The Plea

Okay, so, I'm not doing well. I was asleep for two-hundred years and I left one spooky flickering light on alongside some chilling music, and now I owe millions in electric bills. I slept on my bad side because my coffin is a hand-me-down— so now my back aches, my werewolf husband died because I forgot to get a pet sitter before I slept, and the neighbor's dog won't stop yapping! I turned the thing into a vampire dog and now it flies by my window while it yaps!   The least all of you could do is just let me turn the world into a cul de sac so I can force the rest of you to live in my cursed hell. Don't even think about stopping the ritual because oh boy is it...you...please don't. Daddy needs a win.

— Cul De Sacula

He's in our system now, and we don't know how many personnel are under his spell. It's time to activate the Butterscotch Protocol. All ACF personnel are given a mental trigger during their initial training— one that should release any hypnotic holds upon their minds...and make them crave the taste of the new Agnew Sr.'s value menu starting at $1.99.   Communications have been sabotaged at this point, so we need all personnel still with us to repeat this phrase to anyone else they can find: nuclear butterscotch. In person. In emails. In social media comments. I repeat: nuclear butterscotch. We don't have a lot of time left to stop them.

— Security

1

days til the full moon