Stick

Parents!

Have you been searching for the perfect gift to entertain your little ones in the summer?

Are you looking for an exciting toy to drvie their creativity, imagination, and combat skills?

Then step outside... And give them a STICK!

That's right, A STICK, the toy that will revolutionize the future!

Just go outside and find...any interesting-shaped stick from your back yard, the neighbor's yard, or a convenient hole in the local grave yard. Bring it home, give it to your kids, and stand back in amusement as the one you give it to stands there looking confused until another one runs up, snatches the stick, and hits the first one with it.

Now, we know what you're thinking. "I should bring more than one stick if I have more than one child!"

Nay, nay! For doing such a thing would deny your other children the valuable lesson in arming themselves against a cruel and unforgiving world that gives not two cents for their feelings.

And siblings who get the drop on you.

IF you are feeling PARTICULARLY generous, you can also bring home a garbage-can lid, thus providing one of your children with a shield and another with the stick.

Parents, if you are not 100% delighted by the hijinx that ensue when your children have a STICK-with-optional-GARBAGE-CAN LID, then I just don't know what to tell you. Sell tickets to the free show provided by your children and try to earn back your absolutely zero monetary investment (unless you did, in fact, buy your children one or more garbage-can lids in which case, you're on your own and good luck to you).

And always remember parents, that following stupid advice you read on the internet makes you liable for the damage done to your children, strangers, pets, homes, as well as any portals opened into alternate dimensions.