Wedding Customs

Extract from Nuptial Rites of the southern and northern lands in review
compiled by Mistress Miasmera, in her work “Ancient Trackways of Tradition”, Nawseren Collegium, 1023.

At its heart the ceremony of marriage is a joining of individuals for a chosen common cause, most commonly the binding of familial interests. In current times this is primarily for political purposes among noble bloodlines for the furtherance of their family policies or, particularly among the common folk, for the fulfilment of romantic bonding and commitment of one person to another in such a context. Historically a primary purpose was to bind with oaths two persons for the purpose of raising and nurturing children regardless of dynastic or romantic inclination. A secondary purpose unsurprisingly is providing the opportunity for a gathering of families and friends and an expected amount of indulgence in food, drink and goodwill.

While customs and traditions vary between the lands of Kaevil, and between the high-born and low-born, there are some common aspects to the ceremonial practices. In the time of god-worship it was expected that religious invocations would be made during the ceremonial declaration of marriage and these traditions still have their echoes in current practices.

There must be a witness to the ceremony, a person of good standing within the community who can attest that oaths were made and the marriage entered into freely. Often if not always there are many witnesses with the ceremony being seen as a reason for celebration by the families or communities involved. In previous times the officiant would be a representative of one or more of the deities and separate to the necessary witness. Today while there may be an officiant distinct from the witness, they may be the same person. In rural areas a blacksmith or other respected craftsman is seen as a suitable officiant for a marriage, while in more urban regions the post is usually taken by senior figure in the civil community. Among noble families the higher the rank of the officiant the more prestige is attached to their involvement.

Each party to the marriage will stand apart from the other in the presence of the officiant or witness. A symbolic barrier is placed before each of them which they will step over during the ceremony thus moving from separately defined spaces into a shared space with each other. In some settings this may be a line of gold coins or precious gems, or an intricate painted line on the floor, or a broomstick laid down in front of each participant, or a simple line dragged into the earth. In particularly formal or intricate ceremonies one or both participants may initially be concealed in a booth or behind a curtain at this stage of the ceremony. This is a rare thing in recent years after a reported wedding ceremony involving two Malmor noble families where it was found that not one but both participants had absconded prior to the ceremony and the officiant and onlookers had conducted the first half of the ceremony to two empty but beautifully decorative mahogany booths.

Prior to crossing the line (or emerging from their concealment), the officiant will ask each participant in turn if they enter into the marriage of their own will and freely. The officiant will ask each participant if they accept the other person, and remind them of the binding power of oaths. Assuming each answers in the affirmative the officiant invites (northern) or commands (a typically southern variation) the two parties to step over the line and forever move from one life into another. They do so and take each other’s hands.

The officiant at this point will either place their hand on the clasped hands of the two parties or drape a single cloth over both wrists, or bind both hands together (the traditional five-corded knotwork being a throwback to superstitious religious customs)

Oaths are taken at this point, all of which have been rehearsed by the officiant and marriage partners beforehand so they know in advance what they are committing to. These are often traditionally worded and five in number, but in theory any oaths may be taken. The purpose of the marriage and commitment to the other person in supporting them in their oath is the bare minimum. Among noble families and dynastic marriages the oath taking may be complex and take some considerable time, being more suited to the scriptorium of a lawyer or treasurer than a marriage.

After the oaths the hands of the participants are freed from whatever binds them together. In years gone by the oaths would be sworn to the gods in turn, and related to the aspects of life over which that god was believed to hold sway. Once the oaths are taken, candles or flames are brought forth, one lit one for each participant and another unlit one. Each participant will take a light from their lit flame and together they will light the unlit flame. Once the unlit flame is lit, the previously lit flames are extinguished to represent that a new union has taken place and the participants are no longer separate but together - and that they provide warmth and light. The officiant makes a point of reassuring the participants that even though this physical flame may burn out, the flame of loyalty they have kindled will not. This has become a custom because of too many people seeing a candle newly lit suddenly be extinguished by a breeze (or by unpleasant relatives with fans) as a bad omen.

If others are present to witness the wedding there will now come a time of celebration where witnesses approach the newly joined participants to offer them good wishes and often gifts. A traditional gift would be that each participant is gifted a bead, each cut from a single stone. If the bead is particularly beautiful, or takes on brighter colours when wet, that is considered beneficial to the union. It is considered bad luck to give anything with a sharp edge as that would be seen as cutting the bond that has been made. In some communities the wearing of green garments during a wedding is seen as traditional, in others it is considered unfortunate. Navigating the complexities of differing traditions is more art than science and layers of superstition often accrue over what should be a simple matter.