BFNT: Tintown
Apologies for the late article, folks, but your boy just finished doing a stint, and finally got all my stuff back. Didn’t feel whole without my notebook. Readers, if there is one thing I can assure you of, it is this: do NOT try to finesse a bowl of soup in Tintown. There's a reason why the crime rate is so low here; the Tintown guards are of an unusually high quality, and there are a lot of them.
But I'm not holding it against anybody, especially not this city. I'm not even that mad about it. I mean, it was bound to happen at some point. It's been a long journey, my pay advance ran out back in Dondarian, and I'll be honest — I figured that the big-ass ballista firing at the red dragon flying overhead was gonna be enough of a distraction. That’s on me. Live and learn.
Regardless of the occasional dragon assaults, Tintown is the city of tomorrow. That nickname is well-earned. Case in point: how many of you reading this have seen an airship in the last week? Because I'm looking at nine here, right now, without even turning my head. They've got a fully mechanical… uhh, I think the guy called it a “sewer"? They even got it in the jail! Whatever they call it, it's nice, and Crammin needs one, desperately.
Also, did you know the streets here are always warm? It's really quite nice for those of us who don't really do the whole “boot” thing, and I've been told it also keeps the snow from building up when it's cold. Gnomish whimsy knows no ends.
I thought the bums over in Bastor were comfortable, but these guys here are living pretty easy for living rough… so long as they avoid the cough that's going around. And it’s going around. Like “they had to convert an old temple into a hospital” going around, so be careful out there. Remember: prevention costs copper, healing costs gold.
“Nothing goes to waste” is the city’s motto, and I believe that’s typically a good thing, but unfortunately, that city-wide ethos also appears to apply to the culinary arena. There are a LOT of places selling stews and soups. I just watched a gnome trying to cook with motor oil. Said he wanted to try to bring the whole “flaming shot” concept to food, and I wish him luck. Stunt food is at its best when it walks the razor's edge between interesting and obnoxious. Thankfully, the local craft beer scene is another story, thanks primarily to one Rufus Proudhops, the brewmaster and proprietor of The Hop Shop, Tintown’s preeminent bar and grill. There are beautiful nods to dwarven art movements here and there throughout the place, especially in the geometric designs built into the pipework of the brewery. It's really quite a thing to look at. Also, a frosty mug of their Dragons Blood Ale is worth a visit all by itself. Simply excellent.
Well, readers, that's every major locale in the Southern Tritos Dominion covered. We're eating that proverbial behemoth, one bite at a time. Gotta hit up my editor and see if he’s gonna send me some cash to continue the journey, but first I think I’m gonna go take a rest in one of Tintown’s hidden treasures: The Cauldron of Natural Healing. It’s an old spa, mud bath, sauna kinda place, real nice vibes. The ladies that run the place are old friends of mine, from back in the days when I thought I could hack it as an adventurer. So, so far: I think Lolien had my favorite meals, but there may be possible questions to be raised regarding potentially illicit flavor enhancements leading to bias, so I’m going to list Lolien as “Honorably Disqualified,” to keep this experiment as pure as I am able to. Rastein and Bastor are pretty much tied for a very close second, but, crossbow to my head, Rastein’s got it by an inch, so they’re the official front-runners for Best Food. Now, i gotta go wash off two weeks of jail funk, readers. As always, thanks for your contributions to the Crammin Chronicler. Keep your eyes sharp, your ears sharper.
“Nothing goes to waste” is the city’s motto, and I believe that’s typically a good thing, but unfortunately, that city-wide ethos also appears to apply to the culinary arena. There are a LOT of places selling stews and soups. I just watched a gnome trying to cook with motor oil. Said he wanted to try to bring the whole “flaming shot” concept to food, and I wish him luck. Stunt food is at its best when it walks the razor's edge between interesting and obnoxious. Thankfully, the local craft beer scene is another story, thanks primarily to one Rufus Proudhops, the brewmaster and proprietor of The Hop Shop, Tintown’s preeminent bar and grill. There are beautiful nods to dwarven art movements here and there throughout the place, especially in the geometric designs built into the pipework of the brewery. It's really quite a thing to look at. Also, a frosty mug of their Dragons Blood Ale is worth a visit all by itself. Simply excellent.
Well, readers, that's every major locale in the Southern Tritos Dominion covered. We're eating that proverbial behemoth, one bite at a time. Gotta hit up my editor and see if he’s gonna send me some cash to continue the journey, but first I think I’m gonna go take a rest in one of Tintown’s hidden treasures: The Cauldron of Natural Healing. It’s an old spa, mud bath, sauna kinda place, real nice vibes. The ladies that run the place are old friends of mine, from back in the days when I thought I could hack it as an adventurer. So, so far: I think Lolien had my favorite meals, but there may be possible questions to be raised regarding potentially illicit flavor enhancements leading to bias, so I’m going to list Lolien as “Honorably Disqualified,” to keep this experiment as pure as I am able to. Rastein and Bastor are pretty much tied for a very close second, but, crossbow to my head, Rastein’s got it by an inch, so they’re the official front-runners for Best Food. Now, i gotta go wash off two weeks of jail funk, readers. As always, thanks for your contributions to the Crammin Chronicler. Keep your eyes sharp, your ears sharper.
And hopefully, better food next time,
Bok Globule
Bok Globule
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