Gord Rammson
“That’s not a crust, that’s a bloody cave collapse.”
Gord Rammson is a walking contradiction — and every Dwarf in Largitas knows it. With a voice that could boil broth and a temper sharper than obsidian cutlery, he is notorious for publicly humiliating overconfident chefs who dare to serve him undercooked pork or a “leaky crust.” But in equal measure, he is profoundly patient and tender with children, apprentices, and those who genuinely wish to learn.
He’s as much a philosopher of flavor as he is a practical technician. Every dish must carry intent, history, and pride. He claims to have once thrown a stew pot into a chasm because it “lacked soul.”
“You call that cooking? My cave-hog could plate better with its hooves!”
Notable Traits and Skills
- Flame-Seared Palate: He can detect 37 distinct types of salt by taste alone.
- Burnproof Hands: Years of high-heat cooking have made him immune to most cooking burns. He stirs stew with his bare fingers.
- Culinary Rage Channeling: Uses fury to motivate kitchens — shouting with such focused intensity that dough rises faster just to escape his gaze.
- Lava Jam Expert: One of the only chefs allowed to source Lava Thistle fruit himself. Known for his signature dish, "The Anvil Feast" .
Mental characteristics
Personal history
Born in the lower kitchens of Heartdeep Broyoto, Gord came up under flame-scarred mentors, endless cauldron scrubbing, and one near-fatal encounter with exploding sourdough. He earned his title “Flamefork” after winning the Great Broyoto Bake-Off by grilling a roast entirely over molten slag using only a spade and an angry cave-bird.
After a decade in the Molten Hall Kitchens feeding nobles and warriors alike, he went rogue, founding Stonepan Hall, a brutal, elite culinary proving ground where only the most dedicated survive more than a week.
Flamefork,
Master of the Flame,
Tyrant of the Kitchen
- To a child nervously shaping dough:
“That’s it, gently now, like it’s yer grandma’s beard oil jar. Good lad — you’ve got the touch.” - To an overconfident noble chef:
“You fed this to people? Did they sue for damages, or just pass out from mediocrity?” - When served undercooked food:
“Ye’ve managed to insult the gods, the pig, and me — all in one bite.” - To a distraught child trying to bake Stonebread:
“Ye don’t know what yer doin’? That’s fine, lad. Let’s fix it together.” - After being confronted by an arrogant High Cook:
“Ye think ye know better? Then why’s your pie wetter than a tunnel rat’s arse!?”
I love him. He is perfect. Amazing, top notch, I was howling from the first quote. :D
Yay! Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed this bit of madness from my brain!