Alton Brassear
“Master of the Pan… until someone’s grandmother shows up.”
Alton Brassear is a world-traveling human chef, culinary showman, and cookbook author known across the continent for his signature line: “Now this is how they do it — but better.”
He prides himself on “reinterpreting” the traditional dishes of other cultures with "elevated flair", which usually means butter, wine reductions, and removing the key spice that made the dish recognizable. While talented in technique and plating, he often misses the heart of the recipe — much to the delight of tavern gossips and vengeful aunties everywhere.
Alton’s greatest talent isn’t cooking — it’s recovering gracefully from cultural takedowns on the stage.
Reputation by Culture
- Dwarves:
They despise him. His attempt to make “deconstructed stonebread with beet foam” caused a minor diplomatic incident.
Gord Rammson once called him “a flour-handed buffoon who couldn’t burn toast if you gave him a forge.” - Halflings:
They think he’s charmingly wrong. They invite him to festivals just to let the oldest aunt challenge him to a “proper stew-off” and publicly outcook him.
He always smiles, loses graciously, and eats three helpings anyway. - Elves:
They find him amusing and tragic. He once tried to “add character” to moonbloom soup by grilling it. - Orcs:
They respect his courage, if not his palate. He once made “orc-style war ribs” that were so dry a warrior duel was proposed in protest. He accepted — and lost.
Personality Characteristics
Savvies & Ineptitudes
Culinary Ventures
- “Brassear Across Borders” – A travelling cooking show where he spends one day in each culture, tries to replicate their signature dish with “his twist,” and is usually defeated by a local legend.
- “Brassear’s Battle Table” – A dueling cook-off show in which challengers bring their grandmother’s recipe and crush him every single time. He keeps trying anyway.
- Cookbook: “A Dash of Me: Elevating Tradition with Alton Brassear” (currently banned in several Dwarven kitchens)
Children
Quotes & Catchphrases
- “I’ve modernized this.”
- “Let’s make it more approachable.”
- “Don’t tell the Dwarves I did this…”
Character Prototype
Visuals:
- Impeccably styled beard, always wearing an apron that’s never seen a scorch mark.
- Travels with a portable oak prep station that folds out like a noble’s desk.
- Has a small brass bell he rings whenever he thinks he’s "nailed it." He never has.
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