Farmer Discovers Cure for Wealer's Disease

The Daily Register

Serving all Citizens of the Chesick Area  

Cure for Wealer's Disease Confirmed

by Jacob Summersby  
Just remember you read it here first, folks. Chesick's own, Mary Shelton, gentlewoman farmer, discovered the cure when her two young nieces came to her farm to help out after Mrs. Shelton's husband passed away. Mrs. Shelton noticed that her nieces both got blisters on their hands after milking the cows on her farm. She administered salve to help releave the discomfort from the blisters.   When the two nieces were sent home the following week, a dreadful event occurred. The entire family attended the small chapel they share with a neighbor. Without knowing it, Mary's nieces and the rest of the nieces' family, were exposed to the most virulent form of Wealer's. Two days after the service in the chapel, the neighbors sent a message to Mary's nieces and their family informing them that the whole family had contracted Wealer's Disease.   The nieces and their family were devastated and waited for the symptoms to appear. It didn't take long. Every member of the family was soon showing the symptoms of that horrific disease except for the nieces. When their Aunt Mary heard the news, she drove her wagon to her sister's house. This reporter asked Mrs. Shelton, "Weren't you afraid?"
I knew you see, I knew it had to be the cowblains the children got on their hands. I've had them myself. When a cow has cowlanders, it makes blisters on your hands when you milk them. I had been exposed to Wealer's but never got it and when my nieces were the only ones in the family who didn't get the disease, I knew that that had to be the cure. I went to the Barber and told him but he didn't believe me. So I decided to prove it.
 
Mrs. Shelton then took it upon herself to find a village with an outbreak of the deadly Wealer's Disease. She drove four of her cows there and somehow managed to ingratiate herself with the local mayor who was afraid he would get Wealer's. Mrs. Shelton assured him that if he would milk one of her cows, he would not get the disease. The mayor who asked not to be named, milked the cow and got cowlanders' sores on his hands. He then went out into the public, among the sick and dying and spoke soothingly to each and every one. When several days passed, and he showed no symptoms, the Mayor gathered all of his family in the barn and had them milk Mrs. Shelton's cows. When their cowlander's blisters appeared, he went further and asked them to shake hands with people who were as yet unaffected. The friends they shook hands with got the blisters too. Soon every unaffected person left in the village had cowlander's and none of them came down with the deadly Wealer's Disease.   Mrs. Shelton may have been met with skepticism by her local Barber, but the mayor of the disease ridden town had more influence. His efforts paid off. When the council of Barbers tried to recognize him as the discoverer of the cure for Wealer's, that honorable man pointed them to Mrs. Mary Shelton.   Mrs. Shelton offered her own words of praise for the Mayor for taking a chance. She was honored by the Society of Barbers. When she spoke, the Barber she had gone to first was in attendance and apologized to her.
I'm just so happy that the word is going to spread and we can finally end this terrible disease. I'm just a plain old farmer but as the saying goes, 'a farmer worth his salt will always mind his livestock well.
For more information on how you can protect yourself from deadly Wealer's Disease, visit your local barber. And as always, you read it here first!

WEALER'S CURED!!!

THE DEADLY DISEASE THAT HAS KILLED THOUSANDS CAN BE CURED

Widowed Farmer Mary Shelton accidentally discovers cure for the disease that has plagued the world for centuries. Wealer's Disease is the deadliest known contagion humankind has dealt with. 3 in 10 people with the disease die. Survivors are scarred for life and suffer in agony. No person has been untouched by this horrific disease. Now there is a cure. Please see your local Barber, Surgeon, or Physik for delivery of the cure. The cure must be taken prior to contacting the disease.
Chesick Broadsheet (Do not Remove)


Cover image: by Kato MacKenna