Session 14: Road Work Ahead, I Sure Hope It Does

Dear Diary,   Today marks the seventeenth consecutive day I have been lurking precisely four feet away from the chaotic bundle of semi-competent Union adventurers known as Josie and the Treblemakers. Why four feet, you ask? Because five is pushing it, and three means they might accidentally sneeze on me again. Never again.   Anyway. Where do I even begin? Oh right—malaise! The group was in a collective funk due to Nesa's departure (still convinced she’s actually a secret princess, but y'know - I been wrong before). Then came their promotion to Rank 3, which means they can now do unsanctioned quests with full sanctioned authority. Don’t think about it too hard; I had to reread the fine print three times and consult a very tired moth lawyer.   Of course, this newfound freedom arrived just in time for Skreet to drop a glitter-bombshell: apparently, the not-so- sparkly version of him they’ve been traveling with for a month wasn’t the real Skreet? I KNEW IT. I even wrote in Entry #468, “Skreet is suspicious. Possibly bedazzled. Investigate further.” He finally reveals a letter from someone ominously signed L.L.—Lost Lantern, I presume, not Lacy Lemondrop from the Fey Wine Club. She usually dots her I's with little hearts. Anyway, the letter said something about the Eldertwist tree going quiet, the Grizzly returning if Skreet doesn’t fix it, and something about healing the road and song. Very dramatic. Very prophecy-chic.   They marched to the keep to get quest approval but were stopped by the ever-dour Lieutenant Krell, who now works from a manure-scented garden shed because Captain Biff has locked himself in his tower to work on “Operation Cheddarstorm”. Top secret, he says - like the Treblemakers weren't the ones who figured out the whole scheme in the first place! Krell, smelling faintly of compost and quiet shame, approved their new quest and asked them to keep it quiet too, especially since Biff has now banned the word “conspiracy” and all swearing (due to the presence of cuntflowers, which bloom in response to cursing and cause localized magical backlash. Can't say I blame 'em, the pixie populations already nearly trippled here!).   They went to commune with the Eldertwist tree—Skreet touching bark dramatically while muttering about roots. Apparently, it’s dying from the inside out. I could have told them that, I’ve seen fresher ferns in a pixie sauna. But I guess people who aren't fey folk don't know much about plants! Tich Tich helpfully roped off the park with signs claiming “Routine Maintenance,” which apparently makes humans ignore anything.   Sewers! Yes, that’s where they went next. Honestly, I thought the whole affair would end in pinkeye, but instead, they found a collapsed tunnel, and a hidden mushroom-lit ancient ossuary guarded by hungry mimic sarcophagi. The party valiantly fought them off with minimal injuries (unless you count Josie’s pride after being licked by a fake coffin).   They found a cryptic scroll from someone named Lorrien of the Veilguard who really needs to take a creative writing workshop. It warned them about a “fifth” and that “the prisoner dreams.” Classic creepy tomb nonsense, right? Except then they found what might be dracursi bones—YES, DRAGON-BEAR BONES—and Tich Tich yoinked out five dark, shiny crystals like a kid at a cursed candy store. He also took a 5-foot-wide vertebra because nothing says stealth mission like dragging a dinosaur’s neck around town.   Next came the glowy pink electric crystals, and when Josie touched them, she got zapped into an ancient draconic song about betrayal, chains, and stars dying. Super cheerful. Then she uttered “Zorrinth,” which apparently means betrayer. What a casual Tuesday!   Then came more cave wandering! They avoided a grey ooze (smart), dodged toxic mushrooms (smarter), and climbed some stairs to a trapdoor hidden beneath a comfy armchair (??). Maggie, ever the graceful one, launched the chair like a cannonball, nearly beaning the party. Good times. Oh, and they bypassed a giant sleeping construct sitting in a pile of filth and wastewater. Like it could wake up any moment and was gonna squash them all or something, they past it by with an almost reverence. Tich Tich spent a bit of time climbing it, against the rest of the party's better judgement.   Anywho... Upstairs? A dusty, ancient library full of secrets and whispers. Tich Tich found a book with maps of places that might not exist anymore, a magic cipher, and some whispering ghosts of history: a bloody-handed woman muttering about oaths not ink, a fairy laughing about memory magic, and a dwarf with suspiciously strong “no one must ever read this” energy. There was also a whisper-stone reminding them someone already said the name they need (HELLO ZORRINTH), and a bleeding book telling them so.   Finally, they found a chamber of four statues—a human, dwarf, elf, and fairy—and a dry fountain that screams puzzle room. Josie played her lute for the fairy statue (thank you, representation), and it sang a memory about dancing around doom and giving up names for a pact. Spooky and melodious. And I'm sitting here thinking this ancient fairy is GOALS, am I right?   And now? Now they’re deeper in than ever, touching ancient power, poking the metaphorical bear (or Dragon-Bear), and on the verge of something very bad or very interesting—possibly both! I will, of course, continue my close, invisible observation, unless someone brings a flyswatter too close to my hiding spot.   Until next time, —Whizzelda Nibblenose, Arcane Observer.   Currently Hiding in Josie’s Backpack (Behind the Rations, Left of the Lute Polish)