poisoned. legends say it’s simply a symbol of the Gods mistreatment of humanity Others say that a souptaster started the rebellion by poisoning their master. Back to the story...       After the war the leaders formed a secret society which they called the Society of Souptasters (sos, that’s right, that’s the origin of that term too!)   So the main purpose of this society was to keep the Gods and monsters from coming back through the veil into our world again.   Souptasters were each given a sacred silver spoon with SOS engraved secretly on them -a way to identify them -said to contain magical qualities to assist in closing pathways to other dimensions -also said that otherworldly creatures can sense them and whoever possesses them is in mortal danger.   Souptasters also posses the sacred magical weapons which can be used against the gods.   Over the centuries gods have tried to return to Earth through the veil only to be turned away by souptasters.   The spoons and weapons are passed down from one generation of souptasters to the next. Always fulfilling that sacred oath to Guard the Earth.   Famous rumored souptasters include -charlamaign -King David of biblical fame who used his magic slingshot to kill a Giant -Arthur and the Knights of the round table -Crazy Horse -Abraham Lincoln -Van Helsing and Later Buffy -Brendan Urie , it’s reported when he was given his souptaster spoon his “mama said, fulfill the prophecy, be something greater, go make a legacy”  

HOW DOES ALL THIS CONNECT WITH THE WITCHES?

  First- The Salem witches were souptasters actually there to try stop a portal from opening from the veil. -people were super happy that they were there to help -once the threat was gone, superstition and fear set in. They were afraid of the witches power so Elminster Buckwald held a special soup dinner to celebrate their success. -poisoned the soup, and had them use their own sacred SOS spoons to kill themselves -he was so impressed by these ancient spoons that never tarnished so he told everyone he crafted them himself and he kept them. -Mr Buckwald disappeared less than a year later and thus the legend of the cursed Salem spoons began.   So, there you go, mystery solved! The curse is the ancient Gods and monsters drawn to these spoons and doing bad things to those who possess them.  WELL, THAT MIGHT BE TRUE, BUT THERE’S STILL   

MORE TO THIS STORY FOLKS.

    The 2nd connection to the Witches is the magical weapons used to defeat the gods. Most versions of the legend don’t mention it, but I found one version that says the witches were the first to understand the power and they crafted spells to put that power into weapons and other items. Which could then be used against the Gods.   I thought about some of these examples of magical weapons over the years Excalibur, caliburn, durandels, mjirnor, one of the most notable sword maker of ancient times was masamune, who’s mistress was a witch and she gave all the swords he made special magic abilities.   Do any of those names sound familiar to you. Can it be that obvious? And does anyone find it extremely coincidental that there’s always 13 Winegarden families. Never any more never any less. Now there’s 13 cursed SOUPTASTERs spoons in the city. Now listen to this last bit of the legend.   Over the years the openings from our world to there’s will slowly be closed until there’s only 1 place left. One magical city of wonder, where there are still many shifting openings in the veil. Where The Gods and monsters travel easily to and from our world. This is where the final battle will occur. The Gods will lure the last of the Souptasters together and wipe them out. Finally having their revenge and reclaiming our world for themselves   Ok, that doesn’t sound good. Is our city the last place? Is that why so many weird things happen here. If the Winegarden families are the legendary warriors what better way to get them all together in one place so as to wipe them out all at once, than to have a big Damn Wedding! And get this. The Geiss family is marrying into Winegarden right? Well in Irish mythology a Geiss is a taboo, or curse, or sometimes it’s a gift. Seriously, I’m not making this up What’s that mean for this weekend. -they have the cursed spoons and are bringing them as a gift to help the Souptasters save humanity. -they are the curse, are they planning to open a portal and let all hell break loose!  

the future sounds bleak.

 The world is possibly going to shit right before our eyes and we’re supposed to count on the Winegarden elite to save us all. You know what, screw all that. You don’t have to have a magic spoon or Masamune sword of destiny, or be part of a secret society of Souptasters! Anyone can be a Souptaster! Listen I’ve witnessed a lot of crap in this city but I’ve also seen people with what I’d call the “god-like” ability to dig in and get done what needs to be done. Yes, some of them are the Winegarden elite like Eugenia Excalibur, but others are just like you and me… antiques dealers and drug dealers, parkour artists to boxers, law enforcers and those that operate on the other side of the law, It doesn’t matter. If you think you can be a Souptaster here’s your call-to-arms. Now is the time   If you have any special abilities that you think can be used to fight off the Apocalypse then be there. Just show up and be close by. If I’m wrong, which i hope i am, then you get to watch a bunch of pretty people walk by in nice clothes, that’s not so bad. But if I’m right, and something goes down, you’ll know and you’ll be ready to jump in and help. I want to believe there are a few souptasters left who still believe in their mission but if this actually happens they’re gonna need some help.   There’s still hope folks. it’s time to go be heroes. -song “high hopes”