Criteria for Excellence of the Grand Theatre of the Globe

Criteria for Excellence of the Grand Theatre of the Globe

The Grand Theatre of the Globe (henceforth referred to as the Theatre) is a house of artistry of the highest forms, and as such criteria are required to be fulfilled to guarantee the unique experience that can be gained from such highly regarded plays as are performed. The following criteria must be met at all times to the benefit and safety of staff and customers alike.

Criteria to be Fulfilled by Artists

 

1. All forms of act that make use of the injury of an actor, be it in play or in the flesh, for purely comedic effect (known in Inner Tightish as 'slag-stock' [slap-stick]) is most strictly prohibited, for it is cheap and barbaric in the eyes of the Theatre.
2. All portrayals of events of the last 16 years are most strictly prohibited, for the event has not yet ripened in the public and scientific minds and the highly revered attendants of the performance do not wish to be confronted with the current reality.
3. All actors are required to wear the masks provided by the Theatre's costume department to maintain the escapism our guests so enjoy.
4. All artists are forbidden to enter the viewing area during performances.
5. Any failure to comply with the criteria above will result in the immediate cancellation of the show and the dismissal of all offending artists.

Criteria for Entry

1. All guests must pay a financial contribution, which will be represented in the form of an entry ticket, before being permitted to enter the Theatre.
2. All guests are prohibited from bringing consumable goods into the Theatre, be they food, drink, medication, substances or media such as happenings or music for clamourers to maintain the Theatre's ambience.
3. Any additional services provided must be payed ahead of time.
4. The Theatre maintains the right to remove any and all guests from their premises or temporarily subdue them with chloroform should they not be acting in an orderly fashion.
5. Once a performance has started, it is no longer possible to enter the viewing area and the entry may not be refunded.

Children as Guests

1. All children accompanied by adults that enter the premises of the Theatre are not permitted to view the performances, but may spend the time of the performance in the nursery free of charge.
2. All children that entered the theatre unaccompanied must be escorted to the nearest Constabulary Office by an usher.
3. Should the children have sufficient means to convince the usher that they may stay, they shall be moved into the guest department of the Regular's Lounge after they have been given a mask to detract from the fumes and they have been warned of the risks and responsibilities they take for entering. The Theatre will carry no responsibility for any harm resulting from the child's actions whatsoever.

Elderly and Infirm Guests

1. All guests above the age of sixty-four are considered elderly, and any guest with potentially dangerous skin, heart or lung conditions is also considered an infirm guest, even if they are not officially recognised to be infirm.
2. Should the guests require special medication, they must be inspected by medicinal personnel before entry is granted.
3. Should the guests require special placement due to mobility issues, they are expected to inform an usher, who must position them appropriately.

Regular Guests

1. Regular Guests of the Theatre are guests that have visited performances on at least a daily basis for four days or more.
2. Regular guests may be invited into the Regular's Lounge, where they receive access to bespoke services and lodging.
3. Regular guests may remain in the Lounge so long as they can afford it.

Criteria to be fulfilled by staff

1. All members of staff must wear the provided masks where possible as part of their uniforms.
2. Before performances commence, the sealing of all doors and the stage must be checked.
3. The humidifier for the ventilation may only be operated my medicinal personnel.
4. All entrances to the building must be guarded by ushers.
5. During the performance, neither entry nor exit is permitted, except in cases of emergency.